Feet On The Wall …


Feet On The Wall …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

This little girl learned to be a mean little girl sometimes, in the process of learning how to survive Hell.  The photo is of me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee  &grannygee

Photo is of my wonderful Grandma Alma & George … I loved them with my Heart.  George was blind, Grandma Alma was paralyzed on one side of her body.

All photos are owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

I cried as the pain coursed through my arm. Damn it! That hurt! Don’t do that again, I cried!

My Grandma Alma told me to take my feet off the wall, put them under the bedcover. Right now!

I had learned to be a mean, little girl … not all the time … but, when pain happened … it made me feel angry. I didn’t take them down right away.

Her one good hand reached for my arm again. She pinched me good! I took my feet off the wall, then.

I began crying. That hurt, Grandma. My feet had gotten warm under the covers, and I stuck them out to cool. The wall looked inviting … the next thing I knew, they were on that wall!

George and Grandma Alma had two full-size beds in the bedroom. They slept in their own bed. I lived there for a time, had to sleep in Grandma Alma’s bed. I slept on the side near the wall.

Grandma Alma had made me put my feet under the cover … now, my feet wouldn’t be happy until they were on that wall, again. How can ‘old’ people know everything, I wondered. Everytime my feet neared the edge of the bedcover, Grandma Alma seemed to know it. Damn!

Well, something happened that haunts me to this day. I could cry thinking about it … if I let myself.

Several nights later, my feet decided they had a mind of their own. They took themselves out from under the bedcovers, put themselves on that wall. My toes wiggled, feeling so good because the wall was cool. I could fall asleep like that!

Get your feet off the wall, Faye! Grandma Alma had raised her voice to me. Not only that, she pinched me hard! I began crying … and felt mad at my Grandma Alma. I reached back, pinched her on her arm … hard!

Ouch! Faye, that hurts! I could hear the pain in her voice. I was so sorry instantly for hurting my Grandma Alma. I’m sorry, Grandma, I’m so sorry.

Afterwards, I couldn’t keep it off my little girl mind. I had hurt my Grandma. I could swear she almost cried. It broke my Heart.

Through time, I’ve always thought about it … especially, when my feet can reach a wall while I’m in bed. Not long ago, I did that very thing … I put both bare feet on the wall!

I instantly felt bad … the memory of pinching my Grandma Alma’s arm popped up in my mind. I took my feet off the wall.

I have done this over the years as an adult, always wondering why I couldn’t put my feet on the wall. Being an adult, it’s no fun to do it now. :) Maybe the memory of pinching my poor Grandma Alma … clouds doing it. Also, maybe ‘it’s not nice’ to put my feet on the wall! :)

Oh, sometimes … I like to do something not nice! I know I’ll do it again sometime in my life … I just have to. It’s one of my secrets. :)

If you ever do it … make sure your feet are very clean. When you put them on the wall … only let them rest in one place. You’ll feel the coolness on the bottom of your feet, and your wiggly toes! :)

Maybe if … I’d never been told not to do it … I would have never … done it again! So, I know I will have my … feet on the wall … again in the future.

 

 

Photos/my true story are owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee &grannygee

Note: Sometimes, we all have little, silly things we like to do just for the sake of doing them. Sometimes … we don’t know ‘why’ we do them … unless maybe trying to provoke a memory.

 

I Stand There In My Mind …


I Stand There In My Mind …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Last photo of Tommy as he drove to the beach… he died shortly after.  He collapsed on the sand while playing with his little son.

 

He made it to the beach in time … to do what he wanted most to do … play for the first time with his son, Taban … it was his last time.

 

Tommy died May 29, 2010 on a Saturday evening … he collapsed with 2 blockages to his heart.  No one didn’t know … you can see how strong he appeared in this picture taken just a couple hours or so … before he collapsed.

 

 

 

I make no apologies when I speak of my son

I don’t shed the tears I used to

I cry silently, but … no one can hear

I smile as I sob, my Heart breaking

As I grieve for the only child I ever had

The more I smile … the more I weep

Tommy! Tommy! I don’t ask ‘why you had to go’

I don’t ask anything … all things are not possible

It’s impossible to know the answer as to ‘why?’

My mind replays the vision I have of you

Walking on the soft, damp sand beneath your feet

I can picture the sandals you wore that day

The waves washed ashore to kiss your toes

To fascinate your little son as his toes were kissed

I can see you standing there … discussing the ocean

A little three year old child who looked just like his daddy

Standing, his little hand on his hip as he peered out across the water

His little hat shielding his eyes from the sunshine

Two peas in a pod … like father, like son

Both stand there carrying on a grown-up conversation

Father treating son like a little man

Then … with abandon, both began to run, play, laugh

Son treating father like a little boy

Their eyes twinkled, their laughs pure as bells

They chased each other, never aware they were being watched

Watched with respect, admiration that such a big man

Could come down to his little son’s level to run, play

Four years later, I stand there in my mind … watching with a sad smile

As I imagine the joy on your faces … my son, my grandson

I cry for both of you … I hurt to the core of my soul

I lost both of you … on the evening my son died

I never got to watch my grandson grow, looking more like

His daddy everyday … hearing his voice so much like Tommy’s

I stand there in my mind … I see, hear the sea gulls

My eyes take in the sight before me

Waves crested with white, flowing toward the shore

I smell the scent of the ocean in the air

Feel the warm, tropical breeze on my face

I close my eyes in my mind … enjoy

Enjoy as much as I know you did, Tommy

As you ran, playing with little Taban

I see your smiles, hear your joyous voices

My lips widen into a sad, sad smile

Because I know what I’m going to see next

I know, because I’ve imagined this many times … in my mind

There … there … you collapsed on the soft sand

I like to think angels supported your body as you fell

You went to ‘sleep’ … to sleep for the last time

You played with your little son for … the last time

Not long before … you called your mother … for the last time

You took your last trip just to play at the ocean with your son

You barely made it in time … did you somehow sense the urgency?

Did you have a sense of ‘hurry, hurry’ … we need to get there

As you drove … did you sense you were going to die, Son?

Did you have any inkling … premonition?

My Heart cries … I wonder if somehow, you knew

You just took your last trip … to leave so soon on a ‘forever’ … journey

I stand there in my mind, lost to all around me

I try to hear the words the sea gulls were singing to you

‘Tommy, come home … Tommy, come home’

I stand there in my mind, watching with intensity

Trying to see … your spirit as it rose above to look down

Look down at your precious son, watching him cry

Daddy … Daddy, Daddy … won’t you get up, and play with me

Are you asleep, Daddy? Daddy? His little hand reaches out

Reaches out to shake his daddy awake, pat his cheeks

I stand there in my mind as I see the group of people

Who stood off watching a big man play with his little son

Run, when realizing something was wrong

They protected the little child, as they decided what to do

One man picked up Tommy’s cellphone, redialed the last number

Tommy had called on his phone … not knowing who answered

Two hundred miles away, a mother answered with a smile in her voice

Tommy? She heard the strange man’s voice

Why do you have my son’s cellphone?

‘Ma’am, I have a man collapsed here on the sand, he’s not breathing’

As the mother’s world went black, she still didn’t understand

Her smile slipped off her face as realization came

Oh, my God … NO! Help me, Skip … please come, help me!

Help … a doctor talking, what did he say? Pure, black darkness

Medicine … thank-God for the medicine that makes one smile … while one stayed in the darkness … making the pain go away

Medicine so powerful, the mother almost … she thought about it

Yes, she thought about it … her only child was dead

Oh, my God … she couldn’t bear it, she just couldn’t bear it

The mother was the strongest woman … until this happened

She lived over three years in darkness … not giving a damn

How could she care … when her feelings were … pure grief

She only grew stronger as time went by … she believed in facing

Facing the devil if need be … get past the pain … go on with life

One has to … if not, then … there’s nothing else left to do but, die

Four years later … I stand there in my mind … smiling a sad smile

As I imagine it all again for the ‘millionth’ time

I see, hear sounds of joy; smell the ocean breeze … listen to the sea gulls sing … as

I stand there in my mind …

Photos of my artwork (frame and ocean scene)… and Tommy; and story … are owned by me… Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee    &grannygee

 

Words … Beautiful Words


Words … Beautiful Words

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

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Words are like beautiful flowers … I can take my pick of them!  Artwork, story, photo are owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee    (&grannygee)

 

Don’t you just love when two words are put together … that aren’t ever used together? I find myself stopping to read over … say over unusual word choices. I ‘pure’ love … words.

I don’t make any claims to being an expert on anything at all … but, I do … know when I see words that fascinate me … play ‘music’ to me … show colors to me. Words … beautiful words … can say so much.

When online, I find myself smiling when I see words put together to name domains, websites, so on. Wow … the imagination! I love it!

Two unrelated words become one together … become special. It creates imagery in one’s mind … colors, music, imagination is sparked just as a fire is started by … striking a match. Candles burn, logs burn on the fireplace … you get it … yes, that’s what I mean.

I wonder if words affect you the way they affect me. They would have to … to a degree. Words … are music … our mouths play them all the time. Well … that doesn’t mean everyone can … sing! We know … I can’t.

I always said that if I could sing … I’d be something else! :) I feel music deeply. I never could go dancing without moving to it … I couldn’t sit still.

Skip understands exactly what I mean … try sitting still to your favorite music that has a good beat … something, somewhere in or outside of you … is going to keep rhythm! It ‘hurts’ to stay still.

Let’s see what I can think of on the spur of the moment … putting some words together. See what your mind conjures up when reading them …

Grittyglass … dreamrays … fairclouds … fairystars … moonsweat … sunsparks … restbunny … flowerhopper … diamondfist … you get the picture … does your imagination kick in, making you see images, hear sounds?

Words are wonderful. I’m so happy I know a lot of them so, I can write! I ‘pure’ love words … words, beautiful words!

Photo/Story credit belong to Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee (&grannygee).

 

The ‘Ghost’ Was Right In Front Of Me … On The Wall!


The ‘Ghost’ Was Right In Front Of Me … On The Wall!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee

 

I stood in the living room looking at our three precious Pups. Each one was asleep … one on the couch, one on the love seat … the other asleep on the big ottoman.

I heard something … it was a ghostly, breathing sound. Ever so often, I heard this sound. I was alone … the Pups were asleep.

Standing there, I tried to place ‘where’ exactly the sound came from. I knew it came from toward the hallway … in my art room? in Skip’s study? bedroom? bathrooms?

I walked through the house, cautiously. I was ready to run, if I needed to. Strange, the Pups didn’t wake up to the sound. I never did discover the source of the sound.

A week went by, I heard the sound at different times of the day. I told myself that this house wasn’t haunted. But … what is that sound coming from? I was truly puzzled.

I’m not the bravest soul when it comes to something I … can’t see. If I can see something, I will face it off. I don’t like hunting for where strange sounds come from. One never knows what can happen … I watch tv … I know what can happen. :)

You know how a woman will hear something in the dark part of a house. Your mind screams at her … ‘don’t go, you fool, don’t go’! It always happens on a movie … the woman is too brave for her own good. I’d rather prepare … wait in one place … take a stand … and go from there. I’m going to win because I want to live.

I thought to ask Skip if he’d been hearing an airy, breathing sound that seemed to have a little ‘wheeze’. He said yes, he had. I was so glad to know he had heard it, also.

I was standing one day near the entrance into the hall … I heard the sound very close to me! I turned around … I didn’t see anything. I tiptoed through the hallway to my art room, peered inside. The sound was coming from between that room, and the entrance to the hallway.

I waited, I didn’t hear it again. I knew ‘where about’ the sound was coming from! I heard it again the next day … I walked quickly into the hallway … stood. Where was that sound coming from?

I was looking at the walls, thinking about how pretty they’d be with soft color on them. My eyes stopped … my mouth fell open …

Oh my goodness, I’d just discovered where the ‘wheezy breathing’ was coming from! It was on the wall right in front of me!

It was the white dispenser that disperses the air-freshner into the air! It was out of the air-freshner … and whenever the automatic thing would work … an airy, breathing, wheezy sound would come from it!

The house wasn’t haunted at all! I am so happy to discover the source of the ‘ghostly’ sounds. I didn’t have to get killed, stabbed, knocked out, kidnapped in the process of locating the ‘ghost’!

The ‘ghost’ was right in front of me, on the wall!

 

 

Photo/story are both owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka &grannygee

 

Almost …


Almost …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

                           Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee (&grannygee)

 

One night I was playing tag with my cousins. I ran to the street to cross it … I don’t know what … made me stop barely in time to keep a car front hitting me. The lights were out on it … it was at night time.

I remember how my body froze, somehow ‘drew in’ … my arms went up in the air … to keep it from hitting me. I began to tremble when it went pass me. I … almost … died that night.

I was going to spend the night with a girl who lived several blocks away. I had my bag with me … I was excited as I walked. I heard a train coming as I grew close to the railroad track.

I debated whether to run in front of the train … or wait for it to go by. I decided to run fast across the track. As I began to run, my foot went between the track and the little ‘ditch’ beside it.

The train got closer to me … I could see the big, round light! I was panicking … I was trying to pull my foot out. My foot came out, and I began to run without my shoe … oh no! I have to get my shoe, I thought.

The train horn was blowing as I ran back in front of the train, to pull my shoe out of the track. I almost … got hit.

There have been a lot of ‘almost’ times in my life. I have been very fortunate to come this far in my life. I learned things the hard way through the years, thinking I was … different; I could do things no one else could. I fooled myself. I learned from all my mistakes.

I wonder how many ‘almost’ times … stand out in your life? Can you remember the times you … almost … made an exit out of …your life?

I can’t remember all the many times at many places, times in my entire life. Trust me, I’ve had my many … ‘almost’ times, when I … almost ……..

Photo/Story Credit: Both belong to me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka &grannygee

The House Of The Living Dead …


The House Of The Living Dead …
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee …. Photo/ Story Credit belong to me.  &grannygee

 

 

 
We had opportunity to live beside an older couple, some years ago.  They were wonderful people.  They loved the ground both walked on; they were as close as Skip and I.

 

 

They would make us laugh when they fussed at each other.  The next minute, they’d be talking … laughing.  He would make her blush like a young girl.  Oh yes, she loved the ground he walked on.

 

 

Through time, he did things he shouldn’t have.  He was a handsome, ‘bad boy’ type of guy in his younger years.  I remember him as a little girl.  I know … he was a good-looking guy, then.

 

 

He drank, ran with all the wild women.  She would go looking for him, with her shoe in her hand.  She would beat him all the way to the car.  She’d take him home to sober up.  No matter that he’d just slept with another woman.  She cried, kept her pain to herself.

 

 

Unlike me … I would have kicked his ass to the curb.  Not only that, he would have something to never forget me … a drunk man is … at his weakest … and they are … prone to have accidents.  :)

 

 

Remember the Dolly Parton woman who came to my house many years ago?  I fixed her ass … she never came back.  She ‘lost’ her wig, exposing her short, messy hair … Oh!  Somehow, she ended up in the bathtub when I helped her to the bathroom … she was drunk as a skunk.

 

 

She didn’t look like she did … ‘going into the bathroom’… when … coming out.  I just grinned … laughing my ass off … ‘inside’.  On the outside … I was baby-talking her, telling her somehow, she fell into that bathtub, and wasn’t it a shame?  Poor thing ….

 

 

She smiled at me with trust I didn’t deserve … but … she got what she deserved for the things she did.  I did feel for her because I’m a good person … but, you can push a ‘good person’ … too far.

 

 

Anyway, back to the elderly couple … she lived with him over fifty years.  She always forgave … Through all that time, she changed from a firey young woman into … a gracious, older woman.  I remember how she was … when I was a little girl.

 

 

Sometimes, he would come ‘around’ where all the … pretty women … were.  My mother, and her sisters were the prettiest, around.

 

 

I remember her angry expression looking at me as a child, she seemed to hate me.  I didn’t understand why.  When I grew up, I did understand … I had compassion for her.

 

 

As an older woman, she and I became close.  I loved her very much.  She was the kindest, most gracious, older woman I knew.  She came through hell … and turned out that way.  I loved her.

 

 

Well … he died.  I heard her screaming my name one day, I knew something bad had happened.  I ran to her …. she showed me to the bedroom.  He lay there on the bed, gasping … dying.

 

 

She had called the ambulance.  I went to him, sat beside him.  I held his hand in mine.  I talked quietly to him.  I took my hand, rubbed his head gently.  All the while, I told him everything was going to be alright.  He knew I was there … then, he didn’t.

 

 

He died, while I held his hand.  I held it until the guys got there on the rescue squad.  It hurt my Heart so much.  He was gone, what in the world will she do, now?  He was her whole world ….

 

 

Time went by, I began to notice when I went to check on her … that she kept her house quiet as a tomb.  It never used to be like that … never.  I remember telling her lots of times, to turn her tv, radio on.  I told her it was too quiet, and she needed sound around her.  I don’t think she ever heard me.

 

 

Everyone had come one day to get everything they could, out of their building in the back yard.  Some things were antiques … anyway, the family got all they wanted.  They never came back to see her.  She was used to being around family, being around him.

 

 

She came to me one day, asked me to paint flowers, and write something pretty … put it in a frame.  I did … she took it to his grave, put it there.

 

 

Her house became a tomb … she began not hearing me when I came to the door, knocked.  I would stand at the door looking in at her as she moved around in her quiet world.  The door was a barrier … it was like I wasn’t there.  No matter how hard I knocked, she’d never hear me.  She had become the … living dead.  She was already with the one she loved … all she waited for was to die to be where he was.

 

 

Her family finally took her away … dementia, I heard.  She should have never been all alone in this big, old world.  She should have been enjoying all the happy smiles, sounds of her big family… she should have never known … the quiet.

 

 

In my mind, I can see her through the glass windows on the door … it was like watching her being … on the … other side.  Nothing I could do … made her see, or hear me.  Her home had become the house of the living dead.

Dying With Dignity …


Dying With Dignity …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Let’s go to the mall, buy you something pretty to wear. I sat there … thought again … why waste money on pretty clothes when I’m not going to be needing them? Skip came back to tell me again to let’s go shopping … I told him I didn’t want to buy anything for me.

When Skip or Tommy would buy the Ty Beanie Babies for my collection … I would tell them to not spend a lot on them anymore. They would pay upwards to fifty dollars or whatever the Beanie Baby sold for … if they knew I liked it.

I didn’t need anything at all … for the rest of my life. I felt sad inside. No, I wouldn’t be buying anything for me … it was a waste of money.

I had been diagnosed with non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. The oncologist said she couldn’t promise anything … I could die. But … the good news was … people who got cancer would want the cancer I was stricken with. Why? ‘Now’ … people could … survive it.

I was too sick to sit, talk with others who were being treated for it. In the waiting room, Skip would do the talking. Skip was always positive … he ‘knew’ I was going to live. He was afraid of losing me … just as I was when later he was diagnosed with colon cancer.

Unknowing to Skip, I was deciding on ‘how I wanted to die’, if I found out I was dying at any point in time. I meant to have some control in my life … my … death.

I was determined to have in reach whatever I needed … if I needed to take matters into my own hands. I would take a bottle of medicine that was lethal. I would fall asleep without suffering any longer than I needed to. I wasn’t going to lay in a bed … knowing … that my end was near.

No … I was going to have control … why would I prolong my pain, my suffering if I were going to live. Why prolong my life if I could say goodbye with a smile … the way … I wanted to? Why let me lay there gasping for my last breath, looking horrible … leaving that picture in someone’s mind who loved me? I feel I should have the right to leave this damn earth … with a smile on my face.

I haven’t thought about this in years, until … I saw on the news about the 29 year old woman who had her ‘death medicine’ to take. She has brain cancer, and she is dying. She was taking control of when she wanted to die … November 2nd.

As I watched this young woman talk … I understood her. She should have the right to have control of her life … the moment when she was ready to let go of it. Why in the world would she want to suffer all the time it would take to lay there … dying?

This is a ‘Gloria Opinion’ … there’s no need for anyone to argue with me. I don’t do that … I know what I think … and I don’t come to my decisions to think a certain way, easily. I do a lot of thinking, listening, watching. I respect your opinions … know you do the same. It isn’t easy to do that.

People are jumping up and down about her decision to have control in her own death. Don’t you think if you have control of your … life … you should have control over your death if you are dying? Say your goodbyes, have the chance to talk to the people you love? I believe in this.

I think the people who jump up and down … are the people who have never had to face … death in the face. They don’t have the understanding of how it feels to … know you are going to die. Their bodies haven’t been through the surgeries, chemotherapy treatments, the painful tests, all it takes to help you survive cancer.

Yes, I would want to die with dignity, if I knew I was going to die. At that one time when ‘I knew’ … I was ready if I had to. The thing was … I never lost my will to fight.

Call it vain … call it what you will … I wouldn’t have wanted to lay in front of someone dying … making awful sounds, expressions of death. Doing this hour upon hour … suffering … making someone who loved me … suffer.

I would want to ‘do it my way’ … with my hair combed … my eyes filled with a smile, my Heart full of love … my voice soft … as I told the person I loved dearly … goodbye. I would want to let them hold my hand as I closed my eyes, laid me down to pure peace … died the way I wanted to.

Crazy? No, it isn’t. Strange? It might be. Working at a hospital, around patients of all types … watching many die … helped me form my ‘Gloria Opinion’.

I want to die when it’s time … with dignity.

 

 

Photo/Story Credit belongs to me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka #Granny Gee