She Writes The Pain From Her Heart…


 

 

She Writes The Pain From Her Heart…

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

He lay there in the box

His mother stood at his head

Looking down at him in disbelief

Trying to see, to know

Oh God, my son is dead

Is this really my son

She asked as she looked

Through a curtain of tears

Tommy!  Tommy! Tommy!

Please don’t be gone

Come back, Tommy

This hurts so bad

He lay there so still

She stood there even stiller

Frozen in shock looking at her son

Her only child she brought into this world

Her hand reached out to touch his hair

As tears rolled down her cheeks

Her chest began to heave with

Big sobs … she wouldn’t let come out

Her fingers touched the curl in his hair

Until they came upon something new

A roughness, a …. it took a moment to realize

They were staples from the autopsy

Her mind screamed with pain

Her fingers traced the scar beneath his hair

Her hand began shaking

Her mind telling her what it was

Her eyes closed as her fingers gently patted

His head, her hand touched his precious cheek

Tracing the familiar face of her child

Her hand softly touching his forehead

She looked up, out through her very red eyes

Eyes full of pain unlike any she’d ever known

To look at Skip, to see such grief in his eyes

Oh Skip, Tommy’s gone, Tommy’s gone

It seemed all was blank around her in the world

There was only a box sitting there

Her son lay in it

Only she, her husband standing there all alone

Her only focus was on her baby

The child, the son she had brought into the world

He was lying there, to never get up again

Or to say ‘I love you, mama’, again

I love you, son.. please God don’t let this be true

Though she knew her child was gone, she still couldn’t believe

He was such a personality, so alive

That she felt he could somehow come back

But, he lay there silenced forever

Her son, her only child

Would never again get up

He really was gone, never to be anymore

Tommy was cremated just after that

His ashes went to his son’s mother

A tiny bit of his ashes went into a teardrop

And a heart, each had a tiny urn

They were given to Skip and Gloria

His son’s mother took his ashes home with her

To one day scatter in the NC mountains

Stone Mountain, near where he grew up

He died on May 29, 2010

It’s now November 24, 2012

His mother still grieves for him

Grief is there no matter how much she smiles

She still cries for him, but… no one can see

She hides her pain well

When she laughs, she is crying

But, when you look… all you see is a smile

The holidays are here once again

She’s determined to make them happy

She has Skip, her Pups to think of now

They won’t see her cry, feel her pain

She will hide it, she will write it quietly

So, no one will know

No one will feel sad or worry for her

As she writes the pain from her heart

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23 thoughts on “She Writes The Pain From Her Heart…

    • Colleen, I can only say that when the pain comes like an ocean wave, I begin writing it until I write no more… my face gets wet from the spray as the wave crashes, breaks. My heart cries silently so, I don’t upset Skip… he’s been through too much. Thank God, I can come here to release some of the grief inside me so, I can be all right. Your words touched me, Colleen. GG/G :)))

      • :) I understand about the writing. It’s a safety net, a battering ram, a pillow to scream in….all at the same time. I don’t know your pain GG/G, but I feel so much for you. I wish that would help lighten your load. But, if I was in your place, I don’t think I would want anyone taking any of that from me. Because it’s for your boy.

      • How well you understand, Colleen. Your choice of words were perfect, I honestly couldn’t have said it so well as you did. No, I wouldn’t want anyone taking that from me… it’s all from the love for the son I don’t have anymore… in memory of him so, that he lives on through my words for his children one day. Not only that… the grief I feel can be seen, felt… so others can understand when they see someone they love in grief… it’s real, it’s pure pain, real thoughts, real ‘everything’… it isn’t always so ‘pretty’… but, it’s honest, raw, real… just like ‘real’ life is. Colleen, I am still reading your words… how just… so perfect to describe what I tried to say in my words. That’s exactly what writing is to me. GG/G

    • Raymond’s Mom… I am honored that you reblogged my post. I went to bed last night so weary, so sad… I just read again what I had written… it affects me so deeply… I remember, my fingers remember.

      I haven’t read enough to know what happened to your son, and I want to know. I’m so sorry from one mother to another grieving mother for yoiur pain… it’s unlike any a mother can ever know… unless she, herself lost her child.

      I’m glad to meet you, I look forward to staying in touch with our blogs. It means the world to me. Gloria/Granny Gee I am on Facebook, also (Granny Gee, Raleigh, NC) I found your son’s Facebook page, also.

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  2. You could have written that about me and my son. He killed himself on February 9, 2010. He was cremated after the service. But you were brave enough to touch your son. I was not that brave. I wanted to remember him as alive and warm. That put a plastic guard over my son’s chest and stomach. They didn’t glue his eyes down good enough and his eyes were sunk in. I have his ashes at home here and I told my son that he was home now and could rest his weary soul.

  3. I wept when I felt your pain. It is so raw and poignant. My only child is terminally ill and in the final straight of her journey. Soon I will experience your pain. As a mother I know that the pain will never go away. I wish I knew how to still pray because I would pray for you. Thank you for sharing.

    • Likewise, I am so touched by going to your blog. Oh my… how I ‘feel your pain’ so, so deeply. I ‘know’ this kind of pain only too well. I care so much, and hope to stay in touch.

      Your daughter is so beautiful, my heart.. my prayers go out to her.

      Thank you for writing to me, sharing your heart. Love, Gloria/Granny Gee

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