Creative Cremation… ‘Benson’ Is At It Again!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
‘Benson’……. has done it ‘again’! No, it isn’t funny, not if you know ‘Benson’. He believes everything he says… he has mastered the impossible in his life. We never let him know we don’t believe ‘everything’ he says.
We would never hurt his feelings. Because … really, ‘Benson’ is a nice guy, he wants to be loved, he wants to be important… and ‘Benson’s’ mind may not be quite right. We wouldn’t hurt him for the world… we honestly care about him.
We were talking to our friends, they told us about ‘Benson’s’ ‘last wishes before he is cremated’… my mouth did drop open. Is he serious?
They couldn’t wait to relate the latest on ‘Benson’. Now, we couldn’t believe this. It’s true though… ‘Benson’ called us on the home phone and talked to me. Usually he’ll talk to Skip… but, Skip was resting. He hasn’t been well for the past week.
He related to me that he’d instructed his next of kin about his last wishes… ‘before’ he was … cremated.
No, I’m not laughing at ‘Benson’…. ‘Benson’ means every word he says… even when he tells us the ‘wonderful, impossible things he does’. ‘We know that sometimes these things… just can’t be … true’.
It seems ‘Benson’ has decided he wants to ‘look good’ before he’s cremated. The years of neglect have taken its toll on ‘Benson’. His hair has become thin, his thin body is fragile, his teeth have decayed, he needs glasses… he squints all the time.
‘Benson’ has been doing alot of thinking while indulging in his love for the spirits. He’s decided he ‘wants to look good ‘before’ he is cremated’…..
He wants… to (I’m serious, now!)…. he wants to ‘improve his grill’… this is in ‘Benson’s’ own words! He said he is tired of looking in the mirror, seeing no teeth. He says it’s like looking at the expression of a …. jack ‘0 lantern!!!
He said he just couldn’t die looking that way. He said …. “it’s time for me to be pretty!” I listened to him on the phone, thinking ‘our friends were right!’ He really said those things. I kept listening…
‘Benson’, you do know you are going to be cremated, right? I asked him this question. I also, asked him if he really knew what cremation was. “Hell yeah, I know what cremation is! You don’t think I’m stupid, do you?”
By now… I’m grinning as I hold the phone in my hand… I’m glad he can’t see me. I began speaking to him in a very nice voice … so, as not to offend. I ask ‘Benson’ this question… “Benson, why do you wait just before you are cremated to get new dentures?”
‘Benson’s’ reply was …”because I want to grin at everybody!” I asked him ‘why? He said he didn’t want to have underwear on either… that he wanted to be placed in his casket face down… have a sign telling everyone to “kiss his ass goodbye!”
My next question was ….”how will you be able to grin at everyone?” He replied… “I’m going to have to have them turn my head around backwards!”
“Why in the world would you do that, ‘Benson’, why?” He told me this… “I want to watch everyone kiss my ass goodbye!” I am wanting to begin laughing out loud but, I don’t….
“Okay, now… I have another question for you, ‘Benson’. You do know you are wanting to be …. cremated… right?”
“That’s right, I want to be cremated!” By now, I want to ask ‘Benson’ what he thinks cremation is….
‘Benson’ tells me what his definition of cremation is….. he begins telling me that it means to be ‘creative in how he wants his remains disposed of… and that ‘before’ he is ‘burned in hell’… he wants everyone to kiss his ass goodbye!’ He said it’s called… ‘creative cremation’!!!
I don’t know about anyone else, but… I thought this funny! :))) He ‘did know’ what cremation was…. he just wanted to have alittle creativity going on! Benson’s very intelligent… but, sometimes ‘he thinks differently from us!’