The Pain Really Hurts…
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Today has been a strange day… it’s been sort of a ‘Tommy Day’. I had thoughts of Tommy when he smiled… in my mind I could see how his blue-green eyes would soften, shine with laughter.
I just let my mind see his face… his eyes could widen in unexpected surprise that someone could say something so funny to make him laugh. Skip was so good at doing that… Tommy loved Skip with his heart. He would use some of Skip’s jokes to make people laugh.
To meet Tommy, one would see a tall guy (6 ft. 3 in.)… with a very muscular build, and the best posture a guy could have. Tommy made a good impression on men, women alike. Women really liked Tommy… even when he was very young… older girls liked him.
Tommy was a very thoughtful, caring person. He would help someone in a minute, give someone the shirt off his back if they needed it. He also, took up for the ‘underdog’. Not only that, Tommy was very protective of those he loved… he would walk through ‘hell’ for them.
My son… my precious son. How I miss him with my very heart. The holidays are just around the corner… we won’t be having family for Thanksgiving, Christmas… he’s gone. Tommy is gone, Tommy died. My only child has gone from my life.
The pain that I feel at this moment… oh God. So much that it over-spills from my eyes in tears. I’ve been thinking about Tommy all day. I just had to tell you.
I just had to write the pain out in words… I just wonder if somehow Tommy can know the grief in my heart… I just wonder if he knows I miss him so badly?
I was thinking today of how I used to tell him often how much his mother loved him with her very heart. I always told him, you know.
I would tell him that he never-ever had to wonder as I always did … if his mother loved him. I would tell him ‘you know your mama loves you, son’…. I just saw his gentle smile in my mind when I typed those words.
I’m going to bed now, I may cry silently … cry myself to sleep. The pain really hurts. Thank you all for being ‘there’, you mean the world to me. Love, Granny Gee/Gloria
Love is there when the body is not, and those not with us know how much we love them Gloria. Love has no boundary of the body, or anything else. Tommy feels you.
Yaz, thank you for your comforting words. Sometimes I really do feel Tommy can ‘know’… sometimes, I ‘feel a smile’ from him. Does that make sense?
I can’t say anything better than what Yaz said. I just wanted you to know I read this and I’m sorry. And I believe in what Yaz says.
I, also, believe in what Yaz said. Thank you, Colleen.
Gloria, personal experience has proved to me that there is life beyond this present level of existence. I understand the intensity of the pain you are suffering and I pray for it to lift. Distraction is no small thing, so if there’s something you really like doing that you can ‘get lost’ in, indulge yourself to the nth degree! Love Ann
Ann, I think I am going to begin painting, drawing again … I have just gotten my art room in order to do just that. I will do it for only myself. Before I used to feel such pressure doing for everyone. I know I can’t do that anymore.
I believe in life ‘beyond this present level of existence’, also. I miss my son so much… sometimes, I stop and I just can’t believe he is really gone. I feel the deepest pain to my very soul.
I know I’m not the only one in this world who hurts. I think about other people all the time. I think about the people up north who have lost so much, who are still going through bad things when Hurricane Sandy went through there. It hurts my heart.
Ann, I really appreciate your advice. It helps me to realize I do need to ‘get lost’ in something, especially in the upcoming weeks ahead. Thank you also, for your prayer, it means the world to me. Love, Gloria
I hope you are able to get lost in your painting and drawing, or whatever, Gloria. God bless, Ann
Love, lost … pain .. and sorrow goes hand in hand – we have the same right to our tears as we have to our laughter. I can’t even imaging how it would be … to have lost a child, doesn’t matter what age or circumstance. My hands and a shoulder is here for you.
Viveka, you say the most heart-touching things. Thank you very much. Love, Gloria
The way you describe him… I wish I knew him too.
Tae, I felt honored reading your words… thank you for wishing you knew him, too. That meant the world to me… it touched my heart deeply. Love, Gloria/Granny Gee
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May you have a peace that passeth all understanding….Diane
Diane, how thoughtful and kind your words are. Thank you. Gloria
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