I Still Have To Live Until I Die…

I Still Have To Live Until I Die… By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee I sit here listening to the sad music Playing in the background on the tv It keeps touching something in me Pulls at me to make me feel sad I feel afraid, it makes me think of death Think of Tommy when he lay there In that box at the funeral home The box Taban wanted to climb up into To be with his daddy Little Taban knew his daddy went to heaven What he didn’t know was that he had died Wouldn’t ever be coming back My heart broken, shattered My eyes seeing this small child, knowing That his daddy was gone, soon he’d realize Daddy’s not coming back home to him He has to grow up without his father His grandmother has to grow old without her son Without her only child He died that evening running, playing on the sand Tommy died doing what he looked forward doing Running, playing with Taban on the beach Where he collapsed onto the sand To never get up on his own again My son died, my son died Oh how I have cried, I have cried Wanting my son to come back For this to not be true As time goes by, I am learning to accept The death of Tommy, my only child My son, a part of me Is never coming back He’s never coming back A part of me died that fateful evening With my precious son I have fought the darkness since then I may seem to be okay, though Grief is my constant companion My black shadow It follows me everywhere I go It strikes at me when I begin to smile again When I begin to feel happiness inside I constantly push it away Just as I would a spider web that blows in the wind Stay back, grief… stay back Let me have some peace Let me smile, feel happy again I still have to live until I die

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