She Writes The Pain From Her Heart…
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
He lay there in the box
His mother stood at his head
Looking down at him in disbelief
Trying to see, to know
Oh God, my son is dead
Is this really my son
She asked as she looked
Through a curtain of tears
Tommy! Tommy! Tommy!
Please don’t be gone
Come back, Tommy
This hurts so bad
He lay there so still
She stood there even stiller
Frozen in shock looking at her son
Her only child she brought into this world
Her hand reached out to touch his hair
As tears rolled down her cheeks
Her chest began to heave with
Big sobs … she wouldn’t let come out
Her fingers touched the curl in his hair
Until they came upon something new
A roughness, a …. it took a moment to realize
They were staples from the autopsy
Her mind screamed with pain
Her fingers traced the scar beneath his hair
Her hand began shaking
Her mind telling her what it was
Her eyes closed as her fingers gently patted
His head, her hand touched his precious cheek
Tracing the familiar face of her child
Her hand softly touching his forehead
She looked up, out through her very red eyes
Eyes full of pain unlike any she’d ever known
To look at Skip, to see such grief in his eyes
Oh Skip, Tommy’s gone, Tommy’s gone
It seemed all was blank around her in the world
There was only a box sitting there
Her son lay in it
Only she, her husband standing there all alone
Her only focus was on her baby
The child, the son she had brought into the world
He was lying there, to never get up again
Or to say ‘I love you, mama’, again
I love you, son.. please God don’t let this be true
Though she knew her child was gone, she still couldn’t believe
He was such a personality, so alive
That she felt he could somehow come back
But, he lay there silenced forever
Her son, her only child
Would never again get up
He really was gone, never to be anymore
Tommy was cremated just after that
His ashes went to his son’s mother
A tiny bit of his ashes went into a teardrop
And a heart, each had a tiny urn
They were given to Skip and Gloria
His son’s mother took his ashes home with her
To one day scatter in the NC mountains
Stone Mountain, near where he grew up
He died on May 29, 2010
It’s now November 24, 2012
His mother still grieves for him
Grief is there no matter how much she smiles
She still cries for him, but… no one can see
She hides her pain well
When she laughs, she is crying
But, when you look… all you see is a smile
The holidays are here once again
She’s determined to make them happy
She has Skip, her Pups to think of now
They won’t see her cry, feel her pain
She will hide it, she will write it quietly
So, no one will know
No one will feel sad or worry for her
As she writes the pain from her heart
Oh Gloria, that hurt so much to read. I don’t know how you wrote it.
Colleen, I can only say that when the pain comes like an ocean wave, I begin writing it until I write no more… my face gets wet from the spray as the wave crashes, breaks. My heart cries silently so, I don’t upset Skip… he’s been through too much. Thank God, I can come here to release some of the grief inside me so, I can be all right. Your words touched me, Colleen. GG/G :)))
:) I understand about the writing. It’s a safety net, a battering ram, a pillow to scream in….all at the same time. I don’t know your pain GG/G, but I feel so much for you. I wish that would help lighten your load. But, if I was in your place, I don’t think I would want anyone taking any of that from me. Because it’s for your boy.
How well you understand, Colleen. Your choice of words were perfect, I honestly couldn’t have said it so well as you did. No, I wouldn’t want anyone taking that from me… it’s all from the love for the son I don’t have anymore… in memory of him so, that he lives on through my words for his children one day. Not only that… the grief I feel can be seen, felt… so others can understand when they see someone they love in grief… it’s real, it’s pure pain, real thoughts, real ‘everything’… it isn’t always so ‘pretty’… but, it’s honest, raw, real… just like ‘real’ life is. Colleen, I am still reading your words… how just… so perfect to describe what I tried to say in my words. That’s exactly what writing is to me. GG/G
Colleen, I would love to put your words on my blog as a post… with nothing but, what you wrote here. Do you mind if I do? Your words are …. perfect. GG/G
Reblogged this on JUSTICE FOR RAYMOND and commented:
It is hard to accept that your own child is that body in a coffin.
Raymond’s Mom… I am honored that you reblogged my post. I went to bed last night so weary, so sad… I just read again what I had written… it affects me so deeply… I remember, my fingers remember.
I haven’t read enough to know what happened to your son, and I want to know. I’m so sorry from one mother to another grieving mother for yoiur pain… it’s unlike any a mother can ever know… unless she, herself lost her child.
I’m glad to meet you, I look forward to staying in touch with our blogs. It means the world to me. Gloria/Granny Gee I am on Facebook, also (Granny Gee, Raleigh, NC) I found your son’s Facebook page, also.
Thank you so much. I am so glad I found you, another NC native. I am originally from Winston-Salem, now in Maryland.
I’m glad, too.
Oh Granny, this is so beautiful and heartbreaking. I have no idea how one endures the loss of a child. My heart goes out to you and Skip.
Thank you, Madame Weebles.
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You could have written that about me and my son. He killed himself on February 9, 2010. He was cremated after the service. But you were brave enough to touch your son. I was not that brave. I wanted to remember him as alive and warm. That put a plastic guard over my son’s chest and stomach. They didn’t glue his eyes down good enough and his eyes were sunk in. I have his ashes at home here and I told my son that he was home now and could rest his weary soul.
I felt the pain as soon as I began reading your words. Oh my, how I know this kind of pain, grief. My heart cares so much. Gloria/Granny Gee
I wept when I felt your pain. It is so raw and poignant. My only child is terminally ill and in the final straight of her journey. Soon I will experience your pain. As a mother I know that the pain will never go away. I wish I knew how to still pray because I would pray for you. Thank you for sharing.
Likewise, I am so touched by going to your blog. Oh my… how I ‘feel your pain’ so, so deeply. I ‘know’ this kind of pain only too well. I care so much, and hope to stay in touch.
Your daughter is so beautiful, my heart.. my prayers go out to her.
Thank you for writing to me, sharing your heart. Love, Gloria/Granny Gee
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