A Grieving Mother Will Always Grieve Until Her Dying Day… Until Her Last Breath Is Taken


Tommy and Taban at a lake on May 29, 2009…

Tommy and Taban played for last time at ocean on May 29, 2010… Tommy died there

 

 

A Grieving Mother Will Always Grieve Until Her Dying Day… Until Her Last Breath Is Taken

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

March 10, 2013… is the publication date of … ‘I CRY FOR TOMMY’.  After that… my book… was written, finished.  All of a sudden… after so long… there wasn’t anything to do…..

 

I didn’t know what to do, how to feel after going through the happy period of getting the ‘Congratulations!  Your book has been published!’  I felt lost, I was very emotional.  I cried a lot, happy that it was done… sad… because ‘what was I going to do now’?

 

I had worked so hard at trying to correct the issues found in it…. I know there are still several mistakes in my book.  Guess what?  I ‘let go’ of it …so, I can move forward. That’s why I told everyone that I’m not perfect.  I tried to catch them all… only to find more, until I thought I’d gotten all.

 

On March 12, 2013… I took the Lexiscan Nuclear Stress Test… afterwards, I began hurting in my chest, head, stomach.  I called my doctor’s office.  It didn’t seem the test would cause that..

 

On March 25, 2013… I was in the Emergency Room for hours, so sick, my chest, head, stomach still hurting.  I became short of breath.  It was determined I had fluid in my lungs.  I was given a medicine for fluid retention..

 

I took the medicine all weekend.  I still hurt in my chest, head, stomach.  I didn’t feel well at all, I felt light-headed.  I slept a lot… I never sleep in the daytime unless, I’m very sick.

 

I found out that the fluid medication only removed fluid from the body… not the lungs.  I quit taking it.  I was having leg cramps because of it… no matter that I added the banana to my daily diet as instructed.

 

I began to get better by Monday evening… much better on Tuesday evening (a week later).  Today is Wednesday, I’m back to being ‘myself’.  I cancelled my appointment with my cardiologist for tomorrow morning.

 

I know I had a bad reaction to the Lexiscan test, and I feel after doing a lot of thinking that when I finished my book about Tommy… being very emotional because ‘that was it’… all contributed to how sick I became.

 

I was grieving for Tommy… for my book being finished.  I learned something… I thought when I finished my book… I wouldn’t grieve like that again.  Like magically … all was going to be just fine.  I learned… that’s not so.

 

I’m going to always grieve for Tommy, he was my child, and I loved him with my heart.  My pain will always make me remember Tommy.

 

I am so glad to feel good again… it feels good to feel good!  :)))  I’ll still grieve, I’ll still write about Tommy… ‘why would I stop now’?  It was the very reason my blog was born…. to remember Tommy.  I will always remember Tommy… until the last minute, second of my life.

 

So… if you see that I grieve, understand that a grieving mother will always grieve until her dying day, until her last breath is taken.

 
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16 thoughts on “A Grieving Mother Will Always Grieve Until Her Dying Day… Until Her Last Breath Is Taken

    • Thank you, Tersia. My heart is with you for what you are experiencing. I know you and your grandsons are going through so much. I feel for you. I can only say I care, I ‘know as a grieving mother’ what you go through. Only as an ‘adult child do I know the pain of my mother being gone’… so, I can’t say at all what your grandsons must go through, being children. I know there aren’t words for it. Love, Gloria

  1. grieving the loss of a child is never going to end, my heart hurts for you. I wrote this a while after my daughter was killed:

    year after year the candle stood in the window
    guiding you home to the ones that loved you.
    our hearts filled with anxiety until your arrival
    turning in the drive I would whisper “thank you Lord”
    now the candle in the window has been replaced
    by a black wreath and your picture
    the anxiety now is only for the “why why
    Lord?”
    love in my heart for you still and for ever
    a longing that flares like the flame of that
    old candle
    to embrace you again just one more time
    to feel your sweet breath upon my cheek
    your arms around me once more
    bittersweet memories for now your gone
    as the flame on that ol’candle now gone and cold

    • I am so honored that you shared your poem with me. I know deep down that you experience what I do. I’m so sad for the loss of your child… I hurt for you, too. It never goes away. My heart cares for your pain. Love, Gloria

      • I only wish I could give you a huge hug and we could sit and talk face to face about how special our children were.
        I would even bring the extra big box of tissues. It is so hard to go through this, just having someone else that has been through it to blog with means a lot. god Bless Gloria

      • I would help to use the box of tissues, Len, as we sat there talking, sometimes… just sitting there deep in thought where words aren’t needed. Our pain, grief, our journey in life as grieving mothers… is the same. You aren’t alone. I care. Love, Gloria

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