Tommy and Taban at a lake on May 29, 2009…
Tommy and Taban played for last time at ocean on May 29, 2010… Tommy died there
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
March 10, 2013… is the publication date of … ‘I CRY FOR TOMMY’. After that… my book… was written, finished. All of a sudden… after so long… there wasn’t anything to do…..
I didn’t know what to do, how to feel after going through the happy period of getting the ‘Congratulations! Your book has been published!’ I felt lost, I was very emotional. I cried a lot, happy that it was done… sad… because ‘what was I going to do now’?
I had worked so hard at trying to correct the issues found in it…. I know there are still several mistakes in my book. Guess what? I ‘let go’ of it …so, I can move forward. That’s why I told everyone that I’m not perfect. I tried to catch them all… only to find more, until I thought I’d gotten all.
On March 25, 2013… I was in the Emergency Room for hours, so sick, my chest, head, stomach still hurting. I became short of breath. It was determined I had fluid in my lungs. I was given a medicine for fluid retention..
I took the medicine all weekend. I still hurt in my chest, head, stomach. I didn’t feel well at all, I felt light-headed. I slept a lot… I never sleep in the daytime unless, I’m very sick.
I found out that the fluid medication only removed fluid from the body… not the lungs. I quit taking it. I was having leg cramps because of it… no matter that I added the banana to my daily diet as instructed.
I began to get better by Monday evening… much better on Tuesday evening (a week later). Today is Wednesday, I’m back to being ‘myself’. I cancelled my appointment with my cardiologist for tomorrow morning.
I know I had a bad reaction to the Lexiscan test, and I feel after doing a lot of thinking that when I finished my book about Tommy… being very emotional because ‘that was it’… all contributed to how sick I became.
I was grieving for Tommy… for my book being finished. I learned something… I thought when I finished my book… I wouldn’t grieve like that again. Like magically … all was going to be just fine. I learned… that’s not so.
I’m going to always grieve for Tommy, he was my child, and I loved him with my heart. My pain will always make me remember Tommy.
I am so glad to feel good again… it feels good to feel good! :))) I’ll still grieve, I’ll still write about Tommy… ‘why would I stop now’? It was the very reason my blog was born…. to remember Tommy. I will always remember Tommy… until the last minute, second of my life.
So… if you see that I grieve, understand that a grieving mother will always grieve until her dying day, until her last breath is taken.
- I Wonder If Chest Pain Could Be Grief? (grannyscolorful.wordpress.com)