I Will Know Only When …The Time Comes


I Will Know Only When …The Time Comes
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Tommy’s Chest…  This is all I have of … my son.  Opening the lid to this chest is one of the hardest things to do.  I have tried… it’s heavy with grief.  I’ve opened it twice since May 29, 2010.  Inside are Tommy’s things… also, my tears from when I looked in it.

 

 

 


I guess it stands to reason, for me to have Tommy on my mind a lot lately. Another holiday will soon be here… all mothers think of their children. Holidays were special through the years… made that way for a child.

Looking at Tommy’s photos… I can’t believe he’s not here. In his photos, I see a strong, big guy with a sunshine smile. I can still hear his voice in my mind. Oh my God… I really can.

I still know what it sounds like. Suppose I ever heard someone speak like him? I don’t know what reaction I would have. My stomach feel like butterflies are flying around in it. Panicky…

I’ve been thinking about his chest … in my mind, I can see it. It’s a beautiful, deep red, upholstered chest. It sits in my art room… I wish I could get it, bring it to the table… open it, take the few things out that are… his.

I would like to hold them in my hands… close my eyes… ‘feel’ them with my heart. Smell them… to see if I can find the scent of my son. Maybe on his hat… the hat he had on… at his last moment on the beach.

There’s a plastic box in his chest… one that I would have to open, take the contents out. This … is the box that can cause me intense pain, grief. I can’t talk about it… now.

I don’t know if I will get the courage to take his chest down from where it sits… bring it to the table at this holiday. I will know only when …the time comes….

 

 

 

 



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9 thoughts on “I Will Know Only When …The Time Comes

  1. GLORIA, I feel your pain in this post. Its hard not to imagine your tears. My son is in another city, too. He is suffering greatly, now. I have been with him 3 of the past 4 months, trying to help. My HEART hurts for you, Gloria, everyday. God is my strength, as I believe he carries you through trials, also. Your beautiful son lives on in your heart & in your books, posts & in sharing his life with others.

    My hopes are for an Easter filled with the joys of your sons memory & your HUSBANDS arms, holding you, while enjoying each days gifts, that you can BOTH, “one day” share, again, with Tommy… GODSPEED, Gloria, Love & Miss you, Patty & Jim.. ps.. we still have a raincheck on our lunch date, xo

    • Hello Patty, thank you for your beautiful words. I’m so sorry about your son, and my prayers are for all to be alright for him, you… so, you can feel happy, Patty. Tell Jim hello for us. I’m so happy to hear from you. We’ll get together, yet. :)))) Love, Gloria

  2. Pingback: To Know The Answer… I Will Have To Go Into Darkness | GRANNY'S COLORFUL

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