“No, We Don’t Supply Toliet Paper Anymore… People Kept Stealing It”!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee….. Summer 2013…………………………………………………………….
Riding down the road with his friend, John asked him to stop at a local store. They’d just gotten back from a trip they’d been on. Home was probably ten miles away… but, John couldn’t wait to go to the bathroom.
Earlier, he and Jim had eaten lunch in a town fifty miles away. They ate hotdogs, french fries… drank Pepsi Cola. John began to feel a strange sensation in his stomach. It was gurgling, and he knew he ‘had to go’! The hotdogs had made him sick… probably damn food poisoning. He knew the symptoms.
They pulled into the parking lot. John told Jim he couldn’t wait for him, he ‘had to go’. He didn’t want ‘to go’ in his pants! He walked, almost ran to get inside the store.
At the counter was an older, fat guy in a dirty tee shirt. He looked nasty… John didn’t give a damn. He just wanted to use his bathroom.
He asked the old guy if he could use the bathroom. The old guy told him it wasn’t a public bathroom… but, ‘if’ he had to use it… the door was… right there.
John entered the bathroom, closed the door. He began to frantically unbuckle his belt… jerked his pants down. No sooner than he began to sit… everything in his stomach gushed out of him.
He began making the sounds everyone would laugh at, including him… but, this wasn’t funny! He knew the old man could hear his… misery.
He sat there with his head in his hands. Damn, his stomach was cramping. Finally, John felt like he had finished. He turned to get toliet paper, discovered there wasn’t any on the spool… what the f___!
He stood up, pulled his pants up just enough not to soil them… went to the door. He opened it a crack, saw the old guy sitting on his stool. He asked him if he had toliet paper.
The old guy looked at him… blinked his eyes, said… “no, we don’t supply toliet paper anymore, people began stealing it’. John looked closer at the old guy, asked him was he kidding. The old guy told him, “no, I’m not kidding. We don’t supply toliet paper anymore. People began stealing it”
John stood there a moment… to see if the old guy was joking. He soon realized the old guy was telling him the truth. In fact, the old guy had begun to read his newspaper.
Son of b____! John was pissed. What in the hell was he going to do now? He finished pulling his pants up gingerly. He prayed he could ‘sit just right’ on the seat until he got home, not mess his pants up. Ain’t this just a b___!
John came out of the bathroom, let the door slam. The old guy didn’t look up as John walked by. John really wanted to slap the hell out of the old guy. He managed to walk out of the store without further ado.
He walked to the pickup, got in. He adjusted his buttocks so, he wouldn’t soil his pants. He sat there the whole while until he got home… his cheeks squeezed together.
In his mind, he cussed that old guy out. He couldn’t believe what the old guy had said. “No, we don’t supply toliet paper anymore, people began stealing it”.
Note by this author: This really happened to someone we know… it isn’t funny… but, it is… truthfully, if it were one of us… we wouldn’t be laughing.