My Tears … Fall Inside, Hidden From The World


 

My Tears … Fall Inside, Hidden From The World

 

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  This is the last photo taken of Tommy just a few hours … before he died on May 29, 2010.  Who would have ever thought?  He died, running, playing on the beach with his little three year old son.  He got there … just in time … to play for a few minutes … collapsed on the soft sand …

 

Sometimes … I pause, think … I can’t believe Tommy’s not here, anymore. I mean, I can’t believe he isn’t … here, anymore.

I picture him in my mind … I see his bright Tommy smile … like a happy glow around his face. Like a cartoon picture of the sunshine … with happy sun rays around it. I draw them, sometimes.

I picture his blue-green eyes, blonde hair. I see a tall, handsome guy standing there. My son … my son, whom I was so proud of.

I listen to his soft voice, fun laugh in my mind. He loved to joke, play pranks. He could laugh like the cowardly lion … and I would laugh until I cried, listening to him.

Sometimes, we would begin talking, and talk about something funny … both of us would begin laughing … and laugh harder when we looked at each other’s eyes. One of us would say something more funny, and we’d laugh more.

I loved my son. I really miss him. I don’t cry now, as I once did. I do feel … bittersweet. I do feel sadness in my heart.

How did I accept my son’s death? I’m not sure when I did … Sometimes, I do feel some of the old, panicky feelings inside … I try to let go of them, quickly.

I would have never guess I would have to grow older without my child being … there. I never had a clue that such would happen … I knew he would be there, always.

I remember being very sick, trying to prepare him for something happening to me. I knew my son loved me with his heart … I was afraid for him … if I died.

I never thought to prepare myself for my son’s … death. Today … when I think of him, I smile with great sadness in my Heart. My tears … fall inside, hidden from the world.

 

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

Photo/Story Credit: is of my son, Tommy.  Both are owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

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