I Had Lost My … Self


 

I Had Lost My … Self

 

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

I found ‘myself’ for a moment here … in the mirror.  See my happy smile!  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

Well … I’m a middle-aged woman. It came sooner than I knew. Of course, there have been at least six to ten years in my life of life-threatening illness, and the loss of my son … that numbed me to life.

So, I don’t count those years in my age. That’s right … it’s not fair to add those years to my age … I don’t remember living them. Isn’t it amazing to be … so, in another world, you can’t remember life?

That means things in life were so … bad. Fighting a battle to live from disease, illness… fighting a battle to live when one of your most loved ones … dies … your very own child.

There’s no way you can imagine such, if you … yourself, have never experienced it. You might say you do, because ‘so and so’ in my family is sick, or going through such. There’s no way you know … unless ‘it’s you’ … who go through it all.

Can you imagine ‘waking up one day’ … to ‘look for yourself’? This would sound strange to you if you’ve … never done it. Imagine being in a coma … you know nothing for months, years … you wake up to life … and you begin living it … becoming aware of life again.

You become interested in being a person again … you look in the mirror … you don’t ‘know the person in the mirror’. You begin to ‘look for yourself’ in the mirror each time you go to it.

Once in a while, you might ‘see a hint of the self … you remember’. Oh, what a wonderful feeling that is! ‘There’s you’!

I’ve done this twice in my entire life. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I would run, grab my smartphone … take a photo of ‘me’! The sad thing is … sometimes, ‘me’ disappeared before I could get the photo.

Then, I would see a person in the mirror … I didn’t recognize. I had lost ‘my … self’.

 

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4 thoughts on “I Had Lost My … Self

  1. There are times now I look in the mirror and see the aging stranger looking back at me and wonder: Where did the years go???

    Is this the person who cared for so many without thought of reward only to be totally betrayed by those he had given up his life for???

    So much pain to suffer.

    So much despair…:(

    Love and hugs my friend!

    Prenin.

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