‘THE PHONE CALL’ …
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Something has happened to me … I can’t explain it. I can only describe it.
For the past several weeks, I’ve been experiencing this feeling I haven’t known in a long time.
What is it? I think I know … because I actually am … using the word that I … myself … can’t believe my mouth is saying. I am … I am … Well, I am … I wonder, should I tell you?
Each morning … I wake up with this new feeling I haven’t known in 4 years. I wonder if it’s okay to feel this way … now? You know, my only child died … do I have a right to say … I am … ?
Can one be … _______ , grieve at the same time? Is it possible? I’ve worked very hard on my own to cope with my grief … I’ve never talked to anyone about my grief. I don’t share things, easily.
Thankfully …through the past 4 years, I’ve had you (yes, all my followers/readers). You’ve ‘been there’ for me … encouraged me … and let me have an outlet for all the ugly grief, pain that filled my insides … like a balloon full of helium.
Skip, our Pups … my whole world in this world … have been there. I never worried Skip with my grief … I just didn’t talk about how it really felt. I could only write about such feelings … I’ve never felt such pain, unhappiness … in my whole life.
My son, my only child … is gone. He died … he really died. I really got ‘the phone call’ … every parent doesn’t ever want to get. Tommy was forty years old when I got it … Tommy collapsed at the beach on the sand … with two blockages to his heart. No one knew … I was two hundred miles away … I was the first one to know.
Now … 4 years later … it’s like a dream. I don’t cry like I did for the past 3 years … Is there something wrong with me? Shouldn’t I grieve, cry for the rest of my life? Should I even be feeling … what I’ve felt for several weeks? Is it a shameful thing to be ______ ? Would Tommy think … I didn’t love him … to feel this way?
I’m going to say the word that will tell you what I’ve been feeling for several weeks, now. HAPPY … is the word that describes what I’ve been feeling for the past several weeks … the first time since Tommy died. So … HAPPY … maybe I should be hung out on a stake, burned? Is it okay to feel … HAPPY? Is it?
I’m going to say it once more … I have felt such HAPPINESS for the past several weeks … I’m actually using/saying the word … HAPPY … it’s truly amazing to feel such a beautiful feeling!
I’ve been so HAPPY for the first time in 4 years … since the day I got … ‘the phone call’.
Photos/story are owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee &grannygee