It’s Those Sea Gulls …


It’s Those Sea Gulls …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

 

Photo of artwork by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … Tommy died at the ocean … Myrtle Beach, South Carolina … to the sounds of a little child’s laughter, sea gulls singing … ocean waves making music.

 

A feeling of great sadness came over me

As I sat, waiting for the love of my life

My eyes followed the path of sea gulls

Flying not so high up in the sky

I tilted my head to one side, studying them

Why … do they … fly that way?

They flew in one area over the building

My loved one was in … they flew in a circle

Then … they flew as if they were following someone

As they walked beneath … to the other side of the building

I felt unease … sea gulls; sea gulls were singing when my son died

Sadness … more than sadness fell over me like a soft, gray, fluffy blanket

Blanket of velvety gray … the color I am afraid of if I see it on someone

Death … I’m afraid of death … afraid of losing my whole world

My whole world is very small, compared to others, and their world

Mine consists of one person, two Pups … myself

I’m at an age, now … where many have walked before me

Worried … just like me; afraid … just like me; they are gone, now

I don’t want to go … I want to hold on to my precious world

With all my might … I won’t let go

I would fight tooth and nail to live … to make my loved ones, live

Like a mother lioness saving her babies from a certain death

Only … I think about it now … I never had a chance to fight for my own baby

My son … he was gone in the blink of an eye, before I knew it

Who am I … who do I think I am? No one, just someone

Who loves with their very one Heart, loves the world they have

A person is fragile by themselves … a strength to be reckoned with

When in numbers … my battles are done alone, so far … I’ve won

One day, I may not be strong enough to win … will I give up without a fight?

I don’t think so … if I lose, I will do it with dignity … hopefully, with a smile

The sea gulls stayed in my mind … worrying me

I thought about them through the night … they flew this way, that way

Were they trying to call someone to come home, tell them

It’s time to come home? While I was there, no one went … home

Tommy’s last sounds were the music of the sea gulls, ocean waves

His last sights were of his little three year old son … the waves washing ashore

I pray that his last feeling wasn’t of pain, nor fear

As the angels helped him fall to the soft, damp sand

I hope his spirit had begun to soar to the sky, fly with the sea gulls

Why … why does my mind always come back to … this point

I write what I feel … it’s always at this point, I stop … begin thinking

The last moments … my mind worries about Tommy’s last moments

What he felt, heard … saw; my mind begins to fill in the blanks

He heard the laughter of a precious little boy, ocean, and sea gulls

He felt the slightly damp spray of the waves as they washed in

Felt happiness watching his son … he had wanted to come, do this

Love … he felt love, pride … thankful to have a little son

He thought of his mother, two hundred miles away as he sent her photos, video of her grandson playing

Tommy’s fingers slipped off the button, the video stopped

Just as his life … stopped … life went on in his little son

This grieving mother promised to write, let you know about grief

How it felt to lose a child … the thoughts through time … let you know how it always feels

This is one of those times … it began yesterday with those sea gulls

Flying, here … there, as if following someone … I pray they weren’t calling them … home

The sea gulls … it’s the sea gulls that worried me, making me afraid

They are two hundred miles from the ocean … yet, they’ve always been here … strange they … were there

I sit here, writing out my fears … grief, pain … a part of my being human … a grieving mother

I share it with you, because I promised you … when otherwise, no one would have ever known

Sea gulls … I’ve always loved to draw sea gulls … watch sea gulls

Yesterday, as I watched them … I felt afraid … of the sea gulls; it’s those sea gulls that are … worrying me

 

This is the last photo taken of Tommy just a short time before he died that fateful evening.  He collapsed with 3 blockages to his heart … no one ever knew.  He was only 40 years old.  This mother will grieve to her dying day … though, along the way … I am finding happiness along the way.  I help myself … if a grieving person doesn’t … it will be almost impossible to ‘come back’ … I know this to be true.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Photos/poem are both owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ #aka Granny Gee.

#grieving mother #Gloria Faye Brown Bates #loss of a child

 

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3 thoughts on “It’s Those Sea Gulls …

  1. I clicked ‘like’ but of course I don’t like this and am in tears for you, GG. I haven’t been keeping up with blogs for awhile (just haphazardly) and I apologise for this but, just so you know, you are one special person in my heart’s list. Jx

  2. As long as you live you will hurt hun, but that’s because you are a mother who suffered a terrible loss. 😦

    In time the pain will ease, but the memory will never fade. 😦

    That, I’m sorry to say, is life. 😦

    I got your dragonfly today and it now has pride of place on my wall. 🙂

    Thank you so much for thinking of me! 🙂

    Love and huge squishy hugs always my sweet friend!!! 🙂

    Prenin.

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