It’s Not About Vanity At All …


It’s Not About Vanity At All …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

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Photo is of me … my beautiful hair!  🙂  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

My hands fluffed, played with my hair. I love my hair. It’s thick … curly, full … below my shoulders. I don’t fix it all the time … I let it be wild. My fingers love the silky feeling curls.

I’ve always fluffed it, run my fingers through it. I wear perfume in my hair … my hair smells as nice as I do! No matter how ‘wild’ it is … my hair smells good.

I don’t mean to be vain about my hair … sometimes, someone may think that I am. The truth is … I appreciate my beautiful hair with my very Heart. I’m not vain at all … I’m most grateful for all my hair.

Cutting my hair short, in hopes that it could stay just like it was … I looked in the mirror. My eyes were red from crying my Heart out. I’d just had my hair cut short … I don’t like short hair at all. I’m looking back into the past … back to … then.

Just before cutting it, my hair was midway down my back … so many wonderful curls. Now … it’d been chopped off … honestly, it wasn’t ‘chopped’ off. The beautician had cut it in a nice way … she was gentle when doing it.

I looked back in my mirror … oh my God! My hair, my beautiful hair! I was told it was going to be worse than short hair … but, I couldn’t imagine. I was going to … lose all my hair!

I began crying once again … scared, ashamed. How many women want to lose their hair … become … bald-headed? How many? I was almost tempted … not to cut my hair at all … not lose my hair at all. If I had made that decision … of course, there’s no way I would be sitting here, writing.

Vanity for my hair … has through time … turned into gratefulness to have hair … long hair once again. I’m so thankful for it every day. So, if you see me playing with my hair, fluffing it … just know that while I’m doing it, I’m still aware of how it felt to not have it … know in my mind, I’m thanking God for it.

I had been diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma … CANCER. That’s how the word cancer was seen in my mind … in giant letters. I almost didn’t survive it … now, I have a heart condition from the drug, adriamycin. I am glad to be living … it was a trade-off to live.

I lost my hair twice, due to chemotherapy drugs. I had two major surgeries, twice. I went through chemotherapy two separate times … the second time, my hair was beautiful … short, curly … happy hair!

Can you imagine … no, you honestly can’t anymore than to imagine losing your only child … how it feels to be a woman … with no hair?

Think about it for a moment … I can imagine you thinking you are so glad you have your hair. Can you imagine … not having any choice in the matter … getting cancer, taking chemo treatments … losing your hair? No … you can’t … these are things you can’t even imagine. I pray you never experience it.

Losing one’s hair, as a woman … isn’t just losing one’s hair. A lot more is involved … like a nightmare one is living in, wants to get out of.

Over the days after the chemo treatments began … my scalp became very sensitive. Oh, how my skin on my head … hurt. Touching it … felt painful, awful. I wish I could describe how it really felt. The drugs …

Taking a shower became an ordeal … my hair began to come out as if nothing was ‘holding’ it to my scalp. Can you see yourself, standing in horror, looking into your hand … seeing your beautiful hair laying in strands … across your palms? You hurry to the mirror …. I hurried to the mirror … oh my God.

There were places on my head … there wasn’t any hair! I knew then … why my scalp hurt … had such a strange sensation in it. At nighttime … my scalp hurt when laying my head on the pillow.

I cried so much … how could I let Skip, anybody … see me like that? How could I? Everyone loved my hair … ever since I was a little girl … people always commented on my beautiful head of hair. Now … it was … all gone.

Without going into further detail … time has gone by … years. I have two awful scars on my back from those two surgeries … I’ve been trying for years to get my hair ‘that long’ … to reach those scars. Finally … I have done it.

Charolette, my beautician … has made it possible … she understood. In the past, beauticians have always cut it shorter than I wanted them to. She trimmed it, always … exactly the way I asked her. In fact, she was the one who had cut my hair with compassion … just before I lost it. I lost track of her through the years … found her again, this past year.

Hair … my hair … my beautiful, wonderful, happy hair! 🙂 Don’t I sound so vain? I think you know by now … it’s not about vanity at all.

Photo/true story are both owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

#cancer

#losing one’s hair

#bald-headed woman

#grannygee

#Gloria Faye Brown Bates

 

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5 thoughts on “It’s Not About Vanity At All …

  1. Now THIS is something I can relate to. You KNOW you’ll lose your hair, but you think it will disappear in wisps. I was in the shower when that horrible sensation came to my head. It felt as if each hair follicle had vice grips that squeezed out my hair. It fell out in clumps and I felt it cascade down my back. The pain on my scalp was a sensation unlike anything I’d ever felt before. Nobody prepared me for that. Their focus was on vomiting, which I never did, and feeling tired – I wasn’t tired – my whole body was so completely exhausted I could barely lift it to take a step. I can’t say I love my hair now. I’m still not used to it. It was full and mostly straight with a slight wave, and now it’s all over the place. I’ve never been good with hair though, so I can’t say it’s because of the cancer that it looks so bad. I’m glad you like yours. It’s so refreshing to read about somebody who actually appreciates things about herself!

  2. I am so glad you survived Gloria! 🙂

    You are a beautiful person inside and out!!! 🙂

    When you talk about losing your hair I can only imagine how it must have felt to you to lose something so important!!! 😦

    Still: You are alive and well, so the trade off was worth it – and your hair is beautiful again!!! 🙂

    Love and huge hugs my sweet friend!!! 🙂

    Prenin.

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