This is one of those nights where one sits, thinks about the past things one has done. I was sitting here thinking about the 3 books that I self-published. I’ve made very little money off them … very, very little.
When I wrote I Cry For Tommy … I never thought about money. The book is ‘full of pure grief’ … and I don’t know now … who in the world would buy a thick book full of pure grief? I can’t even remember writing that one book … at all. Isn’t that awful?
My second book is just a little, thin introductory book to Victoria Fairchild, my main character. She is a very unusual person who does very strange things, especially when it comes to people who harm homeless people, and animals. After she takes care of them … I don’t think they ever want to harm another person, animal. This book … I was playing with it, hoping to start a series.
I’m working on a longer book, which is book 2 … The Saga of Victoria Fairchild. Gracious, who knows when I’ll finish that … The name of the first book is When She’s Good, She’s Good. I think now … I would change my mind on the title I made up. You live, and learn.
My 3rd book, Camie’s Angel … didn’t turn out to be what I wanted it to be. I wanted it to be more of a children’s book. It didn’t turn out that way … it was more real life about rescuing a little, dying puppy … our Precious Camie (Precious Camo). Mostly, I wanted to write about her … she almost wasn’t here.
People left Camie to die … she had demodectic mange … she couldn’t get well without medical help. The people didn’t have money to take her to the vet … I rescued her from the cold, wet ground. She had no hair, and was bleeding, oozing clear liquid from her skin. Maggots fell off her little body when I picked her up. It took months and months to get her to where she is, now. She will need medical care the rest of her life.
I was sitting, thinking about how both our dogs, Kissy and Camie, need so much medical care now … if my books would sell … I would be able to pay for it all, myself. They haven’t sold, and I’ve had to ask for donations to help Camie, whom I rescued … and Kissy, our Rottie … who just had an almost $3,000 surgery.
Tonight, I was just sitting here, in my own thoughts. I wish, I wish, I wish … you know how it is to wish many things.
I may have not sold many books, I am proud to have copyrights to my books. I am waiting for the 3rd copyright to come in the mail anytime, now… for Camie’s Angel. I have registered 3 copyrights at the Library of Congress. At least … I have that. 🙂
What my books did do, though … is to cause some people not to like me, anymore. I’ll never forget the shock of how I was treated when I first mentioned my published books to people ‘who had always been my friend’ … it was awful. Of course, feelings changed permanently … I won’t ever look at them the same. The pain was great … I won’t ever forget how bad that felt.
I think some people thought I was ‘imagining I wrote a book, published it’ … when they found out about the book I Cry For Tommy. Everyone knew how I loved my only child, my son … Tommy.
I think (I know) that people thought I had ‘lost it’ … when they found out I wrote that book. If you could have experienced what I experienced from one woman in particular … you would have been devastated. I forgave … I know she thought my mind was gone from the grief from the loss of my son.
Anyway … tonight has been a night of … sitting here in my thoughts.