Parents Should Never Outlive Their Child

Parents Should Never Outlive Their Child…


By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@granny Gee

Thoughts try to enter my now-full mind
I try not to think about them, but … I’m going to have to

Tommy … I’m going to have to think about Tommy
I have no choice, he was a part of my life, a part of me

My son … died May 29, 2010 while walking on the beach
He’d just arrived at Mrytle Beach, SC .. just in time to … die

I just felt a great pain in my Heart when I thought this
Tears sprung to my eyes … the pain is still there

Almost 5 years … next month … it doesn’t lessen the pain
I don’t cry as much … the pain is hidden deep now

I don’t let people see it anymore … before, I couldn’t help it
Now … I’ve learned to hide it … I’m supposed to be over my grief

No mother ever gets over the grief of losing a child …
When she quits crying … the grief has dug deeper into her very soul

Never to go away … it’s a part of her, just as her child was a part of her
The deeper the pain, the less you see the pain … like a gash, it doesn’t bleed a lot … yet, it hurts so bad

Looking at photos of my son … it’s very strange
It seems like he is right here … it’s like the photos are taken … yesterday

I haven’t forgotten a thing about his face … he looks so alive
The way his eyes smiled before he began laughing

I recognize the signs … it’s like I could hear him any minute
It’s like he hasn’t gone away forever … like he is still here

Like on a movie, he could just walk into the door without it feeling strange
It would be like five years haven’t gone by … he’d be at home

If you’ve never lost a child, I don’t expect you to understand
I don’t know how many grieving mothers … know what I mean

I haven’t talked to other grieving mothers very often to know
You would think I would have … I haven’t, it’s strange

I could listen … but, I couldn’t talk about my grief
That’s something I could never do … talk … only write grief

Soon, May will be here … the month my son went on vacation
To never come back … arrive safely there … only to die, soon-after

He made it just in time to play with his little 3 year old son
He did exactly what he meant, wanted to do … it was the last thing he did

Tommy collapsed on the damp sand where he and his little boy, played
His cellphone fell from his hand … he’d been recording a video for me, his mother

The video was of little Taban standing, looking out at the ocean
So small, precious … he looked like a minature Tommy

Tommy’s phone was picked up by a concerned stranger
Who pressed the last person called on Tommy’s cellphone

Hello, Ma’am … I’ve got a man here, collapsed on the sand, he’s not breathing
He never knew he was speaking to Tommy’s mother … two hundred miles away

In my mind, I knew Tommy and his family had made it safely to Myrtle Beach, SC
I had worried because of the Memorial Day traffic, when he arrived safely … I took a sigh of relief

Never knowing just in a short time … my world would almost end
Almost end for three years … somewhere, I lost the smile that was for my son when I saw his name on the caller ID

The stranger‘s voice … the numbness that began to spread over me
Before I even knew why … my son dead? My son … dead?

This is the phone call that parents never want … I never wanted that
I never wanted to be told my son wasn’t breathing … let me die, I can’t take this!

Somehow, the phone was in Skip’s hand … somehow, I was in a dark world
My very soul was screaming, my very Heart drenched in tears

Oh God, help me! My son … Tommy? Tommy’s dead?
My mind couldn’t understand what I had been told … no, I can’t bear this … I’m going to die

Drug me, make the pain go away … the knowledge is too great
Too great for me to handle … I can’t think about this!

Hospital … tears in the registration clerk’s eyes … on the bed in ER
The nurse, the needle … doctor … all a blank, thereafter

So many tiny bits of memory only to go black … I was dying
I couldn’t bear the pain … Skip was worrying, unknown to me

He watched over me as I slept, barely breathing from the medicine I was given
He began to make sure I couldn’t abuse it … when he thought I’d quit breathing

I wouldn’t have been aware of dying … I was too far gone on the new journey in my life
I was on a road I’d only heard about, never thought I’d travel

I didn’t have the sense to know anymore that I was a person
I was in the darkness … I was darker than the dark, I became the dark … grief, pain

I can’t bear to think anymore about it … I’ll quit right now
Next month will be the 5th year, my son has been gone

No on could be more positive as I have … never asking questions
I know can’t ever be answered in this life

No matter how positive I’ve been … it doesn’t lessen the pain
I’ll have to live with this the rest of my life

I shouldn’t have had to, because we all know
Parents should never outlive their child


8 thoughts on “Parents Should Never Outlive Their Child

  1. Gloria, I don’t know how you deal with that type of loss and that deep a pain. You can keep writing about Tommy, and I feel your sadness, but I’ll never understand, and to be honest, I hope I never do. You’re so right about children not outliving their parents. It’s not fair, and it happened to you. I think you’re brave for dealing with it in such a forthright manner, and I thank you for sharing your pain.

    • I don’t know how I’ve done it … I am grateful to be at this point, now. Writing the pain, because I never just talk about it … has saved me. Thank you for your caring words, Theresa.

  2. Sadly I have a few friends that have had to bury children of various ages and I don’t know one of them that does not still think of that child every day, one thing I am curious about and I hope you don’t mind me asking is whether you have ever felt like trying to trace that voice on the phone, the man who picked it up and called you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s