Dusted Memories … Go Away


Dusted Memories … Go Away

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

 

 

Dusting off memories from storage

In the back of my mind … I take several out

To examine, look at … to connect the dots

Connect the dots from events in my life

To tie in things to make them make sense

Too many mysteries … takes time to connect

Many things don’t seem to be related

Until … looking very closely … ah-hhh, there’s the connection

Hints, clues pointing to where the next line is drawn

Most people have a normal life

You live each day in a good way, you raise your children

Go to church, go on vacation … you are family-oriented

My life has never been that way

Oh, I got a little taste now and then to see

See for a very short time … how this feels, how that felt

My life would make a very interesting movie

One I wouldn’t want the world to know

Too much grief, too much pain … too many secrets

Secrets I will carry to my grave … never talk about

I force myself to forget … as time goes on, I do

Until all becomes a memory, stored in my mind

Rarely, do I take certain memories out, I can’t

Pain unlike you’ve ever experienced if you’ve lived a normal life

You can’t ever understand … you wouldn’t believe

Experiences most women never have … I have

Many bad things have happened in my life … I am still here

Standing here like a Redwood Tree … silent, strong, weather-beaten

Inside my bark, limbs, leaves are many memories

From storms gone by, storms you’ve never known the likes of

Here, I sit … dusting memories off … I wonder if I can look

Some memories go back, too painful for me to bear

Like the gold/red upholstered chest in my art room

Tommy’s chest … I want to look inside … I can’t

The light-weight lid isn’t heavy … I can’t lift it

I’m not strong enough, yet … but, I’m strong enough to pick it up

I may die of pure grief if I open it up … there’s things in there

I can’t touch, I can’t face … they are in a little pastel, green box

Photos … of my son … laying in under the light … in a coffin

Memory of my hand touching his head … oh my God, the back of his head

A mother’s fingers touching a place she shouldn’t have found

Little hard places, what are they?  Oh my God, stitches … a scar

From the autopsy … I was grieving so much, I forgot

My Heart is dripping tears inside … warning, I might drown

Drown in my own grief in front of everyone … all you see is a smile

Never knowing what’s in my mind … my grieving mother’s mind

What a happy, beautiful smile I have … one to put you at ease

Making you know somehow, all is going to be all right

Not a care in the world … you don’t see a thing

All I do silently … is invisible; I’m the greatest magician in the world

I can do many things in front of you, you never see

My mind is busy as it dusts the memories off … from the past

Guess what memory this is, what that is … oh, you can’t see

I am the greatest magician, not only that … greatest poker player

You can’t see anything I do … because I have the best poker face

I have played the cards of life … I have won a few, lost a lot

I’m not bitter … I’ve learned life’s that way

Life, death, secrets will … go with me to my grave

Life, death, secrets … strange things that make a great movie

Can never be told, never be shared in this life

It’s time to put these dusted memories back in place

Emotions, sick feeling inside … these weren’t the memories

I wanted to remember … sometimes, it happens this way

Dusted memories … go away

Note by this author:    Don’t feel sorry for me … I am still standing … everything is all right.

Photos are of my artwork, myself, Tommy’s Chest … poem written from feelings … from a deep place inside me.  All are owned by me… Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Ge

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