Birds of Grief Singing …

Birds of Grief Singing …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

(I’m writing my pain, grief once again … it came to visit today … now, everything’s all right)

Birds flutter in fear, panic

Trapped inside a cage, wanting to be free

I touch my stomach to comfort them

They react to my feelings, thoughts

When I think about my son

Making my breath catch in my throat

I can’t breathe, I feel weak

I may have to sit down

Sit down, I may faint

I feel their feathers beating against my ribs

Bars of bone trapping them inside

Let me out, let me out

I am going to scream, I’m trapped

Trapped in this body that is me

Birds created out of grief, pain

I close my eyes, take deep breaths

One by one, slow as possible

Until … until finally the birds calm down

The birds fluttered in the cage

Twice in the past two days

I was almost overwhemed by the pain

Like a wave in the ocean

Threatening to pull me out to sea

In the darkness of the night

Make me lose my way, drown

In my own tears of grief

My son is gone, never going to come back

Help me!  I’m drowning

I’m being swept out to never come back

The birds are fluttering in the cage

As briefly as the sensation came, it left

One by one, slow as possible

I take deep breaths

I’m okay now … it’s all right

The waves have gone now

Leaving me here

One by one, I take a deep breath

I feel the birds begin to calm

No longer fluttering in the cage

Everything’s okay now … I look around

I’m back to reality

I’m just missing my son

He’s gone, he’s not coming back

I have to go through these things

I’ve won once again, I coped with the knowledge

My son’s not coming back

The wings are trying to flutter once again

I place my hand on my stomach

Everything’s going to be all right

Grief came for me, I held my ground

I’m still here, while it swept out to sea

To the sea of grief, ocean full of my own tears

Always waiting for me to cry more

I’m on guard duty, ready to save my life

Pull me back from drowning in the sea of grief

In my ocean of tears that look like diamonds

In the moonlight, sparkling like the sun

I’m okay until the next time

I have to fool myself, know I’m all right

As long as I do that … I can forget

Live each day in this world

I have to keep the birds calm, comfort them

Open the door … so they can fly, be free

Let grief fly right out the door

Let pain go away

Dry my tears until another day

Taking a deep breath, I smile sadly

I did it again, I faced up to real life

It hurt a lot, but … I’m going to be all right

It’s Mother’s Day … no child here to celebrate

This special day in a woman’s life

My son’s gone … you still have your children

I wish your day to be full of joy

Full of treasured memories to last

Last a lifetime in case you should go

Lifetime of your child, for no parent

Should outlive their children

They should live their full life

No parent should live with grief

Knowing their child is gone

That’s not the way it should be

Tommy went before his time

Leaving me here to grieve over my son

It’s time to fool myself again … pretend everything is all right

I feel the birds fluttering in my stomach

Deep breaths, I touch my stomach with my hand

Comforting, telling the birds of grief … everything is all right

Fly away, birds of grief … fly to the light

Don’t come back, everything is all right

Deep breaths, one by one … as the pain goes away

I won’t let grief visit me today

Good memories of my son comfort me

I’m fooling myself good … until another day

Sea of grief, ocean of tears

I hear the birds of grief singing a song

As they fly in freedom with the sea gulls

Fly away into the sky

Soaring, gliding in relief

Not to be cooped up, trapped

Birds of grief singing today

As they fly up, and away

To go away until another day

Tommy went home, he’s in Heaven

That’s where he went when he was called away

Special memories of him visit me on this day, Mother’s Day

Photos/poem owned, written by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee