Crazy Ass Thoughts We Don’t Usually Talk About …
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeTwitter @ Twitter
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Sometimes … when writing a story, article, post on something … I get Facebook Friend Requests. I check them out each time because … of the timing, the way the person’s Facebook account has just been created … I would be their first friend.
Too strange … I just go on to check them out … and of course … I DON’T confirm a friendship unless for a short time … when I have a reason.
This is always a man … with handsome photos of him … sometimes, he is holding a child. Now, why in the world would a man with no friends … want to request a friendship with me? Why … would I be his first friend?
Especially … after he’s just read about my husband, Pups? Especially after … if I do confirm the friendship long enough to check out more … what kind of friendship someone wants.
Sometimes … that person turns out to be female. Someone who wants to get on my Facebook Friends to sit there … in my Facebook House … eat Facebook Potato Chips to watch my Facebook Life.
Whether you know it or not … you are bound to have at least one or more … doing that on your Facebook. I still do … they just don’t know I have a Facebook Eye on them.
I don’t play games with men. Oh … especially … if I tell that person that I’m married … he goes on to ignore that, hopes to know me, and such. I can’t believe how some times … a man will just ignore me when saying they want to know me better … I say I’m happily married, and I don’t play games online. I don’t wait to see what they say … because I delete/deny/unfriend the request.
Does the man think I’m weak because I write real life? Does he think I don’t have anyone? Does he think I’m someone that could be molded easily? Does he think I am a doormat?
Does he think I’ve suffered so much pain that it has made me so weak? If so … what a terrible mistake that would be. I’ve become only stronger … wiser. I will do this until the day I die.
The worst mistake would be to think I’m weak. The next mistake would be to even think I would play games online with a man … or a … woman.
When I communicate with a male online … I’m very respectful. I care about people … I don’t play games with anyone. When I say something to a male online … all is in a good way.
I treasure my male friends … the ones I communicate with … are most respectful, and I know they are sincere people. If they are married they aren’t afraid to mention their wives, girlfriends. In fact, they are proud of them. I love that.
If someone is single … they aren’t interested in silly stuff … they seem to treasure a real friendship just as I do. No man ever has to worry that I … would want to be friends in a bad way. All I do online is sincere … I’m a good person … I’m a sincere person.
No one … even females that play games … need to play games online with me. I’ve been around too long … I will catch it. I have caught some … they never knew it … I watch them for long periods of time in hopes … I’m wrong. That’s online … and … in real life.
I always make Skip aware of anything that isn’t right. All I do online is good, clean … and … not secretive. I don’t hide anything I do … the whole world can know it … I truly don’t care. Do I have secrets … just like you … yes, and … I’ll never tell them in this life.
Are those secrets that important? Yes … and No … but, they are secrets 🙂 I can keep a secret … only people who know me … truly know that. So … don’t tell me something … if you hope I will go tell everyone … it goes no farther. I go on to forget about it.
I can see some crazy stuff, a wreck, something off the wall … just something that everyone would rush to tell someone else … I don’t. I forget it until something reminds me of it again. When I worked in the hospital where confidentiality was important … I never told people’s medical information … never.
I saw, heard people who did … the local people who worked in the hospital would call at first chance to their friends, say … “I got something to tell you but … you can’t tell anyone”!
They would go on to add … “If you tell anyone … don’t use my name”! Then … they’d tell them about old Suzy Harrison who lives down the road … saying, ‘Guess what she has … she’s got gonorrhea”!
“Old Jon Brown down the road had done knocked up little Eleanor Sightseer”! “Samson Golightly has had a stroke”!
You know how those people are … they are going to keep up the gossip on their neighbors … because … isn’t that what all good neighbors do?
I knew a lot of … good neighbors at work when I worked. You know the ones who are the backbone of the community … pillars of salt … the ones who would never-ever do anything wrong … the best Christians who are perfect. You know them … hellfire, you might be one of them.
How do you feel inside? Not good if someone confronted you … you’d jump up and down while screaming, ‘No! I would never do such a thing’! Liar … that’s what I say.
You are a … liar. I see, hear things no one else pays attention to … why? I know what to watch for … Yes … you are a liar … and you hate a person like me who never says anything … once you look into my eyes … you know … I know. Liar.
The things I could tell you … but, won’t. On every job there are things we know, but … don’t talk about. The things I mention have happened long ago … a lot of those people are dead, gone … now.
There were people at both hospitals I worked at … who disliked me … because they knew I knew. Words were never needed … the smiles would go on … pass and re-pass … be nice … never feel comfortable in my presence. The thing was … I filed what I knew back in my mind to know never to trust them personally … I’d go on to forget.
Why do I even look at things others don’t see? It’s my nature … I grew up with such … I just spot it automatically. I somehow … ‘know’ people. My Grandma Alma was very sharp … she saw through people. Rarely … was she wrong. It always came out in the long run … she’d just smile a little quiet smile. That’s what I do … I don’t begin screaming, “I told you so”! I just smile.
To survive … one learns a lot of things to defend themselves … because how can anyone prove they are being treated wrong … if only smiles, sweetness meets the eyes of someone who is looking?
If I’m looking … I look deeper … sense. I know that even serial murderers have to … fool their prey. Honey catches more flies than vinegar. My Grandma Alma … told me so. 🙂
I grew up knowing sweet smiles, sweet voices are a crock of s___. Yes, I said that. I pay close attention to someone who is … too sweet. I smile … when later … I ‘see’ … how sweet they really are.
Have I been fooled? Hell yes … but, it didn’t take long to find out the truth. I’m not afraid to confront someone in a quiet, sweet way … doesn’t matter where they are … no one would know what was going on … I don’t like ugly scenes.
I always try to think the best about someone … then … I see, hear what I hope not to. It tells me the people can’t ever be my ‘real’ friend … if they’ll do their own neighbors, family members like that … who am I to them? They are sure going to hurt me, too.
Heck, the family I grew up in could be the sweetest damn people in the world … they’d get your ass while smiling, telling you it’s not going to hurt while they stabbed you in the back. They only wanted you to stand there until … they could get that final death blow in.
You ‘just stand there, die in shock’ … Why? Because you couldn’t believe so and so … would or could … do such a thing. I know … I ‘died a million times’ at the hands of … my loving … family. I was seduced with sweet smiles, kind words until their hands could reach out, grab my little ass up … then Hell would break out not only on my ass … my body, too.
I still loved them, though. I knew they had some love for me … somewhere in their hearts. Why sometimes … it would show. I’d feel so … special. They knew a tiny bit of love … would go a long ways … with a little girl who wanted to be loved so badly.
The sad thing was … they’d take it away before I knew it … I couldn’t ever take for granted … love. Love … hate … hot water … cold water … turning that faucet on and off … nothing ever stayed consistent in my life. Everything depended on someone’s mood …
Thoughts … more thoughts. Real thoughts … not the best thoughts but, nevertheless they are thoughts that flittered through my mind today.
I know you also, have your thoughts that flitter through … you just might not write them down or … let the light of day see them. Here, I chose to let them come out into the light so, I could examine them closely.
The good thing here is … none of these thoughts hurt me. They are thoughts from different times that made me … ‘more me’ … now. I know that I’m not a false person trying to pretend one way or other to be something other than I am. I don’t have anything to gain by hurting others.
I know that you will either like … dislike me. It’s all in what you decide. I know that no matter what … everything bad in my life has made me a very good person now. That doesn’t mean I can’t be … mean, sometimes. 🙂 After all, I told you that I’m not perfect … didn’t I?
I’m just sharing thoughts we normally keep to ourselves … thoughts we don’t usually talk about.
Photos/true thoughts are mine, owned … written by me. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny at Twitter.