I Have to Look Back … to Go Forward

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

I look back in the past for things to write about. As I take memories out one by one … I look at them as long as I can bear to. I let it go again when I know it’s time to.

You can know I don’t dwell on any one memory while doing that. I don’t let any memory hurt me … only for the time I write so, you can feel, see how real it was. I let you feel some of that pain … if you feel anything in your Heart … tears in your eyes … you are only experiencing a fraction of what I suffered.

What makes me so special to be the one … to write about my past, pain, grief? Well … I write. I am the only one who knows best the things I write. I know there are people like me … people who have suffered.

An author writes what he knows best … when one reads they know when author is writing … real. The reader knows when the author knows … what he/she are talking about. All comes through as the words seep into one’s mind.

It helps to be an expert on something … to be an expert one has to know exactly what they are talking about. The only thing I am an expert about … is … me. I can tell you a million things about me … this is what I know best. I can write my life.

I look back in my young life, see all the other children who were there with me … I can see their little faces in my mind. I know their suffering, fears … but, I can’t write what they felt, saw … smelled, tasted. Only that child who is an adult now … can do that … only they can write in their words what they experienced.

I can write about where, what, how another child played a part in my life. I can tell you what I saw … how it affected me. When I write these things … I go to a place in my mind … I write the story not to hurt others … but, to tell how things affected me. As an author I tell my story … to tell my life I have to look back to … go forward.

Note by this author:

Thank you, Prenin … for inspiring this. You made me think about ‘why’ … I bring up the past … now you know, I know! 🙂 What in the world would I write about if I didn’t have … me. I’m not an expert on anything else. As long as I live … I have something to write about. Every day is never the same … I’ll never be able to write all my life stories … the colors of my life are endless. I haven’t even begun to write yet.

Photos of me/story written … owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

6 thoughts on “I Have to Look Back … to Go Forward”

Hi Gloria! 🙂

I understand because I’ve been there myself. 😦

I had to burn away the layers of scarred memories to get rid of the past and face it unafraid.

The things I went through were bad enough, but my mother denied they happened even though I had to put myself in harms way to protect my brothers when she left – or else dad would have killed her. 😦

Today I am under threat of death as dad has sworn to kill me on sight, so I have to be careful when I leave my home and to who I open my door. 😦

The suffering and abuse don’t stop when you leave the family home.

As long as you and your abuser are alive the threat remains. 😦

There’s a lot I don’t talk about, stuff that has to be kept hidden, but it won’t be forever! 😦

Love and huge hugs!

Prenin.

Reply ↓

grannyscolorful on July 14, 2015 at 8:35 PM said:

Prenin, I can understand from the little you’ve told me … you do have to be careful. I know you have been through very bad things. I hope never-ever again. Love, Gloria 🙂

Reply ↓
- prenin on July 14, 2015 at 8:49 PM said:
  
  Thanks hun! 🙂
  
  Dad has been bleeding from his prostate and is also ill again for an unspecified reason.
  
  Getting information is hard, but I have friends who keep me up to date! 🙂
  
  he’s 87, so he isn’t going to last forever… 😉
  
  Love and hugs!
  
  Prenin.
- grannyscolorful on July 15, 2015 at 8:00 AM said:
  
  I don’t know what to say. It depends on how it affects you, my friend. Love, Gloria