Memories Just Beneath the Surface … Like Fish in Water
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
My Precious Son, Tommy …………….
I was thinking of you today
You are only a thought away
Like fish in water … your memory is beneath the surface
Just barely beneath the surface
Thoughts of you are there … like fish in water
Just a slight riffle in the water … I think of you, Son
Tears come to my eyes
Longing comes inside my Heart
I want to cry for the loss of you
No need for me to ask ‘why’
No need for me to cry
No need for me to be sad
That’s a lie … I do cry and I am sad
But … I’ve never asked ‘why’
I know there aren’t any answers to ‘why’ you are gone
Good things come from bad things
No matter how bad … all will be better again
No matter, I still cry because I loved you … I’m your Mother
You left on May 29, 2010 for a vacation only …
Unexpectedly … you left on another journey
There on the beach as you ran with your little son
You left with a smile on your face, laughter in your heart
As you collapsed to the soft sand
Angels guided you gently as you fell
Angels stood a distance away watching you play
A big guy playing with a little guy who looked like him
My son … my 3 year old grandson … running, playing
My beautiful Son and I …………………
Laughter, squealing … I love you, Daddy!
Daddy? Daddy? Please get up, play with me!
Why are you laying down … get up Daddy!
My Son, Tommy and my Grandson, Taban ………
Daddy, won’t you play with me
The angels came over to see, protect the little boy
One picked up Tommy’s cellphone, pressed the redial key
The call traveled two hundred miles away
A smiling woman answered the phone knowing it was her son
Confusion to the strange voice speaking to her
She said, “why do you have my son’s cellphone?”
The man repeated his words
“Maam, I’ve got a man collapsed here on the sand, he’s not breathing”
Her smile faded away as darkness sucked her in
“Help me! Help me, please help me!”
Her husband came, took the phone out of her hand
The mother’s son had died there on the soft sand
As angels lifted his soul to Heaven to the song the sea gulls sang
Tommy, come home … Tommy, come home!
Time has gone by … this month is your birthday
November 20th, born in the year 1969
My only child whom I treasured with my very Heart
I find myself thinking of you … your memory is beneath the surface
Just as fish in water … your memory is only a second away
You were the only child I could have
Now, you are gone forever … I’ve accepted that
Done the things through time I needed to do to cope with your death
Doesn’t matter … your loss still hurts my Heart
My son, Tommy holding his little son……………….
You were a part of me … suppose I lost my hand, leg?
I can’t ever forget you were here, Son
No more than I could forget I had a hand … leg
Flesh and blood … a mother and child
A permanent bond throughout life
I’ll forever grieve over you in my own way
Now … I make dragonflies in memory of you
Gold wire, colorful beaded dragonflies
Leave them for people to find
Dragonflies I’ve made … and bracelets ………………
Hoping to bring a smile, joy to hearts
As they help me remember you, Son
Doesn’t matter if they knew you or me
They can sense the love a mother had for her son
Making their dragonfly a special treasure
With a story behind it … sad, but … beautiful
How can I say beautiful through all the pain
If we die, we would hope to go the way you did
Running, playing on the beach … happiness in your heart
Here one moment leaving a special memory for a little boy
Gone the next moment … never suffering
Going from this world to the ever after
No matter … it still makes me cry
I miss you, Son … your familiar face, smile, sound of your voice
I’m okay now, took so long … but, I’m fine
No matter … it still makes me cry
Memories of you are just beneath the surface
Like … fish in water
Fish … memories … jump out from time to time
Some I remember good … some get away before I do
Memories just beneath the surface … like fish in water
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Note by this Author:
I will forever grieve over the loss of my only child. When I see mothers with their sons I smile … knowing they know how precious their children are to them … never able to imagine not having them. I hope they will have them forever. Parents should never outlive their children … never know the awful pain of losing them.
I live with the pain every moment of my life. I have coped with it … so, I can live with such knowledge inside me … knowledge I can’t get away from. Knowledge that my child died … something I never knew I’d be able to live with. Knowing such a thing was bigger than I am. I have done that now … I can live with it.
You say why don’t I just forget about my son … it’s time to quit grieving. I say to you … if you really feel that way … then, don’t be surprised if … it happens to you. You never stop loving, missing the people you truly loved, treasured with your heart.
A mother is a special being … she is the vessel that carries a child until it is born into this world. Like the golden egg … when it opens … the most precious treasure is inside. A baby made of love, a very real part of the mother just as her hands, feet are. If one gets gone, the pain is unbearable … she’ll forever grieve the loss.
This mother knows this pain … and has found a way to live with it. I grew up knowing emotional, physical pain as a little girl all through life … I never knew I’d say I’m glad I did … it prepared me to cope with such pain in my life as every family member I truly loved … died. I have survived many things that I won’t go into at the moment. You can read back in my blog.
I’ve known pain my whole life … mentally, physically. Know this … I am a very positive person who really knows that … no matter how bad … things do have a way of getting better. I know this to be true.
I look for what I need to learn from life’s lessons in the things that happen in my life. Doesn’t mean it’s easy … it isn’t. I just know things happen for a reason … I try to learn the reasons why. I don’t always find out ‘why’ … I just do the best I can so, I can live until I die.
I never knew I would be able to live … with the knowledge my child had died. I never knew I’d be able to walk, move around with such knowledge trying to live my life … with the heaviest load I’ve ever carried in my life … grief over the loss of my child. Thankfully, I have managed … somehow the ‘load’ strengthened me even more. I can carry it now. At one time … I never knew … I’d be here … today.
I grieve over Tommy … I grieve silently. I don’t push my grief on anyone. I write about grief, pain … that’s ‘why’ I write. If you come here to read … that’s what you will read about. You don’t have to feel sorry for me … I’ve never felt sorry for myself nor cried ‘woe is me’.
If you don’t like to read about pain and grief, life, my thoughts … how it really is or really feels … probably you want to visit other blogs that are more fun. This is what you get here … when you read … real life, feelings. Just know I’m not stuck in one place in my grief … it’s in a ‘good, healthy’ place now. I grew from it all.
I face reality … reality can be harsh. I face it … head-on. Let it hurt like hell but, I am going to overcome … I mean to. The death of my son … almost took me, also. Now … I’m strong again. I’m not bitter, angry … I love life. I know there are many wonderful things in life … I can see the beauty of life. Bad things that happened in my life … didn’t blind me.
I didn’t come this far in my life through all I have … to lay down and cry, whine, feel sorry for myself. Sure, it hurts like Hell … Life has a way of doing that … I still manage to smile through my tears, and know … somehow everything gets alright again. Sometimes … it seems impossible but, it does. I’m always amazed.
I have forgiven all through time … I don’t forget a lot but, I do … forget a lot. It’s no longer important in my life. I just care so much about everything, everyone.
I think I have learned what’s important in Life … it makes me think that if everyone felt the same way … Life would be good for everyone. Caring, loving, giving, helping others. What do you think?
Sadly, I’m old enough now to realize something I never thought possible. There are truly evil people in this world … I used to never believe that. Now, I know better. Sometimes, you have to stay away from them … that’s why the world has so much war, and terrible things. You can’t make people like that care … they have no regard for human life.
Photos/ poem written, owned by me. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.