Little Girl Without Christmas Presents


 

 

 

 

 

Little Girl Without Christmas Presents

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Listening to Christmas music

Takes me into the past

To remember with a smile

My Grandma Alma and George

Twinkle in Grandma Alma’s eyes

Her beautiful smile

One good hand holding a Xmas present

Opening it, expressing joy over its contents

George smiling as he held his stocking

Filled with oranges, apples, nuts

As if it were the biggest treasure

Trying to see with his sightless eyes

A little girl watched, wishing

For toys, presents under the tree

Her cousins next door were getting lots of gifts

Knowing that gifts like that weren’t for her

A little girl living in a world

Where everything was for other children

Not for her … no need to think about them

Nothing was meant for her … she accepted it

Accepted it thinking she wasn’t good enough

Only other people’s wishes came true

Everything she wished for

Didn’t ever come true … she learned to quit wishing

Dreaming … daydreaming was for others

Not for her … only other people’s wishes came true

She had wished to be in the Girl Scouts

Couldn’t … was it lack of money? was she good enough?

Past Christmases … very few Christmas presents

Was it lack of money … or she didn’t deserve them

Was it because … they were meant for other people

She learned to never expect anything

Never expect anything … good things were for others

She never wondered why they weren’t meant for her

The little girl instinctively knew good things

Ran out before they got to her

Smiling, expressing happiness over her cousins’ gifts

The little girl had such pride

Making her hide her hurt, pain … embarrassment

So her cousins wouldn’t make fun of her

Make fun of her they did

Bragging on all Santa Claus brought to them

Never understanding how it felt

To be a little girl without Christmas presents

My mind going back to the past

I smile sadly … thinking I’m glad it doesn’t hurt

Today … I let go of the pain so long ago

I smile sadly … through time new pain filled its place

Yet … through the sadness I feel happy

Thankful for all I have today

I don’t have a lot … yet, I do

I have my whole world … Skip and our Pups

They are all I have now

Everyone is gone I ever loved

The ones left are gone too, yet still here

Gone forever even while we live

Life is sad … if I could I’d make all happy

I can’t because it’s not meant to be

I smile sadly, yet feel happiness in my Heart

Knowing no matter what … everything’s going to be alright

 

 

 

My beautiful mother whom I wanted to grow up to be like … to be so beautiful as she was.  I did grow up to be beautiful … now … I’ve become older and am a … faded rose 🙂  Life is what it is.

 

 

Note by this Author:

Photos, poem owned/written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny.

 

I grew up knowing I was the child good things didn’t happen to.  I know now, as an older adult …  there was a lack of money … lack of people to care about this one little girl … why should they?  I wasn’t … their … little girl.

My mother (no matter what I loved my mother … she was a troubled too-young mother who had no business with a child) … was always gone.

She would leave me at my Grandma Alma and George’s in Hell where they lived, or with my Grandmother Lola where life was … perfect … or with a father who was afraid to acknowledge his oldest daughter for fear his wife would become angry, jealous.  I was one of his three daughters … I was the one he never took time to know.  I loved him … regardless.

None of this bothers me today and hasn’t for many years.  My mother was only 14 years older than I … she was a child, herself.  How could she have known what it took to raise a child?

Her actions caused me such grief, pain … being unprotected from the harshness of life.  I forgave her … I loved her with my very Heart.

My mother was very good to me as I became older, always there for me.  She suffered so much from her own choices in life … she was too young to know better.  She was my beautiful mother who looked like Elizabeth Taylor … as a little girl I idolized her.

Tonight as I listen to Christmas music I think of her, and the so many relatives I loved most in life who have died in the past years.  I was one of them … almost … several times.  I sometimes wonder why I lived … they didn’t.

The relatives who live today I love … but relationships are next to impossible.  We were born distrustful, afraid of the other … no matter how we wish we could be close, we just can’t.  Isn’t it so sad?  I love each one of them very much … it is what it is … no more, no less.

If I could I would pull everyone together and want everyone to be close.  This is where the expression ‘nothing is impossible’ is an exception.  Sad to say but, so true.

My life has always been filled with great pain, grief.  It has shaped me into a compassionate, caring, forgiving … good person.  I could have been completely opposite at one time.

Tonight … listening to Christmas music … has taken me back for a short time into my past … to a little girl who was always in the way, no one had time for.  I wasn’t their little girl.

Does it upset me today?  No, it truly doesn’t.  I’m so glad 🙂  No one has to feel sorry for that little girl … she left all that in the past. The positive from such things is that she in today’s time … has something to write about 🙂

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2 thoughts on “Little Girl Without Christmas Presents

  1. I wish I could help you undo the past hun, but like me you carry the scars and are stronger for it! 🙂

    I found joy in my God daughter and her siblings who I could buy gifts for that they treasured and passed on to their own children.

    Despite their repeated betrayal and decades of mistreatment they are still the only family I will ever have.

    They say they love me and call me ‘Uncle Ian’, but I am terrified to trust them again in case it is yet another trick, trap, or con-game.

    I hurt, but my wounds don’t draw blood.

    They are far deeper than that and have been inflicted repeatedly these past 25 years.

    You know the truth of my childhood, so believe me when I say I can relate to how you feel! 😦

    Love and huge hugs my friend – you are a Rose indeed! 🙂

    Prenin.

    • Prenin … it’s sad the things we come through as children … I just thought about what kind of person I’d be today if I hadn’t been awakened by so much pain through the years. I might have been a very bad person. I like to think the good in me would have always won out no matter what. 🙂 I know you can relate, Prenin. Love, Gloria 🙂

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