By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
Yes, they do! Yes, they do! The difference between them … and me is … I’ll tell you I’m pissed off, mad, angry. I won’t rave, rant, be ugly … I’ll tell you in a nice way that I am. I’ll smile, talk nice to you while I’m angrier … than Hell … all in a very quiet way … and I’ll look you in the eye.
I told you I’m not perfect … in fact, I know many … perfect … people who show their ass. They don’t care if they hurt others … they want to destroy, hurt others. Well … that’s where the differences between them … me … end. I don’t want to hurt anyone … destroy anyone. I still love, care … unlike most people … they hate.
The flames have reached from the past over the past months from my home as a child … Hell. They’ve been burning me on the inside … until a lot of … old anger has come to life. The flames of Hell … have been … fanned.
Now … for the first time in so long … I’m in a really bad mood … I even feel that awful anger … I feel disgust … I’m on fire … inside. No … you won’t … can’t see it. Why? I’m going to smile at you … you aren’t going to know it. You’ll only see it as I release it through my fingertips … as it flows like lava down the mountain. These words aren’t like a river … flowing freely with words.
I won’t let it burn others while it flows on its way … but, I will let it cleanse as it makes me strong enough … to let go … of people, things that make me to dare feel these feelings again. I grew up all these years never wanting to think about, feel these feelings again. I kept all the people who make me feel pain … out of my life … until …
Until my son, my only child died … then, that was to find out all the details to see if he … like a lot of people in my family … died from overdose of drugs. No one was interested when they found out my son died from … 3 blockages to his heart at the age of 40. So, since that wasn’t interesting enough …
They began trying to find out all about me … my life I’ve kept private all these years. Think about this … no one had the nerve to do that when I was very strong … they picked the very time when I was the weakest I have ever been, including when I nearly died from my battle with cancer.
They picked the time when all I could do is cry … not think well. With a sweet smile, a kind … comforting voice … they fooled me. I wasn’t on guard to know … hey, this is my ‘family’ here! You should know better … you dumb ass! Stop! They just want to know all your weaknesses … so, at a later date … they can bring you down.
It’s just a natural-born thing in each of us … for some reason … I try never to … use that talent. It’s lethal … it’s awful because when ‘in war’ … you are going to destroy the other … no one left standing. All Hell IS going to break loose. I can’t bear to live like that … I don’t want to hurt anyone … even my enemies.
BUT … if I’m ever pushed or forced to … then … pure Hell will break out … non-stop until I either win … or die. Simple as that. If I’m forced to ever be ugly … I’m going to show someone … UGLY.
All these years … I’ve stayed away from … ‘Family’. Each time, through time … I’ve strayed near because of kindness, ‘love’, a sweet smile, comforting voice … the flames of Hell licked my ass. Every time … I was … lured close enough … my ass was set on fire.
You’d think I had learned my lesson. Nothing has changed … it can’t … when a black widow spider has babies … they are cannibalistic … all don’t survive to … grow up. They want to bite, eat someone’s ass … get them out of the world so, they can survive.
I was one of those ‘spiders’ … I survived. Only … as I became older … I did it by … disappearing … running away from Hell … getting married too young. I stayed away from the other … spiders … kept them out my life by keeping many miles between us.
Through time … once in a while I would yearn for family contact, wish for some kind of love from a crazy-ass, wild-ass … mean-ass family that I loved dearly. Mistake … it was always a mistake. Truthfully at my age today … I can count the very few … people in my family whom I have great
respect for … why?
Because they are like me … realize in order to love ‘family’ … you have to stay away to do so. You have to love at a distance … we are all born from the flames of Hell … we burn each each other when too close.
It’s sad when family can’t be close … magnets placed with ‘north pole to north pole … south pole to south pole …will turn away from each other’. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Note by this Author:
My readers know by now … my style of writing … how I use words to describe real things to make my writing come alive … I make colors happen in my stories … true stories. It’s my way …
Sometimes, I read my story for the day to my husband … I tell him to tell me how my words … sound, never to … judge them. I just want to know from him … how does it sound … are the words put together where they are understood in the best way.
He worries about my choice of words, sometimes. I told him that those are the words that … have to be used … to get across what I am trying to convey. As writers … we know what we have to do.
Not only that … we want to entertain as we write … and sometimes, we get on a roll … words flow naturally, freely … and the end result is … amazing. As a writer … I get surprised and think … I couldn’t have done it better … myself. 🙂 I’m being silly, now.
When I write … I can’t a bit more control what each character thinks, does … anymore than I can you. When I write … my character comes out naturally … it’s me. You don’t have to like me … of course, if you did … it would mean the world to me.
If you are looking for a perfect person, writer … to read … you may want to go elsewhere … because I’m not perfect, I write about real life, feelings, grief … pain. I do it in the best way I know how … all the while trying not to hurt others.
I never intend to hurt anyone … never. Though I stay away … and have ‘let go’ of a bunch of people in the past several days … know that I love them, care … it’s just healthier for them to go on their way … me to go my way.
Someone has to get the backbone to make it happen … otherwise, everyone will stay in the same old ‘rut’ they wish they were out of. I got us out of it. I was strong enough to … mentally … I had to. I got to the point of … I can’t take anymore … it’s a dead-end street … let me get the hell out of here. Simple as that … I got the hell out.
I have enough weight on my shoulders … weight no one can see. That weight combined with the weight I just took off my shoulders … has given me a chance to rest, breathe … thank God I had the strength to do what I did.
Now … to get the flames of Hell to burn out … I’ll be alright once again. That’s easier said than done … because to get to this point of living anger from the past … the flames keep igniting each time I put them out. I won’t stop until the last flame has gone away.
Photo/true story colored by words … owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.