I was sitting here at my computer, thinking. I always get up before Skip and our Pups … very early. I wake up all through the night, also. I don’t mind … it’s ‘me’ … I like to be awake. I am thinking every moment of my Life about something. I was thinking this morning about … what is most important in one’s life as a young person until the day they become older.
What would I say on my deathbed … if someone asked me, “Gloria, out of your whole life … what words would you leave to the living … to guide them in life to save many wasted years, time to learn?” I was thinking exactly what I would say … and if people listened, focused on my words … the world really would be a happier, better place. By the time you get to my last word … see if you don’t agree.
I was thinking about how many years ago I had a family support system … and how now, there isn’t any family left. How about you? Most people I know are very fortunate to have family who will come to their aid … or they go to their family’s aid when one is in trouble.
I wonder if you go through life like I did at the time I had family living … taking for granted they would always be there for you? I remember thinking I was so thankful for them because no matter where I roamed in this country … my family was ‘home’ I could come back to. If I didn’t have this … have that … they would help me to have what I needed. I did the same for them.
Not only that … when my son, Tommy, was living … he, Skip and I, were very close-knit. Everyone died off in my family … neither Skip nor I had any family left to be close to … Skip, Tommy and I were there always for the other. When something good happened for one … the other was always quick to share it with the other. When something bad happened … we weren’t alone to suffer … we were there for the other. Tommy’s gone … now, when something happens to Skip … or to me … we are alone.
We loved each other that much … we gave to each other … never expecting payback. Love … pure love, gratefulness for each other. We knew we were never alone … again, we were there for the other no matter the time of day, night. I never took my son for granted … everyone in my family I loved, was close to … died.
When I say everyone … I mean every person I ever loved with my very Heart … died … they really died. How many people do you know … who have lost every person that meant the world to them? Seriously … stop … think about that statement. I’ve lost every person whom were the most important to me throughout my life.
I am betting most everyone can sit, think … and take a deep breath of relief … say ‘thank God, I have a family support system’!
You might want to for-real be grateful … look at them in a new way, not take them for granted. You could be like me … not have anyone when one day you need them. Both Skip and I have no family to depend on for family support. So read on … learn from my words so, one day … you won’t walk in my shoes. I tell you like it really is … like you know … it really is … but, unsaid. I’ll say it.
People say … ‘if you need something, let me know’ … knowing that they mean ‘I know you’re too proud so, I don’t have to worry about you asking, bothering me’. They are right … they never need to worry. Family, ‘friends’ who have to say that … aren’t sincere. They would hate you asking … them … for help.
Real people in real Life … who love, care … don’t have to ask … they are always … sensing the people they care about. They do … actions speak louder than words. I’m that kind of person when I have extra to give … I even share ‘the last thing I have … or give the last thing I have.’
I had a dysfunctional family … the strange thing is … no matter, they would come running to be … there. I had one brother whom I loved with my very Heart who died … he didn’t have anything but, if he knew I needed him … he would do anything to get to me. I was the same way with him. That’s how families who love each other do. I miss you with my Heart, Rick-Rick.
I can remember you standing, crying for me … because you were afraid something happened to me once. I remember … though I couldn’t speak … when I almost died battling cancer … you slipped into my hospital room to stand by my bedside … crying … for me. I saw you slip quietly out the door … you didn’t know I was aware of you being there. I’ve never had another brother cry … for me.
I remember my brother, Rick-Rick … back in time … always doing work on my car … he never charged me. In the winter-time, he’d work on the motor … cutting his cold hands … I can still see the blood on them. His hands would be shaking from the cold … I remember telling him I was so sorry he hurt his hands to do that for me.
Ricky would grin, say it was nothing. It was something … my Heart hurt … I couldn’t stand to see anything hurt him. My Heart hurt many times for him … a lot of things hurt my brother, Rick-Rick. At the time Rick-Rick died … both Skip and I were trying to help him during the last 3 months of his life … we thought we were succeeding … but, in my brother’s world … other forces were at work. Rest in peace my dear brother … you had one sister who loved you with her very Heart. I miss you.
This is what I mean about … having a family support. No one has to be perfect … just be … there for you … you there for them. No one has … to feel alone in this big, cold world. Why? Because you have a family support system.
I pray that each of you look at your family support system … where it’s weak … strengthen it … make it strong. Sadly as time goes by … some will die and be gone always … the ones left should be able to draw closer together so, no one is ever alone.
Who knows … maybe my words at this moment could make a good difference in your life … they could prompt you to go strenghten your family support system … like keeping your foundation strong under your house … and always keep an eye on it for any crumbling foundation.
Fix, repair your foundation/family support system as soon as you see weakness … fix it back as soon as possible … because I promise you if you don’t … you will end up like me when becoming an older adult … you won’t have anyone there for you when … you really need someone.
It’s so sad to be alone in this world with no blood relatives who care about you. It’s sad to be alone in the world with blood relatives who are only strangers to you … and have to always be strangers in this life.
It’s very sad … when parents outlive their children … it isn’t meant to be like that. Children should outlive their parents … where everything left from parents … knowledge, possessions … everything should be passed to them.
I have no child left … I don’t have a child to ‘carry on for me … to remember me’ … to have whatever I leave in the world at my death. I am constantly thinking about that … what little I have if Skip isn’t here … won’t go to a relative as I have no close ones. Anyway … this is a very personal thing.
Skip and I already know what we will do if … one of us is gone. The other knows what to do … with what little … we have. We don’t have anyone for anything to go to. Sell it all … and use it to help with cost of living. I smile … there’s not a lot to sell. Just a thought … out of many thoughts while I write. We also, have decided on cremation … no fancy frills … no services … all done in private.
Getting back to family support system … what you read here is only a small example of what you’ll be facing … alone … one day if … you don’t strengthen your family support system … friends … have a tight-knit support group around you. You will be alone in this world as an older adult … no one to talk to, turn to … just no one at all … you’ll be at the mercy of the world.
Thankfully … I still have a whole world … Skip and our Pups. I’m so grateful for them. I’m not alone, yet. I hope I’ll never be … reality is … we all have to go … one day.
After reading this … look around you … see if you can make strong what’s weak in your family support system. You’ll be so grateful one day … down the road … if you do. You might even remember it was me who suggested it.
Think about my situation … let it help you make your life stronger … because if you don’t have that family support system … I promise you many tears to cry … when you are all alone, have no one.
You’ve heard that old saying … ‘learn from my mistakes’ … so, you won’t have to suffer unnecessarily. Hopefully … you’ll learn from mine to never know what ‘alone’ is like. Hopefully … you will have lots and lots of family, friends that you can be there for … can be there for you.
I wish many times I had listened … more … to others ‘who have been there, done that’. I wish I had taken others’ mistakes, learned by them … I would have saved myself years of grieving now … over years wasted on so much.
As you get older … you realize the things you think you have to do … people you have to be like so they will like you … do the things they do … so, you’ll be accepted … the time … oh my God … the precious months, years you waste because of trying to be liked, accepted … time that can’t be gotten back … you will sit here like I do … have many regrets when you ask … ‘was it worth it?’
You’ll sit here just as I do … look back at the times … you … could have strengthened your family support system. After all, it’s the most important system you’ll ever have in this world … you’ll wish you’d done that by saying one kind word … say a ‘I’m sorry’ … hug someone close … instead of hurrying off in this big-ass world to live your big life … taking everyone for granted, thinking you are so much, you don’t need anyone.
In my case as a young woman … I wish I’d learned from the old saying my mother once told me … I would have saved years of wasting time to focus on what truly matters in life … love, family, friends … caring, giving. I did do that … but, I should have done more.
Oh, the old saying was …. ‘don’t ever fly so high that you can’t fall’. Now, I know I said that wrong … I always get sayings ‘twisted around’. That’s okay … it means the same thing … just think about it!
I will add to that saying … in my own words … ‘you’ll want to only fall a short ways … into your nest where your family, friends … loved one are waiting on you to protect, gather around you so, you don’t get hurt.’
Go strengthen that family support system … while you have the chance.
Note by this Author:
If someone asked me just before I died … ‘what would you tell the world to help them before you die?’ … I would tell them all … especially young people … to keep all your family, friends close to your Heart … build the biggest, best family/friend support system you possibly could have … be there for them, them for you.
Let your focus be on loving, caring, giving at all times … instead on the meaningless things in life … be yourself, don’t worry what others will think … because it’s going to change as you become older … you will realize you like being yourself … you never had to change for anyone.
If you do otherwise … you will have wasted many years, have gone through so much extra grief, pain … because you didn’t know these things. It’s true … no matter what … no matter how old … no matter you try not to see, know this … this is what Life is really all about … people, loving, caring, giving, receiving … being grateful.
Whether you like it or not … life is about people … loving, caring, giving, receiving … always being grateful, thankful … never take for granted. There isn’t any life … if there aren’t people.
Another thing I will add … that I’ve learned the past few months. I’ve heard 2 people say … “don’t block my blessing when I want to give”. I’d never heard that in my life … but, when I thought about it … I realized that in my life … my pride got in the way because I never wanted anyone to ever know I ‘needed’.
When someone wanted to give … I would thank them while knowing I desperately needed something … tell them I didn’t want to take from them and they do without.
I didn’t want anyone to … go without … because of … me. This is how I always looked at ‘me taking from others’. I’m learning to take … when I do, I’m most grateful … it does mean the world to me.
I always knew how I felt … giving … I felt wonderful inside … I didn’t know if ‘I took’ … that someone could also, feel wonderful inside for me … taking!
I thought people liked you better if they know you don’t ‘need’ anything … glad that you don’t ‘take’. I didn’t know it hurt someone when you didn’t accept what is given freely until … I thought about the times I wanted to give from my Heart … and someone said, “no, I don’t need that”. I felt the pain when I thought about it.
I thought I was ‘doing good’ if … ‘I didn’t take when someone offered’. How did I get that backwards in Life? I don’t know … guess what? I’m an older lady … and I’m still learning in this life … so, never think that someone is always … ‘old enough to know better’!
So, that’s another thing I would say to the living just before I died … don’t block someone’s blessings if they want to give to you … they want to give from their Hearts … and when you smile, say ‘thank-you’ … or they see your eyes reflecting how much it means … that’s all the reward they need … to see you so happy to have gotten what you needed.
Think about this one … I’ve had to … it took getting ‘this old’ … to understand it until in the past few months … 2 people said this to me. I didn’t understand. I was always the … giver.
Photo/true thoughts owned, written by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.