It’s Possible I Did It Deliberately …


Tommy’s Chest … holds the few things I have left of my only child, Tommy.

 

 

I know subconsciously I block things from my mind that hurt me deeply … sometimes, I don’t realize I have until at a later time. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

 

 

I have been thinking of something that I haven’t thought about in a long time.  I realize that before I can accomplish it … I have a ‘ton’ of stuff to move before I can get to it.

 

I’ll explain.  In my art room … over the past months I have been letting ‘everything’ go in there … to move it from other parts of the house.  I don’t know why … I let it all ‘pile up‘.  I treasure having my space to create, draw, paint.  So why did I do it?

 

The thought came to me this evening … it could be the reason ‘why’.  I have been thinking I want to get Tommy’s Chest … open it, take his things out that I have left of him.  I can’t get to it … I have blocked it by putting a ‘million’ things between it and … me getting to it.  Do you think subconsciously I did it deliberately?

 

In order to look in his chest … I have my job cut out.  I have to move everything in the path to it.  Do you know … I will be so glad to have my art room organized once again.  I wish I had never let it ‘pile up’ … I don’t do the other rooms like that.

 

Do you think I deliberately blocked my path to opening Tommy’s Chest?  When I do get the chest … I don’t know if I can open it … so much pain … grief.  My son died 6 years ago.

 

Why would I want to open it?  Because … because I want to hold the few things I have left of my son.  I have a green box in there that holds something so painful … I want to see.  I can’t talk about the green box.  Hurts too bad.  I might have to set it aside, not open it.

 

I’m not even certain I can open the lid to the chest … to not weigh a lot … it has been too heavy for me to just take my hands … simply open it.

 

Time will tell … if I open it I will share with you about it.  I know I’ve mentioned several times in the past that I would open it … looking back now …. I see that’s when ‘things’ begin to ‘pile up’ between me … and the path to walk to Tommy’s Chest.  Strange … I never thought about it until this evening.

 

I think I must have done it … on purpose.

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

Today … 6 years ago … my only child died.  Tommy … my son, died at 40 years old, never knowing he had 3 blockages to his heart.

 

Tommy’s Chest … is a burgundy/gold, upholstered chest.  It holds the very few things I have left of my son.  I want this chest to go to his son, Taban, when I’m gone.

 

Story/photo owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@Gee Granny on Twitter.

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2 thoughts on “It’s Possible I Did It Deliberately …

  1. I hesitated to “like” this post. Yet, what I love about you and how you tell your story…your son’s story…is your raw honesty.

    When I read this again, for the first time I realized that your son died at the age my daughter is now….my only child. The strength you show in telling your story is so touching. I feel my heart ache each time I learn more and imagine.

    When the time is right, you will open the box. All of them. And, although there will certainly be pain, there will be the joy that will also accompany it. Perhaps, it will be several opening moments…for yourself…for Taban. For your grandson to be able to see his Daddy through your heart and stories.

    I love you for sharing these thoughts. Your heart. And my hugs and much love are sent out to you today and always.

  2. Love and hugs sweetie – you’ll open that box when you are ready and not before, so be at peace with yourself. 🙂 ❤

    God Bless you now and always.

    Prenin.

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