No Matter What … Everything IS Going To Be Alright … No Matter

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Sunday, May 20, 2018

No Matter What … Everything IS Going To Be Alright … No Matter

No Matter What … Everything IS Going To Be Alright … No Matter
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I worry about my husband.  He is continuously trying to please others when they ask him to do things for them … even when he isn’t feeling well.  No one hears him when he does say ‘I’m not feeling my best today’ … they think only of getting their things done.

I have the kindest, most courteous, polite husband in the world.  Sometimes to the point others may try to take advantage of him.  This is where I … come in to stop it if I even suspect such.  He’s such a good person.  Sometimes … people want to walk over top of a good person.  I hope all good people have someone who is watchful, protective in their life.  I’ll leave it at that.

Life … is complex.  People are complex.  We encounter each, every day things that worry us.  Other people worry us … things worry us … our pets worry us.  If we didn’t care … nothing would worry us. If we didn’t love … how could we care?

As I became older … my very world around me … became smaller.  I now have instead of a big family in my life … only my husband and Pups3 now.  All the way to my only child … have died.  All my family support system is gone … somehow with all the life-threatening illnesses I’ve battled through time … I outlived them.  I didn’t mean to … I just did.  I’m amazed when I stop … look back in my life.

Do I feel sorry for myself.  Oh no, I don’t at all.  I just have to be stronger in mind, body … Life is like this.  Only someone in my situation with no close family left in their lives … will know exactly what I mean.  Just like when someone you love dies … only someone who has experienced just that … truly understands.  You might try to imagine for a moment and feel a pang or two of pain, sadness … it’s nothing when compared to the real thing … that lasts a lifetime.

Sometimes one of our Pups3 won’t eat his/her meal.  I worry until the next meal when I see that particular Pup eat.  Pets are like our children … we worry about their health, well-being.  So, like a child … one doesn’t eat when we think they should … we worry.  I worry.  Sometimes … it just happens for seemingly no reason.  Relief … is what I feel when I know for sure everything is alright.

I find that when my family became less … money became much less through time … that I worry more.  I’m sure I’m not the only one … these days.  We have to hide from others that things aren’t exactly the best in our lives anymore.  Life is like that … especially when one has too much pride.  Especially when everyone knew you had money … everything.  In our life … we both went through life-threatening illnesses taking several years at a time to battle … and the many other things that happened in our life.  No excuses … Life is like that.  We never recovered … today we do the best we can.

It hurts the pride we always had … we don’t have what we used to have.  We’ve lost those friends who like people who have lots of material things, lots of money … they are long-gone.  They weren’t ever real to begin with … we are real for it all and we have each other.

Through the years we learned what was most important in Life … love, caring, giving, compassion, empathy, caring … people, pets. All … good, special 🙂 things in Life.

It hurts me when something happens in my life and I have to … ask for help.  It hurts me because I worry if someone helps … me … that I’m taking from them when they might need it.  It hurts me to let anyone know … I’m lacking, I don’t have … I need.  This goes back to the childhood I had.  No excuses … facts.

It hasn’t been so long ago … well yes, I guess it has been quite some time … that I never worried about money … family support.  I always worried for the safety of my son … he traveled always.  You know … we worry about our children no matter if all is good, bad.  He was my only child and I didn’t want anything to happen to him … something did happen to him. I don’t have a child to worry about now.  I wish I did.

Worry … pain, grief, love … pride, sadness … happiness, joy … make up our lives … my life.  I’ve known so much pain, grief, sadness from the time I was a little girl … more pain, grief, sadness than happiness.  I haven’t let it make me mean, hard, bitter … instead through time I looked for the ‘whys?’ in my life … the reasons such things happened to me.  I constantly tried to be a better person no matter I found out I couldn’t be … perfect.  I tried to learn from my Life Lessons.

You’ll hear me say the words … ‘perfect, special’ often.  So that must mean those words have important meaning to me … they do.  I love those words because I wish to be that … I smile now because that is an … impossibility.  You know that saying … ‘nothing’s impossible’?

Well, in my life I have run up on some things that truly are … impossible.  Maybe I looked for ‘impossible’ to see if I could prove the saying wrong. There are really some things realistically that are impossible.  Life is like that.  That doesn’t stop me from loving the words … ‘perfect, special’ and wish to be that.  I settle for next best … the best I can be and … sometimes, I am not that. ,

Fear … I try to keep my fears pushed way back in my mind.  I worry about my small world … my husband, Pups3.  I worry about lack of money … being at the mercy of others because of that.  I worry about us … not being able to hold our own.  I worry about the times that are coming to buy tires, oil change, repairs on our older vehicles, medical.  I worry, worry … worry.  There are many things I worry about.  A lot of them haven’t happened … a lot will happen … eventually.  I’m realistic … I don’t hide from what I know … will be.

Now … I’ve written about worrying, fears, pride, pain and joy … all these things that make up pure Life … will I give up because Life isn’t … perfect?  Hell no!  I’m smiling because … I said that.  You who know me know that that’s me.  I try to be nice as possible but … I’m going to always say a word or two that isn’t the nicest … but, they reflect how I really feel.  I’m still not a bad person if I say a word or two no one likes … even I don’t like them but … I will say one in a heartbeat … if need be.

I am going to continue going through each day looking for the best … expecting the best until the one moment … I don’t wake up.  I’m never giving up … I’m never quitting … I’m never going to quit being just the best I can be even … if I’m not … yes, I’m going to say it!  Even … if I’m not … perfect! or special!

Do you have such fears, worry … feel such pain, sadness … such joy, love like this?  Am I the only one like this?

Note by this Author:

I am just a real person reflecting real feelings.  I don’t sugar-coat for your benefit nor do I deny things just to make me feel good.  I have become someone I’ve always watched, been fascinated by as a young girl … you know … one of those people that hits life face-on no matter how bad it hurts.  I used to run … now, I plant my feet and hold my ground.  I may get knocked down … so far … I manage to get back up.  I’m like the big redwood tree I tell you about … you just don’t know the storms I’ve weathered … some others think is like a movie.

I have become … you know … one of those people who managed to stay positive no matter how negative all is around them.  You know … the one who smiles even if sadly … and says … ‘everything is going to be alright one way or the other … no matter what happens’.  Well, sometimes, I try on negativity for a short time like trying on a dress that’s too little … I’m going to get it the hell off as soon as possible.

If I can say everything will and does get alright after all that has happened in my life … you know … it is so.  I still say that because I know firsthand … this to be true and I’ve lost almost everything in my life.  One way or other … everything has a way of being alright again.  Everything is going to be alright.  No matter …  sometimes, it takes longer than others.  Even if everything doesn’t get alright … we somehow find a way in our lives to make it alright … as possible … so, we can continue to live.  One way or other … it’s going to be.

Written by/photos owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.