Everything Is Alright … Until The Dog Runs


Everything Is Alright … Until The Dog Runs

Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

My stage where my many colors show … no one can see when I am being silly!

 

 

We all have a secret place where we just be silly without fear of someone seeing us … thinking we are crazy. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

Well … this morning there was a silly woman walking a dog in the meadow close by … she was exercising while she walked. When she bent over to touched her toes … it was at the exact time the dog decided … to run. How about that? 🙂

 

This silly woman I know decided the other morning she wanted to see how it felt to wear her pants differently … I saw her pull her pants down to just below her …….  Of course, she pulled her shirt down so no one would see her panties. I watched her trying to walk her dog … walking in a very strange way. The dog decided to run … I watched her holding on to her pants with one hand and to the dog with the other … across the meadow, they flew until she got him to stop. 🙂

 

This silly woman does silly things when they come to her mind. I know ‘why?’ She loves to ‘walk in other people’s shoes to see how it feels’. She loves to mimic people in her mind (never making fun) to see how it feels … for a rare moment she ‘becomes’ that person. She does this in the meadow close by while she walks her dog … no one sees her so she can be herself … and ‘be others’ 🙂 Then … she laughs at herself, looks around hoping no one saw her … being silly! Everything is alright until … the dog … runs! 

 

Oh, I don’t know this woman’s name … I see her … all the time. 🙂  I know she has many colors … if you think she’s drab … you won’t … if you happen to see one of her many colors 🙂

There Comes a Time When One Has To Ask For Help …


Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
This is what happens when family dies out, one has no family support system left for when one day when they need them.
One of my Facebook Friends has been trying to help us with the post on Facebook below.  I had mentioned doing a GoFundMe page … but, was hesitant because so many people have abused it.
I didn’t know if anyone would recognize we really need help until Skip can be alright again.  I don’t have anyone to help us, to go to … to ask for money.  I don’t have any way of paying it back.
I need to purchase tires for the pickup … the trips (80 miles) back, forwards to Raleigh have wreaked havoc on already tires that need to be replaced.  I have no way of buying them.
Skip just had surgery last Thursday, and there are complications.  We are having to make extra trips to, from Raleigh to his doctors, hospital, tests.  He may have surgery again.
Since January, Skip has suffered a stroke, mini-strokes.  He went into congestive heart failure, pneumonia.  He had a pacemaker put in …. then, 2 heart stents.  Then, his kidney shut down and a uretheral stent was put in.  He has been in the hospital 3 times, and has almost died 3 times.  Fluid built back up again around his heart.  Now, he has complications from the surgery to do with his right kidney, we’ll know this week if he will have surgery again.
I will have surgery on Wednesday, this week (April 20th).  It’s amazing what has happened since the beginning of this year … we have sailed through storm after storm … and still doing it.  We are staying strong, and I’m strong while Skip can’t be.  I’m there, always … for him.  I watch over him even when he is sleeping.  I try to be his guardian angel in this world.
We are doing okay with getting our meds … we need help with gas, food, and tires, and an oil change. Skip worries about the oil, has all through being very ill.  This is the only way I know to help us, that’s to let people know.  I pray that you will.
Maybe you could send Skip a card … to bring a smile to his face.  That would mean so, so much.  I told my friends on Facebook that I tell Skip that they are all caring, sending messages … but, actually holding caring, love in his hands, looking at a card would mean the world, and be a wonderful surprise.
I’m asking for financial help from strangers who come to read me, I know.  I don’t have people I know, or family to go to.  The few friends who have helped us … I can’t ask anymore of them … they have their own life they need their money for.  I don’t want to take advantage, or make them feel they have to do something.  They’ve been so good to us, and I’m so grateful.
I would like to tell younger people to treasure their family/friends support system.  Treat it like a garden … so, it’s big.  You don’t want to be like me … grow older, have no one.  The very family members I love, knew would be there for me … have all died.  I don’t know the family members left, I never grew up, associated with them.  My only family left is Skip, and our 2 Pups, Kissy and Camie.
This is what happens when one becomes older, finds out there isn’t any financial help for senior citizens.  I asked for help at our local social services.  They gave us $123 for food, monthly …. they cut it down to $111 monthly.  They said we can’t get financial help because there aren’t children in the house.  They said we could get on a 2 year waiting list for a place to live, and we’d have to give up our dogs.
I’ve exhausted everything, burned up badly needed gas … including completely losing my pride.  I will say I’m not beaten down … I have to be strong for us.  I won’t feel bad for having to go public to ask for help, I have no choice.  At first, I was so embarrassed … it’s past being embarrassed … all is too serious, now.
Each month I worry about getting bills paid so, nothing will be turned off, especially not while Skip is so sick.
If anyone wants to help us, please don’t feel I’m begging you to, or pressuring.  I understand how expensive all is today, how much everything costs … you have families to raise, and have to live.  If like I’ve done in the past when I never worried about money … one has extra money to help someone in real need … I hope you will.  I have done that many times in my life because I wanted to.  Maybe there’s someone that will feel the same way.
Below, is what my Facebook Friend did for us to try to help us.  So far, not many have helped, and I know they have their own life to take care of, and I understand.
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
This is the information below, she put on her Facebook, and on mine:

Friends of Gloria Faye Brown Bates She really needs our help. I know she does not want to ask, so I am asking for her.

For my friends who do not know Gloria, she has been having a rough go of it lately. Her husband Skip has been seriously ill and in and out of the hospital at least 3 times since Jan. They both have health issues and money is in short supply right now. Please help if you can.

She needs anything you can give. If you want to put $1 in an envelope and put a stamp on it along with a note, every little bit will help. My guess is that she would appreciate even a note or post card from someone who cares.

Things that could help:
An uplifting note or card with or without a small amount of cash
Giftcards: walmart (meds & food & Tires needed for car) Amazon (almost anything) Petsmart (pet food for their 2 dogs)
Money sent through PayPal gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com  (be sure to put the word … ‘at’ … after gloriapaintsat)

How to send it:

Mailing Address for Gloria & Skip Bates
268 Beasley Rd
Louisburg, NC 27549

Email for E gift cards or PayPal

gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

Please Share this post with your friends

Thank you

What You Need To Know about Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee


Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

From time to time I have to remind others ‘why?’ I write. I don’t write to gain pity … I write to live. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

 

Think of me as the strongest, biggest Redwood tree in the forest.  I’m still standing after all Life’s storms.  Pray that I have beautiful, calm weather until the end of my days.  I would love to know that for the rest of my life.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee.

Artwork by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee  … I’m still standing.

 

 

This is the link to this story I wrote today … 2-29-2016 … I want to tell my new readers, friends, followers ‘why?’ I write ……. I want to remind everyone who knows me why I write grief, pain … I write as I promised about grief, pain when it happens, how it feels.  

 

 

http://new.mylot.com/post/2898107/this-may-be-the-last-time-i-tell-what-happened-to-tommy

 

 

Don’t you dare feel sorry for me.  Think of me as … envision the biggest, strongest Redwood tree … I’ve weathered many of Life’s storms … twigs, limbs are missing … but … I’m still standing.  I hope now … at this point in my Life … that the weather be wonderful … calm … until the end of my days.  I’ve had enough grief, pain for several lifetimes.

 

 

I have been writing since November 2010 …( I’d been writing all my life … but, I began my blog: ) … just a few months after my son … Tommy … died. When I began my blog I made the promise to all my readers/followers/friends I would describe pure grief, pain of a grieving mother.

 

I didn’t need anyone’s sympathy … I never thought of anyone as I wrote my pain. The truth is … writing my grief, pain … saved my life. While I was in darkness, the keys under my fingertips gave me comfort as well … as an outlet for my grief.

 

 

My grief, pain flowed like the biggest river in the world … rocks hurt like h___ … I still flowed on to … wherever. In fact, before someone says something to add more pain, grief … say empty, useless words … I asked people to just come into my blog to read quietly, leave just as quietly, go their way.

 

 

My beautiful Son … big as life … in a truck stop on his way to somewhere … taking a selfie.  I miss you, Tommy.  Your Mama miss you with her very Heart.

 

They could see how it all felt, never having to experience in their life … grief, pain of a grieving mother. I promised my readers that I would write grief when it happened … as it happened … and I would tell the raw truth about grief.

 

 

No pity … no feeling sorry … read like you are reading something else … if you learn something from my grief, thank God. I pray no one ever goes through losing a child … only child like I did.

 

 

This logo was made just for me by Donnalyn, several years ago.

 

 

I didn’t need all those comments that you are going to always hear people say … such as … ‘oh, he’s in a better place now … he’s sitting down at the Lord’s table eating … you don’t have to worry about him anymore … oh, you’ll get over your grief in no time, like in the next few weeks … the worst one I heard, that fills me with pure, white anger is … oh, I understand, I know how you feel.’ I understand, I know how you feel … can you imagine someone telling you that when they’ve never experienced grief?

 

 

Needless to say … I didn’t say a word to those people … I never forgot them … I forgave them for their careless words. Can you imagine modeling your life after someone who has never experienced what they are ‘selling’? Can you? Can you imagine listening to a pastor preach empty words when he has never experienced being saved, the true feeling of love, compassion, caring for his congregation?

 

 

My son, Tommy … holding his newborn son … Tommy had one son, and one daughter.

 

 

Can you imagine telling a grieving mother that you understand how it feels, her grief should be over in oh, probably … 2 weeks? Can you imagine being told that by someone who has never lost a child? Can you imagine someone who has never experienced the pain, grief in their life … try to tell you how it feels? How you should handle it?

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

I want to share with my new friends … and new readers/followers on my blog … what happened to Tommy one year almost to the day he died … what he suffered … what his mother suffered, what I was grieving for …. before he died. I was already grieving for Tommy one year before … he died. Tommy ‘died’ … one year before he …. died.

 

 

Every writer knows that in order to write … be real, sincere … they have to write what they know best in life. You can’t fool your readers .. they know when you are being an imposter.

 

 

I write what I know best in my life since being a child … all the way until today … I’ve known grief, pain … awful things throughout my life. I know grief, pain … best. Just remember this when you read ‘me’ … I don’t write to gain your sympathy, pity … I don’t need it. I truly don’t need anyone’s pity.

 

 

Tommy is holding his newborn son …

 

 

I have grown very strong throughout time … think of me like you would a … redwood tree. I’ve withstood many, many terrible storms. I’m weathered, beaten … missing a twig or two … but, I’m still standing. I’m still weathering storms … I do pray for sunshine, calm weather … I would like to rest from battling the storms in my life.

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

I would like to tell you this … to remember also, about me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … I’m the most positive, happiest person you’ll ever meet who is a grieving mother … a person who has battled cancer … congestive heart failure, motorcycle wreck … lost over 19 family members (not just any family members but, the ones I truly loved with my very Heart) … whose husband has battled cancer, almost dying again twice with strokes, heart problems … blood infection in his body from a tiny cut from old wire … lost all in a housefire … the ultimate loss … losing the only child whom I loved the ground he walked on. These are only … a few things ‘BAD’ that’s happened in my life.

 

 

My published book of grief, pain … writing this book saved my life … if you asked me what is in it … I can’t tell you … I can’t remember … I can’t open the book to read it.  Over a thousand pages of pure grief … pure pain.  You are looking at my life raft … writing this book is why I’m here today.  Writing this book makes sure my son, Tommy, is remembered forever.  It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t sell … doesn’t matter at all.  I have my copyright from Library of Congress on this book ( I have 3 copyrights on the 3 books I published).  They don’t sell … that’s okay … I still have my copyrights, and I’m proud to have them … I did it all when I was in the deepest throes of grief.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

 

 

This is only a fraction of what I’ve battled … so, this is what I write best … pain, grief, sadness. I write it to tell you that no matter how bad … things DO get better … no matter how BAD … they will get good again I can smile now … when I thought I couldn’t ever smile again … I mean how does a mother ever smile again with the knowledge that her child died?

 

 

It does happen … a grieving mother can smile again … but … this grieving mother had to make a choice … either stay in the darkness and not cope with the loss … or … meet it head-on … no matter how bad it hurts … battle it like you would battle with a bear … I did … I was going to either live … or die.

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

I’m smiling … I am here five years after my son’s death … yes, I still go through bouts of grief … oh my, I really do. Those times are farther apart … and I recover from them quickly now. Does it … lessen the pain, grief … when it comes again … no.

 

 

To write my story … on my blog for maybe the last time about what happened … I had to transport me back deeply into the darkness where I knew my grief, pain was for my son … doing this … something I don’t do anymore … took something out of me … for several days until now … I still feel the pain deeply. I can’t do it anymore … if I do … it may be years down the road.

 

 

For now … in order to understand me, my type of writing … one will have to go read on my blog … this is the link to what happened to Tommy … exactly one year leading up to his death. Link to my Blog: Colors in My Life … /2016/02/this-may-be-last-time-i-tell-anyone.html

 

 

A grieving mother … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

These are only words trying to describe by writing … living pain, grief … they are in no way the same. I couldn’t describe how … it really felt. Know that as you read … there was so much more than what I wrote.

 

 

Unless you are a mother who suffered with her child … then … her child die … you can’t understand at all. The closest you can come to that is … get very quiet … think of one of your children … think of what that child means to you … what you love so dearly about him/her … think of the sounds that child makes when they laugh, talk … everything that makes that one person your child.

 

 

Now … the phone rings … you see your child’s cellphone number pop up on the caller ID … you smile! You answer … you become confused because a stranger is trying to tell you something. What? What did you say?

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … a grieving mother who can smile today.

 

 

“Ma’am, I have a man collapsed here on the sand … he’s not breathing.” You have just found out before anyone knows … you are 200 miles away … you learn from a stranger that … your child is dead … he is laying on the soft sand at the ocean where he’d just arrived on vacation to play with his own little boy.

 

 

Your son has just collapsed on the sand … died that fast … 3 blockages to his heart. No one knew he was sick.

 

 

At that very moment … only you and the stranger and his family who cares for the man’s little son to keep him safe … knows your … son is dead.

 

 

The little son is wanting his daddy to get back up … “Let’s run, play … Daddy!”

 

 

I see you can’t bear to think of your child being … dead. I know you can’t … I couldn’t before my own son died. I’m sorry I made you feel pain, grief when imagining losing your child.

 

 

It’s the closest you’ll ever come to understanding a grieving mother … until … I pray you’ll outlive all your children. That’s the way it’s supposed to be … parents should never outlive their children.

 

 

My beautiful Son, my only child … Tommy

Born November 20, 1969

Died May 29, 2010

 

 

 

Children are our world … our family support when we have no one else … children carry on our name, inherit all our possessions and knowledge. Children are truly the … wealth of our world … when we teach them to be the best they can be.

 

 

Children are our everything. Now … I only have Skip, my husband … and our 2 dogs … they are truly the only family I have left in this big, old world … they are my whole world.

 

 

I have no one else … but, you … my online friends, readers and followers. So, my whole world, Skip and our 2 Pups … and you … mean everything to me.

 

 

 Tommy Mitchell Sidden … my only child, my Son.  This is the last photo taken of him driving to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina … he died that evening … collapsed to the soft, damp sand by the ocean’s waves washing ashore … where he and his little son played just minutes before …  May 29, 2010 … on a Saturday evening.

 

 

 

Just remember whenever you read anything sad, painful that I write … that it’s coming from a most positive person who has traveled many journeys in life … who has felt the pain from many things … who knows how so much feels … who truly knows no matter how bad … everything will be alright.

 

 

Good comes from … bad. Don’t even feel sorry for me … feel how strong the redwood tree looks when you stand below it … it’s still here after many storms have tried to take it down.

 

 

I am short, 5′ 2″ … but, I’m tall in spirit. In soul, I’m larger than life … from all the experiences, journeys I have taken in my life.

 

 

I have no room for pity … I’m not a ‘poor little thing’ … all broken into pieces … I worked very hard … to put ‘me’ back together. Sure … a piece falls off … now and then … I begin scuffling to put it back so … I can be alright again.

 

 

So now … you have an idea who Granny Gee/Gloria is … a strong person who when knocked down … jumps back up, dusts her pants off … holds her ground to meet life head-on … no matter how painful it is. Sometimes, it takes a little time to get up … I always manage.

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … in this photo you can see the gold nugget necklace that was around Tommy’s necklace when he died.  He wore it always … it is my class ring melted down into a gold nugget … 11 grams gold.  I gave it to my son … his wife gave it back to me … it meant the world.

 

 

 

Don’t feel pity for me … don’t think when I write my grief … I’m reaching out for someone to feel sorry for me. I don’t need it. Just care … go on … open your eyes wider when you see a grieving person … have compassion, not pity. Just simply … care with your Heart.

 

 

If you say something sincere in your own words (not a bunch of ___ you’ve always heard) … it’ll mean the world to that grieving person. Don’t recite a bunch of nothing just to have something to say … don’t say anything … just hug … care … if you can’t say anything … real.

 

 

Know that I am a for-real good person … I’m most real. I love everyone … see through fakey people … don’t waste time on them. Life’s too short to let others in my life that aren’t sincere.

 

 

I will voice my Gloria Opinions in a moment … I’ll respect yours and you respect mine … I won’t argue anything with anyone. Why? Because I simply don’t have to … it’s not worth the grief, pain it causes.

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

One last thing … I’m known for some times, writing long stories. I have to … it’s part of being me. You don’t need to tell me … I already know. I don’t do it all the time … only when … it’s important.

 

 

Photo/story owned … written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

 

Photo is of the only tattoo I most likely will ever have … in memory of my son, Tommy. He loved dragonflies … dragonflies show up in my life at the oddest times.

 

 

My Tommy Dragonfly Tattoo created for me by Jason Wilkins at Revelation Ink & Piercings … his new shop will open in early March 2016 in Raleigh, NC (Wakefield area).  Until then, you will find him at his shop in Louisburg, NC at Dystink’d Tattoo.

 

 

I Don’t Agree With Lotus Birthing … I’ll Tell You Why


 

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

A nurse told me to shut up … I didn’t know how to have a baby … I was a baby, myself. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



 

I was watching The Doctors this morning.  I watched about having babies … naturally.  Not only that … leaving the cord/placenta attached to the baby … letting it ‘rot’ off the baby naturally.

The placenta is laid aside with the cord leading to the newborn baby‘s belly … where it begins to decay.  The woman sprinkled flower petals, and such to … keep down the smell.

Why was this done?  To make sure the baby gets all the blood … ‘for a greater transfer of iron- and oxygen-rich blood to the newborn baby’.  The cord can stay attached upwards to three to ten days.

Can you imagine each time changing a baby’s diaper having to move the placenta all around to do it?  Work around it to care for the baby?

It’s called ‘lotus birth‘.  ‘A new trend in natural birthing methods strives to ease a baby’s transition into the world by not detaching the cord and placenta immediately following birth.’

I copied/pasted several things here in quotation marks to share.  The link to all this is:  http://www.treehugger.com/family/lotus-birth-advocates-leave-umbilical-cord-attached-newborn-babies.html

I was listening to the doctors talk about doing this.  They didn’t seem to agree on this way of birthing. Infection, death of  baby could happen … not counting the ‘dead’ placenta laying around.

I listened because they also, discussed something else … that could cause serious life-threatening complications for a mother in labor.  In fact, I thought of myself when I had my only child … I had complications … would have died in childbirth … baby, too.

You can read for yourself to decide what you think.  I know back when I had my baby … it would have spelled doom for me and unborn baby.  No two births are alike.

A nurse told me to shut up … I didn’t know how to have a baby … I was a baby, myself. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



Note by this Author:

When I had my child … I carried him for 10 months … my labor was induced on a Monday on November 17th … I suffered until the morning of November 20th at 11:28 am… when they seemed to have a hard time deciding to make me have my child … or take it.

They made me have my baby.  He was a big baby … I had many stitches.  I went through total Hell to have my child … so, did my baby … his head, face had bruises all over from the forceps to pull him.

I don’t think the ‘lotus birthing naturally ‘ … would have been a good thing for mothers in the same situation I … as a young mother … was in.  Death would have been certain.  I couldn’t have had a child … naturally.

This author chose never to have other children because of the God-awful experience of having the one, only child she had.  Not only that … at the time I was in the room in labor I was holding my pain, crying so, I wouldn’t make a noise … when it became impossible to hold back cries … a nurse told me to ‘shut up because I would upset the other women in labor’.

My hands had bite marks on them … I was terrified … no one told me anything about how … to have a baby … I was a young girl.  If I hadn’t had medical help … I’d died in childbirth … so, would have my baby.  Not all childbirths are easy …

Photo/true story … and what I wrote about from watching The Doctors in my words … owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Words I’d Leave With the Living from My Death Bed … Don’t Think Someone’s Old Enough to Know Better!


By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter
If you listen to me … while I tell you these words while on my death bed … you won’t waste time in your life … you will spend more of it … living … by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I was sitting here at my computer, thinking.  I always get up before Skip and our Pups … very early.  I wake up all through the night, also.  I don’t mind … it’s ‘me’ … I like to be awake.  I am thinking every moment of my Life about something.  I was thinking this morning about … what is most important in one’s life as a young person until the day they become older.

 

What would I say on my deathbed … if someone asked me, “Gloria, out of your whole life … what words would you leave to the living … to guide them in life to save many wasted years, time to learn?”  I was thinking exactly what I would say … and if people listened, focused on my words … the world really would be a happier, better place.  By the time you get to my last word … see if you don’t agree.

 

I was thinking about how many years ago I had a family support system … and how now, there isn’t any family left.  How about you?  Most people I know are very fortunate to have family who will come to their aid … or they go to their family’s aid when one is in trouble.

 

I wonder if you go through life like I did at the time I had family living … taking for granted they would always be there for you?  I remember thinking I was so thankful for them because no matter where I roamed in this country … my family was ‘home’ I could come back to.  If I didn’t have this … have that … they would help me to have what I needed.  I did the same for them.

 

Not only that … when my son, Tommy, was living … he, Skip and I, were very close-knit.  Everyone died off in my family … neither Skip nor I had any family left to be close to … Skip, Tommy and I were there always for the other.  When something good happened for one … the other was always quick to share it with the other.  When something bad happened … we weren’t alone to suffer … we were there for the other.  Tommy’s gone … now, when something happens to Skip … or to me … we are alone.

 

We loved each other that much … we gave to each other … never expecting payback.  Love … pure love, gratefulness for each other.  We knew we were never alone … again, we were there for the other no matter the time of day, night.  I never took my son for granted … everyone in my family I loved, was close to … died.

 

When I say everyone … I mean every person I ever loved with my very Heart … died … they really died.  How many people do you know … who have lost every person that meant the world to them?  Seriously … stop … think about that statement.  I’ve lost every person whom were the most important to me throughout my life.

 

I am betting most everyone can sit, think … and take a deep breath of relief … say ‘thank God, I have a family support system’!

 

You might want to for-real be grateful … look at them in a new way, not take them for granted.  You could be like me … not have anyone when one day you need them.  Both Skip and I have no family to depend on for family support.  So read on … learn from my words so, one day … you won’t walk in my shoes.  I tell you like it really is … like you know … it really is … but, unsaid.  I’ll say it.

 

People say … ‘if you need something, let me know’ … knowing that they mean ‘I know you’re too proud so, I don’t have to worry about you asking, bothering me’.  They are right … they never need to worry.  Family, ‘friends’ who have to say that … aren’t sincere.  They would hate you asking … them … for help.

 

Real people in real Life … who love, care … don’t have to ask … they are always … sensing the people they care about.  They do … actions speak louder than words.  I’m that kind of person when I have extra to give … I even share ‘the last thing I have … or give the last thing I have.’

 

I had a dysfunctional family … the strange thing is … no matter, they would come running to be … there.  I had one brother whom I loved with my very Heart who died … he didn’t have anything but, if he knew I needed him … he would do anything to get to me.  I was the same way with him.  That’s how families who love each other do.  I miss you with my Heart, Rick-Rick.

 

I can remember you standing, crying for me … because you were afraid something happened to me once.  I remember … though I couldn’t speak … when I almost died battling cancer … you slipped into my hospital room to stand by my bedside … crying … for me.  I saw you slip quietly out the door … you didn’t know I was aware of you being there.  I’ve never had another brother cry … for me.

 

I remember my brother, Rick-Rick … back in time … always doing work on my car … he never charged me.  In the winter-time, he’d work on the motor … cutting his cold hands … I can still see the blood on them.  His hands would be shaking from the cold … I remember telling him I was so sorry he hurt his hands to do that for me.

 

Ricky would grin, say it was nothing.  It was something … my Heart hurt … I couldn’t stand to see anything hurt him.  My Heart hurt many times for him … a lot of things hurt my brother, Rick-Rick.  At the time Rick-Rick died … both Skip and I were trying to help him during the last 3 months of his life … we thought we were succeeding … but, in my brother’s world … other forces were at work.  Rest in peace my dear brother … you had one sister who loved you with her very Heart.  I miss you.

 

This is what I mean about … having a family support.  No one has to be perfect … just be … there for you … you there for them.  No one has … to feel alone in this big, cold world.  Why?  Because you have a family support system.

 

I pray that each of you look at your family support system … where it’s weak … strengthen it … make it strong.  Sadly as time goes by … some will die and be gone always … the ones left should be able to draw closer together so, no one is ever alone.

 

Who knows … maybe my words at this moment could make a good difference in your life … they could prompt you to go strenghten your family support system … like keeping your foundation strong under your house … and always keep an eye on it for any crumbling foundation.

 

Fix, repair your foundation/family support system as soon as you see weakness … fix it back as soon as possible … because I promise you if you don’t … you will end up like me when becoming an older adult … you won’t have anyone there for you when … you really need someone.

 

It’s so sad to be alone in this world with no blood relatives who care about you.  It’s sad to be alone in the world with blood relatives who are only strangers to you … and have to always be strangers in this life.

 

It’s very sad … when parents outlive their children … it isn’t meant to be like that. Children should outlive their parents … where everything left from parents … knowledge, possessions … everything should be passed to them.

 

I have no child left … I don’t have a child to ‘carry on for me … to remember me’ … to have whatever I leave in the world at my death.  I am constantly thinking about that … what little I have if Skip isn’t here … won’t go to a relative as I have no close ones.  Anyway … this is a very personal thing.

 

Skip and I already know what we will do if … one of us is gone.  The other knows what to do … with what little … we have.  We don’t have anyone for anything to go to.  Sell it all … and use it to help with cost of living.  I smile … there’s not a lot to sell.  Just a thought … out of many thoughts while I write.  We also, have decided on cremation … no fancy frills … no services … all done in private.

 

Getting back to family support system … what you read here is only a small example of what you’ll be facing … alone … one day if … you don’t strengthen your family support system … friends … have a tight-knit support group around you.  You will be alone in this world as an older adult … no one to talk to, turn to … just no one at all … you’ll be at the mercy of the world.

 

Thankfully … I still have a whole world … Skip and our Pups.  I’m so grateful for them.  I’m not alone, yet.  I hope I’ll never be … reality is … we all have to go … one day.

 

After reading this … look around you … see if you can make strong what’s weak in your family support system.  You’ll be so grateful one day … down the road … if you do.  You might even remember it was me who suggested it.

 

Think about my situation … let it help you make your life stronger … because if you don’t have that family support system … I promise you many tears to cry … when you are all alone, have no one.

 

You’ve heard that old saying … ‘learn from my mistakes’ … so, you won’t have to suffer unnecessarily.  Hopefully … you’ll learn from mine to never know what ‘alone’ is like.  Hopefully … you will have lots and lots of family, friends that you can be there for … can be there for you.

 

I wish many times I had listened … more … to others ‘who have been there, done that’.  I wish I had taken others’ mistakes, learned by them … I would have saved myself years of grieving now … over years wasted on so much.

 

As you get older … you realize the things you think you have to do … people you have to be like so they will like you … do the things they do … so, you’ll be accepted … the time … oh my God … the precious months, years you waste because of trying to be liked, accepted … time that can’t be gotten back … you will sit here like I do … have many regrets when you ask … ‘was it worth it?’

 

You’ll sit here just as I do … look back at the times … you … could have strengthened your family support system.  After all, it’s the most important system you’ll ever have in this world … you’ll wish you’d done that by saying one kind word … say a ‘I’m sorry’ … hug someone close … instead of hurrying off in this big-ass world to live your big life … taking everyone for granted, thinking you are so much, you don’t need anyone.

 

In my case as a young woman … I wish I’d learned from the old saying my mother once told me … I would have saved years of wasting time to focus on what truly matters in life … love, family, friends … caring, giving.  I did do that … but, I should have done more.

 

Oh, the old saying was …. ‘don’t ever fly so high that you can’t fall’.  Now, I know I said that wrong … I always get sayings ‘twisted around’.  That’s okay … it means the same thing … just think about it!

 

I will add to that saying … in my own words … ‘you’ll want to only fall a short ways … into your nest where your family, friends … loved one are waiting on you to protect, gather around you so, you don’t get hurt.’

 

Go strengthen that family support system … while you have the chance.

 

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

If someone asked me just before I died … ‘what would you tell the world to help them before you die?’ … I would tell them all … especially young people … to keep all your family, friends close to your Heart … build the biggest, best family/friend support system you possibly could have … be there for them, them for you.

 

Let your focus be on loving, caring, giving at all times … instead on the meaningless things in life … be yourself, don’t worry what others will think … because it’s going to change as you become older … you will realize you like being yourself … you never had to change for anyone.

 

If you do otherwise … you will have wasted many years, have gone through so much extra grief, pain … because you didn’t know these things.  It’s true … no matter what … no matter how old … no matter you try not to see, know this … this is what Life is really all about … people, loving, caring, giving, receiving … being grateful.

 

Whether you like it or not … life is about people … loving, caring, giving, receiving … always being grateful, thankful … never take for granted.  There isn’t any life … if there aren’t people.

 

Another thing I will add … that I’ve learned the past few months.  I’ve heard 2 people say … “don’t block my blessing when I want to give”.  I’d never heard that in my life … but, when I thought about it … I realized that in my life … my pride got in the way because I never wanted anyone to ever know I ‘needed’.

 

When someone wanted to give … I would thank them while knowing I desperately needed something … tell them I didn’t want to take from them and they do without.

 

I didn’t want anyone to … go without … because of … me.   This is how I always looked at ‘me taking from others’.  I’m learning to take … when I do, I’m most grateful … it does mean the world to me.

 

I always knew how I felt … giving … I felt wonderful inside … I didn’t know if ‘I took’ … that someone could also, feel wonderful inside for me … taking!

 

I thought people liked you better if they know you don’t ‘need’ anything … glad that you don’t ‘take’.  I didn’t know it hurt someone when you didn’t accept what is given freely until … I thought about the times I wanted to give from my Heart … and someone said, “no, I don’t need that”.  I felt the pain when I thought about it.

 

I thought I was ‘doing good’ if … ‘I didn’t take when someone offered’.  How did I get that backwards in Life?  I don’t know … guess what?  I’m an older lady … and I’m still learning in this life … so, never think that someone is always … ‘old enough to know better’!

So, that’s another thing I would say to the living just before I died … don’t block someone’s blessings if they want to give to you … they want to give from their Hearts … and when you smile, say ‘thank-you’ … or they see your eyes reflecting how much it means … that’s all the reward they need … to see you so happy to have gotten what you needed.

 

Think about this one … I’ve had to … it took getting ‘this old’ … to understand it until in the past few months … 2 people said this to me.  I didn’t understand.  I was always the … giver.

 

Photo/true thoughts owned, written by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Punish the Homeless, Throw Them Away … Trash on the Ground


 

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter/Facebook.com/grannygee

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

This is no way right … no matter which way you turn it around in your mind to look at it.  Punish someone because they have no where to go … and dare be in your sight?  Wouldn’t you be ashamed to think like that?  Would you want to go to your church … say that publicly?

I keep reading about police harassing the homeless … cities wanting to fine homeless people for daring to be seen sleeping (they call it rough sleeping) out in the open.  If they had money … you know they’d be inside somewhere where there are more comforts.

I think about Vern, the homeless guy we met … he said some homeless slept on the sidewalks because they felt safer … he and his buddies sleep in the woods because … they think it safer.  He told us about one of his homeless friends being murdered on the sidewalk … his face was beaten until no longer recognizable … he was murdered.

Give the homeless people an area, a safe space … give them tents or a smaller than … portable tiny house on wheels/wagon, blankets, barrels and wood for warmth … water … portable toilets.  How much does that cost?  You know how wagon trains did in the old days … only in this instance … tiny houses on  little wagons to pull around in a circle at night for security, safety … portable toilets for men, women in the middle.

Less than the money it takes to pay wages to policemen to take all that time to harass some helpless person … all that time they could be protecting someone in danger.  I won’t argue this with anyone … we all know I’m right.

Homeless people aren’t going away … each day more and more people become homeless because when they ask for help … while they ‘look presentable’ … everyone they meet says ‘no’ … finally they are forced to live in the open.  They become … look what they are … homeless.

Make tiny houses on wheels … no bigger than a shopping cart,lightweight … let them live in them … stop adding to the problem.  Make something … at least something to help the problem … not aggravate it.

I am only a door in my home to walk to open … to be homeless.  Sometimes now … I turn my desk chair around … I look at that door … and think about that.  I become afraid … would you?

I know how it feels to have everything … and now … nothing.  I didn’t need anything then … never wanted to take if I had what I needed … I always gave to all the fund-raising events for cancer, for people to have heat … people who stand with their signs … especially to the Salvation Army, Red Cross.

I gave to people my Heart led me to give to … people who never were aware of me until the moment I did … when I gave, I smiled … walked away … no strings attached.  Those were some of the greatest moments in my life … my reward … was a warm Heart for what I did.  Happiness knowing I made a difference.

My husband just had a stroke, and a pacemaker and can’t work …  There are many people like us .. already homeless … we may have to find their paths, follow. We are told there isn’t any money, no resources to help senior citizens, disabled senior citizens.

We were told to go to a shelter … split up … let go of our 2 dogs whom are children to us.  Get rid of our belongings … go away from ‘home’, each other.  We were told … at this moment I don’t know where any shelters are.  Oh … I don’t know what to tell you.  A Spanish woman told us this on an evening of a big ice storm coming that night.  She didn’t ask us if we had a warm place to go to … all she wanted to do was get in her car, leave for her home.  She beat us to her car … just as we were opening the door on ours.  No compassion … a blank wall … dead end.

What happened to all the others who were older, disabled before us?  Sleeping in the woods … benches … out where they are harassed, beaten … murdered, robbed for what tiny little things they have on their bodies.

My husband and I used to team drive out west on a big truck … we gave to the homeless we saw … sometimes, putting them up in a motel for several nights … always stopping to give money.

We had money to give then … now … when we never have more than a few dollars in our pockets … we still stop, give a dollar or two.  That’s how passionate we are about people who have nobody … nowhere to go … and are at the mercy of the world.

I personally think videos, tv shows have numbed our compassion for people.  It’s too easy to read the book without opening it … too much trouble to open the book … we just look at the cover, see what we want to see.  So when one looks at … homeless people … they only see a drug addict, or a drunk … nothing more.  They never see … the ‘diamonds in the rough’.

Even in politics … no respect for the others running for office.  Everyone is rude … everyone being people who are our role models … why they are public figures!  If they can do this … say that … we can do the same thing, it’s alright because … they did it!  This is strictly my Gloria Opinion … I will not argue it with any one.  You have an opinion … I respect that … the End.

There are all kinds of reasons unknown to the naked eye … that put each homeless person there.  It isn’t always substance abuse … it isn’t always someone looking for a handout, out to get something free.  Instead of thinking your reasons ‘why?’ they are there … do what we are supposed to do when we can … give with a free heart … you know your intentions when you give … that’s all that matters … it’s how you give it, what’s in your mind.

Just know … those people don’t choose to be there … they ran out of choices … it takes family support, money in this world … to be able to make choices to have a home, car … all you are left with is your pride when homeless … even that slips away after having to become what your surroundings/environment demands in order for you to survive.  Not everyone has family …

You have to … become something you no longer recognize.  Just imagine this to give you an idea … you see trash all over the ground … you see a sparkle … are you drawn to it?

Now … if that sparkle was covered in dirt … could you see it, be drawn to it?  The dirt protects the diamond … keeping attention away.  The diamond becomes … part of its surroundings in order to survive … people … become … what they have to … in order to survive.

There are many, many … diamonds … in the homeless world … no one sees them.  That’s why sometimes … someone will see a sparkle … in the homeless world … try to pull the ‘diamond’ out for others to see … why this is a human being … look at how he can sing, speak … oh my!  what is he doing in the homeless world?

Do you see what I am saying.  We all act like it’s such a surprise to see a homeless person … ‘be like us’!  Have a beautiful voice … to speak, sing.  Or be able to draw like nobody’s business.  Oh my God … this ‘animal’ is … like us!  They can do so much, I wonder why? they are homeless if they can do so much?

You’ve heard it just like I have … you see the awe, surprise when a homeless person/diamond is discovered.  Everyone’s amazed.  All because … someone saw the diamond/person …. sparkle/come alive … for a moment.  Everyone comes running to see … ready to make money for … their discovery. The whole world is … about money.

You can argue all day long that money can’t buy this, buy that.  I’m not going to argue with you.  I’ve been on both sides.  No matter what … money does make all the difference in one’s life.  Without money … you can’t pay for your basic comforts such as electric, water, tv, insurance, car payments … everything you ‘need’ to live comfortably in this world.

Money is only made ‘evil’ … by people who misuse it … rob, kill for it.  One can make the choice to use it for good … or for … bad.  It’s all up to the one … who is control of it.

Sometimes … we see people use it to raise their families, college for their children to succeed in life … money meant to help the people of the community, projects, etc.  They forgot what it was intended for … they began to think it is … theirs.  Think about the people you know … who have done this in the past.  Every town has people who have embezzled … they took care of their own.

What’s sad … is when people in desperation … who never ask for help … come to a time in their life they need help … are told there aren’t any resources to help them … there’s no money.  Why do those people have a job if there’s nothing to work with?

Why do these people sit at a desk to say … there aren’t any resources to help senior citizens, disabled … anyone … and there hasn’t been any money since 2008.  Do they get a salary to sit there … just to tell people that?  To tell people there isn’t a list of resources to check out … to tell people … “I don’t know what to tell you”.

I don’t mind telling you … I stopped by a HUD office … someone told me ‘they could help, tell me which direction to go in’.  I found out they haven’t had money since 2008 … there’s no way they could help at all in our situation.  Well, I understood that … I didn’t understand why … I couldn’t get a direction to go in … from there.  I know it can’t be a … dead end.

I watched the woman carefully as I explained in a quiet voice what has happened to my husband and I.  I never saw a glimmer of compassion in her eyes … she was so used to her job and the people who come there to ask for a direction to go in, ask what to do … ask for help they are led to believe is there.

She was cold … and business-like, older black lady.  I understand that … maybe it was the way she felt she has to be in her job when everyone is ‘needing’ today.

She reminded me of my own mother … but, lacked the compassion, caring, love I always saw in my mother’s eyes.  I was distracted by something in her face … eyes that reminded me of my mother.  I didn’t feel any kindness … she stayed like a wall … blank.  I couldn’t make the wall smile.

I was a nuisance who dared come into her office … she had her gospel music playing … here I come into her heaven to bother her.  She didn’t want to hear me … but, she sat there … she sat there.  She sat there … with no advice, no suggestions … she sat there.  When I left … I left with the memory of gospel music thumping away … the older, black lady sitting there at her desk … glad I was leaving.

Listening to the music in her office … I understood why? at the front of the building there was a big sign saying, KNOCK ON DOOR … KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK!

I asked her if she had any advice … another direction for me to go in … a stepping stone … to go to the ‘next step/place’.  Sadly … she was a … dead end.  I left wondering … why is she working if there isn’t anything to work with?

Before I left … I looked that lady in the eye, told her that if I did have to go homeless … I would do it in a public way.  Everywhere I go, ask what to do next to prevent it from happening … I can’t seem to find any answers.

Maybe it’s meant for people like myself … not to find answers … and I’m making an ass out of myself looking for them.  Maybe I’m supposed to shut up, go into a corner … die.  What have the others done … before me?

I know there are thousands of people in my situation … before and after … I know you are … there. What did you do?  Why won’t you share your advice, suggestions that really worked?  Everything is kept secret.  Maybe it has to be kept secret.  I will know yet.  I don’t see anything written from anyone who is, has gone through such.

Why aren’t there any answers?  Does everyone who gets ‘older’ get pushed under the rug … out of sight so no one has to deal with them?  Better yet … the old bags need to die?  Well … I’m not going to die until I have to … and whether anyone likes it or not … if my ship sinks any farther into the cold depths of the ocean … I am not going without letting others know what they have to look forward to when growing … older, broken … having no family support in their lives.  I’m the ‘just before homeless’ … this is how it begins.

I came out feeling worse than I felt going in.  I had a breakdown later that evening.  I went to pieces … I had to go to the bedroom to get away from everything … I slept for hours.  That’s not ‘me’.  I knew I was in a serious way … I felt I couldn’t take anymore.

You know … normally when someone needs guidance, advice … so many people are ready to offer solid leads, resources to get this done, that done.  This is the first time in my life … I keep coming to doors that won’t open for me.  I go down halls that are dead end.  I meet people … who don’t want to waste time talking to … me.

When I worked with the public … no matter I wanted to talk or not … I smiled, I talked … and I showed compassion.  Not only that … I thought of things someone ‘might need to know’ … guess what I did?  I had in my mind ‘the answers that might help’ … to give to them.  I sought out the answers to questions before … they were asked.  It made me feel good to know I ‘could help in any way’.

I’ve voiced my feelings … now, I’m emptied of words at the moment.  The bag is empty … no water left in the glass … the well is dry.  Don’t worry … it’ll all be replenished in no time!

I’ve always been aware of the homeless people … through many years.  I have a love for people who don’t have a voice, can’t help themselves … Who is going to pick up trash from the ground to see if … it’s worth anything?  How many people are going to see a diamond in the rough?  Who is going to take time?  Is it worth it … can one make any money?

Oh … I brushed my pants off when I woke up … just after I got up from my bed … I’m still holding my ground.  I still have things to do … I’m not giving up.  I had a breakdown because I had nowhere I could go.  Now, I’m okay.

I’ve watched people abusing the system all my life … when they already had money, nice things.  I’ve never abused it … I never take for the sake of taking to get something free … I only take when I need. I only ask … when I need.

This is one heck of a journey I’m on again … in my life.  You’ve followed me on the journey of being a grieving mother … now, I’m a grieving mother who needs an even keel in life … I wish for a portable home on wheels.  A permanent roof I can call my own.  One that can be moved if has to be.

I have in mind if I ever see the way possible in the future … to have a travel trailer.  I would take my world … move into it … and know that where I had to go … I would have a roof over my head … my world’s head.

I wish that for every homeless family, person.  I don’t think anyone should punish the homeless, throw them away because someone thinks they are trash.  They are broken people who have run out of options … sure some have their substance abuse problems … they are people like you, me … they feel pain.

They cry if they are hurt, laugh if something is funny … sometimes, they help you when they are the ones who need help.  Vern, the homeless man we met … gave me comforting words when he knew I was going to the doctor.  He was the one sitting there, dying from emphysema.

They are diamonds in the rough … disguised so no one can see them in the environment they have to live in by no choice of their own … in order to survive an awful life no one would choose … to have.

They are camoflaged just as people do to themselves when going into the woods to blend in.

My glass is full … the pond is refilled … my well is running over with water once again … I’m not at a loss for words now.  I told you I would … replenish!  I’m like a river … words constantly flowing from my fingertips.

I write what I think … I think what I write … regardless if anyone likes it … hates it.  I don’t try to push what I think on anyone … don’t let anyone push their opinions on me.  If you come here to read … you chose to come in, sit on my couch to see what I have to say, think.  I’m honored when you do … you never have to say a word … leave quietly, go back to your world.

When you read what a writer writes … you get lost in another person’s world for a while … when it gets too uncomfortable … doesn’t it feel good to know all you have to do is to blink your eyes … and you are sitting back on your own couch, in your own living room and … all is good.  Thank God! that’s not my life!  🙂  Sort of like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz!  Isn’t life wonderful?

I’m very aware of people whom I personally know … friends … reading my words.  You know me … you know that I speak frankly … I’m up-front … you know where I stand.  You also, know I never ask anyone for anything … I have too much pride.

When you come here to read me like people who don’t know me … know that I know you are here, too.  I never forget you … I know you know what’s on my mind … I know you by name just as you know me.

I would welcome any suggestions … from my friends … also.  I’m always hoping a friend will offer some advice.  You all are from this area … you all have had your parents, grandparents go through this … what did they do, how did you help them?  I don’t have a son to help me get on the right path, anymore.

I have to ask … friends, strangers in … public.  I have no one else.  I may have a lot of pride … it won’t stop me from asking … and I won’t be shamed because I did.

I’ve hoped some friends whom I know have experience with such things … would reach out to just tell me what paths to take.  I would do that.

If any of you … my friends … can offer advice … I don’t want anything but, words … my personal email is:  gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com … this way … you have a way of reaching me at any time.  I would be this kind of friend to you if I had information that could lead you in the right direction toward what you needed to do in your life.

I think about the homeless … I always have for many years.  This is the first time … in my life I could be … just before.  I’m at a point in life where I can ‘see’ how it could happen … I don’t think I’ll be … but, I really ‘see’ how it realistically can happen.

I let myself feel the panic … pain … helplessness to understand.  Yesterday evening … I broke down … went to pieces.  Suppose it were the real thing at this very moment?  Suppose I took ‘no’ for an answer … never venturing any farther to seek answers, aid for my situation before … slipping into oblivion?

If we don’t try to help ourselves … plug the holes in our boats … how can we help but, to sink … drown?  I’m trying to plug the holes before they sink me … to drown in an ocean bigger than I am. What would you do?  Where would you go?

Would you protest before going down … or go down quietly?  Or do you take for granted you’ll never be in such a situation?  I used to think I’d never be in a situation like this, also.  I also, used to think I’d have my son forever … he’d be here for me always, just as I was for him.

I don’t need to remind anyone in today’s time … that you can also, lose all … including your child.  It really is hard to believe until it happens … we sit back talking about so and so just lost their child and what a poor thing she is … we sit back, judge … forgetting ‘we’ are just like them … ‘we’ are also, going to lose children … other things in life … it’s just a matter of time.

You are going to pray someone is there to catch you when you fall.  Thank your God when you have real family support when ‘bad’ things happen.  Think how it would be if you’ve never had such … have no one to care.  Think how it would feel to know the distant ‘family’ members you have … take pleasure when you fall.  Laugh when you hurt … hope you die.

Think how it feels … when you have to ask strangers for answers, guidance to help you when you are unsure what to do.  Think how it feels to be alone in the world … having many friends … but, not the kind who gather around you blanketing you with love, comfort … keeping you from suffering by yourself.

Real friends don’t ask you if you need help … they just do.  Somehow they know.  I have been a real friend … and I didn’t have to ask … I just did, went my way.  You’ve heard the old saying … you know who your real friends are when you are down … out.

These are thoughts of a person who sits, thinks a lot, takes life seriously … writes a lot.  I have no one to share what I think with … excepting you … the people who come to read me, interested in what I write.  I’m honored.

I also, know the ones by names … when they visit my blogs to read … who want to judge … hope I fail, fall in life … want to look down on me because ‘now, I don’t have anything’.  I tell these people … it doesn’t bother me … I’m going to be here until the day I die … and guess what?

I’ll still be here because … my words will live on.  I have 3 books with my words that will live on … whether they are read or not.  My son will be remembered, also … I made that possible … one of my books holds all my words of pure grief … from a grieving mother.  So … my haters … you can’t take that away from me … it’s all out in the universe now.  I will die with a smile on my face when it’s time.  I’m thankful to have that when I have … nothing.

Instead of one day dying with all these thoughts in my mind … I write them to give someone something to think about.  I know there are many people who think the same things … like me when I read things … it validates what I’m going through … letting me know there are others who have experienced what I have.

For now … being ‘just before’ … and homeless people are the biggest thoughts in my mind.  I think to myself … if I had the power to help the homeless … I would begin small.

To begin with … I would find safe areas/land … for them to come to … knowing it’s okay for them to be there.  Then … without anyone knowing … I would find more land … hire someone to build tiny houses like I see online.

I would take one family at a time to live there.  I would have mini-tiny houses for individuals to live. I would gradually fill them with the homeless that I could take care of … if I were rich.

I’m old enough to know I can’t save the world … but, if each of us who had the means … could save ‘one by one’ … we could make a difference … a real difference.  A meaningful difference to people who have no one … nothing in life … at least give them a tiny something to hold onto in life … a life-preserver if you will … while they have to live their life until they die.  Just a … little something … to hold onto.

Anyone who punishes the homeless because they are there … because they look like trash … ugly to your sight … I ask you not to hurt them … you never know if they aren’t angels sent to see what your reactions to them are.  Don’t kick an angel when they are down.  It will come back to bite you in the ass … it really will.

Do what you’d want done for, to you … if it were you.  Rather than to hurt, fine someone for having nothing … for offending your sight … do nothing.  Doing nothing is better than hurting.

Walk away … go to your nice home … sit in your comfortable leather chair, smoke your cigar while your fat belly is sticking out … your feet up on an ottoman … watch your big-ass tv to your heart’s content.

Forget there are ugly things in your world … focus only on your comfort.  Put all that good food in your ever-growing belly … drink all that good liquor, sleep on your silk sheets … pamper that ass in your hot tub … because in your world … you are all … it’s about.

Hell … you have enough to go buy all the blinders, sunglasses in this world to keep from seeing the homeless … trash laying on the ground sleeping where they are only trying to find a safe place to be.

Don’t do anything but … take care of you.  Rather than hurt the helpless people on your streets … blind yourself … you can afford to build the fences around you to keep them out … keep you from having to see them.

There are people who care … they don’t need you in their way.  You don’t need to do anything but, make sure you don’t go hungry … feel the heat, cold … walk around in your comfortable clothes … sleep in your cozy bed, drive your luxury car … talk on your cellphone … impress everyone with what you own.

Do you believe the homeless people should be fined … punished for trying to find a place they hope others will just watch over them while they are at their weakest … asleep?

You say, ‘but, they’re nasty!’  Make a little area where they can file through in a line … have running water ( I see water wasted all the time from fire hydrants) … as they file through … they can bathe off at least a little … have portable toilets for them.  Do a ‘little something’ … even if it’s not a lot … it’s better than nothing.

Don’t punish the homeless … throw them away … like trash on the ground.

 

Homeless people aren’t going away … each more people are becoming homeless … I’m just before. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

This is what’s on my mind today …. maybe moreso, because of the circumstances in my life.  Doesn’t matter.  I know there are people who think like me … are in similar situations … who have no one to tell them.

I know there are people who know the answers to everything.  Maybe I’ll hear from them … maybe someone will show me the path of stepping stones I need to find … leading to the answers I’m seeking.  One never knows until they ask … I’m asking.  I won’t stop asking ….

My email is:   gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

Photo/story owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee.

 

 

Pretty Legs, Heels … Short Dress Can Accomplish … A Lot


 

Pretty Legs, Heels … Short Dress Can Accomplish … A Lot

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

We all filed out of the car.  Damn!  It had a flat tire.  I was a girl of 15 … very pretty, full of life … good sense of humor … and I have to say I was confident I … could do anything.

 

That particular evening I was riding along in the car with my Aunt Ruby, and some of my cousins.  Now, the tire was flat … who was going to change it?  I didn’t know how … neither did anyone else.

 

A vision came to my mind … something I’d seen on a movie.  In that moment … I knew … how that tire was going to get changed.

 

I began smiling … my aunt asked me why was I smiling.  I told her because … I knew a way to get the tire changed.  She wanted to know how … I told her I would show her how.  I was grinning like a possum.

 

I was glad I had on a beautiful, short dress … heels.  As a teenager, I was dressed to … kill.  I didn’t even know the power I held … as a young girl.  I was learning.

 

I heard a car coming … I told everyone to … watch this!  My aunt was smiling … she just knew instinctively what I was going to do.  After all … she was a beautiful young woman … so, was her four sisters.  They all had beautiful daughters … I was no exception.

 

I held my own … I knew I was beautiful … everyone told me so.  People would come up to my young, beautiful mother, they would sing … ‘Mrs. Brown, you have a lovely daughter’.  She was proud of me … this was when no one realized she had a daughter.  I had come back to live with her.

 

As a young girl … it did go to my head.  As I became older … I learned … pretty is as pretty does … no matter how pretty someone is … if they aren’t good, kind … doesn’t matter how pretty they are.

 

I wasn’t thinking of that now … I meant to show my family I could get that tire changed.  They all stood back laughing … grinning, saying this was going to be fun!

 

I stepped up to the side of the road … stuck one pretty leg clad in a high heel shoe out for the driver of the car to see.  Not only that … I had hiked the skirt of my dress up a little higher to get attention.

 

Oh my!  It worked like a charm.  That car slide from brakes being applied too fast.  The driver stopped … what a good-looking man!  He was grinning … I walked with my sexiest walk up to him … asked him in a sweet voice if he could help us get that tire changed.

 

He wanted to change the tire … and I stood near him … I saw him peek at my pretty legs.  I looked up to my aunt, cousins … everyone was grinning.  I carried on a conversation with the man as he changed it.

 

He finished up … and I sincerely thanked him … so, did everyone else.  I got that tire changed … and I never saw the good-looking man ever again.  He seemed to enjoy changing our tire.  I was very proud that I could get such a … grown up thing … done … and I was only fifteen years old.

 

A young girl doesn’t know the power she has in her hands, I’m glad I didn’t … some do know, come to a bad end. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

I’m pretty sure that man knew what I was doing … he went right along with me … changed the tire. He liked me but … I think he knew I was just … too young.  It was fun … regardless.

 

Photo, true story owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

No Matter Karma Bit Her in the Ass … She Won


 

 

No Matter Karma Bit Her in the Ass … She Won

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

The water was still … the air quiet … not even a sea gull sang.  Something bumped her leg … not hard … and she was too young to know … the things it could have been.

 

She was afraid … the water came up to her throat.  She was ten years old … the big sister … she could do things her little sisters couldn’t do.  She thought she could.

 

The sand seemed so far … she could see her step-mother, two little half-sisters sitting there … she knew they were watching her.  She wondered for a moment ‘why?’ didn’t her step-mother call her back.

 

Her step-mother was always getting on her.  At this moment … she was too young to wonder ‘why?’ her step-mother called her half-sisters back to the shore … she just watched as they walked out of the water into their mother’s arms.

 

She saw them walk away to the big, colorful towel laying near by.  By now, she was wishing she had followed them.  She had stepped in water a little deeper than she was tall … water choked her.

 

The big sister … stood with her head tilted to her right shoulder … looking back to land.  She wanted to get back badly … she was going to panic … she was afraid.  Help me! Of course, no one heard her … the words ‘Help me!’ were only thoughts in her mind.  She felt she needed to be quiet.

 

Little by little … the little girl took step by step toward the sand where everyone was sitting … watching her.  She ‘sort-of’ wondered why no one called her name … she was too young to think any farther than that.

 

It was when she was an adult she would know … this particular flash-back always played out in her mind.  Why didn’t her daddy, step-mother call her back to safety?  She knew when older … looking back at this memory … she would never have let a little child wander so far out … into the ocean … unless …

 

Children are very innocent … trusting.  They don’t know when someone is always evil … especially when that someone smiles as they hurt them.  They smiled … so, that meant they didn’t mean to hurt them.  No one smiles at a child … then, abuses them … do they?

 

The little girl learned better … her step-mother appeared to love her in front of other people … then, threatened her if she told any differently … especially to her grandmother … her step-mother was afraid of her husband’s mother.  Her husband’s mother was wealthy, held the purse strings …

 

Something black rose out of the water close by … she was too young to know what it was.  She was feeling fear … of what, she didn’t know.  She stood still as the little waves of water rocked against her chest.  The shore seemed so far away … everyone seemed tiny.

 

One foot in front of the other, the little girl walked toward the only people in the world that was her … loving … family.  Still … no one called out to her … no one come to help her back.  She had to do it alone.

 

Soon … the water only came up to her knees … she wasn’t afraid now.  She splashed out of the water … her step-mother seemed angry at her.  “Gloria Faye!” she called.  “Get over here, sit down … you are grounded … you can’t go out in the water again!”

 

No hugs, no smiles … only angry eyes flashing with fire.  The little girl did as she was told.  She didn’t mind being grounded this time … she didn’t want to go back out into the water.

 

She sat on the towel watching her little half-sisters play in the waves.  Laughing, squealing each time a wave splashed them … her step-mother was constantly telling them not to go too far … something bad could happen to them

 

For a moment, the little girl wondered why her step-mother let her go out so far.  Soon, it was forgotten … life happened.  As she became older … she would play back the ocean scene in her mind.  Why?

 

One day the little girl grew up … as she became older … her grandmother told her about the insurance policy she’d taken out on her as a little baby.  Her aunt promised her if anything ever happened … she’d make sure she got it.

 

Life happened … unknowing to the little girl who grew up … her aunt died at the same time … she, herself … was fighting the battle of her life .  Who was calling her husband to know what was happening … telling her husband not to tell her grandmother?  It was her step-mother …

 

As life sometimes happens … things don’t turn out as they should.  The little girl who grew up … who fought for her life and won against cancer (non-Hodgkins lymphoma) … began to visit her grandmother.  Her grandmother seemed shocked to see her … she had been told that her oldest granddaughter was on Death‘s bed.

 

One day not long before the grandmother died at 100 years old … the little girl who grew up, won the battle with cancer … went to visit her dear grandmother.

 

Her grandmother seemed nervous … she looked at her, said … “I’ve made a terrible mistake”.  The little girl who grew up … didn’t question her … she hugged her grandmother, told her everything would be alright.

 

Later, she found out that her grandmother had died … her step-mother and father and half-sisters got her insurance policy.  Her step-mother had kept up through her husband about her battle with cancer … feeding her grandmother lies.  Her grandmother took her policy … cashed it in … gave it to them.  Also, someone got enough to pay for a house.

 

Oh … not only that … her grandmother cashed in the life insurance policies on the little girl who grew up to fight cancer … plus her son’s insurance policy, and the little girl who grew up to fight cancer … her two grandchildren’s policies.

 

Her step-mother won … when the father died … everyone got his estate … excepting his oldest daughter … the one who grew up to fight cancer, won.

 

When it was all said, done … the step-mother began calling the girl who grew up to fight cancer.  She was very sick … only she would never say what with.  The little girl who grew up to fight cancer … went to see her.

 

She and her husband took the step-mother out to eat.  They didn’t really have the money to do so … they really didn’t want to go see the step-mother … but, they did.  You know how it is when … you don’t want others to think bad of you.

 

The step-mother was very thin … she sat in front of her meal … she never ate one bite.  The little girl who grew up to fight cancer … looked closely at her … she thought … cancer.

 

Not long after visiting her … she found out her step-mother was dying from … kidney cancer.  Strangely … the little girl who grew up to win her battle with cancer … grieved over a woman who had done everything to try to ruin her life.  Now … she was dying.

 

The step-mother had known all along she had cancer … made sure to take care of her two daughters, and grandson she’d raised.  She took so much from her … step-daughter’s life … but, who did she call when she was dying?  The strange thing was … she never-ever told the step-daughter who grew up to battle cancer … that she had cancer.

 

Karma bit her step-mother in the ass … she did such an awful thing to her step-daughter who loved her no matter that she treated her badly through the years.

 

Her step-daughter cried when she heard her step-mother had died … she never hated her for trying to destroy her life … took so much from her, and her son and her two grandchildren.

 

No matter that Karma bit her step-mother in the ass … her step-mother won … even if she died with cancer.  She took care of her own in the best way she knew how … she did.  She did it at the expense of her step-daughter … the oldest daughter her husband had … the daughter she pretended to love … truly hated.

 

No matter … Karma bit her in the ass … she won.

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

True story/photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … the little girl who was afraid out in that big ocean … the little girl who grew up to battle cancer … won.

 

It’s strange how the dots connect over time … not all is as it appears to be.  I’ve known love from my … family … in the strangest of ways.  Love that was really hate … it all began when I came into this world.  I’ve wondered … why?

 

Now … it no longer matters … why?  I have lots of things to keep me writing always … I make all my heart-aches into stories, now.  They no longer have the power to hurt me.  So, don’t feel sorry for me … each life’s events put strength in my backbone … it may knock my ass down on the ground … no matter how bad it hurts … I dust my pants off … get back up.  I have my Grandma Alma’s fighting spirit.

 

It took growing up to realize how evil my step-mother was … deceitful. She did it all under the guise of … love. I loved her. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

The Fish Bowl Room …


The Fish Bowl Room …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

Unseen … no one ever knew … or saw the young girl as she stood for several moments on the side of the street.

 

She was looking at a house all lit up.  It was night time … all the windows were bare of curtains.  She tilted her head on her right shoulder, stared at the couple sitting in the glass room.

 

The glass room was like a fish bowl … she could see the fine leather recliner the man sat in.  His wife sat in her over-stuffed floral chair.  Both were reading … a fireplace burned brightly.

 

A big Christmas tree sat in the corner … colored lights flashing on, off.  Oh, what a beautiful sight.  She saw movement by the man’s feet … a big, beautiful, white dog rose from where it lay … stretched, dropped back down on the plush rug.

 

Pure happiness, love on display for the world to see.  Only at this moment … just the young girl saw.  Oh, how she wished she could live like this … in a big, wonderful house just like this!

 

She saw the woman look up at her husband, smile.  Her mouth moved as she talked to him.  She saw the man hand her a big bowl of … popcorn!  They were enjoying the evening sitting by the cheerful fireplace … eating popcorn.

 

Big Christmas presents sat around the tree all wrapped in pretty paper, pretty bows.  Wow … to have even one big present like that!

 

She heard a car coming … she began walking.  She didn’t want anyone to know she’d been looking at pure happiness … love on display for the world to see.  She saw … she wished with her heart.

 

The girl walked past the house … she still had a little way to go before getting to her grandma’s house.  She wished so much she was going to a house like the one she was looking at.

 

She left the side of the street to walk up the sidewalk to go inside.  As she got half-way up the sidewalk she heard cussing, screaming from inside.  Her aunt came angrily out the front door … she turned to slam the door as hard as she could.  F….. you!

 

She stopped to let her aunt come down the steps … her aunt stopped, looked her in the face and said, “that goes for you, too!”  Her aunt stomped off.

 

She walked up the steps slowly … this house was a long way from being a wonderful house, home like she just admired.  She opened the ragged screen door, stepped inside.  She saw a lone roach crawling on the vinyl couch … she cringed.  Welcome to Hell, she thought.

 

She walked into the center room of the house to speak to her grandma, and grandfather.  She could see by their expressions they had been upset.  Poor grandma, grandfather … another hell-raising had just happened before she got there.  They lived in the house that sat over the portal of Hell … this house never knew peace.

 

She sat down on an old wooden chair with a cane-bottomed seat.  Her grandmother, grandfather were always glad to see her come.  She stayed for a little while making them cheer up.  They laughed, talked … for a short time happiness lived in that room.

 

The young girl got up.  She needed to get back to her mother’s home.  She had several blocks to walk … she wasn’t afraid.  She was at the age that she knew she could save the world, fight off anyone who messed with her.  She didn’t know she had a lot to learn in life.

 

She kissed her grandmother, grandfather goodbye … walked out the door into the night.  Soon, she was passing the wonderful house again.  She could see the fish bowl room … see the perfect scene inside.

 

The man, and woman were still sitting in their comfortable chairs.  The big, white dog still lay on the plush rug near his master’s feet.  The young girl’s eyes filled with sadness … sadness that made tears.

 

I bet they’ve never known unhappiness, how it feels to be poor, how it feels to know Hell.  She saw the dog raise his head … he looked straight at her.  It knew she was outside, didn’t bark because he didn’t sense any danger.

 

The girl walked on … years later she looked back at this memory.  She never forgot seeing such pure love, happiness on display at the big, wonderful house.

 

In fact, that same house to this day looks the same … excepting … the man and woman sitting in their comfortable chairs … had grown much older.  She had passed by … slowly on a car … saw a walker beside the woman’s chair.  The big, white dog wasn’t there anymore.  She saw the man as he walked slowly toward his recliner.

 

Pure love, happiness lived in that house … always on display in that … fish bowl room.

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

I look at that house ever so often if I have occasion to go by it.  Everything is still the same … excepting the couple is older now.

 

They never knew that through all these years  … my memory of them as a young girl … I was on the outside looking in … wishing with my Heart to know the happiness they showed the world from their … fish bowl room.

 

Photo, true story owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

Little Girl in Older Woman’s Body …


 

Little Girl in Older Woman’s Body …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny at Twitter

 

I saw you in the distance

I cried out for you

You didn’t hear me

Mama!  Mama, please don’t leave me!

I ran hard as I could to catch up with her

No matter how hard I ran … I never did

A little girl left all alone to fend for herself

In a world of pure torment … turmoil

In a house that sat … guarded the portal of Hell

A little girl who knew only cleanliness

Pretty dresses, good things to eat … love

Had a little brother she adored

Where did he go?  Where did Mama go?

The little girl cried herself to sleep

When she woke up … it was to loud fighting

Fighting with words, fists … bloodshed

I’ll teach you to mess with me, you bitch!

Fists pounding on flesh, big thump of a body hitting the floor

Heart pounding in her little chest

The little girl hid beneath the covers on the bed

Weeping came from the other room

This was the first of many fights she would see

Sometimes, she’d be the one knocked around

She wasn’t the only child … there were more

Their Mamas went away to … to come back another day

Leaving their children behind to the mercies of the world

Leaving them in a place called … Hell

Where there were demons, and evil spirits lurking

Hiding in people she loved … she saw them peep out

Anger would turn them into a devil, possessed

Gnashing of teeth, screaming … crying

Never any happiness … only sorrow

A fight each day … someone being hurt

Blood spotted the old, wooden floor

The little girl got to her knees to look closely

She couldn’t believe the spots were blood … but, they were

Blood beaten out of someone to splatter on the floor

Curses lingered in the very air … so potent … evil

Hell’s arena … waiting for its next victim

Mama! Mama, where are you … please come back

Take me from this scary world … I’m afraid

Mama didn’t come back … the little girl stayed afraid

The little girl stayed afraid … without knowing

She began at her young age to build strength

Strength … that she would need when she became older

Without knowing … she would travel many painful roads

Without knowing … she became stronger

Without knowing … she would be facing the unthinkable

The little girl grew up scarred to her soul

Yet … she survived it all with strength she didn’t know she had

Today that little girl still lives in an older body

Older body of an older woman who remembers

Who looks back at a little girl who was sweet, loving

Mistreated, abused in many ways  … the older woman smiles

She smiles a sadly, thinking … my, my … I’ve come a long ways

I’m fortunate to still be here … a little girl in an older woman’s body

Strength I didn’t know I had … has made me a survivor

A survivor of many things … too many to count

I’ve made it to be … old

Next thing you know … it’ll be time to die

A little girl in an older woman’s body

Taking her last breath … as a child

Going to her maker … weak as a newborn baby

To be made new … an angel now

To come back to watch over you

As you gain strength you didn’t know you had

Good can come from bad things

It doesn’t seem like it could

It can …. and it will all in time

Life is good … sadly, it can be bad … too

We have to make the very best of all we go through

Lead the way for others … show them they can survive

After all, that’s what life is truly about

Love, caring … being strong when others are weak

With the strength you never knew you had … until you needed it

 

 

Author’s Note:

Poem/photo written, owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  I am that little girl.