Just Another Color in my Life … One That I’ll Make a Happy Color in Time


Just Another Color in my Life … One That I’ll Make a Happy Color in Time

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny at Twitter

 

 

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee  … Some of my … happy colors.

 

 

 

I am learning how it feels to not get around very well.  I’m not complaining … but, I am paying close attention.  Why?  Because ‘now’ I am seeing how people who are permanently unable to walk … feel.

 

 

I slipped, fell on October 3rd … my kneecap is broken.  I feel I am injured in other places where new pain keeps coming.

 

 

I’ve fought harder battles … so, I can’t complain.  I am lucky to be here, today.  I’ve gotten up from worse … cancer … congestive heart failure … etc.  See what I mean?  I know that in time … somehow all will be alright again.  For ‘now’ … I have to cope with not walking, getting around very well.  I have to cope with so much … extra pain.

 

 

I will say it almost broke me … all the extra pain, losing my freedom to move about when I need to walk somewhere, go to the bathroom, walk outside to get inside the vehicle.

 

 

I can’t just get up … and walk anywhere easily.  I have cried a lot of tears once again because no matter how strong one is … pain can bring you down.  Pain can bring down the strongest person, animal.

 

 

There’s only me when Skip’s gone … to go get what I need in town … it will be very hard to get my leg inside the vehicle.  Excruciating pain.  I will have to walk on crutches to get to the store … like at Walmart. Then … do something I never thought I would have to do … ride the electric shopping scooter in order to go about the store.  They aren’t made to put your leg straight out … more excruciating pain.  Thankfully though … they have the scooters.

 

 

I find myself thinking of how so many people suffer in this world.  I know mine is only a fraction of what they suffer.  The thing is … it takes ‘walking in someone’s shoes‘ … to really know.  For now … I’m doing just that … I have walked in many, many shoes on in my life.

 

 

I am ‘down’ for a while … you can be sure I’ll keep people who are in all kinds of shapes … in mind. Not only that … I am remembering my Grandma Alma, and the Hell she suffered for over 20 years of being paralyzed before she died.  How can I complain when so many people go through worse than I?

 

 

 

‘Now’ … I am feeling how grateful I am for the electric shopping scooters … thankful to have crutches to aid me in walking.  I am glad to know they will be there when I need them.  I have a feeling I will learn to be grateful for many things I’ll encounter on this new journey in my life.

 

 

This is all new to me … I am fortunate I will be able to walk better one day.  I have walked in many ‘somebody’s shoes’ … in my life.  For now … I am walking in new shoes.

 

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

My Heart goes out to everyone who can’t walk … I am only ‘touching the tip of the iceberg’ in … knowing how it feels.  I am learning from this experience … how it feels to have the ability to walk taken away.

 

I’m grateful that I can slowly move about … I’m grateful for the extra pain … it means I’m still here … I’m still living. I don’t feel sorry for myself not one bit.  When I write about this … it’s to share this new experience in my life.  It’s ‘just another color in my life’ … one that I’ll make a happy color in time.

 

Photo/true story owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I Wish …


I Wish

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

 

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

 

 

 

I watched the models walk down the walkway.  Each in their glory … beautiful, polished … shining bright as a star.

Colors … textures … colorful materials … designs!  Oh, how I wish I had persued my dream of being a fashion designer as a young girl.  Instead … I chose to be an adult that I wasn’t ready to be.

The canvases of portraits, scenery painted in many colors … line each side of the hallway. I walked by each slowly to take in all the colors, the pure beautiful art someone did by hand.  Oh, how I wished to be the artist I always wanted to be!

Colors, more colors … many wonderful colors … I would be surrounded in all the colors more than the rainbow if I were either an artist … fashion designer.  Oh my … colors mean the world to me!

I watched the mechanic’s hands as he worked on a car.  I watched until I knew exactly what to do.  Oh, how I wished to be a mechanic in addition to all the other wishes of what I wish to be!  I could always help someone if their car broke down … help myself.

I can put things together … through time I have amazed my own self … I can take things apart carefully … put them back together again.  I am mechanically inclined.  I can use a hammer, a wrench.  I can do a lot of things … I did as a young woman … who would have thought a girly-girl dressed in beautiful dresses, high heels could do such?

I remember once being dressed to the max … having a flat tire.  I knew how to change my flat tire.  I knew I would have to take my high heels, stockings off to be able to bend down to do it.  I would have to pull my tight skirt up above my knees.  As I had made my mind up to go into action … a man stopped to help me.  I never let him know I could do it on my own.  I was just a girly-girl.  I appreciated it very much, plus he kept smiling at me.

I watched the doctor, nurses work over patients as they came into the ER.  Each one administering medicines orally, by injection.  I wished to be a doctor … a nurse.  Instead, I worked between the ER and registration office.  I got to hold hands, pat someone to give comfort … to show caring, speak soft, kind, sincere words.  I wanted to help everyone.  That was all I could do … I wasn’t a nurse, a doctor … I wished.

There are many things I wished to be.  I wished to be a lawyer to fight for people.  I would have been Hell to be reckoned with if I believed in someone.

I wished to be a millionaire … I promise you I would have helped thousands of people without them having to know it was me.  I wouldn’t need credit for good things I would want to do.  I would want to create miracles … I would wish to make everyone happy in the world.  I could be happiest knowing I did good.

I wish.

 

 

 

 

Note by Author:

I truly wished to be many things … I could never focus on one thing.  I reflect on my life … and see the many opportunities I never took advantage of.  I regret that.  I have a lot of regrets.  I wish …

True thoughts, wishes and photo owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.

 

Give Me Colors … Happy Colors!


Give Me Colors … Happy Colors!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … a few wonderful, happy colors in my life!

 

 

Sometimes … when someone ask me, “Gloria, what is your favorite color?” … it throws me into a big silence.  Why?

Well, I can’t be just one color in life.  I love most all colors … I think in colors … colors affect my moods, feelings.  Music does the same.  I bet you are the same way if you think about it.

I love soft, pastel colors that have a shimmery appearance … like magic!  Romance, soft happy thoughts, wishes come true!

I love bold, beautiful, bright colors … when life is such fun, lots of laughter, loud and happy times such as … the State Fair!

White … I love white.  White is clean, sparkly … wonderful.  Crispness, sunshine … warm breezes blowing … ocean, waves.

Purple and green … strange enough, these two colors in my life at the same time … bring good luck to me.  Happy things.  Why in the world isn’t all I have … purple and green!

Black and white … remind me of my beautiful mother.  She could wear black and white … put on her bright, red lipstick … no one was as pretty as her.  She and Elizabeth Taylor could have been twin sisters.  I love black, white tiles … clean, fresh, nostalgic.

I love all the shades of each color, all the colors between.  I can’t tell you one color I love best.

I love dusty rose, soft pink, periwinkle blue.  I love colors I don’t know the names of.  If you ask me what is my favorite color … I will say this one!  that one!  no, that one!

Note by this Author:

 

Colors are important to me.  When Skip and I used to drive through the deserts for hundreds of miles … I would become upset.  (We traveled by tractor trailer to California every other week). I remember after weeks of doing so … I began crying … “I can’t take anymore of this brown, I just can’t take it, I need color in my life”!

I was color-deprived and it had a very real effect on me.  Like when we were traveling for days in snow … nothing but white … it had a negative effect on me, also.

Give me colors … happy colors!

Song Turned Into Scream … Tea Bag On The Wall!


Song Turned Into Scream … Tea Bag On The Wall!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

That was the morning … when my song turned into a scream.  It wasn’t funny, either.  🙂

Photo of me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

 

Early one morning, I got up to make breakfast. I was humming as I moved around the kitchen. I’m glad no one hears me … truthfully, I can’t carry a tune at all. At one time, I thought I could … until I recorded myself … listened. OMG! I was careful not to let anyone else hear anything out of my mouth … that resembled a song.

I do have a way of talking that can sound musical. That’s not singing, though. When I worked at the switchboard years ago … people complimented me on how … pleasant it was. Isn’t it amazing how speaking words … singing words sound so differently?

Anyway, that morning, I was making scrambled eggs with cheese, sausage, toast for breakfast. I put the strawberry preserves on the dining table. That’s my favorite … I love to bite into the plump strawberries on buttered toast. Goodness … I’m hungry now!

Humming turned into a full-fledge song. I was jamming in the kitchen. No one could hear me … Tommy was upstairs in his bedroom. Skip was still asleep. The Pups … well, the Pups loved everything I did … so, my singing didn’t bother them at all.

We lived in a 200 year old house. Strange enough, I was never afraid there. When we first moved into it, I was afraid I would feel fear when I walked upstairs … you know how older homes are.

I would test myself … walk up the steps when everyone was gone … to see what would happen. I would see if I felt dread inside … but, it never happened. I felt calmness … when I got completely upstairs. But … that’s not to say old houses can’t be scary! I was getting ready to see ‘scary’ in action … you wouldn’t have known it by my happy singing.

I walked to the stove to check on the sausage, when … my eyes were drawn to the wooden wall behind the stove. What in the hell?

Who would have done such a thing? I just knew Tommy, nor Skip would have done that. I knew I hadn’t done it.

Why would there be a tea bag stuck to the wooden wall? Why? I kept a clean kitchen … I couldn’t figure it out as I stood there. I knew I had to get it down … my humming was a nervous hum. The tea bag just … didn’t seem right. I kept looking at it … then, I …

I reached for the tea bag, stretching myself long enough over the stove so, I wouldn’t get burned. I put my hand on it, squeezed my fingers enough to pull it off the wall, when …

OMG! The tea bag began to move! The tea bag was moving! It was moving in my hand! What the ……. ??

I began screaming for Skip to come help me. Help me, Skip! The tea bag was flying around the room! The Pups were barking wildly … running when the tea bag would zoom in towards them. I was soon ducking, myself!

Skip came flying into the kitchen … well, he wasn’t flying … it was just the tea bag flying! What’s going on, he said. He knew something was wrong. I could only point at that tea bag!

It’s a bat! Get your butterfly net! I’ll catch it. He caught the bat, took it outside to release it. I stood there, trying to get composure. I sure felt stupid … that tea bag was a … bat!

It had me screaming, running around like a bat out of hell, myself! I kept taking deep breaths … trying to gather my wits. I don’t like to get excited like that … weakness sets in.

That was the morning … my song turned into a … scream. It wasn’t funny, either. I didn’t know what a bat looked like hanging on a wall … I did know what they looked like outside, flying around the nightlight in the evenings, though.

That was the morning … I thought a tea bag was stuck onto the wall. That was the only thing my mind could identify it to be. Now … I know what a bat looks like when hanging around.

The next time I saw a bat in that house, it was in the living room flying around. I just can’t take it … I really just can’t take bats flying around my head! I don’t want to hurt them … and I have to make myself get strong in order to somehow, help it … get outside if Skip isn’t around. I had to that time! I wouldn’t have hurt it for anything … unless it attacked my Pups.

Song turned into a scream … I must have sounded like a person singing hard rock!

 

 

 

 

Photo/story are both owned by me … #Gloria Faye Brown Bates / aka #Granny Gee

This is a true story … a color of my life … a ‘tea’ color!

 

So … If That Means Being A ‘Goody Two-Shoes’ … So Be It!


So … If That Means Being A ‘Goody Two-Shoes’ … So Be It!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee (&grannygee)

 

 

Photo is of me as a younger ‘Granny Gee’ … photo/story both, are owned by me… Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  I wasn’t a ‘Goody Two-Shoes’.

 

I have been thinking a lot … what do I think about … so much? Truthfully, my mind never stays on any one thing. Too boring. It would be like painting all in … one color … if I thought about only a few things.

 

Not only that … I think about things most people wouldn’t think about. That’s like … painting in exotic colors. I think in colors … the stories in my life are … the colors of my life.

 

The color I hate the worst is … black. Somehow, ‘black’ has touched my life with its unwelcomed color … a lot, through the years. I’d rather choose a black color when I needed it … like when I outline my drawings … with a Sharpie pen.

 

The worse black color is … death. Death of a dear, loved one. I have experienced many shades of black … I have lost most all my family. I lost the very members of … my family … that I truly loved, as a child. I’m not saying I liked them … as an adult, though.

 

Several … one in particular … was … evil. Maybe because of living in the house that guarded one of the portals … to hell. It’s a wonder I’m not a … demon. Maybe that’s why I could be a demon … if I didn’t have so, much ‘good’ in me.

 

I love happy, good, heart-touching things in life. I was different … in my family. If I’d been ‘bad’, I would have been looked up to, admired. How do I know? I took a few ‘bad’ roads in my life … they loved it.

 

I ‘wasn’t bad enough’ to travel the roads I began to try to go down … ‘I had to come back’. I wasn’t … tough enough. I was ‘too good’ … inside. I couldn’t do … ‘bad’ things that hurt others. I didn’t like to be mean, hateful … evil.

 

I would have been good at it … if ‘there had been a bad bone’ in my body. I learned from the best … I ‘lost respect’ when I wouldn’t go on to be ‘bad’ … I also, gained a ‘reluctant respect’ because … I had the nerve to say … no! I was called something I hated to be called … that’s not ‘me’ at all …’goody two-shoes’.

 

I know how it feels to hurt … I know many shades of pain … the very worse being … the death of Tommy, my son. Many of my followers, readers know this about me … you’ve all traveled on this road … with me.

 

I promised you I would tell you how a mother’s grief really is, as it happened. I have kept my promise, just as I’ll always write about the grief as it happens through time. Write about it … as it changes.

 

I’m glad to … be at this stage in my grief. I can live now … I can smile, laugh, truly feel happiness … now. It’s wonderful to do this … without feeling … such guilt.

 

My blog was born out of grief for my son. Thank-God, I had it to go to … truthfully, I would have never made it this far … if I hadn’t had an outlet. Thank-God, I found a way to let the river of pain … flow out as it tried to destroy me. Thank-God, all of you have been there these past four years … encouraging, caring about me.

 

There was a time after Tommy died … I did almost die. Skip stopped that from happening. There is a powerful medicine that was given to me … I’m not used to taking such medicine …

 

I couldn’t remember taking it … I didn’t realize I was taking it … each time I woke up. I’ve never taken drugs … and this was the most powerful medicine I ever met up with.

 

I wasn’t aware Skip was watching me, worrying about me … dying. He broke through my grief to make me realize I almost died. He stood watching me … he told me he couldn’t hear me breathe, barely see me breathing. He was very afraid for me.

 

After several weeks … I began to go the grief ‘all by myself’. I never took medicine again. I met that ‘damn grief … head on’. I was in another world … one that was foggy, stormy, dark … scary.

 

I’ve never known such horrible … storms … in my life. This ship … stood in the wind … battered as hell … but, I’m still here.

 

I do remember this … people say the ‘damnest things’ … thinking it helped me. I stayed away from them … they thought my son was ‘in a better place’ … In a better place? He didn’t want to die to go to a ‘better place’.

 

I didn’t feel comfort from those words … in fact, it made me angry … inside, though … I knew people were well-meaning. They’d heard that all their life … and they encountered a situation when that was … all they knew to say. I know … if it had been their child … those words were be last ones they would want to hear … they just hadn’t been in that situation … yet.

 

Today, the thoughts in my mind have been … sort of like when you want to go back in the past … try to move things out of your way … so, you can see what happened. I try to do that in my mind … go back to see, remember those three years I’ve lost, grieving for my child.

 

I think I’m stronger now … I want to know. You know more from my writing what happened … than what I … remember. Those of you who have faithfully followed me for the whole time … have meant the world to me.

 

It’s strange how ‘threes’ have played a part in my life. Three years of the worst grief I’ve ever known. Three years of battling cancer (non-Hodgkin lymphoma) to live. Three seems to be an important number in my life.

 

I give a person ‘normally’ … three chances to do right with me. After the third time … that’s it. I stay nice … but, I don’t forget … never. I smile …

 

I could go on, I won’t. I’m sure you also, have a limit in your life with ‘how much you’ll put up with’. If you don’t … you just as well lay down on the floor with your rugs … act like one so, people can physically … step on you. It all hurts … just as bad.

 

Today … the sky is gray, cloudy. I’m sure they influenced my thoughts as I wrote. I can imagine if the sunshine had been out … I would have written on a lighter note. These seem to be my thoughts for today … for a few minutes … at least 🙂

 

You know I’m not a gloomy person … I know that no matter how bad things get, are … one way or the other … everything’s going to be alright. It always is … I know this for a fact.

 

I’ve had many, many bad things in my life … somehow, though sometimes, it takes time … everything finally became … alright.

 

I don’t think many of us can go through a lifetime without seeing dark colors in our life. The good thing is there are many … shades of colors in life.

 

I hope to see many, many colors in my life, at this stage. I would like to know many good things, experience many good things, hear many good things… feel them all. I would love to see many good things happen in everyone’s life …

 

I would love to hear about them … I love for my Heart to be touched.

 

It’s the tears of joy that bother me … they wet my face … make my nose stuffy, hard to breathe … make my Heart feel like a big fireplace that only burns brighter, happier like another log’s been thrown on it … when I hear of good things … happening to you.

 

I do know what happiness feels like (I’m so happy, now) … happiness feels good … happy :)! I wish it for you, too. Happiness feels good! So, if that means being a ‘goody two-shoes’ … so, be it!

 

Colors Of Life Make The World Go ‘Round…


Colors Of Life Make The World Go ‘Round …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Skip and I … we were always told we were a beautiful couple.  My Hero, Soulmate, Best Friend.  Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee  …

 

 

 

 

You are scaring me! Don’t tell anymore scary stories, Faye! Of course, this prompted me to tell more gory stories … embellishing them with all kind of details! I loved scaring my cousins with my made-up stories. I could tell funny ones, too!

One of my cousins … would tell me I was scaring her, and she could see my eyes glowing in the dark! She died in a horrible crash with a log truck. It was really a bad time … our home had just burned down several days before.

I remember in my shock … that both of us were in the newspaper at the same time… house burns down; horrible crash. We would have never imagined such growing up … several months before that … her brother, my cousin committed suicide (many people say it wasn’t suicide).

My imagination works overtime … not all the time, but … a lot of the time. I think of the craziest things … don’t ask me ‘where’ it all comes from. I have cousins who are like me … they also, loved to write. In fact, no one knew that I loved to write all these years! Not until after Tommy died … I think I shocked everyone.

In fact, some people seemed to resent it very much. Especially when I got a book in print. When I’d see ‘old friends’ … it seemed to piss them off. In fact, one woman began backing away from me … she didn’t believe me … she thought I’d lost it because my son died.

I’ll never forget how she hurt my Heart … I would have expected better of her. I don’t even acknowledge her when I see her … it’s like she is a stranger. You know … give a polite smile, go your way.

I guess I would have to say, expect losing some ‘friends’ if you write (notice I put parentheses around ‘friends’ … that means … they were never friends to begin with … I ‘see’ through people).

They hate you, are jealous of you … or they hope you’ll be famous, and ‘they are your friends, relatives’, then. If they find out you aren’t famous … they quickly drop you. It’s funny … when/if the day comes … they won’t be a part of it.

I am not famous, just an unknown author. I don’t mind being that … I did what I wanted, I’m so glad I did. I wrote a book about my grief when my only child, my son … Tommy, died. He won’t ever be forgotten … never- ever. He is the reason I began writing, letting others know I write.

I accomplished what I meant to … people all over the world know who Tommy was … they won’t forget him for me. It means the world to me.

My second book is a thin book … an introductory to Victoria Fairchild. She is my main character … she’s the kind of person who takes care of business if she sees someone mistreating either animals, or people. She will do whatever it takes … even to the point of making sure … it never happens again.

My third book, is about the little puppy I rescued. For some time, I couldn’t write at all after that book. I went through a lot of pain, grief never knowing ‘why?’ As the months rolled on, I began to come back … to write again.

My three published books can sell … or not sell … I don’t worry about them … I just keep writing. Not only that … I have copyrights to them … I’m happy to have them! I’ve never held a book signing, yet … it doesn’t matter. Maybe it will some day, right now … it’s no big deal … don’t ask me ‘why?’ … I sure need the money, would welcome the money.

Lately, it’s felt really good to write about something … about nothing … just write. I’m inspired enough to work on my second Victoria Fairchild book. I want it to be just the scariest book! Victoria Fairchild is a wonderful person … and the best person to have on your side. She is going to be just as bad … as she is good. She will use her imagination to take care of ‘bad’ people.

No matter what someone thinks … the world always needs someone mean enough … tough enough … to protect the weak. Someone who will go to any lengths to protect once … and for all; Victoria Fairchild meets all that … and more. She doesn’t leave loose ends that can come back to bite one in the ass.

She has a cousin who is ‘tit for tat’ … she has powers, also. You’d never believe what she paints her paintings with. She is just as dark as Victoria is fair. Neither knows how far the other’s powers go …

These are some of the thoughts in my mind on this Monday evening. Fall time is around the corner … it’s my favorite time of the year. I actually feel excitement this year.

In fact, since Tommy died in 2010 … it’s taken this long for me to begin to feel excitement about anything. I can’t believe the actual thrill inside when I think about fall things, the State Fair, holidays. I’m so thankful to feel all these things once again.

Once I accepted Tommy can’t come back no matter what I do … and that he knew I loved him with my Heart … he loved his mother with his Heart (me) … that it’s okay to begin living life again … gradually, I have gotten better.

I look back at the journey I have been on … and think ‘Oh God’ … it was so scary, lasted so long, so dark. A part of me died … my only child … I can’t believe I’ve come this far … I made it … I really made it through. I’m amazed … because I … knew the thoughts that were in my mind, ‘then’.

Yes, I made it through the darkness … the darkest of dark I’ve ever experienced in my life. I’m glad I can’t remember ‘all’, now. Everything seems … like a dream. But … that’s the way of ‘bad’ things … it really does take time … to get past them.

I think sometimes, I worry someone will think … I am bad … when I’m writing my scary story 🙂 Then again, one can’t control the characters in a book … the story has to go on. The characters do, speak for themselves … you just write them.

You don’t tell your characters what to do … they tell you what they will do … your hand just brings them to life, just as a potter makes a beautiful vase. You weave your words like a weaver … splashing colors here, there to make it interesting to read.

Scary colors … happy colors … sad colors … mad colors. Colors of life make the world go ’round.

 

 

 

Photo/Story owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee

 

Making The Dark Go Away…


Making The Dark Go Away
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

4-20-2013 060

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee …2013

 
A sad, unhappy woman made her way down the aisle
Of the store she was in… she stopped to look
At socks of many colors, stripes and polka dots

She thought how beautiful the colors were
Grabbed up packs of them, put them in her cart
She needed color in her life to drive away the dark

The dark that threatened to take over her world
Fill it with depression, unhappiness… grief
No! No, I can not let it happen again, she thought

Colors! I need colors… throw the dark ones away
She walked down another aisle in the store
Began filling her cart with many things, many … colors!

Soon, she was in line to pay for her purchases
Out the door, into her car driving down the road
Once at home, she took her many colors inside her house

Laid them all out until… all she could see was happiness
Happiness all around her… no darkness lingered
She had colored her world with many colors, making the dark go away