Leaving My Blog The Same Name …

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates … photos of me … left photo taken December 2018

The right photo taken approximately 2014.  Photos owned by ME.

I tried to change name of my blog here to just my name.  It won’t do because it would cause such an ‘intense’ change to everything else.  That’s okay.  I will leave it as it is.

I put both photos above so, you know it’s ME 🙂 I have come so far since the photo on the right was taken.  I have found peace with the loss of my son, Tommy.  Plus, I have been picking the pieces of my shattered self up, putting me back together again.  I look like ME again.

I will write why I say ME a little later.  I’m not self-centered … it’s just I am so grateful, thankful to see “ME’ again.  I know this person now in the mirror.  When younger I would probably be vain to a degree … today, I just take big sighs of relief to look normal again, to dress in something without wondering if it’ll fit.

Truthfully, people show more respect like they did before I put on so much weight after Tommy died.  It didn’t matter to me then … Tommy died and nothing meant anything to me much less anyone respecting or not.

This is update on my blog here … the name will have to stay the same.  I will write by my name and not use ‘aka Granny Gee’ ever again.

Written/owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates

 

ME … Gloria Faye Brown Bates … No Aka Granny Gee

 

(Photo is of/owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates … taken December 2018  ** I have lost almost all the weight gained since my son died … I may be 20 lbs. from my goal)

Today I am going to be enjoying going through this blog to make positive changes to it.  So much has happened since I’ve been here … so much negative and some positive.  Later I will write about some of those things.  The good thing is one way or other … everything has a way of getting alright again … I’m waiting for that to happen. 🙂

I had such a time trying to recover this account because I didn’t have any codes, key proving this was my account.  I had forgotten my password … and on top of that I had opened a new account (I just closed it) … whenever I worked on everything for hours … everything I did took me to the new account.  That was also, part of the problem.

Gracious, you all should write, print your codes down that they gave you (ten special codes) … because they are right … you won’t recover your account if you don’t have your password.

Another tip … I have 5 little books of passwords … I never went back to each to change passwords as time went by and I had to.  If I forgot to write the password down … when I go back to look for one … I haven’t updated … don’t have it.

I feel like I’ve been on a long journey to arrive here.  But, the main thing is … I’m back and I look forward to writing, hoping to find all of you again.

One main change I am making is taking off ‘Granny Gee’ … or ‘Granny’s Colorful’ or ‘Granny anything’.  I want my blog to reflect ME … being a Granny isn’t to be in my life.

That’s okay … I have already coped with the loss of Tommy’s children when he died … at the same time grieving for Tommy, my son.  My whole life from the time I was little made me stronger than I even knew to cope with so much pain.  Life kept knocking me down with such cruel blows … so many deaths … I’ve lost so much in my life.

The biggest loss being … my son, his children.  I don’t think I could have come back after Tommy’s death if there wasn’t some kind of hidden strength I wasn’t aware of having.  As for grandchildren … I won’t be discussing that with anyone.

One child has grown up … her father death left her a big sum of money.  I’m afraid she’ll never-ever see it. That’s all I will say about that chapter of life on grandchildren.  I’ve closed it in my mind.  No one kept my memory alive for his children when Tommy died.

One child did come looking for me … oh my.  That was a brief period of time … the reasons to look for me weren’t positive ones … they were for thinking I had a lot of money.  That grandchild picked the one of the worse, most stressful times of our life to enter it … that grandchild did something so unforgivable, so shocking.  I forgave that grandchild though … I also ‘let go’ completely of the thoughts of ever being a grandmother.

I’m so thankful I don’t feel pain anymore from it.  It was never meant for me to ever be a ‘Granny Gee’.  The only thing special about that name was that Tommy called me that for his son to call me. At least I got to be one … in my mind until Christmas 2018.  I will write that story yet.  I was only a Granny Gee in my mind … in words.  I didn’t know how to be a grandmother anyway.

I write the stories of my life … to remember Tommy, my son … tell you about grief, the pain just as I promised I always would … I don’t think you’ll ever hear me say again … I’m hoping one day a grandchild will come to find me.   If I were well-off financially … I’d move away where no one would find me.  Does that sound mean, flip?  It isn’t … I care very deeply … I will not set myself up for more pain, grief in my life … Life has dealt me enough without me becoming my own enemy.

I have been through so much, seen so much … that I am not going to subject myself to certain things … It would be like banging my head against the wall … accomplishing nothing … but, suffering so much from what I brought on myself.  I am a very realistic person … I don’t waste time when I see that it is just that … wasted time, unnecessary grief, pain.

You can’t force someone to love you … but, while you are forcing them to love you and pretend … they will cause you such unhappiness, pain.  I love ME better than that.  I’m lucky to be here after my son died … no one knows just how lucky I really am.  I’m not here ‘for nothing’. We have more than enough on us at this time in our Life.  Also, I don’t play games I’ve watched almost everyone play all through time … I’m not getting caught up in it.

There may be several people who want to ‘argue’ about the grandmas, grandmothers and such’ … don’t.  I know it’s wonderful for other people and I love seeing such happiness. What I don’t need, want … is someone thinking they could be forward enough to tell me ‘what I need to do, not do’.  I can only say in a nice way … live your life … you can’t live mine because you don’t know anything.

I don’t need negative … and I would quickly tell them … “you have no idea of all that’s transpired through time, I’m not discussing it with you”.  Not only that … when someone comes with the intentions to use you so obvious … you better get that person out of your life for good. Scary things could … and today … do happen.

The good thing is I’ll write in a positive way … I am a positive person even when I’ve lost hope because … I know no matter how bad … things have a way of being alright again.

I’ll continue to live my private life and write, draw and create.  I don’t do any one of those things perfectly … because I am not perfect nor … do I have the desire to be after the ‘3 perfect years’ I wasted in my life.  I’ll write about being perfect again in the future.  I do, however, do whatever I’m doing to the best of my ability plus … a little extra.

Just remember this when you follow ME … this blog is about ME … colors/stories of my life … grief, pain and my stories of coping, dealing with the loss of my only child, Tommy.

Why do I write about those things?  When one writes they need to write about something they truly know to be convincing … readers can sense when someone writes something they don’t know anything about.  I am an expert on ME … because I am, have been living ME all my life.

I’ve had an unusual life … many bad things have happened in it than normal for anyone.  I’ve fought many battles, been on many of Life’s Journeys and am still here living to tell it.  I’ve battled cancer … losing everyone whom I grew up with that I loved with my heart … my husband battled cancer … a house fire destroyed all our belongings, the list goes on.

You’ll see me go back in time to visit old memories to write … who knows maybe something about those memories of mine … could touch someone, help them.  When you feel emotion, hurt, laugh or cry … then you’ve felt a little of what I went through, am feeling as I lose myself in a time long enough to write you a story … enough so you wanted to keep reading to see what happened … how was that problem solved … so on.

When I write … I become my story as I write … I feel pain, happiness … whatever I’m expressing just like when an actor becomes the character he is portraying in a movie … a character you identify with … someone you ‘feel’.  I just happen to be the ‘main character’ of my stories.

I see today … there’s no one left to remember ME any more than to remember Tommy … no family, no one.  My words will still be here so that when they’re read … someone will remember me, know ‘hey, she was in the world too!’ Someone will know my name, read it … maybe ‘feel’ my life through my words enough to know they’ve touched a person that was a good person … years ago. Maybe something good can come out of my words to them from something I have said/written.

I have been writing since 2010 to remember Tommy … ‘knowing’ I had 2 grandchildren who would want to know their grandmother, knowing they would come looking for ME with love in their hearts … not come looking for money thinking I was rich because I published my 3 books. I’m proud of accomplishing that … I’m proud I have 3 copyrights on file at The Library of Congress on my books.

My books haven’t sold … that’s okay too.  I accomplished what I meant to do … I have remembered Tommy … and he’ll be remembered when I am gone.  I sometimes, make golden wire, beaded dragonflies in memory of Tommy … I leave them for others to find … they have a little treasure in helping to remember my son.

I know I am not the best writer in this world … I know that whatever I do  … I do my best at it.  When I wrote those books … it was at such a time when I lost my son … that my mind was on the grief that tortured me. I can’t bear to look or try to read them.  I just can’t. I might see mistakes I made … or so much pain I can’t bear it.

My book I Cry For Tommy (738 pages) … is like a dam that was flooding over with water … my book is where the ‘water/pain’ went. Every character/letter/punctuation was one of my diamond tear drops from my Heart.  Writing my pain, having a place to channel my pain, grief … probably contributed to saving my life, along with Skip and our Pups3.

Remember … when you feel emotion from my words … because you will as I write real feelings, not sugar-coat them … remember to never pity me … I write because I have to … I write to entertain you … I write to let you know how something feels hoping you won’t ever have to experience it … I write in hopes my words might in some way comfort, help someone. I write … taking a journey in time … when I come back … I’m still in my desk chair.  I’m always glad to be back … home.  I don’t dwell in the past.

I write to let people, and younger relatives read ME to know I was a person at one time … a very real person with very real feelings.  I want them to ‘feel’ ME, too.  I wish I could ‘read’ words written by certain relatives who are long gone, that I’ve always been curious about … I would love to read and get to ‘feel’ the ‘real sort of person’ they really were when they lived. I would wonder in what ways I was like them.

One more very important thing to remember about ME … when you come here to read ME … and you feel such emotion from my words … never-ever mistake me as being a person who ‘whines, cries … wallows in self-pity like a little pig does in mud’.  Never think that.  I’ve never felt sorry for myself … I never had time to … I always have had to go with the flow of Life no matter what … unless … I died.

I always describe ME as being like the big, tall Redwood Tree that stands ‘forever’ … weathering many harsh storms of Life.  Standing tall, strong.  No one sees the scars left behind, the strength.  They see a wonderful, beautiful, tall Redwood Tree … admire it for its beauty … never seeing beneath the surface what it’s been through.

I look forward to writing here again.  I’m so happy to have my blog here back.  I thought it was going to be a losing battle … thankfully it isn’t.  I hope my readers will come back and people will want to come read about real life … Me.

Written/Owned … Photos, also … by Gloria Faye Brown Bates

I Am Going to Write On My Primary Blog … Please Visit Me There

http://happycolorsandgrannygee.blogspot.com

 

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

I am going to write only on my Primary Blog for a while :    http://happycolorsandgrannygee.blogspot.com

I hope you will come to visit me there.  I will look for you.

Gloria/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

 

What You Need To Know about Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

From time to time I have to remind others ‘why?’ I write. I don’t write to gain pity … I write to live. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

 

Think of me as the strongest, biggest Redwood tree in the forest.  I’m still standing after all Life’s storms.  Pray that I have beautiful, calm weather until the end of my days.  I would love to know that for the rest of my life.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee.

Artwork by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee  … I’m still standing.

 

 

This is the link to this story I wrote today … 2-29-2016 … I want to tell my new readers, friends, followers ‘why?’ I write ……. I want to remind everyone who knows me why I write grief, pain … I write as I promised about grief, pain when it happens, how it feels.  

 

 

http://new.mylot.com/post/2898107/this-may-be-the-last-time-i-tell-what-happened-to-tommy

 

 

Don’t you dare feel sorry for me.  Think of me as … envision the biggest, strongest Redwood tree … I’ve weathered many of Life’s storms … twigs, limbs are missing … but … I’m still standing.  I hope now … at this point in my Life … that the weather be wonderful … calm … until the end of my days.  I’ve had enough grief, pain for several lifetimes.

 

 

I have been writing since November 2010 …( I’d been writing all my life … but, I began my blog: ) … just a few months after my son … Tommy … died. When I began my blog I made the promise to all my readers/followers/friends I would describe pure grief, pain of a grieving mother.

 

I didn’t need anyone’s sympathy … I never thought of anyone as I wrote my pain. The truth is … writing my grief, pain … saved my life. While I was in darkness, the keys under my fingertips gave me comfort as well … as an outlet for my grief.

 

 

My grief, pain flowed like the biggest river in the world … rocks hurt like h___ … I still flowed on to … wherever. In fact, before someone says something to add more pain, grief … say empty, useless words … I asked people to just come into my blog to read quietly, leave just as quietly, go their way.

 

 

My beautiful Son … big as life … in a truck stop on his way to somewhere … taking a selfie.  I miss you, Tommy.  Your Mama miss you with her very Heart.

 

They could see how it all felt, never having to experience in their life … grief, pain of a grieving mother. I promised my readers that I would write grief when it happened … as it happened … and I would tell the raw truth about grief.

 

 

No pity … no feeling sorry … read like you are reading something else … if you learn something from my grief, thank God. I pray no one ever goes through losing a child … only child like I did.

 

 

This logo was made just for me by Donnalyn, several years ago.

 

 

I didn’t need all those comments that you are going to always hear people say … such as … ‘oh, he’s in a better place now … he’s sitting down at the Lord’s table eating … you don’t have to worry about him anymore … oh, you’ll get over your grief in no time, like in the next few weeks … the worst one I heard, that fills me with pure, white anger is … oh, I understand, I know how you feel.’ I understand, I know how you feel … can you imagine someone telling you that when they’ve never experienced grief?

 

 

Needless to say … I didn’t say a word to those people … I never forgot them … I forgave them for their careless words. Can you imagine modeling your life after someone who has never experienced what they are ‘selling’? Can you? Can you imagine listening to a pastor preach empty words when he has never experienced being saved, the true feeling of love, compassion, caring for his congregation?

 

 

My son, Tommy … holding his newborn son … Tommy had one son, and one daughter.

 

 

Can you imagine telling a grieving mother that you understand how it feels, her grief should be over in oh, probably … 2 weeks? Can you imagine being told that by someone who has never lost a child? Can you imagine someone who has never experienced the pain, grief in their life … try to tell you how it feels? How you should handle it?

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

I want to share with my new friends … and new readers/followers on my blog … what happened to Tommy one year almost to the day he died … what he suffered … what his mother suffered, what I was grieving for …. before he died. I was already grieving for Tommy one year before … he died. Tommy ‘died’ … one year before he …. died.

 

 

Every writer knows that in order to write … be real, sincere … they have to write what they know best in life. You can’t fool your readers .. they know when you are being an imposter.

 

 

I write what I know best in my life since being a child … all the way until today … I’ve known grief, pain … awful things throughout my life. I know grief, pain … best. Just remember this when you read ‘me’ … I don’t write to gain your sympathy, pity … I don’t need it. I truly don’t need anyone’s pity.

 

 

Tommy is holding his newborn son …

 

 

I have grown very strong throughout time … think of me like you would a … redwood tree. I’ve withstood many, many terrible storms. I’m weathered, beaten … missing a twig or two … but, I’m still standing. I’m still weathering storms … I do pray for sunshine, calm weather … I would like to rest from battling the storms in my life.

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

I would like to tell you this … to remember also, about me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … I’m the most positive, happiest person you’ll ever meet who is a grieving mother … a person who has battled cancer … congestive heart failure, motorcycle wreck … lost over 19 family members (not just any family members but, the ones I truly loved with my very Heart) … whose husband has battled cancer, almost dying again twice with strokes, heart problems … blood infection in his body from a tiny cut from old wire … lost all in a housefire … the ultimate loss … losing the only child whom I loved the ground he walked on. These are only … a few things ‘BAD’ that’s happened in my life.

 

 

My published book of grief, pain … writing this book saved my life … if you asked me what is in it … I can’t tell you … I can’t remember … I can’t open the book to read it.  Over a thousand pages of pure grief … pure pain.  You are looking at my life raft … writing this book is why I’m here today.  Writing this book makes sure my son, Tommy, is remembered forever.  It doesn’t matter that it doesn’t sell … doesn’t matter at all.  I have my copyright from Library of Congress on this book ( I have 3 copyrights on the 3 books I published).  They don’t sell … that’s okay … I still have my copyrights, and I’m proud to have them … I did it all when I was in the deepest throes of grief.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

 

 

This is only a fraction of what I’ve battled … so, this is what I write best … pain, grief, sadness. I write it to tell you that no matter how bad … things DO get better … no matter how BAD … they will get good again I can smile now … when I thought I couldn’t ever smile again … I mean how does a mother ever smile again with the knowledge that her child died?

 

 

It does happen … a grieving mother can smile again … but … this grieving mother had to make a choice … either stay in the darkness and not cope with the loss … or … meet it head-on … no matter how bad it hurts … battle it like you would battle with a bear … I did … I was going to either live … or die.

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

I’m smiling … I am here five years after my son’s death … yes, I still go through bouts of grief … oh my, I really do. Those times are farther apart … and I recover from them quickly now. Does it … lessen the pain, grief … when it comes again … no.

 

 

To write my story … on my blog for maybe the last time about what happened … I had to transport me back deeply into the darkness where I knew my grief, pain was for my son … doing this … something I don’t do anymore … took something out of me … for several days until now … I still feel the pain deeply. I can’t do it anymore … if I do … it may be years down the road.

 

 

For now … in order to understand me, my type of writing … one will have to go read on my blog … this is the link to what happened to Tommy … exactly one year leading up to his death. Link to my Blog: Colors in My Life … /2016/02/this-may-be-last-time-i-tell-anyone.html

 

 

A grieving mother … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

These are only words trying to describe by writing … living pain, grief … they are in no way the same. I couldn’t describe how … it really felt. Know that as you read … there was so much more than what I wrote.

 

 

Unless you are a mother who suffered with her child … then … her child die … you can’t understand at all. The closest you can come to that is … get very quiet … think of one of your children … think of what that child means to you … what you love so dearly about him/her … think of the sounds that child makes when they laugh, talk … everything that makes that one person your child.

 

 

Now … the phone rings … you see your child’s cellphone number pop up on the caller ID … you smile! You answer … you become confused because a stranger is trying to tell you something. What? What did you say?

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … a grieving mother who can smile today.

 

 

“Ma’am, I have a man collapsed here on the sand … he’s not breathing.” You have just found out before anyone knows … you are 200 miles away … you learn from a stranger that … your child is dead … he is laying on the soft sand at the ocean where he’d just arrived on vacation to play with his own little boy.

 

 

Your son has just collapsed on the sand … died that fast … 3 blockages to his heart. No one knew he was sick.

 

 

At that very moment … only you and the stranger and his family who cares for the man’s little son to keep him safe … knows your … son is dead.

 

 

The little son is wanting his daddy to get back up … “Let’s run, play … Daddy!”

 

 

I see you can’t bear to think of your child being … dead. I know you can’t … I couldn’t before my own son died. I’m sorry I made you feel pain, grief when imagining losing your child.

 

 

It’s the closest you’ll ever come to understanding a grieving mother … until … I pray you’ll outlive all your children. That’s the way it’s supposed to be … parents should never outlive their children.

 

 

My beautiful Son, my only child … Tommy

Born November 20, 1969

Died May 29, 2010

 

 

 

Children are our world … our family support when we have no one else … children carry on our name, inherit all our possessions and knowledge. Children are truly the … wealth of our world … when we teach them to be the best they can be.

 

 

Children are our everything. Now … I only have Skip, my husband … and our 2 dogs … they are truly the only family I have left in this big, old world … they are my whole world.

 

 

I have no one else … but, you … my online friends, readers and followers. So, my whole world, Skip and our 2 Pups … and you … mean everything to me.

 

 

 Tommy Mitchell Sidden … my only child, my Son.  This is the last photo taken of him driving to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina … he died that evening … collapsed to the soft, damp sand by the ocean’s waves washing ashore … where he and his little son played just minutes before …  May 29, 2010 … on a Saturday evening.

 

 

 

Just remember whenever you read anything sad, painful that I write … that it’s coming from a most positive person who has traveled many journeys in life … who has felt the pain from many things … who knows how so much feels … who truly knows no matter how bad … everything will be alright.

 

 

Good comes from … bad. Don’t even feel sorry for me … feel how strong the redwood tree looks when you stand below it … it’s still here after many storms have tried to take it down.

 

 

I am short, 5′ 2″ … but, I’m tall in spirit. In soul, I’m larger than life … from all the experiences, journeys I have taken in my life.

 

 

I have no room for pity … I’m not a ‘poor little thing’ … all broken into pieces … I worked very hard … to put ‘me’ back together. Sure … a piece falls off … now and then … I begin scuffling to put it back so … I can be alright again.

 

 

So now … you have an idea who Granny Gee/Gloria is … a strong person who when knocked down … jumps back up, dusts her pants off … holds her ground to meet life head-on … no matter how painful it is. Sometimes, it takes a little time to get up … I always manage.

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … in this photo you can see the gold nugget necklace that was around Tommy’s necklace when he died.  He wore it always … it is my class ring melted down into a gold nugget … 11 grams gold.  I gave it to my son … his wife gave it back to me … it meant the world.

 

 

 

Don’t feel pity for me … don’t think when I write my grief … I’m reaching out for someone to feel sorry for me. I don’t need it. Just care … go on … open your eyes wider when you see a grieving person … have compassion, not pity. Just simply … care with your Heart.

 

 

If you say something sincere in your own words (not a bunch of ___ you’ve always heard) … it’ll mean the world to that grieving person. Don’t recite a bunch of nothing just to have something to say … don’t say anything … just hug … care … if you can’t say anything … real.

 

 

Know that I am a for-real good person … I’m most real. I love everyone … see through fakey people … don’t waste time on them. Life’s too short to let others in my life that aren’t sincere.

 

 

I will voice my Gloria Opinions in a moment … I’ll respect yours and you respect mine … I won’t argue anything with anyone. Why? Because I simply don’t have to … it’s not worth the grief, pain it causes.

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

One last thing … I’m known for some times, writing long stories. I have to … it’s part of being me. You don’t need to tell me … I already know. I don’t do it all the time … only when … it’s important.

 

 

Photo/story owned … written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

 

Photo is of the only tattoo I most likely will ever have … in memory of my son, Tommy. He loved dragonflies … dragonflies show up in my life at the oddest times.

 

 

My Tommy Dragonfly Tattoo created for me by Jason Wilkins at Revelation Ink & Piercings … his new shop will open in early March 2016 in Raleigh, NC (Wakefield area).  Until then, you will find him at his shop in Louisburg, NC at Dystink’d Tattoo.

 

 

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• Can You Imagine?
• I Feel a Rainbow Coming On In My Heart …
• To Paint My Grief I Will Need More Colors Than I Have …

To Let My Friends … ‘Family’ Know …

 

 

 

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates

To All My Family, Friends Here on Facebook … this is truly how I feel and think. You all can ‘let go’ of me and go your own way if you don’t really like, want to be … real.

I can’t let you continue to sit here on my Facebook couch in my Facebook living room while you munch your Facebook chips … you hurt me being here, never speaking. I wonder ‘who do you think you are?’ I’ve let you sit here for several years … it stops today. Go on about your own life, business …

Today … I’m doing the same … I’m letting go of people whom I can’t bear to have here anymore … I ‘let go’ in a good way. I’ll never stop loving, caring … but, I won’t allow you back in my life … not this Life.
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Last night … sadly … I took off another ‘family member’ here on my Facebook. I’m not going to be … belittled … or have my jewelry pointed out to make me look bad … because someone wants to hurt me.

She isn’t the first one to be like this … what she doesn’t realize … it’s all I’ve got … she has every thing in life … why would she be jealous of jewelry from … days gone by.

She never knew me all these years … I would never-ever be close to her … then, I made the mistake in my ‘old age’ … no more.

You can’t hope to have people love you when all those years have gone by. So, people who I only feel grief … pain … from …. today, I’m letting you go.

This doesn’t mean you aren’t a good person in your life … I know you must be. In my life … you aren’t healthy for me … I have to … let you go. I can’t go on with unhappy feelings built up in me … so, you are gone after today … know I love, respect you … but, you have to get out of my life … return to your own.

We may be related … but, we aren’t good … healthy for the other. We were taught too much hate, anger, ugliness as children … I’ve lived my life without this all these years until after Tommy died … then, you all appeared.

I’m sure you meant well … they always do … but, that natural hate, distrust, ugliness rears its head. I am cutting the head off today. Don’t bother me anymore … I have enough grief … pain in my Heart. I won’t let you add anymore by snubbing me on my Facebook page when it was an honor for me to let you be here.

I know you are trying to keep up with me … maybe I’ll get famous writing? Hear this … I won’t ever get famous writing … I am a mediocre writer … I love to write, can’t stop writing … don’t think I’ll get famous from it. It won’t happen.

So now … I’ve told you … you can go happily your way and be happy your cousin, sister, whatever isn’t going to do anything with her writing. Oh… that goes for some ‘friends’ on Facebook also, that make me feel bad for me allowing you to come here as a friend … and you just …. sit there. You don’t know me … it was a lot of thought … and caring to make me let you be here … in my Life. It is with a lot of love, caring that today … I let you go. I wish you well, only good things in life.

Only my friends, and less than the fingers on my hand in Family, remain here… today … They never hurt me… I feel good with them here even if they don’t speak. I sense no anger, hatred, jealousy of me … one more thing while I’m at it … I’m broke, I have nothing … life is very hard for Skip and I financially … the worse ever … so, I’m nobody … I’m not rich, famous … I’m only what you see, read … I’m Gloria … I’m all I’ve got excepting my whole world … Skip and the Pups. See, now …. ‘friends’ and ‘family’ alike … you can go your way … now.

I can’t gain you anything … I can’t add anything to your life only … words, love. You can’t hold them in your hands … you feel, read. I give them freely … so know, you are wasting your time on being friends with me if … you expect more than that.

Yes, my jewelry is expensive, beautiful jewelry … they are from a day when it could be afforded … each piece was given to me when I survived something in my life … or accomplished something really … big … for me.

When I die, I leave Skip the option to do whatever he wants to do with them. If I live longer, I will leave them to whomever is in my Life that I … truly love. Hopefully, to my granddaughter, grandson. So, there’s nothing to be gained here. I’m just … nothing … but when saying that … I really am … something. You just don’t have to agree … no one does … I know what I am … it took all these years to … know myself.

No matter I’m not perfect … I’ve been on wrong roads in life …. made mistakes … as soon as I learned the hard way … I became a better person. Unlike a lot of people who kept going down those ‘bad’ paths … I chose not to.

It’s a wonder with the way I was raised … it’s a wonder I wasn’t one … big, badass … ruthless, mean ugly… as a young person I was full of hate, anger. I was on the road to be just that. Love was in me … goodness was in me … it was bigger than bad … that’s what happened to me.

Another thing … some of my family think they can hurt me by ‘telling everyone’ my mistakes … it doesn’t matter. All I will do is write now … what I don’t write about … instead of waiting ‘one day’.

I will never let my family … blackmail me … never. I will hold my ground any day even if it means losing every ‘friend’ I have … I won’t let anyone cower me through blackmail like I’ve watched through the years … watched the anguish …. crying because one’s sister, cousin … was going to ‘tell everything on them’ if they didn’t do this or that. Hell no … no blackmail here … I’m strong enough to bear it. I didn’t weather all these awful storms in my life … for nothing. I will say this … look in your own backyard, first.

Getting back to my jewelry … One of my diamond rings … Skip gave to me when I made it … survived cancer, lived. I lived … to have that special ring. It was what he could afford in 2000 when he was fleet manager in a company in Raleigh. He got that beautiful ring for me.

I had a family member watch yesterday here at all the Happy Birthdays I got … then the photos I used to ‘speak back’ to you all … one is in my profile photo.

She made a remark about …. ‘your sapphire is a killer’ … that was to point out to everyone that I had expensive rings.

The big ring with the purple stone is my birthstone ring with diamonds … amethyst … Skip bought that for me … when I accomplished going to truck driving school to drive with him … after working in an office. I did something!smile emoticon I earned that ring …

I made it through truck-driving school … then went on to drive 3 years out west to California, and Washington State, Arizona, New Mexico, Oregon, Montana … I could keep naming them … all those real mountains! I did something … for a woman. I was proud. I earned it. It’s an amethyst with diamonds … not a ‘killer’ sapphire ring.

Anyway … I am taking all … ‘family’ off my Facebook, group … excepting several people I love, care about that are related to me … they are like me in that they are private people … they ‘know our family’ … you can’t get close to anyone.

Jealousy, natural hate will rear its ugly head every time … and if you don’t do what they want … it’s blackmail time. I will say this … in all my writing I’ve let all my friends … readers know that I’m not perfect, never have been … never will be … Granny Gee is the name my son gave me for a beautiful little boy to grow up knowing his grandma by … I use it in my writing to keep the name alive.

Goodbye to all of you that … I ‘let go’ of today. I do it with love, not anger. I do it so, I can be mentally healthier … so can you. It’s not healthy for your mind if you dwell on me, hate me … not like me.

I’m nobody to you even being related. Just remember when I allowed you on my Facebook that as each individual person … I felt … hoped … prayed there would be some kind of real connection.

Sadly, it wasn’t … some of you have sat here on my Facebook couch in my Facebook living room … while you munched your Facebook potato chips watching me, judging me … never speaking one word.

I speak one word to you …. ‘Goodbye’.

Today is the day I ‘let go’ of unhealthy people in my Life. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee

The photo used here is the one with the ‘sapphire killer ring’. It’s simply my birthstone ring I earned when going to truck driving school. Am I supposed to quit wearing my treasured, meaningful jewelry from my husband through the years … because we are experiencing … hard times?

Well, I won’t stop … through time I’ve sold all my jewelry … these are the pieces I have left. I keep them because each one holds the deepest of meaning.

Let’s Fine the Homeless People who Sleep on our Streets …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

 

 

This is strictly my Gloria Opinion … I won’t argue it with anyone.  I respect your opinions just as you respect mine.  This is a subject that touches my very Heart … I wish I could make a difference.  I try in my little ways each day … suppose we all did?

 

All of my friends, followers know I have a Special place in my Heart for homeless people.  In a fight … if someone falls down … the other person wins, right?  He doesn’t stand there, continually kicking someone who is down.  This is what fining homeless people is doing.  Only the coldest, meanest would do such a thing … only the cold, heartless would do that to get pleasure from seeing more suffering.

 

What’s wrong with getting the word out to the homeless … telling them of … safe areas … they can go lay down … even if … it’s out in the open like where they are sleeping now.  Have you thought that some of these people are very afraid of dying, being beaten … tortured?  Have you?  They get out in the open praying to God to protect them, watch over them … well … we are God’s angels … why aren’t they being watched over?

 

Have you ever thought ‘like a homeless person’ … ‘think of how you would do if you had no choice to be homeless’?  I have … I would want to stay as close to people who are there … people who are strong, caring … people who offer comfort through words, food … sometimes, touch.  You are thinking … but, they make a mess!  My answer is … put more portable toliets in every area … more trash receptacles … maybe a lot of them don’t want to make a mess.

 

Have you ever been close to being … homeless?  Have you felt the fear of … what am I going to do?  Where am I going to go?  What comes to your mind?  Darkness comes to your mind … homeless people live in darkness … no where to go … no one wants them because they might get dirt on their possessions … all they can do is to … exist for what?  So, what do they do … live until they die.  What do they have to look forward to … a life that punishes them everyday just for being alive?

 

 

I say Shame on you … whoever you are to want to come up with an idea to punish a homeless person, fine a homeless person who has nothing but, the rags they wear … do you need a ‘rag’ that bad?  I say I wish there was a legal way to make you come out of your comfortable life … make you live as a homeless person in the most real way … for at least 6 months to a year.  We have to walk on the many roads in Life to understand them … if you haven’t experienced them … it’s too easy to sit … spout words to do this, do that … and not know the first thing you are talking about.

 

Have compassion, a big Heart … not anger, hate for people who are only existing until they die … wishing like you or me … for miracles to happen to take them out of a world they never meant to be in.  Life can be cruel … you say “well, they are drug addicts, they are this, they are that”.  I say … they are human beings like you, like me … God put us on this earth to love, care … help others get to their feet … I don’t think he meant for you to live off money meant to help other people … keep your bellies fat … raise your family, send them to college … all the times looking down on others while you spend money meant to help them.  You see … there are some very selfish, ugly people in this world … they do things such as this … everyone sees it, knows it.

 

When we get older … we realize what life is really about … not being selfish, hoarding possessions.  It’s truly about constantly … giving to help someone, putting a hand out to steady someone … pull someone up who is sitting on the ground … grab them before they fall … smile, comfort them when they hurt.  Life is about … people … all people, including homeless people who have no choice anymore … why?  Because they don’t have money, clothes … a nice home … they have nothing.  Each day they risk losing the rest of what they have left … their life.

 

I tell the whole world what I feel about the homeless … because this is how I believe, feel.  I’m passionate about doing things to help them find a little comfort in this cruel life they live in … don’t you realize that we can stand, sit … side by side … never know what the other person is going through?  Haven’t you been sitting beside someone who is totally happy, bragging about they have this, have that ……………… you are sitting there with nothing … not even a dollar or two to buy food to eat, something to drink?  All you have is your pride wishing you didn’t … so, you could ask for a few dollars to eat on.

 

What hurts me most is … I have no money to help the homeless.  Guess what?  The people who would help them, make a difference … are like me … no money to their name to make the difference … people who have money should be making.  Let me go back to my world now … I’m not homeless … but, I have nothing … and events just happened to make me have less … just the door in this room I’m in, what my friends do  … keeps me safe for the moment.  I can’t always depend on them … have you ever stood close to the edge of a cliff … you get closer, closer … praying you never fall off?

 

The homeless people  … fell off the cliff.  There are some who try to help them pick up the pieces … but, there aren’t enough of them … many, many more people are needed … people who have resources to help the helpless, homeless people.  Even the people who are … just before homeless.  I know miracles can happen in our world … I know miracles can happen to each of us … I know miracles can happen in one’s Heart.

 

This is strictly my Gloria Opinion.  I won’t argue my beliefs with anyone … on the homeless people … no one can change my mind.  I love, care about all people … homeless, people with homes, poor or rich.  I respect your opinions and expect mine to be respected.  Sincerely, Gloria Faye Brown Bates​

 

 

Note by Author:

 

Photo/article owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates

 

This is exactly how I feel … I read that in a place called Chelmsford … someone wants to fine the homeless for sleeping on the streets.  I signed the petition against that.  Why would someone want to kick someone who is already down?  Why?

 

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I Had to Die Twice to … Rest in Peace

 

 

 

I Had to Die Twice to … Rest in Peace

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Look at them standing there … he’s smoking a cigarette … I smell the smoke all the way to here. She’s laughing, flirting … her hands fluff her hair, lifting it from her shoulders.  She shakes it out, lets it fall back on her shoulders.  She is pretty … but, … can’t she do this somewhere besides … here.  Besides … that man is married to her sister.  Trash!

 

 

I move over to where I hear giggling.  Darn those old-ass women!  They are gossiping up a storm … here!  Where are their manners … they are old enough to know better.

 

 

People standing by the coffin … looking in.  I hear someone say, “she doesn’t look like herself, does she?”  Too much make-up … her hair isn’t fixed like she normally wore it.  Darn them!  Who are they to stand there, say such things.  Do they think they will look perfect when they die?  How do they know how they are going to be made up for viewing.  Damn them!  It’s enough to bring someone back from the dead!

 

 

I raise myself up out of the coffin … glaring at the people who stood there.  Eyes grew big, skin paled. They didn’t know what to think … they went instantly into shock.  I grinned at them … not in a nice way, either!  I made an evil grin, they deserved it!

 

 

“I’m not dead!  I was but, you made me so angry that I couldn’t rest in peace!  The next time I die, I will die in private … I will be cremated  I don’t want any of you to come around me living, much less dead!”

 

 

“You come to party at my funeral!  You laugh, you play, you gossip, you eat … you try to go with someone’s husband!  You can all go home … I’m not dying now … not until I can die in peace, in private … not have no one at my funeral!”

 

 

“If I want to smell smoke … it won’t be from a darn cigarette … it’ll be from my body burning into ashes.  Now, go!  I’m not going to lay here dead while you have fun at my funeral!  I can’t even die in peace.”

 

 

One by one … each one of the people filed out through the door of the room my casket sat in.  I crawled over the side … looked inside the coffin at the white lacy fabric … sure was pretty.  I still smelled smoke from the man whose sister-in-law flirted with him.  Trash!  Not at my funeral!

 

 

Served them right … let them all go home without the satisfaction of standing at my graveside shedding crocodile tears … let the crocodile bite everyone of them in the butt!

 

I looked across the room … at a lone figure sitting on the upholstered couch.  Why, it was my husband.  He wasn’t aware of all that had transpired in the room my body had laid in.  He was in shock … no one had cared.  No one had walked to him, sat beside him to comfort him.  Shame on them!

 

 

I walked to the couch … I sat down beside him … put my arms around him.  His eyes were closed in grief … he wouldn’t look to see who was there.  I took my hand, patted him on his cheek like I always did … he began to open his eyes.

 

 

As he became aware of me sitting there … he cried out!  My darling!  You’ve come back!  I smiled at him and he held me tightly.  I stood up, took him by the hand … led him past the owners of the funeral home.  I’m sure they thought they were witnessing a paranormal event … but, I was the real thing.  I wasn’t ready to stay dead.

 

 

We got into the car, drove home.  We lived many years happily until I got ready to die again.  This time … no funeral.  I was cremated … no false people pretending to be friends, family.  My husband took my ashes home to comfort him.  I was at peace finally … I had to die twice to … rest in peace.

 

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

Today we drove by a funeral home … I saw people standing in their little groups … laughing, socializing, smoking … a woman in a mini-skirt, flirting with a man.  I sat watching while we waited for the light to change.

 

I don’t mind seeing this at someone else’s funeral.  But … not my funeral.

 

I’m going to be cremated … no one will be welcomed to come view me excepting my husband, Skip.  No one is going to laugh, have a party while I lay dead anywhere.  Besides … when I sleep I don’t let people come to view me … why would I let them come to view me when I go to sleep … forever?

 

Through time I have paid attention to how people act … a lot of them come to the home of the deceased to eat all their stomachs can hold … smiling, laughing all the while.  When they leave, they carry their little paper plates all wrapped in plastic with them … to have a snack that night.

 

I know this is normal for many people … I don’t knock it.  But … I’ve never done that at someone’s funeral … I cared about ‘why’ I came to either the funeral home … or the actual home of the deceased.  I understand that everyone has different customs when their loved ones die … everyone respects that deceased person’s wishes.  I truly respect others and their customs even if I prefer different.

 

My wishes when I die are that I’m taken directly to be cremated … no viewing.  Only my husband can see me … if my son was still living … he could have been there.  My ashes will be put in a modest container/urn … not expensive … taken home where … I can rest in peace.

 

Do you know what you want when you die?  Do you want everyone to gather around your body, smiling and laughing … talking?  Some people find comfort in that … that’s good for them … not for me.  I’d hate to get back up only to … have to do it all over again.

 

This is really what I think … true thoughts only with some humor (sick humor?) …. because the subject is so serious.  It’s not funny, but yet … we have to use humor to tell something that makes us afraid.  It’s sometimes, easier to talk about such things in a gentle, humorous way … all the while being very serious.

 

Story/photo written, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

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Just Because One is Older Doesn’t Mean … to Quit Dreaming, Wishing and Hoping

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

I woke up to the thoughts that because I am older … should I forget my dreams, wishes, hopes?

Should I just lay down, die as soon as possible because there’s no room for an older person’s dreams, wishes, hopes.

Am I too old to accomplish anything in the rest of my life?  Should I sit like a piece of furniture without thoughts until I take my last breath?

I sat, thought about this.  Hell no!  I’m not letting go of any of my dreams, hopes, wishes.  Even if they don’t come true … they drive me to be the best I can be while I live each day of my life … to the end.

Maybe … there will be one or two people to remember me, think that I was a good person while I lived.  Better yet, somehow touching their life in a positive way.

I will keep dreaming … I’m not too old.  I will wish for things I hope will come true in life for Skip and I … our Pups.

What drives me to be that way?  I love life, I wish for good in my life … my world, my loved ones.  What drives me is … pure Hope.

 

 

Note by this Author:

I woke up thinking about such things this morning.  Photo/article owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I will keep dreaming, wishing and hoping for all the days of my life … no matter how old.  I do know dreams can come true … miracles can/will happen.

 

 

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Remember Me For The Person I Was Today … Not Yesterday

Remember Me For The Person I Was Today … Not Yesterday

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

 

Artwork of Ocean is done by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates

 

 

 

Soft sand under my feet, warm … damp

I walk, sway … dance to the music of the waves

Twirling around, wind billowing my long skirt

My hair flowing in the ocean‘s breeze

Moonlight kisses my skin … I raise my face

Open my eyes to the beauty that hugs me

In its splendor … I open my arms to embrace it

I twirl in the wind in pure bliss

Waves washing to the shore race softly toward me

I run to meet them like a long lost friend

Water kisses my toes as I wiggle them in joy

I close my eyes, raise my face to the moon

Happiness courses through my body as I stand there

I listen to the sounds of the ocean

At peace with the world I let it fill my soul

My body begins to dance to the music of the sea

I hear a song no one else hears

Music only heard by someone who can take time

To be still long enough to hear

Only special people can hear this song

Hear this song that makes your soul soar in happiness

Music of the sea that fills your soul like an empty glass

No longer an empty vessel I dance through the night

Until my body is exhausted … I want to sleep

I ran to a mound of soft sand, fell down

Lay my head upon the sand pillow I formed

Listened to music of life … waves, wind

Let the moonlight shine over me, I fall sleep

I became the ocean, wind and waves

No longer aware I was the person asleep on the sand

No worries, thoughts to make me sad

I wasn’t aware of them anymore

My soul was soaring on the breeze

In pure joy … nothing holding me back

I hugged the wind with my soul

Looked up, soared to the moon!

I went toward the light

Drawn toward it like a moth

Silvery moonlight wrapped around me

Pulling me in like a mother does a child

I became the moon … my light shining bright

Shining down on the world … we were many

Many souls casting light for our loved ones

To find their way in this cold, dark world

I became the wind, ocean, waves

My soul soared to the moon in pure happiness

To shine down on another soul as the moon did me

Bring peace, happiness until they found the way

I saw my body on the sand … I flowed back to it!

I woke up with a smile … I was a person again!

I jumped up, ran to the sea

Let the waves kiss my toes … I ran along the edge

I was a child once again for a short time

I ran in pure joy … twirled along the way

Danced my way back to being an adult

Straightened my shoulders … as I walked away

Making the transition to reality from a magical world

Coming from it a better person to shine my light

Let it glow from inside to touch the hearts of others

Light their way when they are near

Reflecting love, caring … all is going to be alright

No matter how bad … in time … all will be good again

One person to another …. they light the way for others

So all can find their way on the dark paths of life

Look around you … you see deep pain in people’s eyes

Who have lived real life … learned from it

You’ll see an understanding in their eyes

From learning life’s lessons … only then … can they be

Compassionate, loving, caring … a light to the world

That comes from being able to feel from their hearts

When they touch your life they do it in such a way

You are a better person for having met them

You know these people when you meet up with them

They are the ones who make you feel better

When you are in their presence … walk away

Still feel the warmth from their souls

Warming your heart like a cheerful fireplace

Burning merrily on a cold, winter’s day

I hope I can reflect such a light

To make everyone feel better for having met me

I want to reflect only goodness

If I can’t say something good, I’ll try to say nothing bad

Though I’m not perfect … I’ll do my best

Be the ocean, wind, waves … moon

Leaving light in my path for others to find their way

I found my way back following splashes of light

On the dark paths I’ve traveled in my life

Someone cared to share along their way

Until the end of my time here on earth

I want to smile … dance the rest of my life in joy

I hope to inspire others who are sad

Let them know … in time all will be alright again

When it comes time for me to go on my last journey

I hope someone will remember me

Not for the person who has made millions of mistakes

Remember me for the person I was today, not yesterday

 

 

 

Note by this Author:

Photo/ heart-felt poem owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

I hope I can reflect light as I go through my life.  I know at times I haven’t because I was in darkness.  I’m not perfect but, I really do the best I can do.  Don’t you think if we all did … the world really would be a better place?  I do.

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That’s Why I Am Me Today …

That’s Why I Am Me Today …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

 

Take my hand … walk with me

Down the halls of my mind

Let me show you the many doors

I have … we may open one, or more

Come … let me show you why I am me

See that door right there

I’ll open it a moment … let you see

Don’t be sad for me … that began me

See the little baby girl at the window

On tiptoes looking out at the children playing

A man comes to pick her up

Carries her to a small room full of shelves

Lays her down on the floor

Puts a cookie in her hand

I want to play she says

The man doesn’t hear her

His mind is on the girl child

And what he’s going to do

Let’s close the door now, we don’t want to see

It’s alright … it helped to shape the person I am

Another door opens … cries are heard

A woman screaming at a preteen girl

Slapping her in the face, knocking her down

Scratching her arm leaving life-long scars

Close the door … it’s just another thing in my life

To help shape me to why I’m me today

We’ll look behind this door … see what’s there

Oh yes … more sadness, pain … grief

One door after the other … cries come from each room

Once in a while a door is opened … laughter peals out

Most of the rooms in my mind are full of pain

Pain of every kind … emotional, physical

I know how pain feels so, I try never to hurt anyone

Though at times it can’t be helped

I try to be kind because I know how it feels

To be treated in an unkindly manner

The me today has a big, caring Heart filled with love

Though I guard it carefully … staying private to myself

I care about people, animals

The bad things in my life didn’t go to waste

I learned from them … I grew stronger from them

That’s why I am me today

I have weathered many of life’s wildest storms

I am still standing like the redwood tree

Weather-beaten, worn down but, still here

With a smile on my face because I’m glad I’m me

I can live with myself inside … where I’m at peace

Not rich, famous … a nobody but … somebody

I’ll let go of your hand now … now, look at me

I hope you see a real person in front of you

One who cares about everything … everyone

I hope you like me

Note by this Author:

A poem written from my real feelings.  Photo/Poem are both owned by me … #Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

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