You Bad Bitch!


 

You Bad Bitch!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

We had a hard time deciding which cereal we wanted to eat.  I got the bowls, Skip got the spoons … we set them on the counter.

 

“What kind of cereal are you going to eat?”,  Skip asked me.  I think I’ll eat Raisin Bran with Cranberries … oh, and some just … Raisin Bran with it … it has hundreds of raisins in it.  “I’ll do the same, then”, Skip said.

 

Skip went to the refrigerator, got the milk jug out.  It didn’t have a lot of milk in it … enough to pour in both bowls for our cereal.

 

Skip handed me the empty milk jug … said, “what are you going to do with the milk jug … I know you have a place to put it.”  I told him I had a bag to put all the plastic in.

 

While we were talking, he handed the jug to me.  I left the top on partly screwed, took both hands … flattened the jug out.  The jug ‘popped’ when I did it.

 

“You bad bitch!” I looked up when Skip said that … we both burst out laughing.  🙂

 

Sometimes ‘ugly’ words aren’t bad … it just makes something funnier! Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

This was so funny.  Skip doesn’t call me names … but, sometimes when things warrant crazy remarks … they naturally happen.  It’s so funny … he said it in such a way … it cracked me up.

 

Not only that … Skip is joking again!  Each day his health improves.  I’m so thankful to see him … becoming himself again!  I will be a ‘bad-ad-d bitch’ anytime to see him laugh!

 

True humor/photo by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

 

Poor Thing … to Poor Old Granny Gee! :)


Poor Thing … to Poor Old Granny Gee!   🙂

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter/Facebook.com/grannygee

‘Granny Gee’ … artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates

Poor thing … let me get that door for you!  Noticing how frail, thin the old woman was … I knew the door to the gas station was heavy for her to open.  I held it open as she hobbled inside to pay for her gas.  She had to be at least 65 years old or older.  I held it open while forgetting the pain in my own body.

I went to pump gas in my vehicle.  The old man next to my stall was trying to hold the gas pump nozzle to put gas inside his tank.  Poor old thing just couldn’t seem to put it in the hole.  I stopped the gas on mine, stepped across the aisle, told him to please let me help him.  I told him I sometimes, had problems myself.  I proceeded to pump gas.  I was glad to help that old man out.  Damn … my knees were hurting from stepping across.

I went to Wakefield to Rex Medical Center, to keep my appointment with the doctor.  There was an old woman walking very slowly with her walker.  I knew it was going to be very hard for that lady to open the heavy door.  My legs were hurting as I hurried to get to the door first.  I held it open for her, she went inside as she thanked me.  Poor old woman.  My right thumb was throbbing … the door was heavy even for me!

As I was waiting for the elevator door to close, a woman who was probably in her forties, began rushing on her crutches to beat the elevator door.  I managed to stop the doors from closing.  She wasn’t a poor old person … but, she definitely needed some help.  I could feel in my body as I helped her.

The elevator door opened, and I walked out into the open waiting room, big windows made it seem part of the hallway.  My knees were killing me.  I needed help … I was desperate to get relief that wracked my body.

I was seen by the PA, she gave me 2 injections, one in each knee.  I could already feel the relief I knew would soon follow.  Oh, thank God.  I wanted to cry.  I’d been suffering for a month now.

I was sitting in a tall chair close by when the PA took a moment to look at me.  She asked me how tall I was.  I told her I was 5 feet, one and one-half inches.  She said, “you poor thing … your feet can barely reach the floor”!  Would you believe that pissed me off?  “Poor thing”? …………..

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee

Then … on second thought … she didn’t see me as I saw ‘me’.  I saw old people all around me … forgetting that … hey, I’m getting older, also.  I’m beginning to go from ‘poor thing to … poor old thing’!  I just know that’s coming … next!

I don’t know that I’m prepared for that … so, that’s why I’m making changes with myself … slow, but sure.   I might go to being a belly-dancing Granny Gee in my eighties … or to a parachuting Granny Gee in my seventies … or be a wild, happy Granny Gee in my sixties.  Who knows … my sign is Aquarius … suits me to a T.  I saw pole-dancing on tv today … (;

I just be damned if I’m giving it up without one last fight.  I’m not going from ‘poor thing’ to ‘poor old thing’ … no time soon. Save it for someone else.  It’s too easy to be sucked into the ‘old, decrepit world’… Not!

Some people can do it gracefully … I thought I would.  Now, I’m seeing I’m not … going in easy … I’ll be kicking, fighting all the way.  I’m just on the … outside … of the ‘Old Age Jar’ … I’m just not going in!

When I can’t move … I will sit in silence with a sweet, little Granny Gee smile … then, I’ll play the game of accepting old age with grace.

Why old Granny Gee is getting old gracefully … ain’t she?  I’ll hide my frustration … smile a Granny Gee smile.  This will probably be about the time I am 100 years old.  I know it will just plain piss me off if I hear someone say that!

My Grandmother Lola lived to 100 years old … just as strong, intelligent as always.  She never had any health problems that threatened to bring her down … if she did, she hid them.  She was beautiful, positive all the way … to the end.  I have her in mind …

Just because I’m getting ‘older’ doesn’t mean I’m a ‘poor old thing’ … oh!  I need to remember that in my way of thinking about … old people, too!

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Being old is like being in disguise.  Like going to a party with a mask of OLD on.  No one recognizes you … maybe sometimes, they stop a brief moment thinking … ‘mmm-mmmm, that looks like someone I … used to know’!  Well, I’m fortunate there … people recognize me easy … even with weight gain.  So … maybe I have something to work with … yet!  🙂

Am I going into ‘second childhood’ … how would I know?  I know I’m not being slicked into ‘Old Age’ without a fight.  I have missed a lot of years on my living … I mean to have them.  No one’s putting me in that jar of Old Age!

Childhood photo of Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee …

Do you think I’m going from ‘poor thing’ to ‘poor old Granny Gee’?  🙂

Today … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Note by this Author:

Photos/writing are owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Stay tuned … this show ain’t over yet.  🙂   Oh, and I’ll break any Old Age Jars that come my way … and bend the lids so, they’ll never twist on!  Maybe someone can escape when I do … that wasn’t ready to go in it either!  🙂

 

So, You See … They Lie When They Say All Things Are Possible


So, You See … They Lie When They Say All Things Are Possible

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

This is the age I became convinced I could sing … ha! ha! ha!  I could dance, do everything … but, sing!

Singing in the rainsinging in the shower.  Singing when there’s victory … singing when married … singing when there’s a funeral.

Singing, singing, singing.  Everything’s a musical … we humans love to sing.  I love to hear singing. I’m just mad because I can’t sing.  I want to sing!

You know the saying that ‘nothing is impossible’?  That’s not true, it’s just not true at all.  It is … impossible for me to sing.  It would be a helpless cause trying to teach me.

I’ve never forgotten when as a child in the church choir … the choir leader told me to just move my mouth, don’t sing out loud!  That hurt my feelings … so, sometimes out of spite, I would sing!  Sing loud, too!  Everyone would look at me!  I would put my head down.  I wasn’t so brave when everyone … looked at me.

When I got a little older, I became convinced that I could sing!  I have a southern accent, and people say my voice is pleasant.  I used to work at a switchboard paging all day … people said my voice was musical.  Damn liars!

I know what they meant … my voice was soft, clear, pleasant over the speakers in the hall.  They didn’t really mean I could sing … how could they know whether I could or not?

Well … like I said, this idea that I could sing … got into my head.  I was singing with the radio … I mean I was singing.  I had all the moves … and I thought … the voice.

I decided to record me singing.  I knew I was going to be pleasantly surprised.  I set up my tape recorder, and had my music close by … I pressed the RECORD button, and began singing up a storm.

When I finished my song, I was excited to listen to myself.  I rewound the tape recorder, and pressed PLAY.

My eyebrows flew together in a terrible frown … my eyes crossed, my mouth began making awful movements.  Oh my God!  I couldn’t believe it!

I couldn’t believe the voice I was hearing!  It was singing a country song … a happy, peppy country song … the voice I was hearing was singing in slow motion!  It sounded pure-damn awful!  Just pure-damn awful!  I almost slung the tape recorder across the room.

No one needed to convince me that I couldn’t sing, ever again.  I know I can’t sing.  That little experiment I did … taught me once and for all … Gloria can’t sing one damn bit!  Not even the tiniest little bit!

So, you see … they lie when they say … all things are possible.

True story, photo are written, owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/http://www.bestwriters.net/?mref=GrannyGee

Hell … To The Yeah!


Hell … To the Yeah!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

What can I say?  I’m not perfect … and this is one of my ‘fun’ faces … and I bet you have one, also.  🙂  I can’t apologize .. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … oh …. hell to the yeah!  🙂

 

‘Hell … to the yeah’! Now, I know you’re wondering what in the ‘Sam Hell’ is Gloria … Granny Gee … doing, saying ‘Hell … To The Yeah’!

Just that! Ha! For some darn reason, these four words are staying in my mind. I heard them … over a month ago! When I heard them, they came out of the mouth of an … old hippie.

Why in the world has those four words stuck in my mind … make me laugh? Words entertain me … some, more than others. I don’t know every word there is … wish I had an even bigger, fancier vocabulary … that’s alright … what I do have … tickles me to death!

Hell … to the yeah! This is my interpretation of ‘hell … to the yeah’ … I think it triples the enjoyment of something! I think it means someone is ‘just damn happy as hell’. Hell … to the yeah!

I think if I were a drinking woman … and it made me feel good to drink … I’d be yelling … ‘hell to the yeah’! Feels good, give me another one! Good! Extra … hell to the yeah!

Now, I told you I am in no way perfect. I never pretend … I do try to act nice … always. It doesn’t stop real thoughts from coming into my mind … it doesn’t stop automatically if there’s an ‘ugly’ word …. 🙂 Sometimes … things do strike me as … funny!

I won’t even try to stop myself from hearing something because it has an ugly word in it. If it entertains me … so be it! Words are like people in a way … just because some aren’t pretty … doesn’t mean I don’t like, or enjoy them. Right? Hell … to the yeah!

If you agree … would you have the nerve to say … ‘hell to the yeah’?!!!

 

Photo/story is owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

See What Thinking About Something … Gets You!!!?


See What Thinking About Something … Gets You!!!?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka #Granny Gee

 

 

Photo is of me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka #Granny Gee.  It is also, owned by me…………….

 

We stopped at a local grocery store today to pick up several things. We opened the glass door, waited to enter.

There are always so many people at this store … people have to be patient with each other. Sometimes, one’s patience wears thin. In the area we live in … everyone knows the store I’m speaking of … I don’t even have to mention the name.

It’s really nice to have a store like this, close by. A lot of people eat meats, because their meats are cheaper. Not only that, they are cut up each day, fresh.

Well, we finally got into the store, turned to the right to get a shopping cart. I went to put my hands on the handle … I tell you right now … I almost lost it!

I felt cold chills go down my spine, and I began going to pieces inside … it almost made me … create a scene. Now, I’m not … going to create a scene if at all possible. If I do create a scene … you know it was … a ‘have-to’.

I was having a heeby-geeby fit right in front of everyone … but, no one saw a thing. I felt faint!

There was a darn … praying mantis on the handle of that darn shopping cart! I almost put my hand on it! Oh, my God! I closed my eyes, and felt my body shake all over!!! I held my hands to my chest!

A Spanish man, and woman was standing behind us … they did know something had just happened. The Spanish woman picked the praying mantis up … took it outside. I admired that! They were very nice people … we spoke to them several times as we waited to walk through the store.

The thought went through my mind … that I had just wrote a story about the praying mantis in the butterbean vines! See what thinking about something … gets you!?

Remember? I also, wrote about thinking about something … and it appearing? Mmmmmm-mmmmm!!!

Photo/story credit is owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka &grannygee

 

This Was A Walmart Funny!


This Was A Walmart Funny!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Photo of me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … what’s funny to you … might not be funny to me.  Yes … I realize what’s funny to me … may not be funny to you.  It’s the way life is!  Regardless, I thought this was funny!

 

 

 

My husband, Skip, stopped by Walmart to pick up a couple of things. He went up to the cash register aisle to pay for all.

As he walked up, the cashier told him he sure looked bright today! Skip had on a neon green shirt (I love that color!). He made a funny comment to her, she laughed.

She picked up a pair of gloves, began putting them on her hands. Skip looked at her, said … “What are you going to do!? I only came in here to purchase a couple of things”!

The cashier stopped for a moment, it dawned on her what Skip meant … she began laughing.

Skip used to keep Tommy laughing with all his jokes. Skip is very quick on his feet to think of a ‘come back’ … when there are jokes involved. I love his sense of humor. So, did my mother … because she had to watch him to be sure if something was true, or not. Skip kept her on her toes!

I laughed a lot when Skip told me … it’s hard to make me get tickled at something … but, when it’s really funny … I love it!

This was a ‘Walmart’ funny!

 

 

Photo/Story owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka #Granny Gee

This Was Not The Place To Be Doing That!


This Was Not The Place To Be Doing That!
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

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Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee… Summer 2013

 

We drove into the parking lot of the bank. We were waiting for one of Skip’s friends to meet us there.

While we were sitting there… we were people-watching, looking to see Skip’s friend drive up. We had no idea which vehicle he’d drive to meet us. He has five vehicles.

There was a bandana folded neatly, laying on the console. It was dark blue, and white. I picked it up, asked Skip how did cowboys out west use the bandanas when it was dusty.

Skip took the bandana out of my hands, began to fold it the way cowboys fold it. He began to bring it up to put on his face….

I panicked, yelled at him! No! I don’t think this is a good place to be putting a bandana over your face!

Skip quickly put his hands down, laid the bandana back on the console. We began laughing… I was looking around to see if anyone noticed. Thankfully, no one did!

Just weeks ago… this same bank was robbed by a man who lived on the next street! They found him in his basement with the money!

This wasn’t the place to be doing that!

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I Love My Fresh … Happy Toes!


I Love My Fresh…  Happy Toes!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

A quick, silly doodle to show ‘my happy toes‘!  By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

Okay… now, I’m going to tell you something I just love to do during… after my shower.  I can imagine the images this creates in your mind.  Stop it!  I don’t write things to be … ugly, or dirty.  Any ‘bad’ words I use … aren’t really ‘bad’… at all.  :)))

 

You all know that this girl loves her wonderful showers.  Oh my!  I love the warm water… but, what I love best is the… warm, sudsy water!  The wonderful scent of special soaps, body washes I use.

 

You might say I’m in a … ‘perfumed heaven’.  I close my eyes, and just smell the beautiful scent… I think of what I want to write next.  I think of wonderful things I’d love to see happen to us… to everyone… you.  I think of our precious Pups.  This is good thinking time.

 

Okay… I’m going to tell you what I ‘pure love’ to do.  Skip likes to tease me, say I have a fetish.  Not true at all… it is what helps to make me feel so clean, fresh all day.  Just the feeling of doing it… is ‘pure’ wonderful!

 

I love to take my nail brush to scrub each toe…. have each very sudsy!  Then, rinse all my toes off in the water as it falls from the shower head.  That feels so good!  Now… this isn’t all of it!  This is just the… beginning.

 

I know now, you are thinking… what else is there left to do?  Well, it’s the most important part to me.  I love to take each foot, prop it on the side of the tub… take my fluffy, fresh towel… and…………..

 

Close my eyes, and dry each toe off… then, all my toes at one time!  I can’t tell you how fresh, clean… it feels to know my toes are so … wonderful clean, dry!  When I wiggle each toe, all my toes… they are so… happy!  Oh!  Such a wonderful feeling!

 

This is what I ‘pure love’ to do… during, after my showers to wake me up, feel fresh all day!

 

I love my fresh …  happy toes!

 

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Skip Helped Me Out Of The Nightmare I’d Put Myself In!


Skip Helped Me Out Of The Nightmare I’d Put Myself In!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee… living in Virginia

 

My heart was in my throat. I was doing something I was asked to please not do. I had promised I wouldn’t do it. I couldn’t help it… I wanted to do it.

 

I was out in the middle of a pond infested with water moccasins… agressive moccasins. Thankfully, this time I didn’t see one. Now, I don’t know a thing about ‘water stuff’.

 

I had gotten up much earlier than Skip. I showered, dressed… and did something I’d been thinking about. You know how it is when you keep thinking about something… just knowing you can do it.

 

I knew I could just do what I’d been asked… well, to tell the truth… told not to do. I knew this morning, I was going to do it!

 

I thought I’d be sleepy… I had stayed up late watching one of the scary movies with … Jason, in it. It was sort of in the back of my mind… where Jason jumped up out of the water to get someone… that was where I screamed!

 

Anyway, I began walking toward one of the three ponds on the land we leased… it was beautiful there. We lived in Alabama… where it was beautiful… but, too humid for me. This happened some years ago.

 

I was listening to the birds singing, as I walked. I saw a snapping turtle… he was really big. I picked up a branch to just touch him with it… I didn’t want to hurt him. I just wanted to hear him. He bit down on the branch, so… I let go.

 

I walked on until I got to the pond. I was thinking I hadn’t left a note, or clue for Skip to know where to find me. I’d just be very careful.

 

There it was… an aluminum boat sitting on the ground close to the pond. I was going to take me a ride in that boat. This was what Skip had told me… not to do.

 

I hate for someone to tell me not to do something… no matter how nice they tell me. No one could have told me any nicer than Skip. There’s just something in me that… rebels… I begin thinking… about doing it. Don’t ask me… why.

 

I remember I kept my fingers crossed… when I promised… just in case, I did… do it.

 

I walked up to that boat… stood there wondering if I really had the nerve to get in it… and go out on the water. Mind you, I’d never done that before… I didn’t know the first thing about boat-riding. I couldn’t even swim…….

 

I grinned… I was going to be so proud of myself when I rode the boat all around that pond. That was doing something!

 

I bent down to push the boat into the water… for a moment, I felt something close to fear. I pushed it back in my mind. I jumped in the boat, grabbed the oar… and began using it.

 

I did what I’d seen people do in the movies. I began to use the oar, switching arms. It didn’t take long for me to tire out. I was wishing to hell… that I had kept my promise! This wasn’t what it was cracked up to be! I didn’t think it was fun… no, not at all!

 

What in the hell! I heard a sound beneath the boat… I was scared! What was it? All of a sudden, the noise got louder, and louder. Something was bumping hard underneath that boat!

 

Something was under the boat! Jason! I just knew Jason was under the boat, and he was going to jump up out of the water and get my ass! I was terrified!

 

I could hardly breathe for my fear. Oh God… please help me! What am I going to do! I made sure I sat in the middle of the boat… kept my hands in my lap. I didn’t want to make it easy for Jason to get me!

 

Help me, Skip! Please help me! I knew I wouldn’t be getting help… he didn’t know where I was. I did, though. I was sitting in the middle of that pond… going nowhere! I was afraid Jason would jerk the oar out of my hands…

 

Boom, boom, boom! The noises got louder, and wouldn’t stop. I knew I was going to die! I couldn’t even row that boat back to shore!

 

I heard a voice… I was trying to turn my head to look back to shore. It was hard to… I had become frozen like a statue from the fear inside me!

 

Skip! It was Skip! I began to cry…. please help me, Skip! Please help me, I called to him. Jason is under the boat! He’s going to get me!

 

Skip began laughing! I couldn’t believe it… he was laughing at me! Baby Girl… Jason’s not under that boat! That’s probably a big turtle!

 

Boom, boom, boom! I wasn’t convinced. I was going to faint from fear… I just could not take anymore.

 

Skip sobered up, stopped laughing. He knew I was in a serious situation… and very afraid. He began to tell me what to do in a calm voice. When Skip talked to me like that… I could calm down in most any situation.

 

I picked the oar back up, and did what he told me to do. Soon, the boat had turned around… I was heading to shore! I couldn’t wait to put my feet on the ground!

 

I told myself that I’d never do that again. Please, Lord… just let me get back to shore… you won’t have to worry about me doing that… again!

 

Oh… the shore was getting closer! I couldn’t wait to get out of that boat! It bumped the shore… I wanted to get up, get out!

 

I couldn’t! I was afraid if I stood up… the boat would turn over. It sure was shaky! I crawled toward the front of it… I wanted to get out so badly.

 

I put my hands on the wooden seat… began to push up… the boat shook, made me fall back down! Damn boat! I want to get out of here!

 

Didn’t I tell you that this boat was going to do that? Skip was laughing again! Baby Girl, I don’t think you’ll be doing this again, he said. Please take my hand, Skip. Help me!

 

Skip pulled the boat higher on the ground. He told me to stand up now… that this time, I could get out without falling in. Sure enough, I stood up, grabbed his hands. Skip helped me out of that boat… out of the nightmare I had put myself in!

 

 

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Hey, ‘Dolly Parton’… I’m Sorry You Fell In That Bathtub!


Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee… 2013

 

Hey, ‘Dolly Parton‘… I’m Sorry You Fell In That Bathtub!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

I was a young, naive girl who hadn’t long run away to get married ( this marriage lasted 14 years too long and ended in divorce).  I married a man who loved women but, also… wanted me at the same time.  Being a young girl and not very worldly…. it took years before I became aware that he was spending time with other women when he would say he was elsewhere.

 

 

When he was home, he had a cousin who would visit and bring his latest girlfriend with him, and we’d all sit at the table and play cards.  This was the first of the times later that I would realize that under the table was a whole new world…. above the table all appeared normal.. except for the flirting… and under the table…. feet and hands were busy!  The busy hands and feet belonged to my ex-husband who was always so innocent… and to the latest girlfriends of his cousin, friends.

 

 

The cousin came with his latest girlfriend one night… she was dressed up to look like Dolly Parton and she had this beautiful full head of blonde hair and had big breasts and wore a tight blouse and tight blue jeans ( I looked this good also, at that time …. but, I was nice and I was so…so… so naive!).  She pranced and she flirted with my ex-husband and she did make me mad.  I smiled the whole time while I was waiting for the opportunity somehow to present itself for me… to get even!  Also, I wanted to pull that Dolly Parton wig off that she had on!  She kept shaking her head and making it move… to get attention… she got my attention, all right.  My attention wasn’t the only attention she got…….

 

 

Well… this woman loved to drink liquor and she was an alcoholic!  It didn’t take but, a short time to ‘see’ her colors and I ‘knew’….. my time was coming… soon!  I began to smile more at her and I talked to her so softly to gain her trust and gain it, I did!!!  She liked me so much!  I didn’t like her at all and I knew I was going to fix her for flirting with my husband and for what I suspected was going on under that table!!!

 

 

She got drunker and drunker sitting there playing cards and she said she had to go ‘piss’ (how crude I thought she was when she said that!).  I was thinking how beautiful this was going to work out… I was going to ‘help’ her get to the bathroom and there… I would see what presented itself.  I was so sweet to her and talked so soothing to her as I helped her drunk a– get to the bathroom.

 

 

In the bathroom, she sat down on the commode and she was talking and I couldn’t understand her but, I understood… she was so drunk that she wouldn’t remember anything.  She was wanting to cry about something… and I put my hand on her shoulder and told her everything was going to be all right, that I was there and I’d make sure of that.  The bright idea came to me…………………………………………………and the next thing I know….my time had come!  I was grinning!

 

 

‘Dolly Parton’ had fallen off that commode into the bathtub!  I did see my finger reach out to ‘touch her’ and she… just fell right into that tub!  How so sorry I was!  :))))))

 

 

‘Oh, oh..you poor thing!  You poor little thing, you’ve done gone and fell into the bathtub!’  I was saying that to her because I ‘cared so much’!  I was talking so sweet to her as I helped her ‘stay’ in the bathtub ‘just for a few minutes’ telling her I would help her up!  I told her I didn’t want her to bump her head on the water faucet and to let me guide her head so, she could get up and not hurt herself.  Well, I was guiding her head as I was helping her….. and ‘somehow’ her big, old blonde Dolly Parton wig got hung on that water faucet and…. it came off!

 

 

I said ‘oh no!  your wig has come off!’  I told her that I’d help her to get it back on and ‘somehow’ it was on crooked and I told her to let’s just put it on the counter top for the time-being because…. she looked like h——!  She had very short, thin hair and she wasn’t even pretty anymore and… I loved

that!  She forgot her wig in just a few minutes…. and I was telling how good she looked and I would be so glad to help her back to the table and to come on.

 

 

I helped her as she staggered back to the table and she began drinking her liquor again… I told my ex-husband and his cousin as they stared at her, what happened…. this was a ‘different woman’ that came back, mind you!  ‘Dolly Parton’ had done got lost…. in the bathtub!  I made sure of that!

 

 

I told them that that poor thing fell off that commode into the bathtub and it was hard to help her get out!  I told them that her wig got hung on the water faucet and it was damp and I had laid it out on the counter top!  It was all I could do to keep from laughing in satisfaction… I fixed her a—-!  I ‘knew’ I would… I just had to bide my time and be… so sweet.

 

 

That night they spent the night and the next morning when she had breakfast ..she drank a half glass of liquor!  She said that’s what she always had for breakfast.

 

 

Hey ‘Dolly Parton’… I’m sorry you fell into the bathtub and lost your big, old wig!  I tried to help you and I ‘cared’ so much!  You poor… poor thing!

 

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