It’s Good To Be Back …


Friday, May 18, 2018

It’s Good To Be Back …

I have been learning how to make bracelets, rings, necklaces.  I love making the herringbone design.  I enjoy twisting, turning the wire in my hands to shape, mold around each bead.  I believe I’ve become addicted to wire-wrapping beads.

I have a page called Imperfect Creations by Gloria on Facebook.  I have been putting photos of artwork I’ve done through times … things I make with my hands.  Sometimes someone will buy a piece of jewelry from me.  People suggest I have a business … I don’t want a business nor the pressure that comes with it.  If someone sees something I’ve already made … they can just tell me.  I won’t make special orders.  That would take the pleasure out of doing what, when, where I want to do things.  I am a free spirit I guess.

I will be coming back to write about the grief of a grieving mother.  It will be 8 years on May 29th since Tommy … my son … died.  I promised years ago I would always tell you how it is with this grieving mother.  When I write about it you will see I’ve come far in my grief.  I can live with it now.
I will write my poems, short stories … whatever about life I’m feeling.

It’s nice to be back.  I look forward to writing once again.

Author’s Note:

I haven’t written for a long time … I didn’t have anything I wanted to write about.  I guess all writers, artists do that and come back to doing what they love best when … it’s time.  We always know when it’s time to begin again.  I’m ready to begin again 🙂

Written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  Photos are owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates.

When I’m Taking My Last Sweet Breath of Life …


 

 

Email:  gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com

Facebook.com/grannygee

 

 

When I’m Taking My Last Sweet Breath of Life  …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Who would have thought?  We got old … just like that!  I mean we don’t think old … don’t act old … talk old.  Of course, when we walk we try to never show our ‘old’ we feel in our bodies 🙂  For older adults … we always smell good.  I remember someone writing on Facebook once … that all older people smelled like ‘shit and piss’ … those were the words they used … not my words.

 

I love for my hair to smell beautiful … I have since being a young girl.  I love my perfumes … along with my clean body.  Skip is the same way.  Old bodies that smell wonderful!  🙂  I want to smell good to the day my ‘old’ body is cremated … soar up in flames to Heaven with a wonderful scent of … Elizabeth Taylor’s White Diamonds! 🙂  What kind of ‘old’ person am I?  I never heard one … ‘talk like me’ 🙂

 

Our bodies are lucky to even have the medical conditions, problems they have.  We groan, moan as we get up from sitting.  We hold our backs, sides, arms when we get up from the bed.  Our bodies protest every time we do something.  We feel everything 🙂  After many surgeries  … you are going to feel something.

 

I won’t go into the long list of medical conditions, problems for either of us … but, I will say this … I’m so thankful, grateful to have them.  I’m lucky to have all that’s happened to my body.  I didn’t want to die … Skip (my husband) … feels the same way.

 

My oncologist told me this past year that I shouldn’t be here … everyone is gone who were sick like me … 16 years ago.  I am a cancer survivor … Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma.  Skip is a cancer survivor … Colon Cancer … he also, was a miracle.

 

Heckfire, I’m lucky to have all my medical problems as well … it’s good to hurt every day of my life … I’m alive! 🙂  Every pain I feel … may make me cry, moan, groan sometimes … but, I never forget the time I battled cancer for 3 years … and amazingly … won.

 

I slipped out of Death‘s hands when I went into Congested Heart Failure … and other things that happened to me.  Skip has slipped out of Death’s grasp so many times … so, we are proof that Death doesn’t win … every time.

 

That fighting spirit I have … who knew my fighting spirit was so strong!  I inherited that from my Grandma Alma … who lived the last 20 years of her life as a paralyzed woman … she never felt sorry for herself.

 

Tommy … my only child … sitting beside Grandma Alma’s grave.

 

 

She never lost her compassion, love for everyone’s children.  She could raise Hell with the best … but, she was the most strongest, most wonderful woman I ever knew.

 

My Grandma Alma would protect a child in a heartbeat … just let someone come close enough to try to take a scared child clinging to her dress … her good hand would reach out for her glass of ice and water … the next thing you knew … somebody’s temper was cooled down!  Her eyes became fire … she would glare them until someone backed down … no one wanted to go past that expression with her.

 

She’d throw that glass of water in someone’s face in a split second.  Oh yes, she may have been paralyzed but … she was fierce when it came to her love for someone.

 

She made everyone … think … better of pushing over her.  She was just a paralyzed woman … her body weakened from being in a coma, having a stroke.  Her eyes, strong voice … her manner made one forget.  That’s why children ran to her protecting hand … I hid behind her big, upholstered recliner/rocking chair … many times.

 

 

My Grandma Alma as a young woman …

 

 

If she ever cried … it was from frustration, anger that Hell burned all around her.  When she quit crying … all got quiet around her … and everyone knew … to back off, leave her alone.  My Grandma Alma became … even stronger after she cried.

 

Her everyday life was pure Hell … nothing stayed calm in her house … so many people in and out.  They brought their fights, problems with them … they would forget Grandma Alma was paralyzed … she was so strong.  If she ever showed any weakness … everyone … fell to pieces.  She held them together like glue.

 

When Grandma Alma died … so, did the ‘family’.  They were close before, yet they constantly fought, raised pure Hell.  When she died … the ‘glue’ was gone … everyone fell apart, the gloves came off … Hell became … hotter here on earth.  See … the house was over one of the portals to Hell … Grandma Alma kept it closed.

 

I look back to when I lived in her house … I won’t say ‘home’ … I can say … Hell.  They owned the house … yes, it was their home (Grandma Alma and George … the only grandfather I ever knew … George was blind).  I just never associated the word ‘home’ with ‘their house’.  Strange.  That house to this day makes me physically sick … not to look at it … but, to try to step into it.  Only Skip knows how it affects me.

 

 

My Grandma Alma and George … the only grandfather I ever knew … and the kindest man I ever knew as a child.

 

I look back … feel such love, respect for a woman I wish had lived in my adult life when I had matured.  I wish I could have made hers and George’s life easier.  I didn’t ever get to help do that …

 

Strength, fighting spirit … compassion with the biggest Heart I ever saw … empathy, a gentle touch with her good hand (though I’d been on the receiving end of her good hand when … it wasn’t gentle).

 

Gloria Faye Brown … once a little YOUNG girl 🙂 … now. OLD.

 

 

Do you know … I think I became a lot like Grandma Alma through time?  She was my hero as a child … a paralyzed woman who was stronger than anyone I knew then, who walked on both feet … used both arms.  Only she ‘took and took’ so much bulls___ from anyone who wanted a place to land … raise Hell.

 

I’m completely different in that respect … you aren’t going to raise Hell in front of me … I can be Hell if you want it.  I live a quiet life … I chose to do that … I chose to leave the Hell-raising out of it.  But … though I try to be good always … quiet and calm … doesn’t mean I’m perfect … I can ‘raise Hell’ with the best of them.

 

I was … raised to … raise Hell.  It’s in me … I keep it hidden … I’m not proud of it.  But … it’s there … if I need it.  It’s a hidden weapon 🙂  It’s my … super hero action gear … you know how Clark Kent changes to Superman … who would ever suspect him to be Superman!  He’s so quiet, unassuming … meek, mild.  🙂  When his strength surfaces … watch out!

 

I’ve been thinking about being fortunate to be able to walk, move about … talk, see … laugh … drive … to pick up things, write … just all the things I do.  She couldn’t just do that in her life … but, she was stronger than anyone I knew.  Her mind was strong, sharp as a knife.

 

Grandma Alma was a good teacher in my young life … though at times, she would scold me, pinch me … once she caused me to fall on a burning-hot heater.  She grieved for that after it happened.  I never talked about it to anyone … I knew she never meant for that to happen.

 

Getting back to being … old.  For the first time in my life … I am realizing as I begin to … enter the ‘old world’ … I have more battles to face, to win.  I didn’t know that!  I’m on another new journey in Life … once again I’m on a journey in Life that I don’t know the first thing about … I have to be like a bird and wing it.

 

My question is … ‘why didn’t I research, learn how to become ‘old’ before it happened to me?’  Why didn’t I do that while I was strong enough … well, I’ve been through a lot to live … focusing on getting well from all kinds of things.

 

Surgeries, grief … oh, so much grief for the past 16 years as person after person (family) died from crazy-ass things that shouldn’t have happened …. then, my son died from 3 blockages to his heart  … I couldn’t think of anything but, pain.  We lost all in a fire … Skip was in a tractor-trailer wreck … the list goes on and on.  I couldn’t think past the pain.

 

Which brings me to this moment in time … I got ‘old’ … before I knew it.  Oh my God … this is another new journey I’m thrown on in Life … where are the directions?  What do I do?

 

Do I fall on my ass … lay there like a big-ass baby?  Feel sorry for my poor ‘old’ self?  Be fearful to look around me because ‘now’ I am at my weakest point once again?  Hold my head down in shame because … for the first time … I am going to have to go to others and say … ‘please help me, I’m ‘OLD’ … I haven’t fallen and can’t get up … not just yet.’

 

I did just that two days ago.  I asked for help … and for the first time when asking for help … I didn’t hang my head in shame.  I smiled, felt hope in my Heart … people responded to it, cared.  I just pray now … that help can come.

 

My only obstacle was at the end of the day when everyone wanted to go home (I understood it was past closing time) … was a young, Spanish girl.  She never smiled at Skip and I when she met with us … she was wanting to leave for her home … everyone was excited about the winter storm heading our way.  She was one of the last people to get to leave … couldn’t leave until the last client left … which happened to be us.

 

I truly understood … I also, understood our life was in a crisis with Skip just having a stroke, complete heart blockage … had a pacemaker put in.  When I asked her about receiving help for our rent … told her what’s happened … she never batted an eye.  It didn’t even phase her how serious our situation was … she never saw the pain we were in … sensed the desperation around us.

 

She said she couldn’t help us, there weren’t any resources for seniors.  I asked her if there weren’t any resources for seniors … where do they all go?  Where are all the seniors before us?  What happened to them … have they been put in a box, hole somewhere … where are they?  I told her quietly that I knew many others have come before us … what happened to them?  What did they do?

 

I needed to know something … a direction to go.  I asked her for that … her response was … ‘go to a shelter’.  No kindness … no compassion for two broken ‘OLD’ people sitting in front of her … no smile to ease the pain of her words.  No feeling but, a blank … uncaring face looking back at us.  I think that hurt worse than anything … maybe she could have told us in a more ‘kind’ way.  Maybe just pretended for a moment … she cared for our situation.

 

I knew we didn’t need to waste any more of her time … she wanted to leave, go home.  She wasn’t in any mood to listen to us … to give us any advice.

 

We weren’t anyone to her … she wasn’t seeing us as two people in front of her who needed help … she was seeing us as someone she had to stay for until we left … before she could go home.

 

I worked with the public for years … I could read her.  I also, knew anymore talk was a waste of time … the door had been closed in our face. No matter what I said, did … she would sit there with that closed, blank look on her face that said it all … ‘leave, go home so, I can go home.’

 

So, we stood up with the little pride we had left … graciously thanked her, left so she could go home.  She almost beat us to the parking lot … we’d just opened the doors to get in … there she was … hurrying to her car.

 

We left in sort of a state of shock … stunned at the Spanish girl telling us we could go to a shelter … she didn’t know where one was at.  She let us go out into the darkness … never caring, thinking about us as she pointed the way out.

 

She never saw the hope she dashed … the fear she put in my Heart … the sickness I felt … Lord knows what Skip felt … he stayed quiet.

 

She did see how sick he was … she just wanted us to follow her down the long halls to her office, get us out of her hair.  She heard his feet stumbled as he walked on the carpet … she never turned to offer help to him.

 

She let us go out the door never caring where we were going to … she didn’t know if we were going into the woods to live, under a bridge. We were no more than the air around us … you can’t see air. She never felt our … current.

 

I understand.  When people are young … in important jobs … they have no idea until years of experience and making mistakes … of what they sometimes do to the people they had to ‘learn on’.  By the time they do … those people have went through their Hell and died. You can’t go back to make anything up.

 

She’ll never think of us again … I will think of her often for some time.  She caused me pain … I never forget people who make me hurt.  I forgive them with my Heart … I just can’t forget.  I never felt anger at her … I only felt the hopelessness she created in me for that brief encounter with her.

 

Strange thing is sometimes … something happens and I’m in the position … to cause them pain … since I have a good Heart … you know what I do … I don’t 🙂

 

 

I’ve talked about the Spanish girl enough now … hopefully, I can let the memory of her go … the pain at a time I was down … how she made me feel … made a impression on me … a painful one.

 

Why do I write about all this?  Well … how do you learn things if you don’t read.  How do you know what’s going on if you don’t read?  How do you learn if you ‘are the only one who goes through this or that?’

 

Well … I want you to know you aren’t alone if you have experienced this, or just before experiencing it.  I want you to know this … before you ‘get old before you know it’ … research, have a plan/foundation to follow.  Have direction to go in … don’t think ‘I’m never going to get old … I have plenty of time’.  No, you don’t.

 

If your life is anything like mine … so many things happen to distract you … all you do is focus, live what’s at the moment.  Then … today comes … you are OLD.  If you didn’t have all the wonderful 401K plans, insurances set in place … everything set up for old age … you will be like me.

 

You can get sick … lose everything … events happen in your life … all those good things can still get gone that you set in place.  That happened to us.

 

No direction to go in … no one willing to offer solid advice … people who have made it to a place to survive aren’t going to tell you anything because it could hurt them.

 

They will sit, watch you flounder like a fish out of water trying to find a way to survive … if you fall off a cliff, so be it … as long as they are all right.  They think you aren’t aware of them as they watch you fall on your face … all the while sitting in comfort.  Good for them … bad for you.

 

When you struggle to survive … you don’t have the money to save back, that’s true.  When you have medical conditions on top of it … that adds to your struggle.  What do you do?  I wish I could tell you, I just don’t know.  I’m having to learn … I need solid advice, not just ideas.

 

I know if I listen, watch closely … it will come to me.  Oh … did you think I was going to fall down, not get back up … lay and whine, cry ‘woe is me’?  Feel sorry for my OLD ass?  Did you think this was the end for me … I would let go of Life so easily now at this point in my life?

 

Well … you are right!  You know me … I have already gotten back up off the ground Life threw me on once again … all the while dusting my ass off … fire in my eyes … strength in my Heart.  I have my whole world … Skip and the Pups … to think of.  I’m the strongest at this time  … I’m going to find the way for us to survive.  I will share as much of it as I can to hopefully help you … one day when you get OLD.

 

I know OLD people still have a whole life ahead … they still think, act, feel young.  Like us … we didn’t even know we’d gotten OLD until our bodies let us know.  We still aren’t sure if we are OLD, yet.  Maybe I will realize it when I’m taking my last sweet breath of Life.

 

 

Note by this Author:

Somehow … I became OLD before I knew it … the many distractions of real Life kept me busy, focused on everything else … when my eyes opened to see … you can see what I saw in my mirror … only I looked worse from the grief I had to go through when losing my son.

 

Photos/article owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.

 

Life has thrown me on my ass … oh wait a minute … on my OLD ass again!  On my OLD ass for the first time!  I’m already up … brushing the dirt of failure off it … I’m not going to lay there whining, crying ‘woe is me’ all the while feeling sorry for myself.  Hell no!  Not!

 

I am at another ‘lowest point in my life’ … I’m facing it head-on.  I might have fear in my Heart … I’m still facing it head-on like I’m the most fearless being in the world.  I might die trying … get knocked down again … but, as long as I have the sweet breath of Life in my body … I am crawling if I have to.

 

I will hold my ground for as long as possible … even if I now have to do something I never had to do … ask for help.  When I ask for help … it’s with the thought of my whole world … I will do anything for Skip, and our Pups … they are my whole world.  I was the weakest of us … for now, I’m the strongest.

 

Strange thing is … even when weakest …. I was strongest.  Does it remind you of anyone I’ve told you about?  Grandma Alma 🙂  The strongest woman I ever knew was paralyzed, and she was my grandma … my childhood hero.

 

Did You Know Dogs Can Climb? When Life Reaches Out to Touch You Unexpectedly …


 

 

 

Did You Know Dogs Can Climb?  When Life Reaches Out to Touch You Unexpectedly …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Kissy Fairchild Bates … Our Rottie

Precious Camo/Camie Leigh Bates … Our Mixed-Perfectly Australian Shepherd

 

 

 

Do you ever think if you stay at home … mind your own business, not bother anyone … that the world will leave you alone?

 

 

Even if you never socialize … close yourself off to the world … stay private not ever speaking to someone, or go around someone else … did you know … the world can touch your life … reach in, jerk your ass out of your little world … whether you like it or not?

 

 

Seriously … think about it.  I will give you just a little example of what I mean … we are private people and we love to be around people … so, don’t think we are so private we don’t get around other people.

 

 

We like people … we love to talk …  just at home it’s hard to have company … our Pups aren’t used to visitors … they will bark, raise Cain if someone comes.  Not exactly a good visiting atmosphere … it’s their home, too.  We have never had many visitors so, it’s understandable.  The Pups deter visitors …

 

 

Getting back to what I mean about the … world reaching out to touch you … while you are in your own little world, minding your business, not bothering anyone.

 

 

We live to ourselves … our Pups have a small fenced-in yard with a locked gate.  They go in and out through their pet door.  They are clean, and they are house-broken.  They are good Pups … they never run loose in the neighborhood.

 

 

To us it would be like letting little children run all over the place who are innocent to the perils of the world.  They might never-ever make it back home … wild animals, other dogs, a car could make their little journey out running around … be the last time we see them.  Too many dangers … something could kill them … just like that.  I can’t bear to think of it.

 

 

Getting back once again to what I mean about the world … life … reaching out to touch you … while you are in your own little world.

 

 

We were sitting in the living room … our 2 Pups laying close to us.  We were watching something on tv.  I heard an unfamiliar bark and I thought it was on tv.  It didn’t take but, a moment to realize that no!  it was in our back fenced-in yard.  I hurried to the door, Skip behind me … of course, our 2 Pups ( I hate to call them dogs :).

 

 

The Pups ran out their pet door, immediately began wildly barking, growling.  I knew something was out there!  I opened the door and didn’t see anything at first … I looked at the end of the porch where our dogs were … going crazy!

 

 

I couldn’t believe my eyes … there was a small Beagle dog barking, growling back at our Pups!  She was inside their fenced-in yard!  We began immediately putting a barrier between the dogs … we couldn’t bear for any of them to get hurt!

 

 

I went inside, got a baby gate I use on the front storm door in case a Pup ever decided to jump up on it … I don’t take chances, nor take anything for granted … I protect our Pups. Anyway …

 

 

The little Beagle ran up onto the porch, got beneath the bench making it easier to protect it.  I got our 2 Pups’ leashes, put them on the Pups … brought them inside … closed up their pet door.

 

 

We were going to calm the Beagle down … let it go back outside the fence.  We kept wondering ‘who would have dropped the dog over our fence’?  About that time … a man walked up … he was looking for his two little Beagle dogs … named Laverne and Shirley.

 

 

Shirley was the Beagle on our porch.  We unlocked the gate, let the man come in to get his dog.  The man had a belt in his hand … before I let him get the little dog … I asked him, “are you going to whip that dog?”  He smiled, said … “no! I’m going to use it like a leash”.

 

 

He went on to tell me he always let the little dogs run in this neighborhood when he came to visit.  I asked him not to do that anymore … because there were other big dogs that ran free here, and something bad could happen … because something did happen this past summer.

 

 

The man was visiting his son … had always brought his dogs to run free.  He said he wouldn’t do it again.  He was concerned to where his other little dog was.  He got Shirley and went walking off calling … Laverne!  I pray he found her, too.

 

 

If I hadn’t felt good about that man … he’d had a problem getting the little Beagle dog.  The belt bothered me, but I saw how the little dog reacted to him.  It loved him, and it got as tight to the man’s chest when he picked it up.  That made me know the little Beagle wasn’t afraid of him.  The man held it tightly, he was glad to find her.

 

 

See what I mean about … how Life can reach out to touch your life and you are in your own world?  Who would have thought a dog would have been inside our fence … a strange dog?  Thank God, we were home … the outcome might not have been good at all.

 

 

You would think we could let our guard down at home.  To a degree, we can … we still have to be alert around us.  How did the dog get into our fenced-in yard?

 

 

Did you know Beagle dogs can climb?  No one around here would have put a dog inside our Pups’ fence ( with a Rottweiler and an Australian Shepherd).  Skip was telling me how they can climb fences.  I went online … watched a video of a Beagle dog … climbing a fence!  Amazing!

 

 

I didn’t know dogs could climb.  Did you?

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

 

True story/photo written … owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

Back to Business as Usual …


Back to Business as Usual …
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

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I don’t take anything for granted … I find that if I do … I waste time. Time that something could be done … have been done during the period I’ve waited … if only I had known.

 

That’s why following-up behind something is important. Don’t go on to forget something … just because someone says ‘if you don’t hear from me … you can know it’s been taken care of.’ No … don’t trust that at all … because 9 out of 10 times when you … assume … all is okay, go to the next step … you are stopped in your tracks by that very someone who said, “if you haven’t heard from me, know all is taken care of.” Be damned … you have to begin all over again.

 

See, they can say they’ve been too busy, or was waiting for this or for that. What can you do? You sit there like a dumbass … knowing you should have known better. There’s nothing to do but, go on and do what you should have done in the beginning. Don’t count on someone else … follow up, don’t let time be wasted.

 

I am going to begin following up on things beginning this coming week. The holidays will be over … it’s time to get down to business. I am not letting more time go by to get the important things I want done … done. I knew during holidays … nothing is going to be done. Why? No one is going to seriously work when their mind is on their holidays with loved ones. I don’t blame them.

 

When I worked … I still got my job done no matter what, and when someone counted on me … I didn’t let them down. Not everyone is like me … I am the exception. I’m also, a perfectionist when it comes to doing something I am responsible for getting done. Even if I don’t want to do it I am going to do it to the best of my ability … and then, just a little more.

 

I will be glad when Monday gets here. People will go back to work … and everyone will get back to business as usual.

 
Note by this Author:

 

We all have things we want done. We have to keep up and make sure progress is happening. You know how it is when someone doesn’t do their part. I’m going to do my part to make things happen. Don’t rely on someone else totally. Follow up. Photos/story owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Prepared For the Unexpected ..


 

Prepared For the Unexpected …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

2016 … It’s amazing … here we are in 2016, first day of January.  We made it … we got through into another year.  Some people don’t make it … yet … we all did.

 

Do you know, I worry at the end of each year now.  It’s something I never did when younger … I never thought to.  Now … I do.  I want everyone to live to go into the next year … I’m tense until the first day of January gets here.  I wonder … why?

 

Is it because I know how easily we can lose someone dear to our Hearts?  Because at the end of the year … freaky things happen to people when their minds are distracted … their minds are on their loved ones … making Christmas and New Year a wonderful time for them.

 

For example … twenty-some years ago … I was shocked, saddened by the death of a woman I knew.  It was several days before Christmas … the woman was Christmas shopping.  She parked, got out of her car … to step into the ever-after.  That fast … that quick.

 

When she opened her door … stepped out … a car hit her, taking the door off her car.  Just like that … just like that.  She was in her thoughts of happiness and things she was on the way to do … when … the end … happened.

 

The end … leaving her family in that instant … her mind on them.  Did her thoughts go with her?  Fall into the air as she went from this life into the next?  She stepped out of her car … into a different world unexpectedly.  I wonder if she ever had a premonition that something was going to happen?

 

What about the driver who hit her?  When the door opened in the path of his car … at the very moment he was driving by … there wasn’t any way he could have avoided hitting her.  It was the moment when two things tried to occupy the same space at the same time.  The moment when something bad happened.

 

Each year’s end … is a delicate time for us all.  We don’t stay alert, our minds are on a most special time of the year.  Bad things can happen to us.  Our guard is down … we can get into bad accidents, be robbed, murdered.  I worry for people … when I’m out, I pay attention around me … and silly me … I watch around others as they move about me.

 

I pay attention to little children running around … both Skip and I do.  We’d be the first to step up if someone tried to hurt, or take a little child.  I want everyone to stay safe.  We all need to watch around us when we are out … even when home.  Times really are different now.  People are different.

 

No one wants to live in fear … but, we do need to always be alert.  Do you agree with me?  It’s easy to live in our own worlds never dreaming someone could have intentions to rob, hurt us.  It’s easy to run here, there … do this … do that  … not pay any mind to anything else.  It’s like … crossing the road never looking around to see if it’s safe.  What happens?  Something bad …

 

In today’s time … we can be sitting home or at a stop light … walking in a mall, store … eating at McDonald’s … minding our own business.  In the next moment we could be struggling for our life … Someone could be arguing somewhere, fire a pistol … hit us, a child … just like that.  Someone could decide to go joy riding … do a drive-by shooting with no regard for human life.

 

We now have to think about terrorists … it’s that real.  It’s amazing, isn’t it?  We never know what’s going to happen.  Suddenly our world has become a scary place.  We never worried before about such … now … it’s reality.

 

If that isn’t enough … our weather is crazy.  Tornadoes … pouring rains, floods creating havoc in places once thought safe.  Loss of lives, homes … everything.

 

Have you ever thought about how fragile we are as humans?  How little one person is in this big-old world?  Think about this … if you get in your car … or drive a big truck … you begin driving.  You are alone in this whole wide world … you really are so … little … no matter how big you are.

 

Wherever you go … you are only one person … it’s a wonder we aren’t overwhelmed by that knowledge.  I’m not, though.  I can get in a car, drive all over this country by myself.  Many people can … many people can’t ‘go out their back door’ … they are fearful.  I can understand … not everyone is comfortable traveling far from home.

 

Cellphones … our cellphones keep our faces, ears … ‘glued’ to them.  People fall … trip, get hit by cars, bump into poles … other people.  They text while they drive … when attention needs to be kept on the road. How many people have been distracted by their cellphones only to have something awful happen to them.

 

Whatever you do … wherever you go … the same for me and my loved ones … I pray you stay safe.  I hope you will stay just a little bit more alert around you while out and about … even at home.  We have to … ‘these days’.  We don’t have to feel afraid … just notice what’s around us at all times.  Be prepared for the unexpected … I know that we can’t always see everything coming.  We can try.

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

These are thoughts in my mind tonight.  I’m glad we all made it into the year 2016.

Story/Photos written, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Damn Rainbow!


 

 

 

Damn Rainbow!

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

 

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Artwork by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee.  I used a coffee filter, and gold wire, beads, and markers.

 

 

 

Today … the sun was shining brightly … wonderful to see when you’ve felt as down as I have.  In fact … I was feeling a rainbow coming on … to brighten my mood once again.

Didn’t happen.  Damn rainbow fell, busted in a damn million pieces before … it stretched out this far to … reach me.  So, my mood isn’t sad anymore … it’s … sadder.

Sadder for the lost of a friendship I think I would have liked to had.  A person I truly enjoyed talking to … I rarely do that in person … with anyone.  I stay to myself.  It’s rare that I like someone … I mean I ‘like’ everyone … but … LIKE … someone.

It’s nothing I’ve done personally … it’s from something else that I had nothing to do with.  Now … it is impossible for a friendship to form … but, you know … life happens.  Damn rainbow …

I knew for sure those happy colors were going to touch me … brighten my mood … even the sunshine only came out today when I wasn’t looking!  I just saw it as it went back behind the clouds.  I’m the one who wanted sunshine … I’m the one who wanted that damn rainbow to come on into my life.

I wonder why I couldn’t have both today … they were out there but, not … for me.  The sunshine and rainbow … went straight past me … never stopping for a moment.  The sunshine hid behind the clouds … the rainbow broke into a million pieces!  Damn that rainbow!

 

 

I don’t ‘know’ who this is but … that’s just the way I have felt today.  The sun didn’t shine for me as I thought … damn rainbow shattered all to Hell.  I’m not responsible for that facial expression.  Damn rainbow …

 

 

Note by this Author:

This is just the way life is sometimes.  Not every rainbow is meant for me … the sunshine has to shine for someone else, too.  The only thing is … it bothers me when a rainbow shatters into pieces.  I’ll say it again … damn that rainbow!

Now!  I said it!  I’ll let it go now.  Photos/story owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  Damn rainbow!

I Never Saw it Coming … I’m on a New Journey in Life


I Never Saw it Coming … I’m on a New Journey in Life

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/Granny Gee

 

 

 

I’ve been missing in action for a short time.  I’ll tell you why … it seems I’m on an unexpected journey … another twist in my life … I never saw it coming.  Not only that … I can’t believe it happened.

 

 

What can I do about it?  Is there anything to learn from it all?  Will I just lay down … whine, cry ‘woe is me’?  Won’t you feel sorry for me?

 

 

Do redwood trees bow to the ground when a storm whips through?

 

 

Hell no … they hold their ground … their mighty strength holds their trunks up … they weather the storm no matter how rough it is.  When you think of … Gloria/Granny Gee … think of redwood tree.

 

 

Don’t ever feel sorry for me.  I never feel sorry for me.  When life throws these twists/turns in my life … after the initial shock … like someone who has been thrown hard to the ground from a horse … as soon as I can get my breath … my ass comes up off that ground (never mind I’m crawling, grasping at something to hold on to) … I am coming back up!  I mean it … I am ready to fight my ass off to be alright again.

 

 

How many battles have I fought in my life?  Many, many battles of all kinds.  This isn’t my first one … but, I smile here … I always hope its my last battle to fight.

 

 

I would like to sail through the rest of my life without any battles, sickness … see how it feels to just live a normal life like a lot of people do.  If I can’t … so be it … you are going to see me fight like a warrior to live.  All Hell’s going to break out … until I win … until I’m the champion.  I’m going to win!

 

 

The storm might take branches off here, there … scarring the redwood tree’s body.  It’s still going to stand strong, mighty … and as the sun dries the raindrops off its limbs … you will see the strength in its form … you might even see a smile reflecting in the raindrops as they dry away.  Think of me … life has made me this way.

 

 

I may be very strong … don’t be surprised if you see a few tears flow down my face.  Just because someone is strong doesn’t mean … it hurts less.  Sometimes … that extra pain life throws at me … hurts … really hurts.  Yes, like you … I cry my share of tears.  Does it mean I’m weak?

 

 

Oh, Hell no!  I might be weak for a short time until that second breath comes in … then, you will see me go into action.  I’m going to get to a point I can deal/cope with what’s ahead of me.

 

 

Now … why have I been ‘missing in action’?  On October 3rd, 2015 … Skip and I decided to have Chinese food at a favorite restaurant.  It’s a buffet-type restaurant … the people are so friendly.  It is a place we always loved to go to.

 

 

The manager was showing us to the table … when all of a sudden … my feet went out from under me … I vaguely remember coming down on my left knee … oh my God!  the excruciating pain!  I heard my bone break … so did Skip, and the manager.

 

 

The next thing I know I was sitting flat on the floor in pure agony, shock.  The pain!  It’s the first time I never saw a fall coming so, I could try to prevent it.  It’s the first time in my life … I never even thought to jump up, look around to see who was looking.

 

 

I sat there, stunned.  I could hear the concern from both Skip, and the manager.  I began crying … I began crying in front of people … I began crying in … public.  Oh my!  This is something I never do … I didn’t even feel embarrassed … I just … cried.

 

 

The manager took me in his vehicle to the hospital Emergency Room.  Skip followed.  Our pickup truck was too high to get in … the pain in my left leg, knee was too great … I couldn’t bend it to get in.  When I finally got in … I was to the point of … screaming out in pain.  Somehow, I managed not to … I sat there … and cried silently.

 

 

My left knee was x-rayed … the knee cap was broken.   They put a stabilizer on it … and gave me crutches, a prescription for pain medicine.  This is where it stands.

 

 

The manager kept saying he’d told the owner to fix the floors before someone fell … he called the manager while I was sitting in the chair they helped me in.  The manager came quickly … he had rolls of carpet in his arms ( I remember seeing that through my pain) … he began putting them down quickly.

 

 

The manager also, said they had good insurance … not to worry … everything would be alright.  Well … it isn’t alright.

 

 

As it stands … I need medical attention … and no orthopedic doctor will touch me unless I have hundreds of dollars to pay up front … they have to consider it ‘self-pay’ … they have no one to bill the medical treatment to.

 

 

Like many people … I don’t have that kind of extra money.  I have been turned down quite a few times now, I have called a list of doctors … each one says the same thing.  No one will see me. I have worked in the business office at a hospital … things have changed a lot ‘now’.

 

 

Am I upset?  Well, I know I haven’t had medical attention for something serious since the accident on October 3rd … today is October 7th.  I am afraid it could affect my walking ability later … I can feel the toll it’s taking on my body.  Not only that … I know I’m hurt in other places … but, until I have more x-rays I can’t say just yet.

 

 

I have been afraid … I won’t lie.  This is real life … life we all live if we aren’t wealthy.  This is what people like me have to go through … the embarrassment on top of being turned down … doctor after doctor if you don’t have hundreds of dollars in cash to pay as soon as you walk in the door.  They want it before someone is treated to make sure they get it.  So, for now … I wait.

 

 

I know, I know … get someone to get the insurance information, policy number.  All I will say is … it is in the process.  I pray there really is insurance to help me, and the manager told us the truth.

 

 

Sometimes, unfortunately … when people aren’t from this country … they can go back where they come from … I pray they are like me, they will do what’s right.  I really liked all of them … yes, I know … it has nothing to do with liking people ‘now’ … I need medical attention.

 

 

So … this is where I ‘stand’ … at this very moment … in the process of praying for the insurance information so, I can get medical attention for my broken knee cap.

 

 

The strange thing is … you know how I’ve written about my Grandma Alma many times through the past years … I am thinking of her as I’m experiencing this.  She was paralyzed for over 20 years … I remember seeing her do her best to walk … as a little girl I would be very sad for her.  I didn’t understand … but, did understand enough to see tears in her eyes and know somehow, she was in pain.  I knew I didn’t want her to fall … I would stay close by.

 

 

‘Now’ … I think of my Grandma Alma as I try to walk … and I’m injured … not paralyzed.  I will get better … but, my Heart cries for her each step I take.  My poor, precious Grandma Alma.

 

 

Well, this certainly is how things happen out of the blue … this is how life can take a twist/turn unexpectedly.  This is how one can be thrown on another road in life … and never see it coming.

 

 

All that is left to do now … is to do the very best I can.  I was on one road in life … losing weight, self-improvement … now, my road has become entwined with another road … of seeing how it feels ‘not to walk very well’ … until my knee cap can heal, get medical attention for it.

 

 

Can I walk both roads at the same time?  I’m going to … I’m not giving up on what I made my mind up to do … I will lose this weight, and I will recover from the knee injury.

 

 

Like Rhonda Rousey … I’m going into the ring … and kick some ass!  I want to be alright once again. Oh by the way … I love Rhonda Rousey, and admire her.  She came a long ways in her life.  I don’t fight physically like she does … but, mentally and emotionally … I’m one Hell of a fighter … just like her.

 

 

I was thinking to tell you all … just be careful where you step.  You never know what will slip you up in life, derail you from the road you are traveling on …. put you on another road to go down.  I never even saw this coming.

 

 

 

Note by this Author:

 

I’m not feeling self-pity … all I’ve written is true.  I have shared this experience … and I know there must be other people who have, or are experiencing such as I am.  I have heard of being turned down by doctors …

 

As of today … I have been turned down in this one year by doctors because of money I didn’t have … so, ‘now’ … I know it is true.  It’s sad.

 

I’m going to be alright … one way or other.  I will be glad when the day comes … I can look back on this.  I will be glad when everything is okay once again.

 

Photo/true story owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/ #@GeeGranny

 

No Longer a Part of This Life …


No Longer a Part of This Life

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka @GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

She stood watching from a safe distance

As the big, black birds gathered, danced around

What was she thinking as she watched her baby

Being taken away, piece by piece … peck by peck

Swallowed into stomachs of the big, black birds

I felt grief for her … she is bound to feel pain

Someone hit her little baby, a fawn with white spots

It lay on the hot, hot road

Its little soft, brown eyes stared into the blue sky above

No pain … thankfully it never knew what happened

The big, black birds were only doing what they always do

Whether we like it or not … it’s the way of life

Animals die every day … by accident or careless drivers

The big, black birds come to eat … to survive

They come, never knowing they are cleaning up death

Never knowing they are helping man

In a short time, the little fawn’s body was gone

Leaving only a tiny bit of fur, flesh on the road

She turned … walked into the forest alone

She didn’t have a baby any more

Heart breaking, I turned my head … grief, pain in my Heart

I had seen this mother and her fawn several times

Saying little prayers asking protection for them

Sometimes, for whatever reason our prayers aren’t answered

Big, black birds came to feed

Doing only what they always do

They aren’t aware of pain associated with death

Big, black birds eat to survive … it’s part of the food chain

I drove up the road … thoughts of the mother doe in my mind

Thoughts of the big, black birds and the food chain of life

Mother doe standing there … watching big, black birds

Helpless to stop Mother Nature

Life is beautiful as well as ugly

You can’t have one without the other

Big, black birds flew into the sky, stomachs full

Baby fawn no longer a part of this life

 

 

 

Note by this Author:

The little fawn with white spots died just a short ways from where we live.  It broke my Heart … did someone hit it by accident, or did they deliberately hit it … were they driving too fast?

None of these questions will be answered.  Doesn’t matter now.  The mother doe is in the woods somewhere … she doesn’t have a child any more.  I understand … I don’t have a child any more.  Isn’t life so sad … as well, as so happy, wonderful?

Tears fall from my eyes as I write this … my Heart is full of pain over a tiny little forest creature no one is aware of.  It’s little body disappeared … that fast … big black birds came to eat in death what couldn’t be eaten in life.  It’s the way it is.  Life and Death and the food chain.

I’m not sure you could describe that as ugly.  The big black birds were only doing what they were born to do.  It’s just a part of life no one talks about, tries not to see.

If we eat our steaks, chicken, pork … are we being ugly?  Or is this just a part of life … a part of the food chain?  It’s just the way life is … you nor I … can change it.  We walk around with food from death … in our stomaches just like … the black birds who came to eat.

I truly wish I’d never been brought up to eat meat from animals.  I can’t bear the thoughts of animals being slaughtered to give me food.  No matter … it’s a part of our food chain.

Photos/poem/note are written/owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Crazy Ass Thoughts We Don’t Usually Talk About …


Crazy Ass Thoughts We Don’t Usually Talk About …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeTwitter @ Twitter

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Sometimes … when writing a story, article, post on something … I get Facebook Friend Requests.  I check them out each time because … of the timing, the way the person’s Facebook account has just been created … I would be their first friend.

Too strange … I just go on to check them out … and of course … I DON’T confirm a friendship unless for a short time … when I have a reason.

This is always a man … with handsome photos of him … sometimes, he is holding a child.  Now, why in the world would a man with no friends … want to request a friendship with me?  Why … would I be his first friend?

Especially … after he’s just read about my husband, Pups?  Especially after … if I do confirm the friendship long enough to check out more … what kind of friendship someone wants.

Sometimes … that person turns out to be female.  Someone who wants to get on my Facebook Friends to sit there … in my Facebook House … eat Facebook Potato Chips to watch my Facebook Life.

Whether you know it or not … you are bound to have at least one or more … doing that on your Facebook.  I still do … they just don’t know I have a Facebook Eye on them.

I don’t play games with men.  Oh … especially … if I tell that person that I’m married … he goes on to ignore that, hopes to know me, and such.  I can’t believe how some times … a man will just ignore me when saying they want to know me better … I say I’m happily married, and I don’t play games online.  I don’t wait to see what they say … because I delete/deny/unfriend the request.

Does the man think I’m weak because I write real life?  Does he think I don’t have anyone?  Does he think I’m someone that could be molded easily?  Does he think I am a doormat?

Does he think I’ve suffered so much pain that it has made me so weak?  If so … what a terrible mistake that would be.  I’ve become only stronger … wiser.  I will do this until the day I die.

The worst mistake would be to think I’m weak.  The next mistake would be to even think I would play games online with a man … or a … woman.

When I communicate with a male online … I’m very respectful.  I care about people … I don’t play games with anyone.  When I say something to a male online … all is in a good way.

I treasure my male friends … the ones I communicate with … are most respectful, and I know they are sincere people.  If they are married they aren’t afraid to mention their wives, girlfriends.  In fact, they are proud of them.  I love that.

If someone is single … they aren’t interested in silly stuff … they seem to treasure a real friendship just as I do.  No man ever has to worry that I … would want to be friends in a bad way.  All I do online is sincere … I’m a good person … I’m a sincere person.

No one … even females that play games … need to play games online with me.  I’ve been around too long … I will catch it.  I have caught some … they never knew it … I watch them for long periods of time in hopes … I’m wrong.  That’s online … and … in real life.

I always make Skip aware of anything that isn’t right.  All I do online is good, clean … and … not secretive.  I don’t hide anything I do … the whole world can know it … I truly don’t care.  Do I have secrets … just like you … yes, and … I’ll never tell them in this life.

Are those secrets that important?  Yes … and No … but, they are secrets 🙂  I can keep a secret … only people who know me … truly know that.  So … don’t tell me something … if you hope I will go tell everyone … it goes no farther.  I go on to forget about it.

I can see some crazy stuff, a wreck, something off the wall … just something that everyone would rush to tell someone else … I don’t.  I forget it until something reminds me of it again.  When I worked in the hospital where confidentiality was important … I never told people’s medical information … never.

I saw, heard people who did … the local people who worked in the hospital would call at first chance to their friends, say … “I got something to tell you but … you can’t tell anyone”!

They would go on to add … “If you tell anyone … don’t use my name”!   Then … they’d tell them about old Suzy Harrison who lives down the road … saying, ‘Guess what she has … she’s got gonorrhea”!

“Old Jon Brown down the road had done knocked up little Eleanor Sightseer”! “Samson Golightly has had a stroke”!

You know how those people are … they are going to keep up the gossip on their neighbors … because … isn’t that what all good neighbors do?

I knew a lot of … good neighbors at work when I worked.  You know the ones who are the backbone of the community … pillars of salt … the ones who would never-ever do anything wrong … the best Christians who are perfect.  You know them … hellfire, you might be one of them.

How do you feel inside?  Not good if someone confronted you … you’d jump up and down while screaming, ‘No!  I would never do such a thing’!  Liar … that’s what I say.

You are a … liar.  I see, hear things no one else pays attention to … why?  I know what to watch for …  Yes … you are a liar … and you hate a person like me who never says anything … once you look into my eyes … you know … I know.  Liar.

The things I could tell you … but, won’t.  On every job there are things we know, but … don’t talk about.  The things I mention have happened long ago … a lot of those people are dead, gone … now.

There were people at both hospitals I worked at … who disliked me … because they knew I knew.  Words were never needed … the smiles would go on … pass and re-pass … be nice … never feel comfortable in my presence.  The thing was … I filed what I knew back in my mind to know never to trust them personally … I’d go on to forget.

Why do I even look at things others don’t see?  It’s my nature … I grew up with such … I just spot it automatically.  I somehow … ‘know’ people. My Grandma Alma was very sharp … she saw through people.  Rarely … was she wrong.  It always came out in the long run … she’d just smile a little quiet smile.  That’s what I do … I don’t begin screaming, “I told you so”!  I just smile.

To survive … one learns a lot of things to defend themselves … because how can anyone prove they are being treated wrong … if only smiles, sweetness meets the eyes of someone who is looking?

If I’m looking … I look deeper … sense.  I know that even serial murderers have to … fool their prey.  Honey catches more flies than vinegar.  My Grandma Alma … told me so.  🙂

I grew up knowing sweet smiles, sweet voices are a crock of s___.  Yes, I said that.  I pay close attention to someone who is … too sweet.  I smile … when later … I ‘see’ … how sweet they really are.

Have I been fooled?  Hell yes … but, it didn’t take long to find out the truth.  I’m not afraid to confront someone in a quiet, sweet way … doesn’t matter where they are … no one would know what was going on … I don’t like ugly scenes.

I always try to think the best about someone … then … I see, hear what I hope not to.  It tells me the people can’t ever be my ‘real’ friend … if they’ll do their own neighbors, family members like that … who am I to them?  They are sure going to hurt me, too.

Heck, the family I grew up in could be the sweetest damn people in the world … they’d get your ass while smiling, telling you it’s not going to hurt while they stabbed you in the back.  They only wanted you to stand there until … they could get that final death blow in.

You ‘just stand there, die in shock’ … Why?  Because you couldn’t believe so and so … would or could … do such a thing.  I know … I ‘died a million times’ at the hands of … my loving … family.  I was seduced with sweet smiles, kind words until their hands could reach out, grab my little ass up … then Hell would break out not only on my ass … my body, too.

I still loved them, though.  I knew they had some love for me … somewhere in their hearts.  Why sometimes … it would show.  I’d feel so … special.  They knew a tiny bit of love … would go a long ways … with a little girl who wanted to be loved so badly.

The sad thing was … they’d take it away before I knew it … I couldn’t ever take for granted … love.  Love … hate … hot water … cold water … turning that faucet on and off … nothing ever stayed consistent in my life.  Everything depended on someone’s mood …

Thoughts … more thoughts.  Real thoughts … not the best thoughts but, nevertheless they are thoughts that flittered through my mind today.

I know you also, have your thoughts that flitter through … you just might not write them down or … let the light of day see them.  Here, I chose to let them come out into the light so, I could examine them closely.

The good thing here is … none of these thoughts hurt me.  They are thoughts from different times that made me … ‘more me’ … now.  I know that I’m not a false person trying to pretend one way or other to be something other than I am.  I don’t have anything to gain by hurting others.

I know that you will either like … dislike me.  It’s all in what you decide.  I know that no matter what … everything bad in my life has made me a very good person now.  That doesn’t mean I can’t be … mean, sometimes.  🙂  After all, I told you that I’m not perfect … didn’t I?

I’m just sharing thoughts we normally keep to ourselves … thoughts we don’t usually talk about.

 

 

Photos/true thoughts are mine, owned … written by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny at Twitter.

Claim Your Space in This World … It’s Yours


Claim Your Space in This World … it’s Yours

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter … 2014

 

Loneliness is the enemy of people who have no one.  Loneliness can cause a person to make costly mistakes.  Loneliness tears a person down … when they go out in public … a person feels isolated, disoriented … not a part of anything … anyone.

There have been times in my life that I’ve experienced loneliness.  It’s an awful feeling.  Through time I experienced it when I was home alone with no one to talk to, be near.  Skip was driving long-distance.  We stayed on the phone constantly.

This is a different kind of loneliness … this loneliness is from having to be away working, while I was at home.  It isn’t the kind of loneliness I’m writing about today.

The loneliness I am writing about is the kind of loneliness I see in several people I care about.  They don’t have their someone special … someone who will come home to them … someone that is there … someone who cares what they say or do.

Everyone, no matter who you are … needs that special person.  You don’t have to be married to them, nor do you have to live together.  All you have to do is … care.  You can care … even long-distance.

I was thinking about this as I was worrying about a friend who is lonely.  She gets very sad, feels there’s nothing to be happy about.  I read something she wrote.  It hurt my Heart.

I wrote back to her that loneliness can cause someone to make costly mistakes.  I didn’t want her to do that.  Nor did I want her to waste time while … waiting … for a certain someone to say ‘I love you’. Why?  Realistically … the person may never say it.

All that precious time wasted … waiting for nothing.  How many times have you … waited in your young life … older life … for someone to say ‘I love you’?   You know you have at least once if not more … in your life no matter how popular, good-looking, ‘perfect’ you are.

I’ve been observing a couple who have been dating for 7 years now … both are still uncertain how the other really feels about the other.  Each uses anger to control the other.  They won’t speak for a couple of months at a time.  Oh my God … look at all that precious time being wasted. They are old enough to know better.

I wasted precious time in my first marriage when I wasn’t priority in it … other women were.  I was just a very young girl, very naive who married someone older … who’d already been around.  I was innocent.  I still don’t hate that person.  I’m old enough now to know … life can be that way … no matter how sad.

Fourteen years.  I did it out of love, and my child.  Why?  Because I came from a f___ked up family, broken home and I didn’t want my child to.

It didn’t make any difference … all of those young, precious years were gone.  They weren’t appreciated by anyone.  I was the loser no matter how much I loved, cared.  My child was the loser, also.  It didn’t get me anywhere.  All I learned was how bad life hurt … how damn sad it was.

The danger here when a very young person is involved … is that young person who has only known pain in their young life … is very fragile.

They will begin to think no one wants them, they aren’t any good to anyone, they are so lonely they can’t bear it anymore.  They are … fragile emotionally.

You know a person can be treated bad only so much in their life.  When a person gets that far in their thinking … the next thing they think is … the world would be better off without them in it.

How do I know so much about it?  Because from the time I was very young I had learned I was in the way and if it wasn’t for me … this could have been.  If it wasn’t for me … that could have been.

I caused so much grief in everyone’s life unknowingly, so innocent … being a little girl.  If I could have known, had a choice … I would have chosen people who would have wanted me, give me a good life.  I sure wouldn’t have chosen to be born in a crazy-ass family.

When I learned it was me who caused this, or that … well, you know what can happen … it did … more than one time.  I learned about wanting to die … several times I almost succeeded.

I won’t go into any of that.  I may write about it later.  Words can’t in no way make you feel the pain of such times.  I can’t even begin to relate to you what I went through as a young child … young woman.  I can’t even describe the pain while in the process of … committing suicide.

Okay … you say ‘well, you aren’t the only one who felt pain’.  I say back to you … that I’m writing about me … not you.  You go write your own stories if you are tough enough to … let someone learn from your experience … share it.  Give someone hope that everything can be all right.

When I write … I hope someone can learn young … early enough to not waste those precious young years … older years you have left in this world.  Learn to love yourself … your world is about … you.

Then … someone else … after you’ve taken care of you.  I wish I’d learned this as a young girl, woman.  I look back … ha! ha!  I can’t see anyone who could have taught me such things.  Only my Aunt Frankie tried in her quiet, sweet way … then, someone would jump on her.  I was too young to understand but, years later … her quiet, sweet voice … her words were still in my mind.

I can write as a female, woman.  In today’s time … a woman can go, do things alone … and not look out of place.  She can do the things … she loves to do.  She can make herself happy.  She can be her best friend … or worse enemy.  She can love being alone with herself … crafts, reading, writing, computer, projects … the list goes on.

If she chooses to be her own best friend … have confidence to go, do all she loves to do … instead of holding back, sitting back … waiting for a man to come in her life … her life will be happy.  She is her own person!

Then … when a man happens to come in her life … she is confident enough in herself … he sees it.  He treats her with respect, loves her for being that person.

This all is my … Gloria Opinion … and God knows I have a lot of them.  The best about that is … I am very open-minded, known to change them at a moment’s notice.  🙂

Well, suppose the woman doesn’t have money to do all she wants.  I say this … find a way to get out in the world where there are people … good people you want to meet.  Church, libraries … groups … even at a shopping mall.  Open your eyes … do it in a safe way … always be alert.

You never know where your Prince Charming is going to be …. he could be shopping, wanting to find a book, or he is in church.  Maybe he has a special group that is important to him.

I would say men could do the same … since I am a woman, these are things I would think could make a difference in a lonely woman’s life.

Get out there where people are … they really won’t know you exist if you stay hidden away.  Make them aware you are a part of this world, also.  You do have a place in this world.  You really are important.  You just need to wake up, realize it.

Claim your space in this world … it’s yours so, make it yours.  You don’t have to stay lonely … not in the world we live in today.

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Note by this Author:

I am not an expert at anything but … pain, grief experienced in my own life.  I guess I am an expert in the negative things in life … and when knocked down … I get up off my ass … ready to do it again.  I face life head-on … pain, grief and all.  Shove me down … I’m going to get back up …

No matter how bad … all will be all right again.  No matter how negative … I am a positive person.  There’s good in bad … yes, there really is … open your eyes and look … you’ll see.

I claim my space unashamedly in this old world …  and no matter what someone else thinks … I am important.  I respect myself, so will others.

Who am I to dare say such things when I’m a nobody from childhood?  I say so … I’m Queen of my mountain.

Sadly … I just didn’t learn this young enough to save all the precious years I wasted.  I’ve learned all the hard way … and learned I did.

It’s just a wonder I’m a good person today … I could have been just as bad as being a good person.  It feels good to be good. 🙂

Oh … this is only a little of what I think … about being lonely, not having anyone.  I am going to say here, I am very fortunate to have my best friend, lover, soulmate, special someone … my husband, Skip.  He, our 2 Pups, Kissy and Camie … are my entire world.  I’m so grateful for them.

There’s not a day that goes by … without me being aware of that.  I never take anything for granted.  What I’ve come through in life will teach one that lesson … good.

Photos/story are both owned, written by me.  These are my true thoughts and unless you can show me a better way to think about them … this is what I think.  I am very open-minded.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter