3 Days of Pure Grief …

My precious son and grandson … I miss you with my very Heart.  I know you can’t come back … but, it doesn’t stop me from wishing it so.  Photo owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



I thought I’d written all the pain away. It came back and was bigger than me. I couldn’t run from it. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



3 Days of Pure Grief ….



A mother’s grief … never goes away. It is always … there.


No matter how she pretends everything is alright … it really isn’t.


Grief is like sweeping dust under the rug … it’s always there.


If one keeps sweeping dust under the rug … never getting rid of it … it builds up.


I am speaking for myself. I pretend only so long … push back my real feelings never sharing or talking about them.


Why do I do that? So as not to make others sad … dread to see a grieving mother. People love when I smile all the time … they smile back.


I’m a private person … I never talk about my real feelings to a person. I can write my pain.

As much as I’ve written … this weekend showed me that I never wrote all the pain away.


For 3 days I have spiraled out of control with grief and pure anger at the death of my son. Where did it all come from? I thought I had coped with it.


I told Skip it was like the doors of Hell opened and the fire was raging inside me. I haven’t been easy to live with to say the least.


Grief is an awful thing. Holidays when families gather … are the worse times.


I thought I had my grief under control after 6 years … the past 3 days have been pure Hell … one of the worse times since Tommy died.


The bad thing is the grief was bigger than me … and it was all … contained inside of me. I couldn’t get up and leave from it … no matter where I went it was still inside. It was worse than my words can say.


I couldn’t run away from myself … I had nowhere to run to. All I could do was rage, cry … become a storm … a really bad storm. I’m not proud of that.


I promised when I first began writing my grief that I would share the very real grief when it struck. I’m keeping my promise.


I don’t know that anyone can learn anything from what I have just written. One can see grief doesn’t ever go away …. one can’t see the pain a grieving mother hides with a smile.


The strange thing is that I can hide my pain well … I was around people we know … they never suspected the storm raging inside me. I couldn’t wait to get to myself to quit pretending.


This morning … I got up with a smile and a peaceful feeling in my Heart. I’m okay now. I weathered this terrible storm … it almost got the best of me.


I’m like a redwood tree … scarred, weathered … I’m still standing. Grief either makes you strong or breaks you. I am determined to be strong.


I’ve accepted Tommy’s death … I know he can’t come back. I’m a most realistic person … I cope with what I can’t change until I can.


None of this matters when a mother misses her child … his voice, laughter, silly jokes … pranks. None of it matters when she wishes to see his sweet face … sweet, sunshine smile.


When holidays come … a grieving mother may not seem to notice when families get together … their children come to visit. I promise they notice … they wish so much to see their own child.


A grieving mother pretends everything is good … she wants all to be good.


Inside her Heart … she sees/feels the hugs other mothers’ children give them … a son or daughter kiss on the cheek …. a ‘I love you, mama’. It triggers in her what she has tried to hide from herself. She used to be a mother … she’ll never get another smile, hug … kiss from her child. She’ll never get another ‘I love you, mama’ from her child. It’s all gone … forever.


There’s nothing beautiful, happy I can write about grief. I can only write it as it really is. Only a mother can know what the loss of her child feels like.


I’m so glad to be okay today. This bout of grief lasted 3 days. I couldn’t seem to shake it.



Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Part 11: Tragedy at Walmart…

Part 11:     Tragedy at Walmart…     Victoria Fairchild Saga Continues


Story owned/written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  Dedicated to my friend Ms Nancy Smith Satterwhite as she recovers from surgery.  Love you, Ms Nancy!


Photo owned/taken by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  Taken near where I live.



People are always thinking of ways to harm others … why? Some people are born evil. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



Victoria drove to Walmart to pick up several things.  She drove into the parking lot … found the perfect parking place.  As Victoria was reaching for her purse she noticed something strange.  At first, she didn’t know why it caught her attention.


She forgot about her purse … sat up straight in her seat to watch.  Victoria saw a man get out of one car … get into another car.  He was carrying something in his hand … Victoria reached for her binoculars … looked closer.


She couldn’t read the words on the bottle he held in his hand.  What was he doing?  She watched him get out of the second car … behold … he walked to a third car … got in … did whatever he was doing … got out … proceeded to the fourth car.


Victoria had a bad feeling.  She got quietly out of her Expedition … slipped around it to observe the man.  She heard laughter, voices coming toward the second car … she watched as everyone got into the car.  She heard a female voice say … give me my BoJangle’s tea!  More laughter.  Happy people.


Oh my God!  What’s wrong, Sandra?  What’s wrong?!!! Help!  Help! Sandra!  Doors quickly opened … a young girl was slumped on the door … hands grabbed to break her fall to the pavement.


Victoria ran up to see what had happened.  She smelled a strange odor … the man must have put something in the tea sitting innocently in the cup holder!  There were two cups … one still in the cup holder … one on the floor.  Victoria called 911.


She tried to help the girl … it was too late.  Victoria remembered the man going from car to car!  She wasn’t noticed as the rescue people worked on the young girl.  Victoria began searching for the man … she felt he was poisoning cups of drink left in cup holders.  Most people didn’t lock their doors.


She didn’t see the man … went back to where the poor girl had died.  Victoria saw an officer … she walked to him … told him what she had seen.  She told him she believed the man was putting poison in people’s drink cups.


The officer looked hard at her … are you serious?  Victoria looked him straight in the eyes … told him he’d better find out or there’d be more death.  Victoria had a bad feeling.


More laughter … the light-hearted silliness of friends, family happy to be out shopping … being together … several people were coming to get into the car … the first car!


Officer, you have to see if they have drinks sitting in their cup holders!  He decided to humor her … he began walking toward the car when a young boy staggered from the car.  He fell to the ground clutching his throat.  He struggled to breathe … stopped.  The young boy was dead.


Victoria watched in shock just as the officer did.  It happened so fast.  More police cars came, parked … so did several ambulances.  The police were stopping people from getting into their cars … they soon had all in control.  Victoria went to do her shopping.  It wasn’t her business now.


She was looking at a soft blue, pink bra.  Victoria loved colored under-clothing.  It was beautiful.  She looked for her size, found it … put it in her shopping cart.


Victoria looked up … she narrowed her eyes.  She saw the man who was poisoning drinks in the parking lot.  Victoria dialed 911 … she was told officers were on their way … to stay on the phone.


Victoria walked around shopping … watching the man.  He never knew she was there.  Soon … several officers appeared … surrounded the man.  He was looking at a camouflage jacket … the officers walked up to him … spoke quietly to him … arrested him.  No one ever noticed.


Victoria paid for her bra … several other items.  She was glad they caught the man who’d done such an awful thing.  From now on she’d warn others not to leave their doors unlocked … someone could poison their drinks.  Who ever thought of such?  People were thinking of all kinds of things to do to harm others.


She went home … relaxed.  Victoria began to have a feeling … that something big was going to happen soon.  She knew it had to do with the animal-people.  She had a bad feeling …


To be continued …

Part 10: Broken Promise …

Part 10:    Broken Promise …                   Victoria Fairchild Saga Continues



Story owned/written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  This story is dedicated to my friend … Ms Nancy Smith Satterwhite to read as she recovers from her surgery.



Photo owned/taken by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  It is of the woods nearby.



Do you ever look past the leaves to see … if something is looking through the leaves … at you? By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.


Victoria slept through the night without waking up.  She awoke the next morning feeling refreshed. She slept so good … she sure needed it.


She was tempted to break her promise … go back to check on the cave … animal-people.  Should she … should she not?


Victoria got her shower, donned jeans and a cotton shirt.  What to do … what to do?  She made a pot of Folger’s coffee … poured a cup, sat at the dining table.  While she held the hot cup of coffee in her hands … she went into deep thought.  Oh … how comforting the hot cup was in her hands … that was as important to her as drinking the coffee.  It smelled heavenly.


She watched the trees sway in the gentle wind blowing.  For almost an hour Victoria sat in a trance watching the trees.  She loved to see the trees move in the wind … it was good therapy.  When she came back to her world around her … her coffee was cold, so was her cup.


Victoria wasn’t any closer to figuring a way to take care of the animal-people who were killing people in Rainbow Mountain Park.  She felt fear thinking about some innocent soul walking around there … being attacked, eaten.   What to do, what to do!


She put her head into her hands … her fingers massaging her forehead.  Victoria closed her eyes.  She took a deep breath … jumped up.  She … was … going to drive to Rainbow Mountain Park but, she wouldn’t get out.  She would watch from the gray van.



A short time later Victoria parked in the parking lot.  There were several cars already there.  She saw people sitting at the picnic tables and at a couple of them … people were grilling burgers, hot dogs. She was glad … there is safety in numbers.


She saw a little girl of about four walking, running off from her family.  She was too close to the woods.  Victoria tensed … she thought she saw a movement in the brush.  She was going to have to get out of the van …


As Victoria got out of the van … everything seemed to become very quiet.  She kept her eye on the child as she moved … she had a bad feeling.  Could she get to the child in time … she didn’t want to alarm anyone.


As Victoria got closer … she heard a growl.  The little girl was running straight to the bushes where she saw movement!  Victoria moved quicker … she had to save the little girl.  No one was aware the child had wandered off.  Victoria began to run … she was very fast … another one of her special abilities.


The little girl had reached the bushes … hands grabbed out for her.  Growling … snarling.  Just as fingers closed on the child’s arm … Victoria jerked the child out of the hands … raced by the bushes like a flash.


The little girl didn’t make a sound.  She didn’t know what happened.  Victoria slowed down … took the little girl to her family.  She told the family that she thought she saw a fox close by.  The mother hugged her little girl close … no, she wouldn’t let her little girl wander off again.  Her eyes were wide from fear for her baby.  She thanked Victoria.


Victoria walked to her gray van.  It was a good thing she’d broken her promise.  The little girl would have become another victim of the animal-people.  She sat in the van keeping an eye out until the last car left.  Only then could Victoria leave.


To be continued ….

The Grief Came Once Again … I Wrote It Alright

The Grief Came Once Again … I Wrote It Alright



When a mother loses her child she goes on a forever journey … Journey of Grief. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



My only child, my son … Tommy holding his only son born on March 16, 2007.  I lost Tommy on May 29, 2010 … I’ve been on the Journey of Grief since.  I have to write to make it all better … the pain gets too great to stay inside me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.




I felt the most deepest sadness in my Heart this morning … everything is alright.  It’s Easter weekend … Tommy won’t be coming home I know … it still doesn’t stop that longing inside my Heart.  ❤ 🙂


I wish everyone such a safe, wonderful Easter with their children, pets.  ❤  Grief is a sad emotion … more than sad … more than just mere pain … more … than anything.


This morning and yesterday I have cried for Tommy.  I miss him with my very Heart ❤  Everything is going to be alright because I choose to make it so now.  Every step I take … I choose to go forward … never backward ❤


Can you imagine not seeing your son, daughter again?  No … I couldn’t when my son lived.  I can remember back then … ‘knowing in my Heart’ … that he would be here as I became older and I would always have him.


A mother’s grief is forever.  She has to choose how to handle it … at first I wasn’t in any condition to handle anything and almost didn’t live through it all. It took several years before somehow … I began to very slowly come back to life.  You see … before that I didn’t know if I was living or not … it didn’t matter.  The pain, oh the pain.  I could only live in darkness, feel the pain of my only child dying … gone forever.  Can you imagine?

Thankfully … time has gone by … all still hurts and I still get the ‘birds trapped in a cage’ sensation in my stomach (panicky feeling).  I know I have to just go on living, doing things … and it finally goes away.  No mother ever wants to travel this road … it never ends.  It’s until the day a mother dies.


Grief’s journey … I’m going to always be on it … I try to make it positive now that I’m aware of all I feel, think.  You see … for the first few years some mothers don’t think or be aware that life is going on around them … they are looking inside.  I’m so thankful to be out of myself and be able to see the world I love now.


Thank God I am a positive person to begin with.  It’s like going to church as a child … there’s a foundation to fall back on when one doesn’t know anywhere else to go after trying to do everything themselves … making all kinds of mistakes.  Thank God for the older women who used to come to my Grandma Alma’s house in Hell … to get me, take me to church where I could see happy people, know goodness in the world.


No matter the mistakes I ever made … I never forgot God.  I don’t publicly go out to tell everyone how I feel about religion and I won’t ever.  Everyone has their own way to worship … believe.  I am very private in that respect.  I also, respect everyone’s beliefs … we all arrive at our own beliefs in our own way from our own experiences.


No one owns God … we all love … worship him in our own ways.  I won’t argue this with anyone … and if someone … were to begin arguing religion with me … I would know you don’t respect me and I’d remove you off my Facebook.  I never play such games … life’s too short and too sweet to waste time on such.  I respect myself … I respect you … and I won’t allow anyone to disrespect me.


Even if I’m always nice, try to be good … there’s steel in my backbone.  It came from the days as a little girl trying her best to survive life in Hell.  I only say this because sometimes … there are people who aren’t as nice … who want to jump on a bandwagon … soapbox to begin a war … not on my Facebook … not in my life.  I pick … choose my own battles … this isn’t one of them.  I respect their opinions enough to let go … let them go their own way.


Writing is magic to me … since Tommy died … I’ve written more than I ever have in my life.  I don’t think I’m a best-seller author … I’m not the best author … but … I write.  I write to … save myself.  Thank God I could write when Tommy died … how in the world could I have lived with such pain bigger than I … inside myself.


The book in the photo is my book of pure pain.  Just because I wrote it doesn’t mean I’m famous, great or anything.  It is simply my book of pure pain that I couldn’t hold inside.  I don’t think I could have made it if I hadn’t written it.  I’ve never tried to pretend I’m something I’m not … I have never made money off my 3 books I wrote.  That’s okay.


I didn’t have in mind to make money when I wrote … I Cry For Tommy … I wrote to remember Tommy, my son … one of the most important, special parts of my life … me.  He’ll always be remembered through my words … my dragonflies.


My beautiful son is gone … yours is still here.  Love, care and mend any broken fences.  I promise you that a phone call can come, destroy your whole world as a mother in a split second … it did mine.


In fact … I was 200 miles away from the ocean where he died … and I was the first person to know.  A stranger picked Tommy’s phone up off the damp sand where he collapsed … pressed redial … got the last person Tommy ever talked to … Me.  My son talked to me last on his phone.  I heard a voice say, “Ma’am, I have a man collapsed here on the sand … he’s not breathing.”


For those of you who need to mend fences … I hope you will think of me … hear my words in your minds.  Love, hold your babies tightly this Easter weekend … all the time.  Let them know their mothers love them no matter what.  Let them know they are most special to you.


Thank God … I always did that with Tommy … he knew his mother loved him with her very Heart.  This was my only comfort I could find in his death … my son knew I loved him because I told him so … often.  How many times did I cry out in my Heart … “thank God I told him”.


You can see how writing heals me … helps me when I get very sad.  I have passed over the grief … pain … I felt building up inside me.  Writing saves me.  Thank God for writing … whether it be good or bad.  I don’t claim to be other than myself … I write my way and go on.  I could possibly say something that could help another … I know sometimes I read ‘just the right thing … said in just the right way’ … and it makes all the difference in my life.  It doesn’t matter who wrote it … what matter is I read it.  I know you understand.


My friends here understand … my newer friends may not realize since they’ve not followed me through time at the most darkest period of my life that began May 29, 2010.


Everything is alright … I wrote it so … it would be that way!  🙂 ❤




Note by this Author:  I wrote this morning to help myself as I felt the onslaught of grief so deep … so painful … I wrote until I was okay again.  I put this on my Facebook this morning as my post today. Photo/story are both owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.

Part 9: What Happened To The Animal-Child?

Part 9:  What Happened To The Animal-Child?  … Victoria Fairchild Saga Continues



How can you catch something that can eat you … you are the meat they eat. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



Story written/ photos owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  This is dedicated to my friend, Ms Nancy Smith Satterwhite who is recovering from surgery.  I hope this takes your mind off the pain … and you recover soon!



Photo owned/taken by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



Victoria drove to the sheriff’s department.  She had a friend who worked there.  She hadn’t thought of him in years. If he was still there … she knew she could talk freely to him … express her concerns about the animal-people.  He knew Victoria was different … just how different he didn’t know … but, he knew she was an extraordinary woman.


Victoria walked to the window … asked to see Captain Tom Siddons.  She told the woman her name, took a seat.  In about three minutes Tom came out into the waiting room.  Victoria!  It’s so nice to see you!  Come into my office.


Victoria followed Tom into his office.  It was a very neat office.  Tom’s desk was shiny from wax.  His family photos sat around on the surface.  There was a stack of folders lying on the desk.


She sat down in the chair across from Tom.  They talked light talk for several minutes until Tom looked at her closely.  You can tell me what’s wrong, Victoria.


Victoria mentioned the animal-child that the EMS girl was bitten by.  She wanted to know what happened to it.  Tom told her that he was in a padded cell at the hospital for mental patients.  He wanted to bite everyone.  No one knew quite what to do about the child.  They’d never seen anything like it.


Tom looked at Victoria with narrowed eyes.  Victoria, it gets worse … doesn’t it?  He had a bad feeling Victoria was going to tell him something he didn’t want to hear.


Victoria took a deep breath … told him what she had witnessed.  Tom sat there with open mouth … disbelief.  The thing was … if Victoria said it … it was true.


Tom, I came to you because you know me.  You know I can do things ordinary people can’t.  That was the only way I could go inside the cave … I became a shadow.  They never knew I was there.  I did an experiment … I became visible only for a moment … they ran to attack me!


Tom wanted to know how many animal-people were in the cave.  Victoria told him she saw probably a hundred people.  Hunting parties were coming in while she was there.  She told him in vivid detail what they did to the woman outside the cave … the animal-children ate her flesh … the evil man buried the bones, placed rocks on the grave.  Not only that … one of the hunting parties brought in a woman and all the animal-people attacked her, ate her.


So that explains all the missing people who have gone to Rainbow Mountain Park!  Tom told Victoria about the mystery of missing people through the past fifty years there.  People going on picnics, camping … hiking … never to be seen again.  Oh my God … it makes sense now.  Tom was in shock.  Who would believe this?


Tom, what can we do to protect officers when going in there?  You or anyone else can’t just go into the cave.  You don’t have the ability to change like I do … you would be seen … attacked, killed.


Tom sat there with his elbow on his desk … he stared off into space.  I’m going to have to do some serious thinking, Victoria.  I know I can count on you to help me … be my eyes when it comes time.


They talked for a short time.  Victoria got up to leave … Tom walked around the desk … hugged her goodbye.  I’ll call you, Victoria.  In the meantime … stay away from there.  We’ll figure this out.  Victoria promised she’d stay away.


Victoria drove home.  She wanted only to get her shower … get into her cozy nightgown … kick back to relax.  In less than an hour Victoria was in her bed fast asleep before nightfall.



To be continued ….

Part 8: What To Do Now

Part 8:   What To Do Now      … Victoria Fairchild Saga Continues


By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … dedicated to Nancy Smith Satterwhite to read while recovering from her surgery.  I hope this entertains you … takes your mind off the pain.

Photo owned/taken by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



Victoria Fairchild arrived home.  She pressed the hidden garage remote … the side of the huge house opened quietly … closed once she drove inside.



Victoria went into the house through her 3 closets … entered her bedroom.  She was completely wiped out.  She took her shower, put on her gown … fell into bed … instantly asleep.  She was safe in her house.



The next day Victoria awoke to sunshine peeping through her blinds.  She got up … twisted the wand to open them.  Ah-hhhh … comforting sunshine.  Victoria was a sunshine girl … the sun made her smile … the rain made her very sad.



Now … how to get attention turned toward the animal-people.  She went into the kitchen … turned on her coffeepot.  Nothing like good, hot coffee to comfort her.  She would sit at her dining table by the glass doors in the dining room.



She kicked back in her dining chair … sat … drank her hot coffee as she looked out at the flowering garden.  She sat in deep thought and at the same time … enjoyed the bright colors of the flowers.  The warmth from her coffee cup felt so nice … pure comfort.  She loved to place her hands around a hot cup of coffee.




She drank almost the whole pot of coffee while in deep thought.  When finally she was ready to get another shower, dress … she still hadn’t any idea what to do.  She did know she was going to visit Ms Nancy in the hospital … and try to find out what happened to the child that attacked the EMS girl at Rainbow Mountain Park.



A couple hours later found Victoria going up on the mirrored elevator … to 4th floor … room 401.  Ms Nancy was sitting up in bed when she entered the door.  She smiled brightly at Victoria.



Victoria walked over to the blue chair to sit.  They began talking at the same time.  Victoria let Ms Nancy tell what happened once again.  Victoria told Ms Nancy that she wanted to tell her something … it was awful but, true.  Also … that she was very lucky to be alive and not to go back to Rainbow Mountain Park.



Victoria related all that happened in the cave.  Ms Nancy began shaking … she was in shock.  It was too much for her to take in all at once.  Victoria!  Oh my God … I can’t believe it!



Victoria and Ms Nancy were very close.  Ms Nancy knew about Victoria’s special powers … she had occasion to witness them when on missions with Victoria.  She asked Victoria could she do anything at all to get rid of those people.  Victoria told her no … there were too many people and they were vicious … animals, cannibals.




Victoria expressed her concern over how she could lead the authorities to them … and keep them protected at the same time.




Ms Nancy moved her leg, foot … groaned from the pain.  Victoria asked her what kind of injury did she get from being attacked.  Ms Nancy said the doctor thought her Achille heel was torn … thankfully it wasn’t.  She had several fractures in her leg.  Her face had a bite mark on it … it was healing nicely.  Her arm had suffered bruises.  She was lucky for it not to be broken.



Victoria got up to leave.  She walked over to hug Ms Nancy.  She could smell the scent of Ivory Soap on her.  She smelled so clean, fresh.  Victoria hugged her with deep affection. I love you, Ms Nancy.



How can you tell someone something unbelievable … you have to show them. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



To be continued …

I Don’t Control My Characters In A Story … They Are Themselves!

I Don’t Control My Characters In A Story … They Are Themselves!



By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee



Don’t judge me by my characters in my stories … they are true to themselves. By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.



Photo is of me … owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.  This is what Victoria Fairchild looks like … me … if I were a character in a story.  Victoria Fairchild exists … so do I.




A quick note here … I am writing on my Victoria Fairchild Saga for a short time.  At times it gets down and dirty.  Life is like that in the life Victoria Fairchild lives.



I do not speak for my characters as I write them in my story.  They speak, do the things they do … because … that’s ‘who they are’.  You might not like them … I might not like them or the things they do … but, it’s … their life.



Life isn’t always beautiful … there are the scary, ugly sides we don’t get to see … because they are normally hidden … until someone with a sharp eye … spots something that causes suspicion.



I never know ahead of time what’s going to happen … I read as I write … sometimes I am very excited to see what’s going to happen.  Sometimes … I am saddened by the things that go on … sometimes, angry.



So don’t judge me as you read my stories/story … you can’t tell my characters what to do no more than I can.  They are true to themselves.  Like you … sometimes … I don’t like all that comes out of their mouths … nor the things they do.  Like real life … we can’t control everything.  When I write it is true life in a true story … my characters’ stories.



I felt I needed to write this so my readers would understand … everything I write about Victoria Fairchild is a story to entertain … you will see some of everything from violence, sex … happiness, sadness.  Life is the same in the world of telling stories.  So … here we go!



Note by this Author:  I felt I needed to write this to let my readers know about parts of Victoria Fairchild … it can get mean … ugly down in the dirt … as well as good, happy.  By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.