Facebook Asks Me: What’s on My Mind Today?


Facebook Asks Me:  What’s on My Mind Today?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny

 

 

Tiny houses … unexpected acts of kindness … no strings attached … people caring when no one knows … I am one of them.  This is what is on my mind this morning.  The only thing between me creating bigger miracles, acts of kindness is … money 🙂

 

 

 

I do with what I have always wishing to do more … and hoping no one thinks my little ‘miracles’ are … jokes … because they aren’t ‘big’ enough.  When I do something good … I go on to forget … I never-ever expect anything back … and I don’t need ‘thank-yous’ … this is what I feel I’ve learned in my Life … at this time and day.  Do for others … no one has to know … never expecting anything back … forget it.

Just like planting a garden … if you plant beautiful flowers … you will leave a wonderful path behind you as you go forward.  Never stop …

In my long lifetime, I have learned many things … I know how people feel … I have been on many journeys in Life … many roads many of you have never traveled, or dreamed to.  I never-ever talk about them … they will go to the grave with me.  I never feel the need to brag … to force you to like me by telling you any of these things.  You can either like me … or dislike me … accept me as I am. It’s your choice …

Some things I’m proud I was a part of … some I am not so proud of at all … but, to be the person I am today ( a good person, nothing more ) … these were Lessons in Life that were thrown at me until … I was pushed to the right path in my life.  Damn … so many years were wasted … yet, not wasted at all. I learned the hard-ass way.  I had to learn these things to be … Me … Gloria.

 

Some things have been my mistakes in Life … I promise you I learned from them.  When I say ‘I know what you mean’ … you will know I honestly do and have experienced what you have.  I don’t say ‘idle’ words … I say words that are real, meaningful.  I listen to people who are used to saying ‘I know what you mean’ … ‘they don’t know nothing.’

 

I heal each time I feel the good, happy feelings inside … when I know something good has happened to you.  It does my Heart good … I love it.  ❤

I ‘need’ to hear, see, do good things … I need to know good things happen to others, myself, my loved ones.  Have you seen people who ‘hate’ when good things happen to others?

 

When I tell someone about anything I do, or have done … I hope it makes someone begin thinking … what they can do around them.  Wouldn’t it be something if everyone did this?  I don’t need to be told ‘oh, what a wonderful person I am … or how good you are!’  I wonder if you look at Life like this?  Do you look around, thinking like I do?

 

I know people who look blank when asked this …  their world is all they see.  Their eyes are open, yet they can’t see.  Their minds are small … never knowing what’s past their back door … do I knock them for being like this?  How can I? Life will teach them their lessons … just as it did me.  It’s not my place to force my beliefs on them.  If somehow … my actions, words ‘happen’ to touch, influence them … in a good way … I can only be honored.

I’m a person who has little … who like everyone else … tries to make it everyday.  I try to look like I’m somebody when I know I am a mere person who really is nobody … when I say that ‘nobody’ … I don’t mean it in a bad way.  I am … somebody to me, Skip and Pups, and people we know.  I mean ‘now’ … I’ve taken an interest in ‘being pretty’ again … and doing the best with ‘what’s left of me’ … after my battles of grief, pain.  I almost lost those battles, this time.  I’m ‘trying to work with’ all that’s left.

 

 

(These are the true faces of … pure pain, grief … a grieving mother who doesn’t know she is in this world, and if she did … it didn’t make a damn difference … she had lost her only child, her son.  This is me when I completely let go … didn’t care for anything anymore … I was the walking dead … the only difference was that I was alive.  If I had died, I would have never known it.  I was already in Hell.  Below are today’s photos … I wonder if you can see the difference in ‘before’ now photos … before coming to peace, accepting my son’s death?  Can you see how at times ‘I tried to come back’ … No one knows the battle I came through to be here today … excepting for another grieving mother who also, made it back from the worse grief, pain in her whole life.)

 

I want to dress, look nice like all women … the past 5 years since Tommy‘s (my only child) death … I didn’t think about trying to be pretty anymore.  My beautiful clothes had been pushed to the back of the closet … my hair has looked like ‘pure hell’ … do you think I cared?  I think you know the answer to that.  All you have to do is to ask yourself that question.

 

 

Until recently … this summer … I began working on my weight … trying to get back in the habit of putting a little makeup on each day … dressing in something other than the damn-old ‘fat’ tee shirts, pants I’d been wearing ‘too’ long.

I have lost so far 37 lbs on my own … no diet aids.  I found by the time I began trying on clothes … lots of them had price tags still on them … they were too big.  Skip and I decided to go to the flea market to take some ‘clutter’ to make room in the house.  I took a lot of those ‘big’ clothes there … I sold some … and gave a giant pile of clothes to a woman, some were very expensive clothes … clothes bought at a time we were doing well.

The beautiful clothes I have left now … I am beginning to wear!  I am getting compliments … I am amazed.  I’m going forward in appearance now … I have come so far in my mental outlook … coping with my grief.  I’ve taken interest in myself once again!

 

I’m ‘almost’ seeing the person I knew in the mirror ‘before’ … Tommy died.  When I began getting more aware of everyday life several years after Tommy died … my eyes began seeing this person I didn’t recognize in my mirror.  Oh my God … where ‘did I’ go?

 

 

I began grieving also, over the loss of my youth … I no longer looked pretty as I was used to looking … I had … become … OLD!  I have grieved over this for the past couple of years as I came to grips with the loss of Tommy.  Truthfully … I will tell you … I am lucky to be here at all.  Too much … too much … just way too much for this one person … Now … I don’t have a living child … and I have become OLD, ugly.

Thankfully, I went on to know there are more important things in life than just being physically pretty (it’s hard to let go when you’ve always been … I am being truthful here … not at all vain).  I can’t tell you how it feels to age, ‘lose your looks’ … but, I will begin to from time to time!  🙂  I promise … just as I promised to always tell you honestly about grief, pain when I experience it.

Oh … now, when I get an opportunity to shop for a blouse or slacks … instead of buying clothes at Walmart … I go to a favorite shop … look on their clearance racks, sales.  I always find something with design ‘at or about the same price of Walmart’!!!  I’m so thrilled.

I’ve always went to Goodwill  stores to look for books that are new! for only 49 cents!  I always go to the shoe department and ever so often … I find a new pair of very expensive shoes for $3.19!!!  I just found a beautiful pair of B.O.C. shoes for that price.  Laugh, if you want … only the ‘place’ and price are different.  I’ll take ‘cheap’ any day for something … quality.  I’ll admit it, also.

I don’t pay much for clothes now … I don’t have the luxury of affording expensive clothes anymore.  But … not long ago … I was so happy when someone said ‘my clothes’ were beautiful!  I’m beginning to look better, feel happier!  Those words meant more to me than anyone could know!  I needed to hear, know that.  Skip always tells me … but, he thinks I’m beautiful when I’m … ugly!  🙂 ❤

As for my jewelry … I’ve had for years, and years.  I don’t always wear it so, it all looks … new!  I learned to put it up when doing housework years ago.  I knocked a diamond out years ago … when the washing machine lid fell on my hand … I learned my lesson but, it was the hard way … I did the very same thing … twice, after having it replaced!  I still have a diamond to replace in one ring … so, that’s why I put my jewelry up.  I never know what craft, or project ‘I could get into’ … that could damage.

I always stop to remind everyone that I am just me.  Why do I do that?  Because I don’t feel I’m deserving sometimes, of the special words you all say to me.  I always worry about on Facebook of appearing to be more than I am … I promise you I’m not.  I’m not wealthy … and I ‘want’ everyone to know that.  It’s easy to appear that way in photos shared on Facebook.  You can make everything look so neat, nice and ‘look like you are somebody’ … even if you ‘have nothing’.  You know … we want others to see the best of ‘us’.

I see, know people who have re-invented themselves on Facebook … and I know better (I keep it to myself).  I know they aren’t a bit more what they project themselves to be.  Everyone wants to feel, be important.  Everyone wants to give the illusion they are ‘somebody’.

If I’m honest, sincere … then, when I meet someone … they’ll see exactly what I am, no surprises or disappointments … they’ll see only … Me … Gloria … no more, no less.  Just a person who doesn’t have to pretend to be more than I am.  It’s just too tiresome to … pretend, so disappointing to discover someone is … otherwise.  In the end … not worth it.  When one gets OLD … they should know these things!  🙂

 

I don’t have to impress anyone … God, at the years wasted as a young woman … I thought I had to look ‘just right’ … be so ‘extra-beautiful’ … starve myself to keep a ‘perfect’ figure … I thought I ‘had’ to do this in order for others to like, love me.  Love me, they did!  I learned the difference when I began to live in the real world … everyday people.

 

Those people are ‘above’ … everyday people.  They look down their snooty noses at ‘real’ … it’s not ‘perfect’ enough.  Of course, through time when I began to become ‘real’ … I was no longer looked at … I couldn’t be seen … I wasn’t ‘beautiful anymore, I wasn’t good enough … my light didn’t shine that bright anymore.  I’m left with memories.

There was love … not a lasting, real love … but, in a room of beautiful people where that’s all that mattered was being beautiful … I can smile and say this with all sincerity (not vain at all ) … ‘there was a time when I could take a room’ … when I ‘made an entrance’.  🙂  Every eye would be drawn … to me.  I used to be told I was a ‘queen’ … ‘every eye goes wherever you go’ … and such things.

 

These are things a ‘beautiful’ person never lets people ‘know’ they know … nor are spoken of.  Since I write … I can write anything, even the … truth.  A beautiful person takes all this for granted … they know everyone loves how they look.

 

Maybe I was … vain … to a degree!  I’m smiling now … ‘those were the days!’ … when ‘beauty’ was most important. See … that’s ‘why’ it’s hard to cope with realizing one is getting OLD!  That’s ‘why’ one grieves over their youth!  That’s ‘why’ when my eyes opened to an OLD woman in my mirror … caused such extra grief in my Heart until …

(True face of grief, pain of a grieving mother … life got too real … too much for one mother to have to live with … she either has to cope, accept with the knowledge her child is gone … or go on and let go.  I, thankfully … chose to live … to accept, cope in the most positive way I know how … to write my grief away, make golden, beaded dragonflies and leave them as a surprise for someone to find joy in discovering a treasure.  Look at how my face has changed … do you ‘see how I got lost from … myself?  When I began to become aware at times of myself … I didn’t know the person looking back at me from my mirror.)

 

When months, and months went by … I realized that Life has to be like this.  This is a part of life, becoming older.  I’ve had my time … it’s time for others.  I needed to accept getting OLD … take what I ‘had left’ and do the best with it I can!  I began thinking I’m a good person … that’s what’s important.  I have begun to ‘see’ ME in my mirror … once in a while!  I see … Me! again!  I see ‘kindness’ in my eyes … I see what I want to see on my face … a ‘good’ look.

I don’t see ugliness, bitterness, meanness on my face … I’m determined to grow OLD … gracefully.  I meant to do that all along … if I made it to be OLD.  I’m so fortunate, thankful to be here.  I earned every year … so, if I don’t look pretty enough for someone … too damn bad … I’ve fought battles just to live that you know nothing about … if you think like that … it doesn’t bother me at all. I don’t hate you … we all have to think … thoughts of something.  And … it’s okay if you don’t like me … you never need worry that I’ll ‘get in your life’ … I am a private person … I mind my business, stay in my life … that’s all I can handle … it’s been more than enough.

 

 

You can think I’m a Dreamer … doesn’t matter to me … this is the real Gloria.  I do know what’s reality … dreams.  We all have to have dreams, hopes … or we have no reason to go on. We all have to help in our small, big ways when we can … or we as people will just collapse, hate, be bitter, mean, ugly.  Facebook … this is what’s on my mind this morning.  ❤

 

I project myself to be … just me, Gloria.  I am nobody … yet, I am somebody.  I have big wishes that may be impossible to transpire in my life … I am not an imposter.  I sure am not perfect … I’m just everyday.  I’m nice, mean, ugly, beautiful all the time … sometimes, one more than the other.

 

The one thing I can promise about me … I’m a good person, I care …. I’m basically honest, though once in a while I will tell a ‘white lie’.  🙂 I do that to help more than hurt others.

 

Why do I tell anyone these things?  Because I don’t want anyone to think I’m so perfect, good.  Like my drawings …. there are many imperfections … I can only do my best.  I can say if I chose a friend truly like myself … I would be so happy.  Can everyone say that?  I do like myself as a person … though sometimes, truthfully … I don’t if I am mean, ugly … say anything to hurt anyone.  I’m the one who has to live with myself!  I can’t take a break from … Me.

 

I’m glad I’m a private person … so, I don’t take the chance of saying anything to hurt another person … never meaning to.  If I ever do unintentionally … it torments me until I make amends.

 

Oh … if I make mistakes when writing … you can see more imperfections.  After all , I warned you … I am NOT perfect … I used to want to be … tried to be exactly perfect for 3 years … I wasted all that time … to make others like me!  When one woman was jealous of me … said something hurtful … it almost devastated me!

 

Well … it opened my eyes to being something I truly wasn’t … because when I got out of sight of the ‘world’ … at home … no one saw how imperfect I was!  I was unhappy because I stayed hungry … I couldn’t wait to get the damn high heels, dresses, panty hose off!

 

I was ‘so perfect’ that if I wasn’t dressed just right … had the most beautiful of clothes on my ‘perfect’ body … every hair ‘just right’, make-up on … I couldn’t even put one foot outside my door!  I couldn’t even run to the mailbox, go to just a store unless … I was ‘just right’.  Heck, I wouldn’t have dared to stand outside on the step unless … all was ‘Perfect’ on Me.

 

If I ate one mouthful too much … I ran to the mirror and I could ‘see’ the weight it put on … I would feel so HUGE … I was a size 6-9.  I couldn’t function until I starved enough to feel tiny again.  I was … PERFECT.

The torture both mentally, physically … I could never describe it to you in words.  Needless to say … when my eyes opened to the fact that no matter how ‘PERFECT’ I tried to be … both in appearance, actions, deeds … there was always that one someone who would say something mean, bad, ugly.

The day I began to quit trying to win a losing war … I took a sigh of relief … I began to be ME … Gloria.  A real person.  I’m not saying my life began to be better … grief, pain, and many ‘bad’ things have happened to throw me into many shocks through all my years.  How I have survived them … I can only say through sheer determination … my Grandma Alma’s fighting spirit … and the will to live.

So, Facebook … this is what’s on my mind this morning!  Colors, dreams, wishes and hopes … in my Life.  Sharing with others the true faces of pure grief … and recovering from it within the last five years.  I never knew I would … I pray I give hope to another grieving mother.

Note by this Author:

These true thoughts are exactly what’s on my mind this morning, Facebook!  Reflections … wishes … dreams, hopes … lessons learned in Life, true colors of my Life … Me … Gloria.

 

I have been looking back at how people saw … me … during the time I was at my very worse.  They thought I was just trash walking around … I looked so damn bad.  They looked down … on Me.  I never bothered to tell them I was a walking vessel of pure grief, pain.  I truly don’t think they’d cared.

 

I looked just like I really was … in Hell.  Even I am amazed today … at my faces of grief.  I will do a story with lots of photos to compare … see, I can also, ‘see’ … when I share with you.  Like you … I can hardly believe the difference.  Didn’t I really come so far … I traveled many roads to get to today … I made it!

 

All photos, words are written, owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter.

I’m Not Here to Harm You …


I’m Not Here to Harm You …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny on Twitter

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee (photo/article owned/written by me).

 

 

 

I just blocked an aggressive want-to-be friend.  I noticed on his FB page he said at different places he was from Washington, then from Texas, Queensland.  Then, he said he was from Ohio.

I also, noticed the foreign characters near English words … and he was in the Army.  He was a ‘Gen Li Xiang from Ohio’.  I picked up on ‘I serves’ … I don’t believe a general is going to speak, write like that.

I tried to get him to stop … he didn’t … so, I blocked him.  I have this happen more times than I want. I really get tired of someone trying to play me for a fool.

I check out people when I feel I need to … I’m always sensing … paying close attention to whom I ‘friend’ now on Facebook.  You all know the reasons we all need to pay attention.  No one wants to be someone’s victim … I’m not going to be.  I don’t play games with anyone.  I wasn’t born yesterday.

Another give-away is the wording … ‘I’m not here to harm you’.  Look below, you can see his communication in gray … my communication is in blue.

Did he think I was an lonely, old woman who needs a man?  Did my expression on some photo look ‘too kind’.  Do I look like a dummy?  Did he think because I care about people … I would be easy? Did he think I was rich … wanting to part with retirement/widow funds to keep him up?  I wonder just ‘wtf’ … that man thought?

Did you sense anger … amazement … from me?  You might just be right.  Those words keep going through my mind …. ‘I’m not here to harm you’.  I even looked around to see if something was up in the air … that just came from space.  Good thing … I would try to ‘harm’ it.  🙂  I get tired of that BS.

 

 

Conversation:

Who are you?

I am Gen Li Xiang from Ohio and you?
I know you aren’t the person you say you are … I just checked you out.

okay

you need to believe me because i am not here to harm you
Okay … Facebook is watching you now … so, to save you grief you need not write to me again. All I have to do is to let them know again about you … they are waiting to get in contact with you.

okay

how are you doing ?

if you don’t want me to be close to you as a new friend you can forget about it okay
You need to not write me again! I don’t need you for friend. I am forgetting this. If you write again, you will get into trouble.

why?

stop saying that okay

why will a beautiful princess like you act that way?
Chat Conversation End
14 minutes ago
Who are you?

I am Gen Li Xiang from Ohio and you?
I know you aren’t the person you say you are … I just checked you out.

okay

you need to believe me because i am not here to harm you
Okay … Facebook is watching you now … so, to save you grief you need not write to me again. All I have to do is to let them know again about you … they are waiting to get in contact with you.

okay

how are you doing ?

if you don’t want me to be close to you as a new friend you can forget about it okay
You need to not write me again! I don’t need you for friend. I am forgetting this. If you write again, you will get into trouble.

why?

stop saying that okay

why will a beautiful princess like you act that way?
Chat Conversation End

Crazy Ass Thoughts We Don’t Usually Talk About …


Crazy Ass Thoughts We Don’t Usually Talk About …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeTwitter @ Twitter

 

 

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Sometimes … when writing a story, article, post on something … I get Facebook Friend Requests.  I check them out each time because … of the timing, the way the person’s Facebook account has just been created … I would be their first friend.

Too strange … I just go on to check them out … and of course … I DON’T confirm a friendship unless for a short time … when I have a reason.

This is always a man … with handsome photos of him … sometimes, he is holding a child.  Now, why in the world would a man with no friends … want to request a friendship with me?  Why … would I be his first friend?

Especially … after he’s just read about my husband, Pups?  Especially after … if I do confirm the friendship long enough to check out more … what kind of friendship someone wants.

Sometimes … that person turns out to be female.  Someone who wants to get on my Facebook Friends to sit there … in my Facebook House … eat Facebook Potato Chips to watch my Facebook Life.

Whether you know it or not … you are bound to have at least one or more … doing that on your Facebook.  I still do … they just don’t know I have a Facebook Eye on them.

I don’t play games with men.  Oh … especially … if I tell that person that I’m married … he goes on to ignore that, hopes to know me, and such.  I can’t believe how some times … a man will just ignore me when saying they want to know me better … I say I’m happily married, and I don’t play games online.  I don’t wait to see what they say … because I delete/deny/unfriend the request.

Does the man think I’m weak because I write real life?  Does he think I don’t have anyone?  Does he think I’m someone that could be molded easily?  Does he think I am a doormat?

Does he think I’ve suffered so much pain that it has made me so weak?  If so … what a terrible mistake that would be.  I’ve become only stronger … wiser.  I will do this until the day I die.

The worst mistake would be to think I’m weak.  The next mistake would be to even think I would play games online with a man … or a … woman.

When I communicate with a male online … I’m very respectful.  I care about people … I don’t play games with anyone.  When I say something to a male online … all is in a good way.

I treasure my male friends … the ones I communicate with … are most respectful, and I know they are sincere people.  If they are married they aren’t afraid to mention their wives, girlfriends.  In fact, they are proud of them.  I love that.

If someone is single … they aren’t interested in silly stuff … they seem to treasure a real friendship just as I do.  No man ever has to worry that I … would want to be friends in a bad way.  All I do online is sincere … I’m a good person … I’m a sincere person.

No one … even females that play games … need to play games online with me.  I’ve been around too long … I will catch it.  I have caught some … they never knew it … I watch them for long periods of time in hopes … I’m wrong.  That’s online … and … in real life.

I always make Skip aware of anything that isn’t right.  All I do online is good, clean … and … not secretive.  I don’t hide anything I do … the whole world can know it … I truly don’t care.  Do I have secrets … just like you … yes, and … I’ll never tell them in this life.

Are those secrets that important?  Yes … and No … but, they are secrets 🙂  I can keep a secret … only people who know me … truly know that.  So … don’t tell me something … if you hope I will go tell everyone … it goes no farther.  I go on to forget about it.

I can see some crazy stuff, a wreck, something off the wall … just something that everyone would rush to tell someone else … I don’t.  I forget it until something reminds me of it again.  When I worked in the hospital where confidentiality was important … I never told people’s medical information … never.

I saw, heard people who did … the local people who worked in the hospital would call at first chance to their friends, say … “I got something to tell you but … you can’t tell anyone”!

They would go on to add … “If you tell anyone … don’t use my name”!   Then … they’d tell them about old Suzy Harrison who lives down the road … saying, ‘Guess what she has … she’s got gonorrhea”!

“Old Jon Brown down the road had done knocked up little Eleanor Sightseer”! “Samson Golightly has had a stroke”!

You know how those people are … they are going to keep up the gossip on their neighbors … because … isn’t that what all good neighbors do?

I knew a lot of … good neighbors at work when I worked.  You know the ones who are the backbone of the community … pillars of salt … the ones who would never-ever do anything wrong … the best Christians who are perfect.  You know them … hellfire, you might be one of them.

How do you feel inside?  Not good if someone confronted you … you’d jump up and down while screaming, ‘No!  I would never do such a thing’!  Liar … that’s what I say.

You are a … liar.  I see, hear things no one else pays attention to … why?  I know what to watch for …  Yes … you are a liar … and you hate a person like me who never says anything … once you look into my eyes … you know … I know.  Liar.

The things I could tell you … but, won’t.  On every job there are things we know, but … don’t talk about.  The things I mention have happened long ago … a lot of those people are dead, gone … now.

There were people at both hospitals I worked at … who disliked me … because they knew I knew.  Words were never needed … the smiles would go on … pass and re-pass … be nice … never feel comfortable in my presence.  The thing was … I filed what I knew back in my mind to know never to trust them personally … I’d go on to forget.

Why do I even look at things others don’t see?  It’s my nature … I grew up with such … I just spot it automatically.  I somehow … ‘know’ people. My Grandma Alma was very sharp … she saw through people.  Rarely … was she wrong.  It always came out in the long run … she’d just smile a little quiet smile.  That’s what I do … I don’t begin screaming, “I told you so”!  I just smile.

To survive … one learns a lot of things to defend themselves … because how can anyone prove they are being treated wrong … if only smiles, sweetness meets the eyes of someone who is looking?

If I’m looking … I look deeper … sense.  I know that even serial murderers have to … fool their prey.  Honey catches more flies than vinegar.  My Grandma Alma … told me so.  🙂

I grew up knowing sweet smiles, sweet voices are a crock of s___.  Yes, I said that.  I pay close attention to someone who is … too sweet.  I smile … when later … I ‘see’ … how sweet they really are.

Have I been fooled?  Hell yes … but, it didn’t take long to find out the truth.  I’m not afraid to confront someone in a quiet, sweet way … doesn’t matter where they are … no one would know what was going on … I don’t like ugly scenes.

I always try to think the best about someone … then … I see, hear what I hope not to.  It tells me the people can’t ever be my ‘real’ friend … if they’ll do their own neighbors, family members like that … who am I to them?  They are sure going to hurt me, too.

Heck, the family I grew up in could be the sweetest damn people in the world … they’d get your ass while smiling, telling you it’s not going to hurt while they stabbed you in the back.  They only wanted you to stand there until … they could get that final death blow in.

You ‘just stand there, die in shock’ … Why?  Because you couldn’t believe so and so … would or could … do such a thing.  I know … I ‘died a million times’ at the hands of … my loving … family.  I was seduced with sweet smiles, kind words until their hands could reach out, grab my little ass up … then Hell would break out not only on my ass … my body, too.

I still loved them, though.  I knew they had some love for me … somewhere in their hearts.  Why sometimes … it would show.  I’d feel so … special.  They knew a tiny bit of love … would go a long ways … with a little girl who wanted to be loved so badly.

The sad thing was … they’d take it away before I knew it … I couldn’t ever take for granted … love.  Love … hate … hot water … cold water … turning that faucet on and off … nothing ever stayed consistent in my life.  Everything depended on someone’s mood …

Thoughts … more thoughts.  Real thoughts … not the best thoughts but, nevertheless they are thoughts that flittered through my mind today.

I know you also, have your thoughts that flitter through … you just might not write them down or … let the light of day see them.  Here, I chose to let them come out into the light so, I could examine them closely.

The good thing here is … none of these thoughts hurt me.  They are thoughts from different times that made me … ‘more me’ … now.  I know that I’m not a false person trying to pretend one way or other to be something other than I am.  I don’t have anything to gain by hurting others.

I know that you will either like … dislike me.  It’s all in what you decide.  I know that no matter what … everything bad in my life has made me a very good person now.  That doesn’t mean I can’t be … mean, sometimes.  🙂  After all, I told you that I’m not perfect … didn’t I?

I’m just sharing thoughts we normally keep to ourselves … thoughts we don’t usually talk about.

 

 

Photos/true thoughts are mine, owned … written by me.  Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny at Twitter.

Ashes To Ashes… Dust To Dust; I Have To Remember Because… I Must


Ashes To Ashes… Dust To Dust; I Have To Remember Because… I Must (What 9-11 Means To Me)

Ashes To Ashes… Dust To Dust;  I Have To Remember Because… I Must            (What 9-11 Means To Me)
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

The Pups have eaten breakfast from their clean, stainless-steel bowls.  Kissy grabbed his milk bone from the treat bowl I put out for each of them.  He is laying on the carpet, chewing it… making a little crumbly mess.  I’ll vacuum it up in a little while… the main thing is that he enjoys it… that’s what treats are for.

Each Pup has 2 stainless-steel bowls that are washed before they have breakfast, and before their evening meal.  The first ‘big’ bowl is for their meal… the 2nd ‘smaller’  bowl is for a little extra dry food, and several treats.  The treats are usually a chew stick, and milk bones.  I put 2-3 treats there to last throughout the day.

I’m writing about the Pups… our Precious Pups… Kissy, Chadwick, and little Camie.  Little Camie is our little puppy I rescued… have been nursing back to health.  It’s a story all its own… that’s the new book I’m writing at present… Camie’s Angel.

Many people have befriended Camie on her Facebook page.  The link is:  https://facebook.com/camocameobates .  She has her own Followers, also.  They will know, recognize alot in my book about Camie.

I am writing about our Pups… only for this moment.  I am sitting here with such grief in my Heart.  No one looking at me would know how heavy… my heart is this morning.  I’ve been like this for several days… knowing how much the 9-11 events affects me.

I feel I could lay on the ground, and turn into pure tears… a long, flowing river of tears for the death, destruction of 9-11.  It breaks my heart… it hurts me to my very soul.  I could scream as loud as it would wrap around this world like a comforting blanket… the pain, the pain.  I can’t take this pain away for anyone.  I hurt for the thousands of people directly affected that day.

My tears flow down my cheeks, so much that my skin burns at this moment.  I just watched about the dogs that played such an important role in the 9-11 events… not only were they used for searching for survivors, the deceased.

They brought comfort to people who would begin smiling when they saw these dogs… they got comfort when they stopped for a moment to reach out… pet them.  My heart cries for the beauty of it… in such horrific circumstances.

I see all the destruction around … in the middle of it, a fireman squats to pet one of the dogs, smiles though his heart and mind are seeing things… no one should ever see.

I sit here watching the 9-11 documentaries… I cry inside.  You can’t hear me, but… somewhere on a different frequency… something’s bound to.  The emotion…

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust… comes to my mind.  What’s so strange is the very morning it happened… I was standing in front of the tv as I began to become aware of what was happening.  I couldn’t see through swollen eyes, hear for a numb mind… I had to peer closer in order to hear, see….

See, I was already in the most horrible shock of my life.  My mother had died on September 09, 2001, on a Sunday.  We had come home from Raleigh, NC.  We’d been shopping, and a strange thing happened while we were in Sam’s Club that Sunday.

My attention was caught by a beautiful ‘jar’ with a lid.  It was blue, and white… the design elegant.  Out of the blue… it came to my mind, it looks like an urn.  I blocked that thought out of my mind, put it in the shopping cart.  I wanted it to put on the counter; inside were Biscotti biscuits to enjoy with a cup of coffee.

We got home that evening… I walked past the telephone.  I saw the red light blinking, indicating there were messages to be heard.  I waited to put our purchases in place… the Biscotti jar on the counter.  ‘Urn’… came to my mind once again.  ‘Urn’….. I felt a little unease.  I went on to ignore the thought ‘urn’…

A little later, I was standing by the telephone in ‘pure shock’ at what I’d just heard.  I cried out for Skip… he didn’t hear me.  The shock had taken my voice down to a whisper.  Skip!  Skip!  Skip!  Please come, Skip!

He heard me, rushed into the room to me.  He saw my face, knew instantly something was very wrong.  I knew it was, too… but, I… didn’t know what.

I had pressed the button to play the messages… and the room filled with a sound that sounded as if it came from another world.  I recognized the sound as… being my mother’s voice… only I had never-ever heard her voice sound like that.  Mama!

The sound was bone-chilling.  It was a ‘keening’ sound that at first, I just couldn’t understand what it was.  The tone, the sound…. Mama!

I began pressing the button over, over… I could hear her trying to scream out, “Faye-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, please help me-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee”!  I won’t go any farther here… I can’t.  I still have that cassette… I have hidden it from myself.  The pain …. I can’t bear the pain of listening.

When time went by, I connected dots… and there were things ‘not right’ about her death.  I won’t write about that … ever.  People have died… people are still living… they ‘know’.

Before I could call my Mom… the phone rang.  It was someone we thought of as a real friend… only to find out later… he never was from the beginning.

Secrets…. so, many secrets… walls… people who pretended to be other… than what they were.

Deceitful, lying… but, always smiling, kind, wonderful.  ‘GOOD’ people…….. when your back turns… a ‘whole other life is being played out’.  Walls… walls, I was never allowed to find the door to… to ‘see’.

Pain here… I’ve ‘come to a wall’ … I’m standing here mentally beating my head against it.  Let go, let go…. I ‘have seen’ on the other side through others’ actions, things they said… reactions… do you know, I really didn’t want to see.  Riddles, only more riddles for a story I … can’t tell.

He told me my mother died that evening… Skip!  Skip!  Skip!  Please help me, Skip!  Please help me!  September 09, 2001… Sunday evening….

A person dies on a Sunday evening… by Wednesday evening all her things are removed from the house.. her clothes taken out of the closet… they hung on one side of her husband’s clothes.

On the other side… only ‘the color purple’ … remained; hanging by his clothes.  ‘The Color Purple‘… the strange thing is… I still love the color… purple.

THOUGHTS… expressions on different people’s faces as they stood out on the front deck… frozen in shock… blood drops on a white Avon headband… the house was cleaned hurriedly… Mom’s things from beside her recliner moved, stuffed back… a whisper in my ear to get Mom’s handbag… I ask permission first from her husband.  Hearing the words from someone I loved, saying: ‘she’s dead, ain’t she, goddamn it’!  Deeper shock… I can’t function.  Did I really hear that …from…?  The list goes on, just as ‘jumbled up’ as the words in this paragraph… something’s wrong here.  Can’t think now… Mama!  “Faye-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!  Help-ppppp me-eeeeeeeee, Faye-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I can’t take this!  I’m going to die, my mama’s gone.  Mama!  Help me, Skip!  Help me!  I can’t bear this!  Hope for a moment, a phone rung… ‘she’s dead, ain’t she, goddamn it’!  I’m hopelessly lost once again… in darkness.

For the three years, until after my mother’s death, I had been battling cancer… non-Hodgkins lymphoma.  I had lived in darkness with the fear of dying… going through so many treatments, chemotherapy, tests, scans… my life was almost living at a hospital…

Not only that, more darkness came as I began to win my battle… Skip was diagnosed with colon cancer… he began going through his battle… still going through it when I learned my mother had died.

No end to the darkness… one thing after another.  I learned my favorite aunt, my father’s youngest sister… had died.  She died when if I’d been told, I’d never understood… I was so sick, myself.

A step-mother constantly calling… never calling before in my life… to monitor me… through Skip.  He was innocent of her motives… she won by telling my Grandmother… that I was dying.  That took care of my inheritance … my aunt had died… she couldn’t keep her promise of making sure… the doors were left open… and a wicked stepmother ‘stepped in’… smiling.

Ironically… after I got better… Skip got better… she began to get very sick.  She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong… we did go see her… took her out to eat at Golden Corral… she couldn’t eat even one bite.  Looking at her… she was so thin.

We suspected she had cancer… she never would tell us.  Being respectful… we didn’t pry in her life.  We never did… she entered our life… when we were weak.  Skip was so innocent… he thought she was genuinely concerned.  I was too sick to tell him… don’t trust that woman.

She won… I will never forget what my Grandmother told me just several months… before she died.  I’ll never forget how she looked down… my stepmother had fooled her.  No, her words will stay in my mind until the day … my last breath is drawn.

Strange enough… with all that’s happened in my life… I’ve never become bitter… I don’t hate.  I just ‘know’ what people will, can do if given the opportunity.  Think of how animals in Africa do… when another is weak… they become easy prey.  This is the thought that comes to my mind to describe.  What is the saying? Only the strong survive…

Another thought comes to my mind… a little 9 year old girl being watched as she goes too far out in the ocean… the other two little girls are stopped before ‘they go too far’.  What was the difference, all were only one year apart?  One was a step-child… insurance policy taken out at her birth… who cares, she’s not my child.  Riddles, more… riddles.

My life is full of them… you probably won’t ever hear the answer to … most of them.  You know… we all have to go to our deaths one day… and we all go with one secret, or other.  Even the person ‘who tells everything’ …will die with an untold secret.  Who would believe them, anyway… some are very hard to believe ever… happened.  I know…

Death… so much death in my life.  Grief… I’ve known such grief in my life.  I don’t feel sorry for myself… I don’t wallow in self-pity.  I smile… I go on.  You don’t have to be touched by my pain… I don’t share it with you.  It’s private… I don’t talk about it to you.

I ‘come here to write my pain’.  I make it into stories… if ‘you’ read it… you ‘choose to take your time’ to read it.  You can walk away, no excuses to leave… they are only words.

If you feel something… it’s because you let yourself do so.  If you do, you only feel ‘a small fraction’ of the pain inside me.  Aren’t you so glad… it isn’t you?  I am.  I’m strong… I’ve made it this far… everything is going to be alright.  I ‘know now’… that’s why I grew up in ‘Hell’… it was to prepare myself to ‘walk out of it’ on the paths I traveled in life… I made it when I thought … I wouldn’t.

What I’m looking forward to … now… are the good things in life.  It’s time, and I ‘feel’ that.  Time for both Skip and I, to know peace… and have a good life.  Skip is more deserving than I… he has worked the hardest of any man I’ve known… he has been stressed more than any man I’ve ever known.  It’s time for life to be good for him… he is truly deserving.  Skip is a truly good person.

I am meaner than Skip.  :)))  He is more kind than I.  He has more patience than I do.  I care as much as he does… but, I’m just meaner.  No matter how good I am, try to be… I’m still ‘meaner’.

I’m the one who has ‘hell burn inside me’… it was already burning when I was born.  Life events made it burn more, burn less.  I’ve tried to turn that ‘hell’ into a ‘fireplace’… one that will keep my heart warm, loving, caring.

I still feel ‘mean’, sometimes.  It’s a battle I will fight until the day I die.  I don’t want to be mean, I love being a good person.  When I say ‘mean’ … I don’t mean ‘hard-core’ mean.

I mean that I am sometimes short-tempered, I anger quickly.  I really try hard not to… it doesn’t make me feel good… ‘but, it’s there’.  Pain… pain in my body every remaining minute left of my life… the trade-off to live.  Pain… makes me ‘feel angry’… I never take medicine to relieve it.  Why?  I don’t want to be addicted to drugs in order to live.  I don’t want to clutter my mind, I want it to be clear.  I love to think.

Pain is the trigger that fuels the flames of anger.  I have to fight that all the time.  I could have not had these years if not for a trade-off in pain.  I love to live… I love to see the sunshine, feel the gentle breeze of the wind, feel the sand between my toes.  I love to hear birds singing, wind chimes ring… dogs bark… people talk, sing… I love the sound of water running… I ‘pure love’ life.

So… I’m going to do my best to smile through my pain… I’m sure not going to lay down and …. whine, cry, and sing ‘woe is me’.  Pain… I will fight you… and I’m going to win.  I have life to… live for.

I have written pain here of another kind… not just the physical pain.  I wrote mental pain of losing a precious person in my life.  I have a lot of regrets… there are things I wish I had done… knowledge came ‘too late’… to help my mother.

I wish during the 3 years I was so sick… my mind constantly in and out of darkness… my mind focused on just trying to get well… I wish I had been able to ‘know sooner’ what my mom was going through.  I was too sick… things happened.  I didn’t know… until too late.  Just as I began to get better… Skip was diagnosed with cancer.  Isn’t it amazing… from May 1998… through 2002… all this happened… and more?

Our home burned down, claiming all our belongings December 28, 2004.  Another death… someone I cared about… someone who dearly loved my mother… was always there for her… who also, knew her secrets… talked to me… died several days after our home burned down.  A log truck hit her head-on, killing her.  I grew up with her in Hell… she was my 1st cousin… my sister as a child.

Soon after that, Skip almost died in a big truck crash in Moriarty, New Mexico.  Several weeks after that… a bank robber almost hit him in the side of his truck… fleeing from law enforcement.  Several weeks ‘after that’…….. a woman runs a stop sign in front of Skip… he hits her.  It seemed like one shock after the other… one after the other.  I’ve known shock so many, many times.

The strange thing is… the list goes on… so many more deaths.  People ‘I truly loved’… began dying.  Skip had escaped death three times… ‘things came out of the blue… almost took him’.

Everyone knew I would have fought for my mother.  Strange… remember what I said about the animals in Africa.  They wait until there is a weakness… then, they strike.  They devour their prey with tooth, and nail.  Yes, I know… more ‘riddles’.  Life is full of riddles… and sometimes, that’s the ‘only way’ …something can be told.  Only the sharpest person could know that… and then, it’d take ‘forever’ to learn … the story… some of my stories.

The man pulled the woman out… through the smoke.  She lay there coughing, she couldn’t breathe.  Tears come into my eyes… she almost died.  She’s a survivor, she made it through the 9-11 terror attack.  Her name was Sheila Moody.  My mind has gone back to my tv… I am sitting here remembering 9-11… a lot happened that day.

A lot happened in my life just before… and afterwards.  Mine was on an ‘individual scale’… 9-11 events were on a ‘mass scale’… oh, the loss of life, it breaks my very heart… my mama died, too.  It broke my heart.

Ashes to ashes… dust to dust.  I see dust, papers ‘raining in the wind’ as they fall from the twin towers… on tv.  So much life lost, wasted… gone.  My mama was gone, too.

Hate… pure hate… came out of the blue, no one knew.  Someone had their mind focused … while others didn’t know.

Animals in Africa… strike when no one’s looking, killing their prey.  They wait until the strong… is weak, unexpecting.

See… I can’t think about just 9-11 terror attack by itself… that morning… something awful had already occurred in my life.  My mother had just died… my thoughts are all jumbled up together.  Entangled is a better word.

My mind never did register the attack on the Pentagon, and the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania.  I find that strange… my mind took in the attack on the twin towers, the World Trade Center.

While I watched it later play out on tv… my mind screamed with the pain of the terror, panic, death… the horror… the destruction… it also, screamed at the loss of my mother.  I can’t separate the two in my mind… so, entangled both became… I can never think of one without the other.  Oh, the grief… oh, the grief.

My mind is filled… with many doors.  Each door opens to a different memory.  I call this in my mind … Memory Hall.  There are more doors that open to sadness… but, there are also, those ‘good’ doors.

‘Ashes to ashes … dust to dust’… this is the one thought that says it all… we went to pick my mother’s ashes up on 9-11-2001.  All the while in my mind… I could see the ‘ashes raining down’ from the sky… from what I saw on tv, before we left to go get them.

Ashes, dust…… this memory is just that.  A thought came to my mind… when our home burned down… my mother’s ashes were ‘burned’ again.  The container holds that scar to this day… where it sits in her Rose Chest.

Today I cry inside at not only the loss of my mother; for the loss of so many people that day.  I picked my mother’s ashes up… as I watched others fall … that day.  My words can’t even describe the grief I feel inside…

_______________________________________________

I Have To Remember… Because I Must
Written By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Grief in my heart… tears in my eyes
I think even God can hear my cries

So much death that day, grief fills my heart
That’s the day… families were torn apart

I just walked down my Memory Hall
Closing these doors, I can’t bear this at all

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
I have to remember, because… I must

No one should be forgotten in this event
What they went through, the day terror was sent

I don’t only cry for myself
I cry for the 9-11 families that are left

To carry their burden of grief, pain
Just as I carry mine… the same

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
I have to remember, because… I must

 

I Tucked You In… Precious Camie


I Tucked You In… Precious Camie
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

She watched around her as she was led out of the door… through the chain-link gate.  She turned to look back… she didn’t want to leave.  No!  She wanted to stay home… she loved her home, and her family.

The door opened on the pickup truck… she was helped in.   Gentle hands touched, patted her head.  She sensed that no one wanted her to go anymore, than she wanted to go.

The door opened to the pickup truck… she got out.  By now, she knew the drill… she began to walk slowly up the brick drive, onto the slanted boardwalk.  They got to the wooden door… stood for several minutes talking while she waited.

They went through the door where they were greeted with cheerful voices.  She ran toward them… she recognized them!  She loved the people behind the voices.

Come on, Camie… let’s weigh you.  The nurse walked her onto the scale… Camie had lost 1 pound.

It was time for her to be left… she would have surgery sometime that morning.  Camie was going to be spayed… have her skin scrapings, bloodwork done.

We began to turn, walk out to the pickup truck.  Camie stopped, ran toward me.  My heart melted… I bent down to kiss her, tell her I’d be back to get her.  I turned, walked out the door… with tears in my eyes.

I loved Camie so much… I sneaked a peek at Skip… I saw what looked like tears… in his eyes.  He, as well as I, love our Pups… we want them home… we want all to be all right.

I waited for the phone call to come.  I expected it around lunch-time… I couldn’t wait to know how Camie did.  I was on pins and needles.  I got the call… Camie came through like a champ.  I was so happy.  Now, it was time to wait until the evening to go pick her up.

I drove to the Louisburg Veterinary Clinic to pick Camie up… she was due to be picked up at 4:30 pm.  I was much earlier… I was ready to get her.  I wouldn’t rest until I had her home!

I went in, talked with Dr. Fontenot, and his staff… Morgan and Pam.  I stood there, absorbing all I needed to know to give Camie all her medicines.  She had pain medicine; antibiotics, and she had Heartgard… and Certifect.  They were for heartworms, and for ticks, fleas.

Pam made Camie’s appointment to come back in 2 weeks.  I won’t bathe her until after her appointment.  Every week, I give Camie her very own ‘Camie Spa’… where I bathe her with her medicinal shampoo.  After the shampoo, I gently massage… dry her.  So, no more until after the next appointment.

Dr. Fontenot went over Camie’s bloodwork report.  Camie’s been bitten by a brown tick… her blood tested positive for Ehrlichia canis.  We’ll be talking about that soon.

Camie’s skin still hasn’t healed completely.  I worry … of course, I would.  I want her to be past all this, completely healed… no more medical problems.  I’m a little worried also, about her testing positive for Ehrlichia canis.  I want her to be well like our other two Pups, Kissy and Chadwick.  My mission is to make it happen.

I look to my left… there she lays.  I gave her pain medicine, it made her drowsy.  She got up on the couch, put her head on a pillow, went to sleep.  I got up, took her blanket… placed it over her to keep her comfortable, snuggly, warm.

I tucked you in… Precious Camie.

 

No Longer Does She Lay On A Cold, Wet Ground…


 

No Longer Does She Lay On A Cold,Wet Ground…
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Camie.. bed.. collar..vet 7.30.13 002

 

A little frog hopped on the path leading to the pool of clear water
Lush grasses, cat tails, wildflowers grew at its edge
Dragonflies flitted here… flitted there
Butterflies landed on flowers, yellow and white
The pool sat surrounded in beauty, framed by nature

The sound of a woman’s voice could be heard in a distance
As she strolled down the path, her steps strong, sure
She knew exactly where she was going
To a rock that she had come to all through time
She grew older with this rock that shared her secret thoughts

The rock was big, shaped like a seat with a back
For the woman to place her pillow to sit on
She put the grass blade between her teeth
Raised her eyes toward the sky
To watch the clouds shift, change shapes

This time she came to the rock in happiness
To sit, think about… feel it deep down into her soul
She didn’t think about the last time she came
When her only child, her son… Tommy, died
The grief, pain would overwhelm her if she did

She thought of a little puppy she’d rescued
It lay dying on a cold, wet ground
All alone, close to people who knew she was there
They didn’t have the money to take her to a vet
So… all the little puppy could do… was to die

To get out of the way, because she was sick
Unsightly… who wanted a puppy with sores on her little body
No one could touch her for the fluids
That oozed, flowed out of her skin
So, let that little puppy die… no one hears it as it cries

The woman was aware that the puppy was alive
When she thought at first it was dead
She’d shed many tears over the puppy when it got gone
The puppy appeared to her for a moment, was gone again
It prompted her to look for it, found it… she did

Laying on that cold, wet ground near the woods
Children played close by, not going near her
At one time, they used to play with her, but …not now
In their minds, she was already gone
If not, there was a shotgun in the puppy’s near future

The woman wasn’t strong enough to carry her
It’s strange what a person’s body will do to save a dying soul
To rescue it from more grief, suffering and pain
The woman never gave her body another thought
She reached down for that puppy, pulled it’s little wet body to hers

She struggled to get it to her home, the weight became great
From the little puppy’s body… it couldn’t help itself
The woman prayed to God to give her strength
To get the puppy home… she’d crawl if she had to
Tears fell down her face, she didn’t know she was crying

Once she entered the gate to her home
She sighed a breath of relief… the puppy was protected now
It was up to her now… to save this little soul
Who had known nothing but, a hard way of life
The woman talked to the puppy as she put her in a bed

The bed was soft, and constantly changed throughout each day
Every moment the woman made was with pain
She’d pulled a muscle to save the little puppy
She didn’t care, even though she moaned at times
The little puppy’s needs came first… then, her pain

Time went by, care from the vet
Paid for by Camie’s Angel who began it all
Paved the ways for other angels to follow her lead
Created a miracle in little Camie, the puppy’s life
With prayers, positive thoughts, and donations

Camie began to blossom like a rose… a Camie Rose
From all the medical care, and love she received
She began to play with her two new brothers, Kissy and Chadwick
Eat good foods, her new Mommy prepared for her
She was safe, loved, cared for now

Camie is in a good home
She has quite some time to go before she is completely well
She’s in good hands now… Skip and Gloria’s hands
Along with her vet, Dr. David Fontenot, and his staff
And… all her Facebook Friends who love, follow her

Camie’s life was hard, she had no soft place to lay
Now… softness is all around her … she only has to choose her spot
Her life is good, the way it should be
The sun shines on her now, kisses her warm
No longer does she lay on a cold, wet ground… dying

 

 

Watch Camie… Blossom Into… Camie Rose


Watch Camie… Blossom Into… Camie Rose
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Camie.. bed.. collar..vet 7.30.13 019

 

I haven’t written lately about Camie, the little puppy I rescued on July 4th. I do write, post photos of her every day… or night on her Facebook page.

I invite you to come, be friends with her. Watch her progress as she travels the path of wellness. Camie has been very sick. Her body has been open … her skin oozing blood, clear fluids.

She was like this when I found her dying on the cold, wet ground. Her medical condition was complicated by being left dying on that ground, in the rain… not able to eat, drink.

A lot of you remember the anguish I suffered when I missed seeing her come for her breakfast… supper. She didn’t come anymore to run up and down the fence playing with our Pups, Kissy and Chadwick.

For three days, I was under the impression she had died. I had spoken to a child who said she was almost dead. If she didn’t die, a shotgun would be brought home…..

No one will ever know the tears I cried over here. No one will ever know the shock, surprise when I saw her appear that day… when I went looking for her. I had no idea she was alive… but, when my eyes saw her… I didn’t waste a minute to find her.

I did find her, brought her home. Many people have donated money to her vet to give her medical care. One of our friends in another country… sent a large amount of money at the beginning to get Camie medical care. That started it all… Camie gets her medical care now, thanks to everyone who continuously donates to her vet.

If you care to donate… you are welcome to help. We wouldn’t have been able to afford the medical care she is receiving, will receive at least for the next 4 months to get her back to where she needs to be.
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Her veterinarian is:

Dr. David Fontenot
115 N. Church Street
Louisburg, NC 27549
919-496-2638
Website: louisburgvet.com
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If anyone would like to donate, just call or write to the veterinarian. You can donate online at this link:

http://www.gofundme.com/3pqq10 Precious Camo (Camie)

Also, if you want to follow her progress; journey back to wellness… be a friend on her Facebook at:

https://facebook.com/camocameobates
You don’t have to donate money to be her friend. Do that only if you would like to. A lot of people ask for info on how to donate… this is how. :))) If it weren’t for Camie’s Angel, and these people… we wouldn’t have been able to get Camie the medical attention . Thank-you. Positive thoughts, prayers mean so much… I hope you will send them whenever you see Camie’s name… this is how miracles happen.

Everyday (or at nights) there are photos of her, her new brothers. You can read, and watch how she becomes beautiful. I’ve never seen her with her full coat of hair.

So… like you, I am excited to watch Camie become ‘Camie Rose’… blossom like a rose.

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Note: I have begun writing a book about Camie named… ‘Camie’s Angel’.

 

 

UPDATE: PRECIOUS CAMO… ‘CAMIE’ (Day 6… July 09, 2013)


UPDATE … PRECIOUS CAMO… CAMIE    (Day 6… July 09, 2013)

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

Precious Camo’s (Camie) Facebook Page:

https://www.facebook.com/camocameobates

 

 

 

Little Precious Camo… we call her ‘Camie’ now, in honor of her Aunt Mezza.  I know God connected Camie and I… I know that he gave her the strength to get to me, let me know she was still alive… only to disappear once again.

 

Once I knew she was alive, I went into action.  I made a phone call asking for her.  Later, I received the phone call saying I could have her.  Thank-God… I was led to her to the edge of the woods where she lay dying.  She wouldn’t get back up.

 

Instead of taking time to get the truck to go get her, I walked to find her.  I had the opportunity to get her out of her nightmare… I wasn’t letting the window close on me.  I meant to save her.  For three days I had cried over her… I couldn’t understand ‘why’ she didn’t come to visit anymore.

 

I had become attached to this little puppy… Skip was always commenting on how much she loved me.  I didn’t want to become attached to her… but, I wanted to make sure she got good food.  Every morning, evening … I would make her a bowl of good food just as I did for our Pups.  She’d come to eat it… it made me happy.

 

 

Precious Camo/Camie…. this photo taken tonight… she’s resting quietly.  See her cozy house, her little matching rug… happy, warm, loving colors to make her well.  Her bedding is always clean.

 

 

Camie is eating her good supper.  She has been a little more active this evening… I’m so thankful.  Yesterday, I worried she was dying… again.

 

 

I had begun putting medicine on her to heal her little body, after getting permission from the owner… then… as soon as she was getting better… she was gone.  Was someone keeping her from coming back… I don’t know.  I only knew that every morning, evening… I would call for her.  I know when she lay dying… she heard my voice, wanted to come to me.  My heart squeezes in pain thinking about it.

 

I heard the words that had to do with ‘getting rid of her’.  Later, the words about a shotgun if she was still living in a couple days.  I was told she was dying, not doing anything.  I was devastated.

 

You can understand why I didn’t take time to get the truck to drive to get her…. I didn’t want to waste any time.  Once under my protection, I could save her.  Once I was told that I could have her, she became mine.

 

I carried her physically… we both were in a lot of pain.  Mine from past surgeries, the ‘forever’ pain in my body…. and her little body all in sores, bleeding… I saw maggots on her.

 

I meant to get her to our home to care for her.  I couldn’t believe the conditon this little baby puppy was in.  I won’t talk bad about anyone, or point fingers… that’s ‘water under the dam’.  What’s more important now… is Precious Camo/Camie.

 

She’s on the road to recovery.  The only person I talk about this to… is Skip.  He knows my real feelings about letting a little puppy get in this condition.  He knows how devastated I’ve been, how I’ve cried out of pure grief for one little puppy I thought had died.

 

I have cried many tears over Camie; tears still come in my eyes, my heart.  I know she lay by her little self in the dark, dying.  Probably rained on… we’ve gotten so much rain lately.  I have to look forward… thinking like this breaks my very Heart.  I tell myself to go forward… she is getting better little by little.

 

Today makes 6 days she has been with us, her new family.  Each day I see a little improvement.  She is the perfect house Pup… she has been deathly sick… but, she’s never ‘went to the bathroom’ in her recovery area.  Never.  I go to her often… so, she can go outside ‘to go’.

 

She has a clean home, a fenced-in yard that’s cleaned throughout each day… to keep her safe.  She gets good food, lots of fresh water… her bed is changed upwards of 4-5 times daily.  Her little body still bleeds, and such.  I won’t let her lay on dirty bedding.

 

For now, she can only be petted in the lightest of touches… she hurts easily.  I pat her little head, and on her little rump making her wag her tail.  We look forward to loving her, hugging her, playing with her… it will be a while before that can happen.  For now, she feels love in our voices, our actions.

 

 

In the background you can see ‘Tommy’s Plant’… I placed it on top of Camie’s cozy house to be happy, cheerful… hoping Tommy could in some way be her guardian angel……… it just ‘felt right’.

 

 

Tonight, I sit here with a most painful pulled muscle in my right side.  It’s caused me more tears.  :)))  I don’t care.  I am focused on this little puppy getting well… I would crawl on the floor to help her if I had to.  I would fight a bear to… protect her.  She’s my baby now… Precious Camo/Camie is now, one of ‘Our Pups’…

 

Precious Camo (Camie) would love for you to come be her friend on Facebook.  Photos are placed daily to show her progress.  She welcomes all her new friends… all the prayers, and positive thoughts to help her get well.

 

Camie will always be an inside Pup now… she’ll be able to run in and out of the pet door when she wants to. This one little puppy came to the right place… we love her with our very Hearts…..

 

 

PRECIOUS CAMO: NEW FACEBOOK PAGE LINK


PRECIOUS CAMO:    NEW FACEBOOK PAGE

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

Please come join/follow Camo’s Journey as she gets well.  Her Facebook Page link is below:  She would love to have friends, see you there!

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/camocameobates

 

 

 

https://www.facebook.com/camocameobates

 

WHOOOO-OOOOOOOOOO! Guess Who Isn’t Possessed?


WHOOO_OOOOOOO!  Guess Who Isn’t Possessed?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know by now, everyone is siding with Skip, in thinking ‘Gloria is for-real possessed’.  :)))

 

So, many of you have seen my ‘moving’ photos.  Some of you even thought I had somehow…. made them move, made them animated.

 

Prenin, a friend of mine told me what was going on.  It seems that the camera that took these photos, has the ability to turn photos into ‘gifs’… and they became animated.

 

Therefore… ‘Gloria became possessed’ in those photos!!!  Now… my photos don’t… scare me!!!  Ha!  I couldn’t imagine why in the world some of my photos were moving… and the rest weren’t moving!

 

I wanted to let everyone know… honest, I’m not possessed at all… only my photos ‘are’!!! No, they aren’t… it’s me being silly!

 

It’s been fun talking with everyone on my blogs, and Facebook … trying to figure this thing out.  A special ‘Thanks’ goes to my friend, Prenin!