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Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I am going to write only on my Primary Blog for a while : http://happycolorsandgrannygee.blogspot.com
I hope you will come to visit me there. I will look for you.
Gloria/aka Granny Gee
To Paint My Grief I Will Need More Colors Than I Have …
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka @GeeGranny on Twitter
Photo owned by me … some of my Colors … paints. I love many colors … Happy Colors. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
I love colors. I have many, many bottles of every kind of color. I was thinking about something.
Colors are like words … words, moods, things can be expressed in colors.
We can use such or such color in ways to make us feel excited, calm, peaceful … or feel just plain awful.
But, how can I paint pain … grief? What colors can I paint my grief in? I have been thinking about that.
Would I just make a big scribble of black colors, throw some gray, brown into it? Would that look like pain, grief? Use all ugly, dark colors?
My grief couldn’t be painted that way at all, I don’t know about yours. My grief for the loss of my only child, all my family members would have to be painted in many colors … happy, sad, mean, mad, crazy, funny … the list goes on.
My grief consists of all kinds of emotions all twisted together … it’s every emotion under the word … grief. Many colors … to paint my world of grief.
To Paint My Grief I Will Need More Colors Than I Have …
My words/photos are owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
What’s On The Other Side Of The Blanket?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/ aka Granny Gee
Photo I took of the blanket … as I folded it … my handprints stayed on the velvety surface … therefore, giving me the idea for a short story … is it fiction? Could this really … happen? We’ll never know … unless … did something try to grab your hand when you touched your blanket? Is this how … some people disappear? Should we check all … blankets?
I stood at the foot of the bed, folding the king-size blanket. It was very soft to the touch. Light blue in color … velvety.
I watched my handprints appear on the surface of the blanket as I smoothed it, here and there. Once … my heart almost stopped, I thought I felt something from the other side of the blanket latch on to my finger! It was my imagination … it didn’t happen again.
The blanket looked neat, on the end of the bed. I noticed slight movement … I walked closer to look down at the blanket, when I froze. I was unable to move … there was an extra handprint bigger than mine … on the surface of the blanket! It was trying to reach out!
My puppy ran over to the blanket, barking. I guess my shock reached through her sleep, waking her up. I tried to push her back … she was too close. She disappeared, the hand pulled her to the other side!
No! No! I wanted my baby back! I grabbed the hand moving on the surface of the blanket, pulled. A thin man popped out on this side! He held my puppy. Give me back my puppy!
He held her tightly … not wanting to give me the puppy back. I began to think fast at how I could coax him into giving me my puppy back.
Why … did you take my puppy? I’m lonely, he said. You don’t know what it’s like on the … other side. The other side? Yes, the other side of the blanket! It’s lonely there … it’s cold … all on the inside is snug, cozy.
Why … are you on the other side? Because … I kept hogging all the cover one cold, freezing night from my wife. The next thing I knew … I was on the other side! Now … I’ve learned my lesson … I don’t know how to stay on this side of the blanket.
I stood there, thinking …wondered if talking to his wife could help keep him permanently stay here. Where does your wife live? Only five miles from here, he said. Let’s go … he popped back to the other side of the blanket. I smoothed it … picked it up, took it to my truck.
My puppy stayed on the bed, going back to sleep, no doubt. I’m sure she was baffled, stunned at the person on the other side of the blanket as I was.
I parked, walked up to the house where the man’s wife lived. I knocked on the door. The door opened, and a pitiful looking woman appeared. Ma’am, may I talk to you?
She led me to the living room … we talked. She began to share with me that her husband disappeared one cold, wintry night. She didn’t know why he left her … she wished for him to come back home.
Instantly, I got to my feet, ran to my truck, grabbed the big blanket … came back to the living room with it. I put it on the couch, gently. What the ….. ? She was standing there, with her mouth wide open. She didn’t understand what was going on.
I asked her again if she wanted her husband home. She said yes, quickly. I took her hand to the blanket … she began to pull away when she saw the hand on the other side …. reaching out for her hand!
It’s alright … you want your husband back home … let his hand touch yours. She looked at me, questions in her eyes. I just nodded for her to take the blanketed hand …
As she did, the man appeared on this side of the blanket. He began apologizing for hogging the bedcover that fateful night. She ran into his arms, forgiving him. She wanted her husband, home!
I watched, tears in my eyes … my heart felt as if it were being squeezed from emotion. The man had disappeared from this side of the blanket to the …. other side of the blanket. All for hogging his wife’s cover …
I wonder … if this is how some people disappear? You never know what’s on the other side of the blanket!
Story written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee. It is owned by her.
Photos were taken by, owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
This story idea came from making the bed, folding the heavy, king-size blanket on it. My handprints began appearing on the surface of the blanket as I touched it … I took photos of my handprints. #Gloria Faye Brown Bates #GrannyGee #handprints #other side
Let Your Character Work For You … I’m In Control
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee … photo is of me, owned by me. 2014
I’m not going to do it … no matter you try to make me. Oh … if ‘I want to say that’ … I will. I can do anything … I want to do.
I poured myself another mixed drink. The liquid felt good going down my dry throat. Pretty soon … I copped a buzz. I felt relaxed … sleepy. I thought about taking a nap …
No, hell … you don’t! I want to take a nap right this minute! I can … do anything … say anything. That’s right … I said ‘hell’. If I want to … I can say more than just ‘hell’. This is … all about ‘me’, you know.
I’m not going out the damn door at this time of night! I’m relaxed, sleepy … I’ve copped a mellow, wonderful … fuzzy buzz! I choose … not to get up from this comfortable chair … I choose not to walk across the wooden floor to the door … open it, go out into the pitch black night.
I’m afraid of the dark, anyway. Don’t be sending me into places, situations that scare me. I’m not anyone’s hero … not even my own hero. I avoid situations that put me into danger.
Put me down, don’t make me get up from this wonderful chair I’m sitting in. Don’t be making me do things … when at the moment … I don’t want to do anything! Leave me the hell alone!
I got to my feet, feeling a little unsteady. I didn’t want to get up … my feet began to walk, one foot in front of the other. Son of a …bitch! I said I didn’t want to get up!
I walked to the door, reached out for the door knob. I don’t want to turn that door knob! I heard a noise … someone could be waiting just outside the door … to knock me in the head! I tried to take my hand off the knob … you wouldn’t let me.
The knob began to turn … no! I know someone is outside that door … I just heard them! I fought to lock the door back to no avail. The door opens, I feel the cold air on my face. A cold chill traveled down my spine … I want back inside!
My feet began to carry me forward … like I’m some brave hero. Such confidence I didn’t feel inside … I never heard it coming.
I awoke … looked around. Where in the f___ am I?! A hospital? I see a curtain pulled around the bed I lay in. I began to remember …
I didn’t want to go outside … I didn’t want to talk ugly … I’m not a hero. I was just fine, before this happened. By the way, what did … you … cause to happen to me, this time?!
The doctor walked in … he called me by a name I didn’t recognize. Hi Jasper … looks like you are going to be with us for a while. You have two broken arms … two broken legs … a concussion … we don’t even know if you’ll ever walk again.
I felt sick … you really fixed my ass this time. I told you I am the one who is important here. I’m the one that makes your story. I can’t understand why you just disabled me so, I can’t do anything for weeks.
I don’t like being quiet … I hate to be in bed! I want to walk, run … do things. I sat up, somehow … making my arms help to raise me. I swing my legs over the side of the bed … I’m going to walk out of here! My legs, my arms are working!
I put my clothes on, quickly. I’m getting the hell out of Dodge … don’t do that! Don’t do that!
I awoke once again … in that damn bed. The doctor walks in … he calls me by a name I don’t recognize. Hi Jasper … looks like you are going to be with us for a while. You have two broken arms … two broken legs … a concussion … we don’t know if you’ll ever walk again.
I’m not going through this again! I slung that damn sheet off my body … my arms working good once again. I jumped to my feet …danced from one foot to the other. I told you now, I’m not doing this! I am going to do it my way … you can’t write this story if you keep going against this character’s will.
Write me the way I am … let me be free … don’t force me! I’ll be the character you want me to be. There are times … I’m going to say what’s on my mind … do what I want to do. One of those things I’m not going to do something, is now … be put in a damn bed for weeks to come. I’m not in the mood.
You use your pen, your imagination … let me go to work for you. Relax … have a mixed drink … let’s do this thing. Let your character work for you … I’m in control.
Story is written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Seagulls walked on the sand, flew up in the sky
Sunlight kissing their wings … as they soared
It came to my mind the evening my son died
I know the last sounds he heard were the ocean, sea gulls
He died on the soft, damp sand by the ocean
His little son was close by …saw him fall
Daddy, get up … come play with me
Daddy, won’t you get up … come play with me
He was too young to know his daddy had played
For the first, last time at the beach with him
He was too young to know how excited his daddy was
To be taking his son to the beach to run, play
Too young to know … his daddy had made it just in time
To play with him … to leave a beautiful memory behind
As he went to Heaven that evening … his spirit soared above
To look down with sadness at his little son he had to leave behind
Tommy, come home … the sea gulls sang
He watched his son call to him to come play
He drifted down to put his hand gently on his son’s head
His son looked up, never saw him … tears in his blue, blue eyes
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy, please get up! Come play with me!
He shook his daddy’s shoulders … he never moved
Young as the little boy was … he instinctively knew something was wrong
He laid his little blonde head down on his daddy’s chest
Wept for him … somehow, he knew Daddy wouldn’t be playing anymore
He felt a hand touch his shoulders, looked up, saw a group of people
Who became his guardian angels until his mother could be found
One picked up the cellphone that had fallen to the ground
Dialed the last number called … to a home two-hundred miles away
The woman answered with a smiling, happy voice
Hello, Tommy! An expression of puzzlement came across her face
When a strange voice answered her … why do you have my son’s phone?
It was my voice … I was the woman Tommy last called … I was his mother
My world ended that evening for almost three years
To this day, I still can’t believe my only child died, my son
So strong, so vibrant … so full of life; how could that happen?
Can you imagine such … imagine your adult child is gone?
You can’t imagine … it hurts too bad to think about it
A real person who grew up with his own special personality
With a voice, laugh all his own … a person whom you gave birth to
Your own beautiful creation … a real part of yourself
Someone you love with your very Heart, so thankful for
Knowing he’d always be there when one day you become old
Never expecting him … to die before you
If I’d been at the ocean, I would have cried with my very Heart
Son, please come back … please come home!
Photo Credit is mine… is of my son … Tommy, grandson, and owned by me, Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.
Note by this author:
I write over and over about the evening my son, my child died. I try to imagine exactly what happened, see it in my mind. I will probably do this the rest of my life. I miss my son … though, somehow I’ve accepted his death … the pain is just as great.
The trapped bird sensation still fills my stomach at times, I feel panicky … sick inside. I want to cry out to the Heavens above. I try to think of other things fast, so, I won’t become lost in my grief.
Grief is an awful thing … it’s like falling into an ocean of darkness that threatens to drown you. It’s very hard to come back from. Thankfully, I had Skip and our Pups… they are … why … I came back. I had no one else left in this world but, them to come back to.
I’ve never felt sorry for myself, nor wallowed in self-pity. I stayed in the darkness for protection from the pain that hurt worse than anything I’ve ever felt in my entire life.
I know Tommy can’t come back. I don’t question ‘why’ did he die. I know these are for-real ‘impossible’ things. So, that proves the old saying ‘anything is possible’ isn’t … exactly true. 🙂
I don’t feel bitter, angry because Tommy’s gone. I just feel the bittersweetness from the sweet memories of my son … my golden child. The precious baby I brought in this world.
Writing helps me to cope … through time, you will see me writing about this over, and over. Know that while I’m writing, I’m also, imagining at the same time how my son’s last moments were; what he heard … what he saw. If his soul soared above to look down at little Taban, his precious son.
Know I’m examining every little detail that I know, sense about my son’s death. Why? I think, I don’t really know, but … I think every grieving mother must do this. This grieving mother does. Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Submitted by grannygee on January 23rd, 2014….
This Granny Gee Is An Old… Baby Girl, Too By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Yes… I know. I just wrote a short story about… Baby Girl. It was my way to write about something special… the people are real, and it’s true… there’s another ‘Baby Girl’ in town. The story was fiction. The ‘people’ are Skip and I….
I’m an old Baby Girl… I’ve been Baby Girl for 31 years. Skip has called me that for many years. It’s a special name…. he also, calls me ‘Monst… Monster’. :))) I’m not a …monster, though …I could be.
One of our most favorite shows on television is… Criminal Minds. We ‘pure love’ that show… love every character on it. It’s amazing what the writer of that show comes up with… brilliant!
I missed my calling many years ago. I never wrote such things I’ve thought up for stories… because it would horrify my readers… they might think I am crazy… or wouldn’t believe such… would come from ‘me’. Guess what? ‘Such things’…. might come from me … yet.
When I mention to Skip about writing ‘my scariest story’ ever… he always says, “what will your readers think of ‘Granny Gee’… writing stories like that”? He doesn’t want anyone to ‘think less of me’….
I tell him that ‘Granny Gee’ is a for-real good person… my readers know that. They also, know I’m ‘not perfect’… just because I go by ‘Granny Gee’… doesn’t mean I am some little ‘perfect granny’ who’d never do this, or do that… because it’s not proper. You know… like slurp coffee from a saucer! Ha! I don’t slurp… but, that’s an example (oh, I don’t drink it out of a saucer either… and I don’t knock it… if you do! :)))
A lot of you know that I am ‘Granny Gee’ … in name only. I never see my grandchildren… it’s wrong I know… but… I have ‘let go’ for my own sanity. One mother has to keep covering up what she’s done… when you tell one lie… many more follow through time to hide a bad decision/decisions. That’s how the ‘other mother’ doesn’t find out what she really did.
Enough of that… I’ve come to find out that she used me to tell her lies… so, the other mother wouldn’t know what happened to a lot of money my son’s other grandchild should get. I’m afraid that grandchild will never see that money.
You all know… it’s the ‘same old story’… when a person gets a lot of money when they’ve never had such in their life… they ‘go crazy’. So many people have done it through history. It’s sad, but… true.
The saddest is in this particular situation… is that I’ve been told by someone close to one of the mothers… that she has used my name in it… to make it appear I have the other grandchild’s money.
The good thing is that there are records of ‘where the money went’… not only that… ‘who’ all that money went to. I don’t worry about it… my grandchildren will be smart enough to ‘follow a paper trail’… they are ‘like their father, grandmother’… they’ll recognize the truth… when they actually are old enough to see it… to hear it… to read it.
The saddest is that she ‘forever broke a grandmother’s bond with not one grandchild, but… two grandchildren’. My son, Tommy, was the only child I ever had… I have no more close family. This mother took that away from me.
All the years I prayed for grandchildren, never thinking I would really have them… (I always wondered ‘could something so special happen to ‘me’? Could I get to be a grandmother… a real grandmother?) …she took it all away from me to hide the ‘bad’ things she did.
Who would have ever known? Who would have ever known my son would die? Who would have ever known it would leave such money to someone to have fun on, buy friends with… men who didn’t treat a child right… my son’s child?
Who would have ever known such greed, lies that had to be covered up… would forever sever the bonds between a grandmother, grandchildren? Who would have known …. during the precious childhood years… a grandmother would never know how it felt to be a … real grandmother? Something that meant the very world to her… moreso, after her own child died… they were the only link to her own child… a part of herself. It’s unforgiveable….
Sex, money, drugs… good times. I wonder if it was ‘worth’ what was done? Some people, I guess it would be… they/she had some good times, and bought some good friends for a while.
Now… I should hate her guts, right? No, I don’t hate her at all. That’s not to say that when I became aware of what she did… I didn’t hate her for a time… until I came to terms with it. The unforgiveable… became forgivable.
Truthfully… no matter what she did… she’s a for-real good person… for some time… she wasn’t the person anyone knew. Money changes people… makes them do bad things. If people love you ‘afterwards’… those are the people who loved you… for-real, ‘before’. I still… love her.
I was in grief for the loss of my child… so, it took quite some time to find out all she did… said. There are several people whom both are unaware of… who know both mothers… who let me know ‘things’.
I just wrote this… no one needs to comment on it. In fact, I won’t answer any comments on this ever again. I’m documenting so, when I’m gone… my grandchildren will find my words. So… when you comment… it will need to be on something else. :)))
This is one of the reasons I write… to document ‘me’… Granny Gee. My son’s not here to let my grandchildren know about me… they will read one day to know their Granny Gee.
When I write about this… it’s for my grandchildren to read when they are older. I have no one else to tell them that their Granny Gee loved them all through time… wanted to know them… wanted with her very heart to be ‘Granny Gee’ to them. Not only that… their Granny Gee never did anything to hurt them… never.
My son named me ‘Granny Gee’… that’s ‘why’ I go by Granny Gee. I am still myself… a good person… but, I can be a ‘mean girl’, too. I am high-tempered; I always work to have patience, to control my temper… my tongue. It’s mighty hard work… especially when I came from Hell as a little girl… it’s in me. I do pretty good, though. :)))
Oh… it’s a wonder I don’t spit fire, brimstone. Hell rages inside me all the time… just like a furnace that burns hot, fierce. Anger fuels that Hell… anger at the ‘bad’ things in the world… the unfair things in the world. The dishonesty, deceit, the harm people do to others and to animals.
I’m full of… Hell. If I was more than human… I would ‘straighten the world out’. As a young person, I thought I could ‘save the world’…. it can’t be done. Sad, but… true. One thing, though… one can make a little difference in their immediate life around them during their life… while they live.
So, don’t think because I’m Granny Gee… that I’m not a real person. I am as real as they come. Like me… or not. Hell, and… all.
I will hold my ground in a minute… I don’t take a lot of mess. I’ll … smile quietly… as long as I can…
I am the nicest person in the world. I am the best friend because I’m very private… I don’t go around betraying my ‘very few’ friends… I am loyal. I’m dependable… I’m fair. I’m bad when I … have to be. I try to be only ‘bad enough’… according to a situation.
It’s taken many hard lessons, terrible paths … experiences in my life to be a really good person. I could have been just as bad… as I am …good. I’m happy because I love ‘good’ in life. I believe in good things… no matter how bad life has been.
If you like me… you like me. If you don’t… you don’t. Life goes on… you can go on. I don’t waste my time trying to buy you, or beg you… to be my friend. I’m ‘upfront’… you know where I stand. I’m probably the most honest person you’ll ever meet. If I can’t be… I’ll leave quietly…. if you aren’t… then, you… go along your way… I don’t want to waste my time with you. You’ll never be my friend…
People don’t like me because I ‘see the real them’. Most of the time, I smile sweetly… and yes, I pretend… I pretend that I ‘don’t see them’. That’s when people don’t like me anymore… rather, when … dishonest people who ‘have something up their sleeve’… don’t like me anymore. I dislike when people deceive others to get something from them… I dislike unfairness… I dislike when people pretend to be something they never was.
I give if I don’t have. If I have a lot… I give a lot. I give when something good happens to me… I ‘pass on good things’, and tell someone to do the same when something good… happens to them. I ‘pure love’ to give. I ‘pure love’… to make others happy, to make a dream come true.
I even give when I don’t have something to give. I give when no asks me… and I ‘see’ it’s needed. I don’t give when someone … tries to take advantage of me.
I would dearly love to be a millionaire in secret… because I’m the kind of person who listens, sees what others dont’ see, hear. I see what goes on in the background, where it wouldn’t interest others. I would make good things happen…
I’m my own most … best friend. I like me… even when I have to ‘fuss myself out’… I am always trying to understand ‘why’ if I do something I’m not happy with.
When I die… I will go quietly out of the world… as quietly as I’ve lived… and as private. I don’t want anyone to come to see me in death… you don’t come to watch me sleep… death is more… private. I’m most… private. Don’t come to look at me in death… Skip knows my wishes… no viewing.
I have always had an overactive imagination…. and from the time I was a little girl… I have dreamed many things. I wish I had known to write as a child. Where I come from… no one taught a child… anything. What I learned as a little girl… was something that would follow me my entire life… pain, grief… loss of.
It’s ‘damn’ sad… when children are so bright, so intelligent….. and no one sees it, if they did… they didn’t care. They wanted to have fun…. if you are a young mother, father reading this… begin asking yourself this… am I ‘putting fun in front of my precious child’?
You see… the fun will be gone quickly… your child will miss out on so much you could have taught it… during that time.
Yeah, yeah… I know. We are all young at one time… we all do our thing to ‘find ourselves’. We do it all at the expense of little, innocent children. They suffer while we are ‘seeking’…. I’m no exception. We know so much when we are young… only to grow older learning… ‘we didn’t know a damn thing’.
That causes a child to miss out on learning about the wonderful things in life at an early age. Today, many children get every opportunity in the world to learn… I’m sometimes… envious. Today… young children are appreciated… and I love listening to a small child. They are so smart… and as an adult, I want to listen.
I’m fascinated, amazed at the knowledge at such an early age. I remember ‘knowing so much’ at an early age… but, was told, ‘children are meant to be seen… not heard’.
I grieve over all I could have learned at an early age… if only exposed to it. I call it ‘wasting valuable time’… when parents aren’t taught anything… they have nothing to pass on to their children.
I’m glad I finished school, went to community college (when I wished to go to a … big college). I have had many experiences in life that anyone who knows me… doesn’t know. ‘Why’ would I tell them? Because… I never share with anyone a lot of things in my life… many things will ‘go to my grave’ with me.
It’s …my way. I’m very private. I don’t even feel the need to ‘brag’ about the ‘great’ things in my life… I’m so used to keeping things to myself. Remember how you always ‘brag’ about this or that happening? I forget … and when someone reminds me… I smile, say ‘oh, yes’!
When I’m sick… I ‘forget’ how sick I am… I ‘forget’ I have this wrong, that wrong with me. I don’t dwell on things long… too many things to think about. Maybe that’s ‘why’… I’m still here. I can’t say that about when my son died… I was in a darkness I couldn’t escape. I only saw, felt… death.
Colors make me happy. Good things happening to people, animals make me very, very happy… touch my heart. I love to watch ‘people walk into the sunset happily ever after’. I love ‘fairy tale’ endings… ‘they lived happily ever after’. I love happy things… exciting, fun things. I love to smile… I smile when I cry. I smile when I’m dying on the inside… I wonder ‘why’? I smile even when I’m angry…
What you’ve just read is about this Granny Gee… who is a real … old Baby Girl, too. :))) Just saying……………..
Someone Made Me Afraid, Today…
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
For the past week or so, I have worried about something on my Facebook. I’ve never been afraid on it, nor on all my blogs, and pages. There wasn’t any reason to be… I’ve always heard that sometimes, ‘things happen’.
I know once something did happen when I first began writing… a man from Nigeria wanted to take my stories, write his book. I told him not to use another word of mine for his book. I hope to never see ‘my life, my words’ in a book he writes.
Sometimes, people can become fixated on photos, or feel such a connection with you. You don’t mean for them to do that, unless it’s in a good, healthy, clean way. Like me, for instance… I only want ‘good’… associated with ‘my things online’.
I don’t want to be in a situation that ‘I have to hurt someone’s feelings’… I don’t enjoy doing that. Yet, today… I probably did hurt feelings on my Facebook… but, it’s only because I felt ‘pushed into doing it’.
I felt …alarm, I felt a fear inside me, I felt afraid. Now, who likes to admit feeling that way? I don’t. I kept hoping it was my imagination… I still hope it was. I try to give the benefit of doubt…
Either way, in this situation… I had to remove a ‘new Facebook Friend’. I felt afraid… even as I talked to Skip about it, and mentioned ‘my husband’ on FB messages… the conversation was too strange for me. Maybe it is the difference between cultures, countries… doesn’t matter, I didn’t feel good.
I can only apologize if the man was sincere, didn’t realize how the conversation sounded to me … on this end. I finally had to remove him… as I didn’t feel good at all. I kept feeling, thinking… ‘I’m afraid’… maybe it wasn’t meant for me to be… but, I was. I’ve learned to respect my feelings, ‘nip things in the bud’, over time. One doesn’t feel alarm for nothing. I’d rather cause hurt feelings, than to regret something later.
I worry about hurting someone… suppose I misjudged? Suppose I caused grief, misinterpreting what was said. I’ll put the conversation on … below… so, you can be the judge.
The man kept saying he was a ‘good man’, to look at his face. I’m sure he was a good man, but… I don’t want to be in contact with him. It didn’t make me feel good inside … at all. I felt anxiety, tense, worried… making friends online isn’t suppose to feel like that.
As for being ‘perfect’… you all know how many times I repeat myself; I am not perfect. I’m not rich… I’m far from being rich. We have to struggle just like anyone else to live. Not only that… just because I have 2 books published… I haven’t ‘gotten rich off them’.
I look forward to making even just a little money… one day… though. If I don’t… I have accomplished what I meant to do… I wrote my book …’I CRY FOR TOMMY’. My son will never be forgotten. Nor will I… one day my grandchildren, Tommy’s children will ‘know us’ by reading about us on the internet.
I don’t make myself seem to be ‘more than Gloria’. I am the most imperfect person who has made ‘millions of mistakes, made wrong choices in life’… but, I turned out to be a … for-real good person. I’m proud of that… I learned it all the hard way.
I just want to say that for anyone thinking I’m ‘more than what I am’… I’m not. I’m no one but, Gloria. You either like me, or… you don’t like me. Sometimes, it takes you time to decide… I’m not always the same, yet… I am.
So, depending which side you see of me, it may take you time to make that decision. I don’t mind if you don’t like me… I can truly hope you do. You may be ‘like me’… sometimes, I don’t even like myself… so, I understand.
The same goes ‘for you’… I may not like you, or like you… or wait to decide if I like you. Like you… if we don’t feel a ‘good connection’… we go our separate ways… just as I did today. I removed that Facebook Friend. Maybe it’s the difference in where we are from, language… as he was from Baghdad, Iraq.
The conversation is below… I began to feel anxiety when I was reading about him liking my face… so forth. You can read to see what I mean. If I’m in the wrong, I so, apologize to the man. I’m not trying to be mean… you made me feel afraid.
Conversation:
hi
h r u
im very like u
Sunday
10:48am
In what way? You must have known much grief, many bad things to happen in your life. I just told my husband, Skip, that you must have lived so much sadness, to be like me. I am honored you wanted to be friends. Gloria
Today
11:17am
im very happy becux u my friend
pls send me ur email pls
thnx
11:24am
gloriapaintsat@yahoo.com
11:32am
u online now
hello
pls most chat me
very need u
ok
11:51am
اثممخ
12:00pm
I don’t chat online. You are welcome to email me. I just talked to my husband about this…
12:01pm
ok
but why
12:06pm
I don’t mind you emailing me… I don’t understand why it’s important to chat online. I’m not sure ‘why’ you wanted to be FB Friends… I’m not sure ‘why’ you want to chat… emailing is just as good as chatting, not only that… it travels just as quickly.
12:07pm
ok
im good man and very like one same
pls not leave me need u
ok
12:08pm
In what way do you ‘need me’… I don’t understand. I am nothing to you, you do not know me, I do not know you. You need to explain what you are meaning exactly now….
12:08pm
need u friend only
when i see ur pic my feeling go for u
12:09pm
In what way?
12:10pm
im sorry not good in englsh i like u understand me
12:11pm
You like me as friend only… what is it you like exactly? Do you read my books, or my blog?
12:11pm
like all u
12:12pm
What is it you need to talk/chat to me about?
12:13pm
wat u like cha only caht me
ok
pls not leave me
i feel u queen
12:15pm
You make me feel afraid of you… it’s not the way people usually do as friends… no one says ‘I need you’… it makes people afraid of you.
12:16pm
no
im good man
but when i see ur pic very like ur face
i need one have good feeling i know u have that
im job in my father company
little boss hhh
my live good have money and job and good house
only need friend i wish u can be
12:19pm
Thank you. It’s a sad face, I have lost my son… it’s a ‘grief-face’ you see…
What kind of company does your father have? I am glad all is good for you. I can be friend only if I don’t feel afraid of you.
12:19pm
no pls
im say that becuz im not like leave me that only ok
im sorry becux u afried ok
see my face im good man
hahahahah
12:22pm
I have to go now. It’s nice speaking with you.
12:22pm
ok but wait u ok
promise me
I Wonder… Will He Grow Up To Be An Actor
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
(Tommy holding Taban… he was so proud)………
I looked at a little face so familiar
So, like the little boy I had once
I even saw ‘myself’ in that little face
The eyes, the smile so, like mine… like Tommy’s
My little grandson, so like his father
With such a sunshine personality
That can change to stormy in a moment
I wonder who else was like that… who is like that… ‘now’
Yes, it was Tommy, this little one’s father
And … me, too… I’m lots of sunshine, and stormy, too
This little fellow might be a flirt, he likes girls
Girls like him, big girls… little girls are drawn to him
His daddy was like that as a young boy, I had to say ‘no’
Big girls wanted to ride him around in their cars
He’d smile his little boy smile at me, hoping I would say ‘yes’
I would grin back at his little mischievous face, say ‘no!’
I would tell him to wait until he was old enough to be out with big girls
He would laugh at his over-protective mother
So, would the girls as they went their merry ways
They knew… one day would come… Tommy would grow up
Just as Tommy’s little son will grow up one day, full of life
Full of wonderful life, his bright personality lighting up the world
Only when he sleeps will it soften like the night
When he wakes up, it’ll glow like the golden sunshine
I sense special things about my little grandson, I feel he will go
Far in life with such confidence, do something special
He could become an actor, a writer, a doctor… even
I ‘know’ in my heart he is destined to ‘be someone’, I ‘see’ it now
Little sweet Taban, who melts my heart, makes me smile
My little grandson whom I love most… he’ll say ‘Granny Gee, I love you most!’
I know in my ‘big girl’ heart that I love him most… I know what it’s all about
I love him in so many ways… for himself, for being my son’s …son
For being my only grandson I’ll ever have in this life
He’s the closest to Tommy I can ever come
I can see my son in my grandson who is here
I thank God for him … everyday
I feel I can ‘see’ special things in the future, I ‘feel’ them
All around my grandson… I know he’s going to do well in life
How do I know… I can’t possibly explain, but, I’ve sensed it before
With other children… sure enough… they grew up to be special
I think I’m going to plan on being around a very long time
Just to see what he’ll do, accomplish… I know it will be interesting
For even now, he likes ‘to wear many hats’, dress up to be somebody new
I’m thinking he loves to be different characters… I wonder if he’ll grow up to be an… actor? He can be very entertaining…. :)))
Gloria Faye Brown Bates, as a young mother with her son, Tommy.
I Love You, Taban… Granny Gee Loves You Most
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Skip and I have been gone most of the day. Tomorrow will be another ‘running’ day. Appointments, errands to get behind us… once again. It’s that time of year for scans, tests for both Skip and I… to make sure nothing has changed as we both are cancer survivors.
This evening when we got home, Skip got out to get the mail from our mailbox. I thumbed through the mail… I came across an envelope addressed to me from… guess who?
I began smiling… in my mind I began hearing a little boy saying, “I love you most, Granny Gee!” That is what Taban told me the last couple of times I talked with him on the phone.
Can you imagine the warmth I felt in my heart, hearing my little grandson say, “I love you most, Granny Gee”…
It’s like someone putting more wood in the fireplace… sitting back to watch the fire burn merrily, ‘snap, crackle, pop’… feeling the pure warmth that radiates from it. That’s what love feels like… warmth from a fireplace.
When we came inside, I sat down, opened the envelope with the letter opener. Inside … I found 3 photos of a precious little boy who has my heart… who isn’t even aware that he does. He has no idea of the love ‘from this direction’ for him… his Granny Gee.
There was a bookmark with his photo on it… I put it up on the refrigerator so, I could see it every time I open the door. There were 2 pictures he drew for me… a Santa Claus, and a Snowflake.
There were also, 3 photographs that I stop to hold, look at, smile at. My little grandson, my precious little grandson… my son’s son… Tommy’s son.
This little boy that smiles out from the photos… looks like a little boy I used to have when I was a young mother. The little boy looks just like his daddy who was … Granny Gee’s little boy.
It’s so strange… I feel like I ‘see Tommy’. I see a face I know so well… his little smile. I can’t explain it…. looking at the photos make me smile … through diamond teardrops. When I look at the photos, they each are ‘framed in diamond teardrops’ when I look through my eyes… my ‘diamond’ teardrops.
I would like to have a ‘diamond teardrop frame’ to put Tommy’s photo in. I would have light on it.. so, it would shine forever. In fact, I would like several diamond teardrop frames to put photos in… don’t you think that a beautiful idea?
Maybe… one day I can design a ‘Grieving Mother’s Ring‘… and a ‘Diamond Teardrops’ photo frame… design them with cubic zirconia so, they could be affordable by anyone.
These are ideas I have in the back of my mind… depending on how well my books ‘do one day’… I want to design something that has meaning to a … grieving mother. Something that she can touch, that has special meaning… the shine from the ‘diamonds‘ making it more special.
I was sitting here… I realized that I’m sitting here, smiling… in my mind I hear a precious little boy saying… ‘I love you most, Granny Gee’. No one knows but, me… how amazed I am to hear a little boy say that to me… not just any little boy, but… one who happens to be my grandson, Tommy’s son…
Granny Gee loves you, too… Taban. Granny Gee loves you most!
Looking at my hair… caring for a bad perm on March 8, 2013…
Colors of My Life 
