Emergency Room, I Was Very Ill

Emergency Room, I Was Very Ill… Linda, Ms Nancy, JoAnn
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I wanted to tell everyone that I’ll be writing like I was in the next several days. I have been very sick with chest pain, and not feeling well at all. I ‘knew’ deep down something ‘bad’ was wrong.

Yesterday evening, my condition worsened, and just talking and moving slightly, I became short of breath. My cousin, Linda, in Oregon called me out of the blue… as she talked to me, she knew I was very ill. Before, when Skip talked to me on the phone, he knew I was very sick, too.

Skip wasn’t home yet, she knew I was alone. She began to tell me this….. ‘I’m going to get off the phone now, so, you can go on to the hospital’. She kept repeating that to me. She was echoing the sentiments of all of you, and my friends on Facebook, and both blogs… somehow, her words moved me out of the house to get in my truck, drive to the hospital.

Just the walk into the Emergency Room winded me… I felt I couldn’t breathe good. I was taken straight back, put on oxygen, and they began the EKG, x-ray, and bloodwork. My lungs were filling up with fluid…

They moved me across from the nurses/doctor station to have me close to them. They left the curtain opened alittle, I could see outside my room. I was so surprised when….

I saw a woman step into view, the back of her curly hair looked familiar! I spoke, said ‘Ms Nancy!’ She turned to look at me, her mouth fell open, when she saw me laying there. She was there with her daughter, JoAnn, who wasn’t feeling well. She began spending her time between JoAnn, and me… and bringing me messages from JoAnn. :)))

Skip called, he said he’d been trying to call Ms Nancy, couldn’t get her. He couldn’t believe ‘Ms Nancy was already there!’ He asked how did she know so fast! I told him she was there with JoAnn, she wasn’t feeling well, either. Skip was so surprised, but, so glad. He talked to Ms Nancy on the phone. How strange was that… Ms Nancy, and JoAnn were already there!

She said she was so surprised to see ‘me’ laying there, when just before I was moved into the room… a man had been in that bed. So, when she heard my voice, saw me laying there… imagine her surprise! Imagine my surprise! Imagine Skip’s surprise, being hundreds of miles from home, knowing I’m alone, and have no one here… that the one person he knew would be there for me here… was already there! He knew Linda would, but… she is in Oregon!

Eventually, both Ms Nancy and JoAnn were with me in my room. I didn’t feel so alone anymore. They made all so much better for me, it just meant the world to me. I laid there thinking of all of you on my blogs, Facebook … you kept commenting to go to the hospital, get checked out. I didn’t feel well enough to go, when Linda called … somehow, her words spurred me into action.

I didn’t feel well at all as I walked outside to get in my truck. My chest was ‘heavy’, I was breathless, my chest hurt, my head was hurting. I was feeling more ‘congestion’ in my lungs… fluid in my lungs. I made it to the hospital. Thank all of you for caring, and Linda Lou… thank-you for calling ‘out of the blue’, saying what you did. It was meant to be.

It’s just strange, the things you said, how you picked up on how sick I was… and echoing some of what Skip had said earlier on the phone… everything connected, and made me act. I think I was going to lay back down… I ‘see’ I could have gotten to a point where I might not have been able to act on my own, during the night.

Yesterday, I kept thinking about death again, the more my chest hurt, my head hurt… I thought about it. I thought about Tommy dying, and how I missed him so much. I was thinking that I was feeling my grief so much more. I was thinking also, that I might not ‘get to write all I wanted to write’….. like ‘I might not have time’… Isn’t that strange?

I had called the nurse at my cardiologist. My Lexiscan Nuclear Stress test was okay. She told me maybe I had pulled a muscle, I told her I knew I hadn’t pulled a muscle. She said to go on to the hospital if I needed to … and call her by Monday.

I know that sometimes, we ‘know deep inside’ when something’s not right. I ‘knew’ something wasn’t right with me. I’d begun to sleep on pillows high enough for me ‘not to dare lay flat’, the thoughts of death stayed on my mind. I began to have ‘congestion, wheezing’… sometimes, allergies can mimic the same symptoms. When I got to the hospital, I began to cough.

I should have known the symptoms…. that’s what happened when I went into congestive heart failure some years ago. I almost died, and became conscious just before being placed on the ventilator. I’ll never forget the doctor’s face… it was like sunshine reflecting in my face… I began smiling, and I never did stop smiling that whole night.

I know I ‘lit up the darkness around me with my bright smile’. I know I must have been like a lightening bug! I glowed in the dark! :))) I felt this kind of smile last night…. because I may have not been here this morning to tell you these things. :)))

Truthfully, I think sometimes… it’s hard to acknowledge when I’m so sick… I didn’t want to end up in the hospital again. I didn’t want to leave our Pups with Skip away. I didn’t want… to be sick. Something told me yesterday evening when I had these thoughts… you might not get the chance to decide any of this if you don’t act. What then?

I know I would have ‘died’… I must have some purpose in this life… there’s been a lot of times… like this… only I was right at death’s door. I was just walking toward that door last night, but… not to the point like all the other times in my life. I wonder what my purpose is?

I wonder ‘why’ Tommy died? Yes, I know… none of us know ‘why’. I still wonder, it still hurts me deeply… especially at this time. I wonder if his chest hurt, his head hurt, I wonder… I wonder… I wonder.

I am going to rest now, I still feel headachy, not quite the best yet. I’m so thankful to be here, to be alive. Even not feeling well, I am smiling… :))) I still have a lot to say, write in my life. I look so forward! :)))

Linda, Ms Nancy, JoAnn… you all made the difference in my life yesterday evening, last night. Thank-you. I love you all. Not only that, Skip is thankful also, you all ‘were there’ for me. I had no one else.

When I went to the Emergency Room… all of a sudden… I was like that commercial on tv…. ‘I had people’. :))) I went in alone… but, I wasn’t alone. Everyone cared for me. I was treated well by the hospital staff… they ‘saved me’ once again, there. :)))

I’m so glad ‘today is here, and it’s now’…. :))) I’ll be writing more, soon!




My Book…

My Book…

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee






I love this path… Victoria’s Path.  Only God knows where she is… do you have the nerve to walk up it?





For the past several days, I’ve been preoccupied with my book… WHEN SHE’S GOOD… SHE’S GOOD.


I’ve been doing things online for the first time, learning as I go… to publish my book.  Hopefully, if I did all ….. right… you’ll see it on Amazon.com in the next several days.  When I get the link, I will put it here for you all to see.


There will be a paperback version by Gloria Faye Brown Bates… and the Kindle digital version has my name as Gloria Faye Bates (I want to change that when I learn how to).


I will say this…. :))) I’ve always told you that I’m not perfect at all… so, if you see a mistake (I know of two that I can’t find!  The word ‘around’ that Ms Nancy found for me, and the word ‘enough’.


I am not going to stress out any more over them.  It’s time to go on… to begin Book Two, and try to be ‘more perfect’ this time.  :)))


Just know when you see it, read it… that ‘I know’ it isn’t perfect at all, no more than … I am perfect.  :)))  I won’t try to make you think I’m so wonderful, so great… or important.  I did try my best.


I’m happy that I’ve come this far… that means to me, that there is hope of getting a book published to ‘leave behind’ for my grandchildren to know their Pa Skip, and Granny Gee, one day.


I know I can do that now… only I hope by the time I decide to have my story told… I’ll have met a friend author, who will write it for me.  I would like my story told without all the emotion I would feel as I wrote it.  There are many layers of ‘me’…


I want Taban and McKenzie to know that I’ve never forgotten Tommy, their father, and when I ‘go’… the torch will be passed on to them.


They will be able to read, see, ‘know’ how much they were loved.  I’m sure they never hear our names.  They can have something to hold in their hands to ‘feel love’ from me, know I loved them always.


I don’t play the ‘blame game’… I don’t sit here, worrying about the ‘whys’ I don’t get to see them, know them.  I stopped that quite some time ago.  I don’t blame or hate the mothers… I know life has to go on… sometimes, there simply isn’t room enough to have a parent around from a former marriage.


  I’ll never forgot my son, Tommy.  Never.  He was a real person, just like you and I are.  If one of ‘us’ goes tomorrow…. the ones who really love you, me………. know we were very real to them.  They won’t forget us… on my part, there’s no one but, Skip, to remember ‘me’.


This evening I am very ‘headachy’ from all the reading I’ve done lately, all the things I tried to learn, to do right online to get my book into print.


I will have to say my favorite part was when the cover came together for me.  I can’t tell you how happy, excited that made me.  I love the ‘path’ that I call Victoria’s Path now… on the front cover.


Ms Nancy made it more exciting with her words about wondering if… Victoria was standing in wait somewhere in the trees.  I grinned when I  read her words.  Ms Nancy, Victoria is probably ‘there… somewhere!”  :)))


So, if you’ve sensed that I’ve been preoccupied these past several days, you sensed right.  Now.. you know ‘why’.  :)))


You are now looking at, seeing me… as I probably ‘ungracefully’ turn into a ‘butterfly’, ha!  I see me wobbling through the air now, trying to get my wings to fly… to fly smoothly into writing a second book about Victoria Fairchild.  This is what has had my attention lately… my book!  :)))



You are the wind beneath my wing....



Yesterday… I had occasion to meet someone whom I see on my Facebook all the time.  She reads my blog!  How honored I am!  When I saw her sitting at the table I instantly recognized her… we both began smiling!

How special, how fun it was to meet someone who said ‘I read your blog’.  I felt like ‘somebody’… though really, I am only ‘Granny Gee/Gloria’.  It did feel good for to meet another person who found my words interesting enough to read.

Sharon, it was so nice to meet you…more than my words can say.  Vanessa, it was very nice to see you again!

It is just like each day when I get comments or emails… my heart is touched over and over.  I think with such a soft, happy feeling inside …. ‘how about that’?  ‘How so, so special’!

Awe… amazement… wonderment… in the most softest, special way… soft, beautiful colors of rose, sage green, hints of white… that kind of ‘special’.  That’s the only way I can describe how I feel when people (you!)…. read my blog and come back to read again, and again.  It just means my very world.  I’m no one special, but… sometimes I ‘feel’ that wonderful feeling… ‘you’ have made ‘me’ feel that way.

I can’t tell you how I’ve ‘went into my self writing, never thinking about the world for the grief, sadness inside me’…. to later see that so many people cared.  My heart has been lifted so, so many times…. and I’ve had such a ‘heavy’ heart.

It’s been filled so much with sadness… it’s been lifted so …. many times when I’ve read what you’ve written to me, the comments.  All of you, my husband… Skip, and our Pups, Lena…..and my special friend, Ms Nancy….. have all contributed to me ‘making it back’ from the path of grief I’ve been traveling… you all keep me anchored.

I’ve been like a ship out to sea… the storms, the grief threaten from time to time to still carry me out on a wild ride… but, you all have helped to anchor me in one place so, that I might feel calmness, even happiness inside… again.

You all… mean my very world.  If I didn’t tell you…. you would never know.  You all mean the very world to me.  I wouldn’t feel this ‘special happiness’ inside if all of you hadn’t ‘reached out to me’ by reading my blog, writing to me.

I would have never believed I would actually feel ‘joy’ inside again… ‘you’ made it possible… you all have been there for me.  Skip and our Pups, Lena…..Ms Nancy…. it’s like that most beautiful song that makes me feel like crying inside…. of course, I won’t remember the name of it (you all know me)…… ‘you all …. are … the wind beneath my wings.  I wonder … isn’t that written by Elton John?  Oh my, what a special song…..

If someone asked me today what song would I use to describe my reading audience, my fans, my friends…. that’s the song I would select…. The Wind Beneath My Wings.  How could I have ‘come back’ from the death of my son, a part of ‘me’…. if it hadn’t been for Skip, our Pups, Lena…..Ms Nancy…….and …. all of you?  Just how in the world … could I?

I have ‘fought’ many battles in my life… losing my son almost was my last battle.  You all know this, you’ve followed me all along.  You’ve all ‘held me up’ so, I could cross over some really, really ‘bad’ places in my path… it’s like ‘my spirit soared at times’ to help me ‘come back’ … all because of ‘you’.

It means the very world to me.  You all mean the very world to me, Granny Gee/Gloria.  Just how could I have ‘come back’ if it hadn’t been for ‘you’?  Just how could I?