Maybe It’s The Hell I Saw Raised…


Maybe It’s The Hell I Saw Raised…

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

My beautiful mother as a young woman… it was always said she was the most beautiful woman around.  She always looked like Elizabeth Taylor.  I always wanted to grow up to be as beautiful as her……………………….

 

 

 

We’ve been sitting here watching Medea movies… and I’m going to have to tell you… I have laughed so much.

 

Do you know my favorite parts?  It’s when someone tells Madea she can’t make them do something… or is awful to her.  I love it, when out of the blue… she ‘shows them a thing or two’!

 

For instance, she put her foster daughter on the school bus, told the kids on the bus that they‘d better leave her alone.  One defiant boy said, ‘what you going to do about it, old lady’?  She whipped up on his head in a split second.  She gave him what he needed.  I loved it!

 

I love to see a bully get some of their medicine back.  I believe in an eye for an eye… if you hurt somebody… then, you need to feel it back.  What do you think?  Would people ‘dish it out’…if they knew what they dished out… was most definitely coming back to them?

 

Maybe it’s the hell I saw raised as a child, when people were treated unfairly because they weren’t strong enough to fight for themselves.  Maybe it’s that I don’t like bullies, don’t like people who try to be the boss… because they know how to intimidate, they are stronger.

 

Whatever it is… I ‘pure love it’ when a bully ‘gets it’.  I love it when mean people who mistreat others… ‘get it’.   I can’t bear for people or animals to be mistreated, harmed.  It hurts my heart… I can’t stand to know they’ve been hurt, maimed… killed.

 

But… when a person is the one who does wrong to injure others… and they are caught up… where they get what they deserve… I feel happy inside.  Isn’t that awful?  I ‘pure love’ it.  I am wanting to put my ‘two cents’ in… I’d love to give them ‘what for’… also.  I want them to … hurt.  I want to see it… hear it.

 

How awful is that?  I learned this as a little girl as I watched the hell-raising… the fights.  Flesh pounding flesh, screams, thumps, bangs of someone’s head hitting furniture, the floor.  Bodies falling all over the place.  Sometimes, I would see teeth laying on the floor… bloody teeth.  I couldn’t breathe for the fear that coursed through my little body… especially…

 

Blood… oh my God, I would see blood running out of wounds… blood on the floor.  I wanted the weaker one to beat the person who did that to them… back.  Beat them good.  Sometimes, this little girl would run to help… what can a little child do?

 

I’d get slapped down… because sometimes, that was my mama who ‘was beaten down to the floor’ to lay in blood.  I wanted to … kill somebody for hurting my mama.  I hated them.

 

Getting back to the Medea movies… and seeing her just ‘jerk up somebody’ when they deserved it… you can see why I loved it.  Sometimes, we need people who can be ‘mean enough’ to protect others… who will act, ask questions later.  Who will ‘put the fear of God’ in someone who dares to hurt another person, animal.

 

Oh… this is another example of ‘acting’… when bad things happen in a home such as I lived in as a child… no one knew.  Why, even a child has to learn how to go ‘out in public’… pretend nothing’s wrong… all the while the other kids make their child’s life ‘pure hell’.

 

Some little girls never forget that. Some little girls just smiled sweetly when people would say…. ‘you have the nicest family’!  This little girl would say softly, ‘thank-you’.

 

 

You Had Better Act Like Somebody…


You Had Better Act Like Somebody…

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Going out into the world daily, I see some of the nicest people in the world.  I know there’s not a mean bone in their body.  I see such warm smiles, kind words… actions even nicer than their smiles, words.  They‘d never hurt a ‘flea’.  Everyone ‘acts so nice’!

There’s no way possible… they are ever mean, ugly… real.  They are like that… all the time.  Those good, sweet, kind, perfect… wonderful people.  I wish I could be … like that.  I am just… me.  I can be so nice… sometimes, I’m not feeling like being nice.  Darn it… it’s hard to be something… I’m not.

That’s ‘why’ I’m the first person to tell you … I’m not perfect… I’m just not perfect at all.  The only thing I have going for me is… I really try to be a good person… the best person I can possibly be… all the while making mistakes, learning to the day that I … die.

Doors are opened for others… ‘let me get that for you’.  Why just yesterday… Skip ran into a situation that… wasn’t acting.  The man was … really ‘himself’… without a mask.

Skip was at a store, getting ready to walk outside.  A guy in front of him walked out the door, as Skip began through the door… the door slammed on him, knocking his drink out of his hand.

The man in front of him …never bothered to hold the door out of courtesy… for just a second until… Skip could also, make his exit.  Skip made a sound… the man turned around, told Skip he was in a hurry, went on about his life.

The man never acted like he was a nice guy… he was really what he was… he didn’t pretend.  He didn’t care if anyone saw him for the real person he was.  He was a … turd.  Yes, he was a… turd.  Shame on him.

Most people are like this… but, in public we try to hide it… we try to project ourselves as the ‘nicest person in the world’.  That man must have given up … pretending.  Even if we don’t feel nice… we should pretend we are.  I’m not saying to the extent… someone would take advantage of us.

I’m glad I wasn’t there… I would have smiled at him, softly told him what he was.  I would have been nice about it.  Guess what?  I would have my ‘sweet, nice mask’ on.  I would be acting… nice, when in fact… I would be just before being… ugly.

I can say this too, in all honesty.  That man didn’t know he could have gotten his ass kicked… all he saw was an older man coming behind him.  He probably intended for that door to hit Skip.  Skip could have reminded him of something he didn’t like in his own life.  Maybe his ‘old daddy’… or old grandfather he hated.  Maybe …he hated his ‘old ass’ …self.

I think people make a mistake when they ‘see older people, assume they are ‘weak’.  I think they make a mistake… when they make this mistake.  Knowledge, experience ‘got that older person this far’……

Haven’t you heard on the news how criminals sometimes, meet more than their match when they rob ‘an old grandma’… go to beat up ‘an old man’.  They get their ass kicked… and some more.  I love it.

My advice is… you never know what you’re going up against… someone might be ‘old’… but, it’s knowledge, experience that counts.  You might get more than you bargain for.

Some ‘old’ people know how to fight back… you don’t know what you’re messing with.  Some of these ‘old codgers’ might know martial arts; they might be veterans… who fought for your ‘little boy or little girl ass’ when you were a child … for your freedom.

Then… some of you grew up to ‘rob them, murder them’… after they fought for the world you live in.  Yeah… they fought for ‘your freedom’… just so you could murder, rob, or humiliate ‘them’ one day when they are ‘old’.  Shameful…  You ‘act like’ you care, love, respect them… all the while… waiting for them to become weak.

Sometimes, it gets into some younger people’s minds… ‘older people don’t need what they have anymore… they are old; they could die any day’.  I need it… I can do a lot with their things to make my life better.

They begin to plot, to plan, to slowly ‘take’… by ‘acting’ like they’re somebody.  It could be a lover, girlfriend, boyfriend, best friend, daughter, son, grandchild… a ‘loving one’.  It’s easier to take what you want… if you …act like somebody.

Strange enough… others can ‘see’ it.  The person who is ‘old’ doesn’t see it… they just want to be loved, cared about.  They want to believe in someone who is ‘acting like somebody’ they know… loves them.

I think you, like me… love it when an ‘old’ person gives somebody ‘bad’… what for.  I love it when an ‘old’ person’s eyes ‘open’… and they begin to see through others… see that the people who ‘acted like they loved them’… are deceitful, dishonest.

Especially when in life they… ‘use their position in life’… to deceive to take from an older person.  This could be a pastor, a fireman, cop, christian… whoever.  I love it… when ‘their acting’ can be … seen through; they are no longer trusted; no longer ‘well-thought’ of.

I love it when an old person kicks somebody’s ass… when they come up to physically assault, rob, murder them.  I love it when I see evidence of ‘their ass getting kicked’.  I love it when ‘they get it good’…

Acting… it seems that ‘acting’ is what makes the world go ’round.  If we act like somebody… we gain in life.  Just depends on what, who you act like to gain trust, material things.  We’ve all been guilty in one way or other.

We’ve all acted to be ‘somebody, something in this life in order to be accepted’… pretending the whole way.  That’s ‘how doors are opened’ to us.  How many ‘real people’ do you …know?  Sometimes… we hate the people ‘who know us as we really are’………..

So, think about what I wrote above… acting to deceive a person into thinking someone loves them… when there’s no love there… only …greed.  I know a lot of people like this… I recognize them if I don’t know them.  Don’t you?  I know you do.

I think this is one of the most awful things we can do… unless the one who ‘acts’… acts it all out in a ‘good’ way, never hurting, harming another.  How many times does that happen?

How many times a day do you smile, be so honey-sweet to people when you would like to tell them what you really think?  You have to if you are going to be out in the world… you are… going to have to act.  You are going to … have to pretend you are something… you really aren’t.  Do you know why?

Because, you’ll be shunned… people will go in an opposite direction when they see you coming… if you don’t ‘act right’.  Watch people’s expressions when they ‘see you’… if you sense they’re thinking ‘oh no! it’s you… again’!  You are probably sensing …right.

Even I have sensed that through time.  I don’t think there’s a person who hasn’t sensed that.  No one likes ‘you’… all the time… no matter how pretty, sweet, ‘good’… you are.  Sometimes, I like ‘mean’ people… sometimes, I like ‘ugly’ people.  Sometimes, I hate ‘everyone’… no matter ‘how they act’.  We all are like that.

I smile inside because when I see people I know… out in the world ‘acting’.  Why?  Because, you hear people say, ‘isn’t that the nicest person’?  I’m knowing probably that’s the ‘meanest man, woman that ever walked in two shoes’.

What’s funnier… really isn’t fun-ny… is when people say that about people we all hold in high esteem… and ‘we know better’.

I can look back through time… and remember ‘people who were the best christians, and even a pastor’… who chased a little girl I know personally… to do things… ‘ungodly’.

I am sure all of you can look back, remember such things in your own life.  Just because you say ‘someone is a cop, pastor, doctor, lawyer, fireman… so on, so on’… doesn’t mean they are all ‘good’.  We all have to ‘act a part’ when we go out into the world.  If not… you’ll be shunned.

There’s always a ‘bad apple’ in … everything.  Always remember that… open your eyes… and you’ll spot it no matter how ‘pretty, shiny, spotless’ it is. The better it looks… the better it hides to deceive others.  Think about a serial killer… that’s how they do to get their victims… they appear ‘perfect’ to everyone.

Nothing is perfect… I know… at one time in my life… I really tried to be; I couldn’t.  Keep an eye out for bad apples… they’re rotten to the core… don’t believe me?  Just bite into it…..

So, if you get up feeling bad, feeling as if you ‘hate the world’… you had better think twice.  In our world … you’d better ‘act like somebody’… whether you like it … or not.  Act ‘like somebody… even if … you aren’t’.

I suggest acting like a good person… even if you aren’t.  You might fool yourself into believing you’re a good person… before you know it… you might be one.  Acting, believing is how we develop habits… now, all I got to do is to ‘act thin’… that’s the habit I have forgotten.  :)))

I’m going to try my best to act like somebody… myself.  Hopefully, I can … act in a good way, be real.  I don’t like to fool people.  So, I’m going to act like somebody… Gloria.

I’D FORGOTTEN AGAIN… WHERE DID THAT STRENGTH GO?


Mind creates life

Mind creates life (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’D FORGOTTEN AGAIN…  WHERE DID THAT STRENGTH GO?

BY GLORIA FAYE BROWN BATES …aka  GRANNY GEE

Sometimes we see other people (it’s always easier to see other people … than to see, look at ourselves)… who are scarred from people in their young lives.  I know I’m scarred by ‘alot of people’ in my life… but, thankfully… I’m old enough now to have forgiven long ago, and not dwell on them.  I am very strong now… from all that happened in my life…  I can ‘hold my ground’ now.

I even still love people who hurt me mentally, physically as a little innocent child… most have died now… there may still be ‘a few’ left.  I wonder ‘if they ever thought about what they did to me when I had no choice in the matter… when they took liberties with my mind, my body…. as a little, precious child’?

I wonder if ‘before’ all the ones who have died … ever gave ‘me’.. thought, and in their minds if they felt sorry, ashamed of what they did.  I wonder if it was hard going through the years knowing, seeing me from time to time as I grew up… I wonder what they really thought.  Could they have felt bad… at all?

I’ve felt bad for even things I have done in my life to stop someone from walking on me, for standing up to them, or to protect someone else… using words from my mouth, prepared to use my body physically to ‘hold my ground’.  I had the right to do that… but, I always felt bad because ‘I had to hurt someone’s feelings, I cared… though they didn’t care about mine’.  So… I wonder if ‘anyone who ever hurt me intentionally… ever cared’?

Also, the ‘other scars’ from things done to me, I have forgiven and ‘let go of’.  I still ‘remember’……. ‘now’, they are stories for me to write about.  Do you think ‘that’s why’… those things happened to begin with?  For a reason?  To a little innocent child?

I don’t think little children do things to ‘make these things happen to them’… do you?  I think these things happen to little, innocent children because…  grown-ups do things in secret, in their minds they think ‘this kid won’t remember I did this to them… this child is too afraid of me to tell on me… I want to do this … to ‘this’ kid’.

So… what makes them single out a particular child?  I think they single out children who ‘aren’t protected, cared about’ by other grownups.  Maybe because they ‘know no one would believe ‘that’ child… especially when the one ‘inflicting the ‘bad’ thing on that child … is ‘someone, somebody’, a professional whom everyone loves and … respects.  Yes… respects.

I smile as I think about that word… ‘respects’.  Alot of people who think others are ‘somebody’… think they are ‘perfect and can do no wrong… why their word is law, they are God‘… they wouldn’t do such things!  The little child in me ‘knows’… ‘yes, they do’.  It’s sad, but… true.

I think too… that they ‘know who to single out’… like when I was very little… I didn’t know I could tell, I didn’t have the vocabulary to describe pain, abuse, when I could tell… when alittle older… I didn’t because I thought that was ‘just my life’… I didn’t talk about it.  I just got ‘stronger’ as the years went by… it took alot of years.

You would believe ‘I’m so strong now… that nothing could hurt me ever again’……….. it’s not true.  I hurt easily… you who know me know that when my son, Tommy, died… ‘it hurt me to almost the… end’… I almost didn’t make it through that.  Where was all my ‘learned strength’?  It abandoned me ‘then’… it was like I was ‘never strong’ to begin with.

When I had to fight for my life the 3 years when diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma… I had to ‘find my strength’… I had forgotten that I ‘was so strong’… I didn’t remember it.  Find that strength, I did… I meant to live, I wanted to live, I fought to live.  This was the worst thing that ever happened to me, I almost died…………. until the evening I was told by a stranger on my son’s cellphone…. ‘ma ‘am, I’ve got a man here, collapsed on the sand… he’s not breathing’.

I ‘died inside’ for almost 2 years… I didn’t remember I was so strong… I’d forgotten… again.  Where did that strength go?  I almost didn’t fight this time to live… I almost didn’t have the desire… to live.  I wanted to ‘stay in the darkness… this time’.

Skip, my hero… my precious husband… his voice that I know and love so well, somehow made it through that darkness to ‘me’.  I was ‘lost’, unthinking, uncaring anymore… his voice ‘kept reaching me’… I could hear him.  As time went by… little by little… I began to ‘follow his voice’ out of that darkness… I began to see a little light on my path… I followed it ‘forever’.  The sun began shining little by little brightening my path until now… I do see the sunshine, I do want to live!  I’m strong… once again. ‘Now’… I’m very strong again.

I firmly believe everything happens for a reason to us, our bodies, our minds…….  we have to ‘keep going forward’, learn to cope with these things no matter what…  we didn’t choose them to happen.

They happened… we are the ones who have to make that decision ‘to get up and dust our pants off, hold our ground… once again’.  We have to… no matter that we are bruised, bleeding, broken………… get up!  Get up… don’t stay down!  Get up!

There are many ‘bad’ things in life that happen… we can’t avoid them.  I’ve really tried in my life… they found ‘me’.  I’m going to try to always keep ‘going forward’… no matter what.  Even when ‘I’ve forgotten my strength’… I’m going to find it … again.

I love life, the sun shines on my path now… warming my heart, my mind, my body, my soul…  I don’t want to go back into that darkness ever again.  I treasure my life… again.

If I should forget my strength again… yes, I will look so hard for it… I will dust my pants off and get right back up, no matter the pain in my mind, my body, my soul.

If you ever see me and ‘I’m lost’… please give me directions to get to the path I’m seeking… the path with sunshine lighting my way with hope, desire to live life to the fullest.  I made it ‘this far’… I can’t stop now even… if I forget I am ‘so strong’.  I have to …find my strength.