Happy Thanksgiving To You… You All Mean The World To Me
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I made it through yesterday… Tommy’s birthday. I did have several times when I felt grief try to push in on me, crush me down. I felt the real pain try to make me forget about my determination to make it through his birthday, and, upcoming Thanksgiving.
I have meant to make it through these holidays, come out on the other side still in good shape. It does take a lot of strength, determination… if I didn’t have it … I would have decided I can’t cook special foods for tomorrow… Thanksgiving Day. I have Skip, our Pups to think about. I need to make all happy for them… in return I will feel good.
I roasted a turkey today, made a big potato salad, big pan of dressing. I baked sweet potatoes to make a pie with… tomorrow. I kept thinking to myself when I finally finished… “I’m so glad I did this, tomorrow will be a happy day”. I will make more special dishes tomorrow.
When I was peeling the shells off the boiled eggs… I thought of how Tommy would pop up everytime…. he loved to eat boiled eggs. I even looked around the kitchen to see if I saw anything unusual… I didn’t. I really wanted to… but, I didn’t.
I still can’t believe my son is gone. He was so… he was just so real that it seems like he can’t be gone. I do feel tears beneath the surface… but, I’m not going to let them flow this time… I have to accomplish my goal… that’s to make sure Thanksgiving is nice for us.
This will be the first for us since Tommy died in 2010. I can’t remember now, the Thanksgiving/Christmas holidays after he died. I try to look back… I can only see darkness in my mind.
Yesterday, I felt sunshine inside for the first time on his birthday… I felt it today as I prepared Thanksgiving foods. ‘I felt sunshine again in my heart.’ Do you know how thankful I am to actually feel such a happy feeling like that …inside… at a time like this?
At this very moment … I feel the pain that’s inside me, I want to sit and cry… my nose burns. I think about how I felt today, I don’t want to let grief take over … I can’t let that happen. I’ve made Skip happy knowing ‘I’m going to be all right’….. I’m going to make sure it is. :)))
This will be a real Thanksgiving… we’ll be sharing food, food will be shared with us. I’m really looking forward. It’s going to be a real Thanksgiving in our home tomorrow. I have so much to be thankful for …. for an angel who thought of me while I was sleeping, for Skip and our Pups…. I could have lost Skip recently as he was very ill… oh, how thankful I am that he’s recovered.
Oh yes, I could go on and on.. naming things I’m so fortunate to have in my life, to be thankful for. I am thankful also, to be here ‘now’… I’ve been in the darkness too long… it does feel good to experience the sunshine in my heart again. It’s like Tommy’s smile… it was like sunshine coming out on a cloudy day. Happy Thanksgiving to us… it will be, I’m so happy to say.
Happy Thanksgiving to all of you… my dear readers. I’m so very thankful for you… you all mean the world to me. Thank you for being here for me… I’m so glad I have you all to come here at any time to talk to. Yes, I am very thankful for… you.