Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Sunday, May 20, 2018
No Matter What … Everything IS Going To Be Alright … No Matter
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I worry about my husband. He is continuously trying to please others when they ask him to do things for them … even when he isn’t feeling well. No one hears him when he does say ‘I’m not feeling my best today’ … they think only of getting their things done.
I have the kindest, most courteous, polite husband in the world. Sometimes to the point others may try to take advantage of him. This is where I … come in to stop it if I even suspect such. He’s such a good person. Sometimes … people want to walk over top of a good person. I hope all good people have someone who is watchful, protective in their life. I’ll leave it at that.
Life … is complex. People are complex. We encounter each, every day things that worry us. Other people worry us … things worry us … our pets worry us. If we didn’t care … nothing would worry us. If we didn’t love … how could we care?
As I became older … my very world around me … became smaller. I now have instead of a big family in my life … only my husband and Pups3 now. All the way to my only child … have died. All my family support system is gone … somehow with all the life-threatening illnesses I’ve battled through time … I outlived them. I didn’t mean to … I just did. I’m amazed when I stop … look back in my life.
Do I feel sorry for myself. Oh no, I don’t at all. I just have to be stronger in mind, body … Life is like this. Only someone in my situation with no close family left in their lives … will know exactly what I mean. Just like when someone you love dies … only someone who has experienced just that … truly understands. You might try to imagine for a moment and feel a pang or two of pain, sadness … it’s nothing when compared to the real thing … that lasts a lifetime.
Sometimes one of our Pups3 won’t eat his/her meal. I worry until the next meal when I see that particular Pup eat. Pets are like our children … we worry about their health, well-being. So, like a child … one doesn’t eat when we think they should … we worry. I worry. Sometimes … it just happens for seemingly no reason. Relief … is what I feel when I know for sure everything is alright.
I find that when my family became less … money became much less through time … that I worry more. I’m sure I’m not the only one … these days. We have to hide from others that things aren’t exactly the best in our lives anymore. Life is like that … especially when one has too much pride. Especially when everyone knew you had money … everything. In our life … we both went through life-threatening illnesses taking several years at a time to battle … and the many other things that happened in our life. No excuses … Life is like that. We never recovered … today we do the best we can.
It hurts the pride we always had … we don’t have what we used to have. We’ve lost those friends who like people who have lots of material things, lots of money … they are long-gone. They weren’t ever real to begin with … we are real for it all and we have each other.
Through the years we learned what was most important in Life … love, caring, giving, compassion, empathy, caring … people, pets. All … good, special 🙂 things in Life.
It hurts me when something happens in my life and I have to … ask for help. It hurts me because I worry if someone helps … me … that I’m taking from them when they might need it. It hurts me to let anyone know … I’m lacking, I don’t have … I need. This goes back to the childhood I had. No excuses … facts.
It hasn’t been so long ago … well yes, I guess it has been quite some time … that I never worried about money … family support. I always worried for the safety of my son … he traveled always. You know … we worry about our children no matter if all is good, bad. He was my only child and I didn’t want anything to happen to him … something did happen to him. I don’t have a child to worry about now. I wish I did.
Worry … pain, grief, love … pride, sadness … happiness, joy … make up our lives … my life. I’ve known so much pain, grief, sadness from the time I was a little girl … more pain, grief, sadness than happiness. I haven’t let it make me mean, hard, bitter … instead through time I looked for the ‘whys?’ in my life … the reasons such things happened to me. I constantly tried to be a better person no matter I found out I couldn’t be … perfect. I tried to learn from my Life Lessons.
You’ll hear me say the words … ‘perfect, special’ often. So that must mean those words have important meaning to me … they do. I love those words because I wish to be that … I smile now because that is an … impossibility. You know that saying … ‘nothing’s impossible’?
Well, in my life I have run up on some things that truly are … impossible. Maybe I looked for ‘impossible’ to see if I could prove the saying wrong. There are really some things realistically that are impossible. Life is like that. That doesn’t stop me from loving the words … ‘perfect, special’ and wish to be that. I settle for next best … the best I can be and … sometimes, I am not that. ,
Fear … I try to keep my fears pushed way back in my mind. I worry about my small world … my husband, Pups3. I worry about lack of money … being at the mercy of others because of that. I worry about us … not being able to hold our own. I worry about the times that are coming to buy tires, oil change, repairs on our older vehicles, medical. I worry, worry … worry. There are many things I worry about. A lot of them haven’t happened … a lot will happen … eventually. I’m realistic … I don’t hide from what I know … will be.
Now … I’ve written about worrying, fears, pride, pain and joy … all these things that make up pure Life … will I give up because Life isn’t … perfect? Hell no! I’m smiling because … I said that. You who know me know that that’s me. I try to be nice as possible but … I’m going to always say a word or two that isn’t the nicest … but, they reflect how I really feel. I’m still not a bad person if I say a word or two no one likes … even I don’t like them but … I will say one in a heartbeat … if need be.
I am going to continue going through each day looking for the best … expecting the best until the one moment … I don’t wake up. I’m never giving up … I’m never quitting … I’m never going to quit being just the best I can be even … if I’m not … yes, I’m going to say it! Even … if I’m not … perfect! or special!
Do you have such fears, worry … feel such pain, sadness … such joy, love like this? Am I the only one like this?
Note by this Author:
I am just a real person reflecting real feelings. I don’t sugar-coat for your benefit nor do I deny things just to make me feel good. I have become someone I’ve always watched, been fascinated by as a young girl … you know … one of those people that hits life face-on no matter how bad it hurts. I used to run … now, I plant my feet and hold my ground. I may get knocked down … so far … I manage to get back up. I’m like the big redwood tree I tell you about … you just don’t know the storms I’ve weathered … some others think is like a movie.
I have become … you know … one of those people who managed to stay positive no matter how negative all is around them. You know … the one who smiles even if sadly … and says … ‘everything is going to be alright one way or the other … no matter what happens’. Well, sometimes, I try on negativity for a short time like trying on a dress that’s too little … I’m going to get it the hell off as soon as possible.
If I can say everything will and does get alright after all that has happened in my life … you know … it is so. I still say that because I know firsthand … this to be true and I’ve lost almost everything in my life. One way or other … everything has a way of being alright again. Everything is going to be alright. No matter … sometimes, it takes longer than others. Even if everything doesn’t get alright … we somehow find a way in our lives to make it alright … as possible … so, we can continue to live. One way or other … it’s going to be.
Written by/photos owned by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee.