Dusted Memories … Go Away


Dusted Memories … Go Away

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

 

 

Dusting off memories from storage

In the back of my mind … I take several out

To examine, look at … to connect the dots

Connect the dots from events in my life

To tie in things to make them make sense

Too many mysteries … takes time to connect

Many things don’t seem to be related

Until … looking very closely … ah-hhh, there’s the connection

Hints, clues pointing to where the next line is drawn

Most people have a normal life

You live each day in a good way, you raise your children

Go to church, go on vacation … you are family-oriented

My life has never been that way

Oh, I got a little taste now and then to see

See for a very short time … how this feels, how that felt

My life would make a very interesting movie

One I wouldn’t want the world to know

Too much grief, too much pain … too many secrets

Secrets I will carry to my grave … never talk about

I force myself to forget … as time goes on, I do

Until all becomes a memory, stored in my mind

Rarely, do I take certain memories out, I can’t

Pain unlike you’ve ever experienced if you’ve lived a normal life

You can’t ever understand … you wouldn’t believe

Experiences most women never have … I have

Many bad things have happened in my life … I am still here

Standing here like a Redwood Tree … silent, strong, weather-beaten

Inside my bark, limbs, leaves are many memories

From storms gone by, storms you’ve never known the likes of

Here, I sit … dusting memories off … I wonder if I can look

Some memories go back, too painful for me to bear

Like the gold/red upholstered chest in my art room

Tommy’s chest … I want to look inside … I can’t

The light-weight lid isn’t heavy … I can’t lift it

I’m not strong enough, yet … but, I’m strong enough to pick it up

I may die of pure grief if I open it up … there’s things in there

I can’t touch, I can’t face … they are in a little pastel, green box

Photos … of my son … laying in under the light … in a coffin

Memory of my hand touching his head … oh my God, the back of his head

A mother’s fingers touching a place she shouldn’t have found

Little hard places, what are they?  Oh my God, stitches … a scar

From the autopsy … I was grieving so much, I forgot

My Heart is dripping tears inside … warning, I might drown

Drown in my own grief in front of everyone … all you see is a smile

Never knowing what’s in my mind … my grieving mother’s mind

What a happy, beautiful smile I have … one to put you at ease

Making you know somehow, all is going to be all right

Not a care in the world … you don’t see a thing

All I do silently … is invisible; I’m the greatest magician in the world

I can do many things in front of you, you never see

My mind is busy as it dusts the memories off … from the past

Guess what memory this is, what that is … oh, you can’t see

I am the greatest magician, not only that … greatest poker player

You can’t see anything I do … because I have the best poker face

I have played the cards of life … I have won a few, lost a lot

I’m not bitter … I’ve learned life’s that way

Life, death, secrets will … go with me to my grave

Life, death, secrets … strange things that make a great movie

Can never be told, never be shared in this life

It’s time to put these dusted memories back in place

Emotions, sick feeling inside … these weren’t the memories

I wanted to remember … sometimes, it happens this way

Dusted memories … go away

Note by this author:    Don’t feel sorry for me … I am still standing … everything is all right.

Photos are of my artwork, myself, Tommy’s Chest … poem written from feelings … from a deep place inside me.  All are owned by me… Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Ge

Protect Your Pets … From New Strain of Flu … H3N2 Virus


Protect Your Pets … From Getting New Strain of Flu … H3N2 Virus

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

 

 

Protect your beloved pets, dogs and cats … from this new flu virus … H3N2.  It’s here, and one needs to be aware, take precautions.

I felt I wanted to write once again about the new strain of flu that is spreading rapidly through the dog, cat population.  I am worried, I admit.  I know it’s in the midwest … it’s just a matter of time before it is here.  (North Carolina).  I will tell everyone I know about this.

The new strain of virus is …  H3N2 … from Asia.  We haven’t seen this here, before.  For now, it’s in the midwest of the USA.

My first article is:  New Strain of Flu … Protect Dogs, Cats.  Link is:  http://www.bestwriters.net/?mref=GrannyGee

Please go read this … if not, please Google for more information.  I am trying to make everyone aware of this new virus that can harm our dogs, cats.

I want to make everyone know about this, so they can protect their beloved pets.  Be cautious of going to places dogs gather, like in a dog park … doggie daycare, etc. Cats get this new flu, also.

Symptoms include coughing … one could mistaken it at first for kennel cough.  I don’t think there’s a vaccine for this new strain of flu.  You can Google this, research it … find out all you can.

My purpose of writing again about this … is to keep making people aware of this flu … it’s spreading rapidly in our country.  At present, it’s in the midwest.  It’s a strain of flu from Asia.

Knowledge is power … power to be aware, take steps to protect one’s self … pets.  I hope you will go on to research this new strain of flu … I have a feeling we all are going to know what it can do.  It’s already killed five dogs that I’m aware of … complications.

I am still learning about this new flu that can affect our pets.  I hope you will take the information and go on to research it, know what to look for, and how to protect your fur babies.

You can go to my article on Bestwriters.com to read.  Here’s the link:  http://www.bestwriters.net/?mref=GrannyGee  The name of my first article is:  New Strain of Flu … Protect Dogs, Cats

Please read, research H3N2 virus … so, you can be totally aware of this.

Photos/article owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/http://www.bestwriters.net/?mref=GrannyGee

 

It’s a New Day … My Thoughts are all Over the Place


It’s a New Day … My Thoughts are all Over the Place
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/ @grannygee

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I was standing on the back porch this morning, looking off in the distance. I became aware of new leaves filling out on the trees all around me.

A happy, bright green color … new color is here. Spring is here! I am so glad. God, I’m so glad!

Nice weather … got to get another swimming pool … not like the pool from Hell. Damn that boy … he couldn’t get the sand even … said he could … took a little-bitty level out of his pocket … dug a little hole, stuck that level on it … the bubble said … even! Damn his stupid ass! He lied … he didn’t a bit more know how to level the sand in preparation for a swimming pool than there’s a man in the moon. Damn pool … threw my ass out onto the sand, after nearly drowning me!

This past winter has gotten to me more than any winter here, in North Carolina. It has been most depressing … gloomy. I made myself be happy when the snow came, when in fact … for the first time in my life … I pure damn dreaded it. I pure … damn … dreaded it.

No more, my mind screamed. I was tired of being cooped up in the house. Tired of being boxed in with my crazy-ass thoughts. I wanted to be outside where my thoughts could take flight … fly in freedom with the birds. I wanted fresh air in my mind, think new … interesting thoughts.

Now … I can take sighs of relief … no snow in sight! I have to worry about thunderstorms, now. I have a standing plan … when Skip’s not home … the Pups and I go to the bedroom, sit quietly until it’s over. I play on my phone, or tablet. Time passes quickly.

If the weather were to get really bad … my plan is to go to the next room in the middle of the house … the bathroom, close the door after each Pup is inside, safely. There are rooms all around the bathroom.

Honking … my eyes search the sky. There they are … only two geese this time, flying over. Skip told me that geese mate for life, and if I saw one … something probably happened to its mate. I’m so thankful those two geese have each other. Life can be lonely for people, animals alike … if they don’t have a companion.

Looking down to the pond … the water sparkles. Green around it making it so, pretty. There might be ducks on that pond this summer. I might get to feed them. I’m a dog person, but … I would learn how to care for baby ducks. Who knows?

There’s a pond about 2 miles from here. Skip and I watch it all the time. Each time we pass it, we look for the two ducks there. One duck is white … the other one … black. Now, there’s only one duck on the pond … the white one.

I feel sadness in my Heart. Damn, I’m not looking at that pond any more! Something always happens to the ducks, there! I mentioned to our friend that the black duck was missing. He said he thought that duck ‘sort of got squished’, meaning it probably came up the little hill, got into the highway. Tears fell in my Heart for that darn duck!

I said I’m not looking at that pond again … but, sure as the world when we drive by … what do I do? My eyes look for the little, white lonely duck … sometimes, it’s waddling up the paved road to a house where it belongs. Sometimes, it is on the water, with its little head stuck into the water. My Heart feels for that duck. I love that darn duck! I loved the black duck!

I wonder what kind of day … today is going to be? It’s a new day … and my thoughts are all over the place.

Parents Should Never Outlive Their Child


Parents Should Never Outlive Their Child…

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By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@granny Gee

Thoughts try to enter my now-full mind
I try not to think about them, but … I’m going to have to

Tommy … I’m going to have to think about Tommy
I have no choice, he was a part of my life, a part of me

My son … died May 29, 2010 while walking on the beach
He’d just arrived at Mrytle Beach, SC .. just in time to … die

I just felt a great pain in my Heart when I thought this
Tears sprung to my eyes … the pain is still there

Almost 5 years … next month … it doesn’t lessen the pain
I don’t cry as much … the pain is hidden deep now

I don’t let people see it anymore … before, I couldn’t help it
Now … I’ve learned to hide it … I’m supposed to be over my grief

No mother ever gets over the grief of losing a child …
When she quits crying … the grief has dug deeper into her very soul

Never to go away … it’s a part of her, just as her child was a part of her
The deeper the pain, the less you see the pain … like a gash, it doesn’t bleed a lot … yet, it hurts so bad

Looking at photos of my son … it’s very strange
It seems like he is right here … it’s like the photos are taken … yesterday

I haven’t forgotten a thing about his face … he looks so alive
The way his eyes smiled before he began laughing

I recognize the signs … it’s like I could hear him any minute
It’s like he hasn’t gone away forever … like he is still here

Like on a movie, he could just walk into the door without it feeling strange
It would be like five years haven’t gone by … he’d be at home

If you’ve never lost a child, I don’t expect you to understand
I don’t know how many grieving mothers … know what I mean

I haven’t talked to other grieving mothers very often to know
You would think I would have … I haven’t, it’s strange

I could listen … but, I couldn’t talk about my grief
That’s something I could never do … talk … only write grief

Soon, May will be here … the month my son went on vacation
To never come back … arrive safely there … only to die, soon-after

He made it just in time to play with his little 3 year old son
He did exactly what he meant, wanted to do … it was the last thing he did

Tommy collapsed on the damp sand where he and his little boy, played
His cellphone fell from his hand … he’d been recording a video for me, his mother

The video was of little Taban standing, looking out at the ocean
So small, precious … he looked like a minature Tommy

Tommy’s phone was picked up by a concerned stranger
Who pressed the last person called on Tommy’s cellphone

Hello, Ma’am … I’ve got a man here, collapsed on the sand, he’s not breathing
He never knew he was speaking to Tommy’s mother … two hundred miles away

In my mind, I knew Tommy and his family had made it safely to Myrtle Beach, SC
I had worried because of the Memorial Day traffic, when he arrived safely … I took a sigh of relief

Never knowing just in a short time … my world would almost end
Almost end for three years … somewhere, I lost the smile that was for my son when I saw his name on the caller ID

The stranger‘s voice … the numbness that began to spread over me
Before I even knew why … my son dead? My son … dead?

This is the phone call that parents never want … I never wanted that
I never wanted to be told my son wasn’t breathing … let me die, I can’t take this!

Somehow, the phone was in Skip’s hand … somehow, I was in a dark world
My very soul was screaming, my very Heart drenched in tears

Oh God, help me! My son … Tommy? Tommy’s dead?
My mind couldn’t understand what I had been told … no, I can’t bear this … I’m going to die

Drug me, make the pain go away … the knowledge is too great
Too great for me to handle … I can’t think about this!

Hospital … tears in the registration clerk’s eyes … on the bed in ER
The nurse, the needle … doctor … all a blank, thereafter

So many tiny bits of memory only to go black … I was dying
I couldn’t bear the pain … Skip was worrying, unknown to me

He watched over me as I slept, barely breathing from the medicine I was given
He began to make sure I couldn’t abuse it … when he thought I’d quit breathing

I wouldn’t have been aware of dying … I was too far gone on the new journey in my life
I was on a road I’d only heard about, never thought I’d travel

I didn’t have the sense to know anymore that I was a person
I was in the darkness … I was darker than the dark, I became the dark … grief, pain

I can’t bear to think anymore about it … I’ll quit right now
Next month will be the 5th year, my son has been gone

No on could be more positive as I have … never asking questions
I know can’t ever be answered in this life

No matter how positive I’ve been … it doesn’t lessen the pain
I’ll have to live with this the rest of my life

I shouldn’t have had to, because we all know
Parents should never outlive their child

So, You See … They Lie When They Say All Things Are Possible


So, You See … They Lie When They Say All Things Are Possible

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@grannygee

This is the age I became convinced I could sing … ha! ha! ha!  I could dance, do everything … but, sing!

Singing in the rainsinging in the shower.  Singing when there’s victory … singing when married … singing when there’s a funeral.

Singing, singing, singing.  Everything’s a musical … we humans love to sing.  I love to hear singing. I’m just mad because I can’t sing.  I want to sing!

You know the saying that ‘nothing is impossible’?  That’s not true, it’s just not true at all.  It is … impossible for me to sing.  It would be a helpless cause trying to teach me.

I’ve never forgotten when as a child in the church choir … the choir leader told me to just move my mouth, don’t sing out loud!  That hurt my feelings … so, sometimes out of spite, I would sing!  Sing loud, too!  Everyone would look at me!  I would put my head down.  I wasn’t so brave when everyone … looked at me.

When I got a little older, I became convinced that I could sing!  I have a southern accent, and people say my voice is pleasant.  I used to work at a switchboard paging all day … people said my voice was musical.  Damn liars!

I know what they meant … my voice was soft, clear, pleasant over the speakers in the hall.  They didn’t really mean I could sing … how could they know whether I could or not?

Well … like I said, this idea that I could sing … got into my head.  I was singing with the radio … I mean I was singing.  I had all the moves … and I thought … the voice.

I decided to record me singing.  I knew I was going to be pleasantly surprised.  I set up my tape recorder, and had my music close by … I pressed the RECORD button, and began singing up a storm.

When I finished my song, I was excited to listen to myself.  I rewound the tape recorder, and pressed PLAY.

My eyebrows flew together in a terrible frown … my eyes crossed, my mouth began making awful movements.  Oh my God!  I couldn’t believe it!

I couldn’t believe the voice I was hearing!  It was singing a country song … a happy, peppy country song … the voice I was hearing was singing in slow motion!  It sounded pure-damn awful!  Just pure-damn awful!  I almost slung the tape recorder across the room.

No one needed to convince me that I couldn’t sing, ever again.  I know I can’t sing.  That little experiment I did … taught me once and for all … Gloria can’t sing one damn bit!  Not even the tiniest little bit!

So, you see … they lie when they say … all things are possible.

True story, photo are written, owned by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/http://www.bestwriters.net/?mref=GrannyGee

Strangers Getting it on in Public


Strangers Getting it on in Public …

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/http://www.bestwriters.net/?mref=GrannyGee

 

Making out in public!  Entertaining the masses!  Let’s get it on … no matter who is watching!  It doesn’t matter if we don’t know each other … let’s do it!

A man and woman met for the first time … fell to the ground in their own world.  They began kissing passionately, their bodies trying to embed itself into the other.

Oh, the throes of passion … they were getting it on.  Stranger or no stranger!  Like dogs … animals who know no better … who are innocent of people … no matter where they are at … they … do it!

Two people just met, both were high on drugs.  They were instantly attracted to each other, and forgot the world around them.  They fell to the sidewalk in front of a dress shop in town where young girls were inside shopping for prom dresses.

The man, woman began rolling back and forwards, each pressing their bodies toward the other … lips locked in a lustful kiss.  The man pulled the woman’s blouse off, next he pulled his pants off … he got down to business!

The young girls, and clerk were crowded at the window, watching this sight.  One girl began videoing, another girl called the police.

The X-rated sight continued until the police arrived, took them into custody.  They were amazed to find out … the man and woman didn’t know each other, and had … just met.

Truthfully, we are all like animals … we have grown up in different life styles … our parents teaching us how to behave in public.  We learn all these wonderful skills we take for granted.

Truthfully, take away all our homes, comforts, food, cars … family, friends we know … we become animals that mean to survive.  Of course, the man and woman weren’t trying to survive … I wonder if they were taught better than that.

My Gloria Opinion is … the drugs they were on, made them … forget the world around them.  They were living solely on the feelings in their bodies at the moment.  Oh, I’m not an expert at any of this … I am like you, I have an opinion.  :)

Photos/true story owned, written by Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/ @granny gee

Damn That Pig!


Thursday, April 9, 2015

That Damn Pig!
Fate … That Pig Smirked at Me

Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/http://www.bestwriters.net/?mref=GrannyGee

The sun was shining brightly … wind blowing my hair from the opened window on the vehicle.  God, what a beautiful day!  Skip was driving, I was enjoying riding.

I laid my head back on the seat, closed my eyes … opened them in time to see a little house sitting up on a hill on the left-hand-side of the road.  I closed my eyes once more …

We came to a sudden stop!  In the middle of the road … a big flesh-colored pig with black spots was standing.  He looked at us as if he were asking, “what is your problem”?

We were five miles out into the countryside.  Houses weren’t close together, excepting the little house I had just seen up on the hill, on the left.

We couldn’t ‘just drive off’ and not save the pig.  We should have, but … we didn’t!  Damn pig!

Skip parked our vehicle on the side of the road.  We got out to make the pig go home … home up on the hill.  Or so, we thought!  We should have let that damn pig go home on its own!

I told Skip to walk on up the road, and go up to the house to tell the people their pig was on the highway, and someone might hit it with a car.  He walked on.

I should have never helped that damn pig!  Skip and I are animal lovers to the max.  We care about turtles being in the road.  That pig was in the road, so … what did I do?

I began shooing that pig up the hill, so it could get home safely.  I began walking behind it.  I watched its little curly tail wagging like a dog’s tail.  He was being so calm, nonchalant … in fact, that damn pig was acting pretty darn intelligent.

We got to the top of the hill, and I saw the little house.  Skip was standing, talking to a woman.  They both turned to see me, and the pig.

I told the pig to go home … that pig stopped, turned around, looked me straight in the eyes … I swear it grinned, smirked at me … then, turned around, disappeared into the brush.  I remember having an uneasy feeling at that moment.  I shrugged it off.

I walked to where Skip and the woman was standing.  The woman liked Skip … I could see it in her eyes.  I felt like I was intruding … that woman didn’t want me there!

I smiled, told the woman I was Skip’s wife.  She introduced herself as Marguerite.  We ended up talking to her for thirty minutes.  I noticed she had use of only one of her arms.  She lost use of her other arm when she was young, became very sick.

Marguerite was a lot older than us.  She was a little, plump, short woman with dyed brown hair.  It was short, also.  She had on makeup, eyeliner around her eyes … very red lipstick.  I had an uneasy feeling about that woman.  Damn woman … damn pig!

Somehow, we exchanged phone numbers, email addresses.  In the following weeks she began emailing, calling.  She began telling me she was my best friend … of course, she wasn’t.  I didn’t say anything … I paid attention, instead.  I had an uneasy feeling.

This woman was ‘old, disabled’ … she walked with a limp.  It became obvious that Marguerite needed a man!  Any man would do!  I told you I had an uneasy feeling!  That damn-damn pig!

I forgot to tell you that the pig wasn’t even her pig, and she didn’t know whose pig it was!  To this day, I believe that pig was the ‘fickle finger of Fate’ … damn pig!  My mind always goes back to the moment it turned around, looked me in my face … and it smirked!  I remember well … I had my first uneasy feeling, then!

Well, she began calling Skip on his cellphone.  Skip would tell me everything she said.  At first, it was funny and sad all at the same time … until it began getting serious.  Marguerite had a crush on Skip!

We begin to see Marguerite driving by our house, slowing down to look.  She began emailing me, she wanted to come to our home, because after all … wasn’t she my best friend?  I felt more than uneasy, I felt alarmed.  She was crossing boundaries ‘normal’ people didn’t cross.

A letter come in the mail … it was a very thick letter.  It was from Marguerite … she had paid almost $8.00 in postage to mail it to Skip.  She lived in the next town, so you can imagine how thick the letter was.  Oh … I still have the letter put in a safe place … even though this happened 10 years ago.

You wouldn’t believe the crazy things she said in it.  She was telling Skip she knew he couldn’t call or see her because she knew ‘Gloria’ was watching him.  She loved him, and wanted him to come to her.  She hated me, and such things.  It was CRAZY … I told you I’d been having uneasy feelings all along.

I forgot to tell you we took her out to eat once … we felt sorry for her.  Her family didn’t want anything to do with her.  She didn’t have any friends.  Why, oh why did we try to help that damn pig?

We should have completely gotten her out of our life … we didn’t want to hurt her.  We should have completely cut off contact.

Anyway, we took her out to eat … I remember the moment when it happened … that damn old woman had an orgasm, she began to shudder from it, sweat was on her face.  What happened, you say?

We were in my Expedition … it is high above the ground.  She slid out from the leather seat, Skip reached to grab her … he didn’t mean to … he grabbed her … in the … wrong place.

He looked at me, made a face!  I made a face … and we looked at her … she was gone … she was enjoying what had just happened.  That damn pig … it was the damn pig’s fault.

Marguerite wasn’t aware we were there … that touch had sent her off into the throes of an orgasm.  I knew then, Marguerite had serious mental problems.  I had worked in the hospital on the ward with mental patients.

She was standing there, shuddering … sweating up a storm, eyes closed.  We were embarassed, began talking to her to come on, let’s go eat some good seafood.  We knew without saying, this would be the last time we’d invite her to go out to eat.

We dropped Marguerite off at her home, got out to help her out.  We both helped her.  We hugged her goodbye … and be damned!  When Skip hugged her … she began to shudder, sweat … her eyes closed.  It was awful … we couldn’t wait to get away from her!

Anyway, there is a lot more to this story that old Marguerite did, said.  She called me, begging me to forgive her, and all kinds of BS.

One day, she called, she wanted to come up to our home (she knew I was alone … she said she really had something she wanted to give me).  I had a big uneasy feeling … damn Marguerite, and damn that pig!  I said, “No”.  She didn’t like that at all.

A little later, she drove up there … I never went outside.  I didn’t feel good about that CRAZY woman at all.  I knew she carried a gun.  She might have had one one good hand … but, it was a good, strong hand.  I was in her way … in her crazy mind … she wanted me out of the way.

I feel the only reason she didn’t try to come to the door was that we had a very high porch (we lived on a little mountain)… and the yard was all natural … rocks, dirt.  There was a fence surrounding the house … the gates were locked.

Marguerite drove away with a squeal of her tires!  I told Skip, and he told me to watch myself.  Later, in time … Skip and I were down at the bottom of the driveway doing some yard work … I was standing up higher on the hill, when a white car stopped.

Skip glanced up at me … it was Marguerite!  She began talking fast to Skip, not knowing I was nearby.  Skip was stunned … he looked up to me … she looked to where he was looking … and be damned, she sped off!

After a few more calls, emails … that was the last we heard of her.  We did hear from people who knew her that she was indeed, crazy.  Not only that, she was in a nursing home … her whole body was paralyzed … nothing was working anymore.

You would think I would have been glad of that.  I wasn’t.  I felt such empathy, compassion for that old lady with one arm.  I was saddened that she was in a bad way.  What’s worse was she had begged my forgiveness … I didn’t ever give it to her, verbally.  Only in my Heart, I had.  I could understand something was very wrong with her mind.

It still didn’t change the fact, that she caused a lot of upset in my life.  My uneasy feelings were real.  I still say, “Damn that pig”!  I should have never followed it up that hill.

I should have listened to my uneasy feeling when that damn pig stopped, turned around to look me in the face, and smirked at me … while its tail kept on wagging.  That pig was the fickle finger of Fate … through time, I felt sure of that.

Fate … that pig smirked at me.  It ‘knew’ the grief I was going to experience in the future … all because I followed its ass up that hill.