Just Tell Me… Why?
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee
I wonder why many things. Do you? I can be driving somewhere, see something… wonder ‘why?’ Walking around, looking at people, things… wonder ‘why?’
You can be talking, laughing, in the midst of doing something… I wonder ‘why?’ The same with me, ‘why?’
Why… do we do anything? Just ‘why?’ Why do people do mean things? Is it because they are naturally mean, cold-hearted, ruthless? Yes, I think that plays a big role in their merciless acts. Do you agree?
Home invasions, murders, robberies… all of these things take great thought. Do you agree? For my friends in other countries… here in the USA we have home invasions quite frequently… especially now… it’s Christmas. People have other things occupying their minds, never thinking they should be safety-conscious, also.
Walking in a Walmart parking lot, or in a high-end store parking lot can be just as dangerous. People who look like you and I, stroll toward us … we don’t feel threatened, not at all. They want to ask directions, get your attention… you see a pistol pointing at you. You’ve just been robbed…….. why? Why did they pick …. you?
Why do people … reach out to touch your life when you aren’t even aware of them? Why do they feel they have the right to do that? Is it because we may dress, act, think like people…. but….. we are still … animals? Is it like a herd of cattle … there are predators circling around to prey on the isolated cows.
I think all the time, I watch all the time… if you look to where people don’t naturally look… you see things … things you really aren’t meant to see. Do you ever think about this? Do you ever look for ‘detail’ in what your eyes see in life, a photo? Do you ‘see what others don’t see’…. sometimes, I forget to, too.
Why? Is it because we don’t want to see, know the real truth? Do we fool ourselves into thinking things are like we want them to be? Are you like me, wishing… wanting everything to be good… you don’t want to see the bad?
Have you ever experienced being in a bad situation, no way out? You have only yourself to count on? You didn’t bring the situation on… you were there at the wrong place, wrong time? You ‘just walked into someone else’s world, and things weren’t working out for them.’
You instantly know something is wrong…. you want outta there, now. When you speak, you already know they hate you… though they don’t know you. It may be your hair, your face, your color, your body build… it doesn’t matter, they’ll hate you anyway.
Through time, I’ve been in many places, many experiences… so, it was bound to happen from time to time. Especially when one is in very unusual places, knows unusual people who… may appear ‘everyday’ to you. People are never what they seem, do you agree?
Can you remember being very young… thinking so and so are so wonderful, perfect? Do you remember how you would look up to people you thought perfect, could never utter a single mean word, could never stop smiling? Do you remember?
Do you remember when…. they turned, you caught a different side of them? A not so pleasant side of them? Do you remember the shock, disbelief of … the realization sinking in to numb your mind…. ‘hey, I can’t believe so and so could possibly be like this!’
Do you remember how such would affect you in such an awful way? It’s painful to learn people aren’t who we think they are…. it’s worse, when we know we ‘are all right’…… to find out that …. ‘they haven’t been all right.’ They’ve been ‘bad’ all along. It’s an awful awakening…. realizing what ‘we saw, heard’…. was what ‘we wanted to see.’
It’s awful to know that you’ve been a real friend only to find out too late… your best friend … has been your ‘real’ enemy. How many of you have experienced that? We all have… guess what? All of us will have these kind of friends through out the rest of our life…. especially if there’s something to be gained from us.
The more those kind of friends smile, laugh along with you, cheer you on… the more they want you to fail. You know that kind of friend…… when you ‘break into pieces’ when you fall… they get to pick up pieces of you… get it all for free…. just because they were your … ‘friend’. We don’t need enemies for ‘good friends’ like these. Do you agree?
Friends …. I wonder if there’s such a thing as real friends? I think people are ‘friends’ for many reasons… some reasons we’d be surprised at … if the truth was known. Secretly… think about ‘why you are friends with certain people, be honest, now.’ Do you see what I mean? I do know there are real friends, I think I may have several real friends……
You have friends for when you go to work…. they aren’t your friends outside of work. You have friends when you go to church… you act differently around these friends. You have friends when you go out to party… you really act differently when out with them. Friends of all kinds, at different places…. you act like a different person with each type of friend. Why?
Why are we different at different places, around different people, when we go home…. why are we completely different there?
I know when I come home ‘away from the world’…. I am different. The pain that tortures me throughout my every moment….. is hidden when I’m ‘out in the world.’
When I come home, I can moan, groan all I want to… I don’t have to smile to pretend I’m all right… the same way with my grief. I can come home and ‘be me.’
You don’t have to see, put up with my pain, grief. If my feelings are hurt, or something made me happy… I can come home to vent my anger, swear if need be…. hug myself with the happiness I’m feeling…. no one need to see ‘all that.’ :)))
When I come home… I can take off my pretty shoes, my uncomfortable dress clothes… and put on my ‘relaxing clothes’…. same way with our everyday actions out in the real world… we don’t have to be ‘what others expect us to be’… we are home now, we can just ‘be us.’ Why? Why can’t we be ‘just us’ …. when out in the real world?
Are we more vulnerable if we show ‘our real colors?’ If our ‘enemies’ saw how we really are, don’t you think they’d … know our weakness? Know where to prey on us? What do you think? Think about it… we only let our closest of closest people… really ‘see us’….. am I right?
I’ll have to be honest here… I’ve ‘hidden myself’ since I learned to at an early age. I’ve hidden physical, mental pain … I’ve hidden pain by displaying anger. The angrier I seemed… the more I was crying on the inside. As I became older… I learned to hide the anger most of the time… with a soft smile, soft words. Why?
To try to give myself a chance to look at the problem, person who caused my pain…. ‘see why’ I’m feeling the way I am. This way, I don’t hurt someone unnecessarily when I may have misunderstood. I’m not perfect, so, I have made mistakes.
Why? Because… I forgot to smile, use soft words. Why? Because I let my weakness show… I became angry… I didn’t control my emotions…. why? Because … I’m not perfect? Why?
Because… because… because…………………………………………………………….I’m not perfect, I am only Granny Gee… me, I’m not perfect. Why? :))) Why? :((( Why? :)))