Just Tell Me … Why?


 

 Just Tell Me… Why?

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

I wonder why many things. Do you? I can be driving somewhere, see something… wonder ‘why?’ Walking around, looking at people, things… wonder ‘why?’

You can be talking, laughing, in the midst of doing something… I wonder ‘why?’ The same with me, ‘why?’

Why… do we do anything? Just ‘why?’ Why do people do mean things? Is it because they are naturally mean, cold-hearted, ruthless? Yes, I think that plays a big role in their merciless acts. Do you agree?

Home invasions, murders, robberies… all of these things take great thought. Do you agree? For my friends in other countries… here in the USA we have home invasions quite frequently… especially now… it’s Christmas. People have other things occupying their minds, never thinking they should be safety-conscious, also.

Walking in a Walmart parking lot, or in a high-end store parking lot can be just as dangerous. People who look like you and I, stroll toward us … we don’t feel threatened, not at all. They want to ask directions, get your attention… you see a pistol pointing at you. You’ve just been robbed…….. why? Why did they pick …. you?

Why do people … reach out to touch your life when you aren’t even aware of them? Why do they feel they have the right to do that? Is it because we may dress, act, think like people…. but….. we are still … animals? Is it like a herd of cattle … there are predators circling around to prey on the isolated cows.

I think all the time, I watch all the time… if you look to where people don’t naturally look… you see things … things you really aren’t meant to see. Do you ever think about this? Do you ever look for ‘detail’ in what your eyes see in life, a photo? Do you ‘see what others don’t see’…. sometimes, I forget to, too.

Why? Is it because we don’t want to see, know the real truth? Do we fool ourselves into thinking things are like we want them to be? Are you like me, wishing… wanting everything to be good… you don’t want to see the bad?

Have you ever experienced being in a bad situation, no way out? You have only yourself to count on? You didn’t bring the situation on… you were there at the wrong place, wrong time? You ‘just walked into someone else’s world, and things weren’t working out for them.’

You instantly know something is wrong…. you want outta there, now. When you speak, you already know they hate you… though they don’t know you. It may be your hair, your face, your color, your body build… it doesn’t matter, they’ll hate you anyway.

Through time, I’ve been in many places, many experiences… so, it was bound to happen from time to time. Especially when one is in very unusual places, knows unusual people who… may appear ‘everyday’ to you. People are never what they seem, do you agree?

Can you remember being very young… thinking so and so are so wonderful, perfect? Do you remember how you would look up to people you thought perfect, could never utter a single mean word, could never stop smiling? Do you remember?

Do you remember when…. they turned, you caught a different side of them? A not so pleasant side of them? Do you remember the shock, disbelief of … the realization sinking in to numb your mind…. ‘hey, I can’t believe so and so could possibly be like this!’

Do you remember how such would affect you in such an awful way? It’s painful to learn people aren’t who we think they are…. it’s worse, when we know we ‘are all right’…… to find out that …. ‘they haven’t been all right.’ They’ve been ‘bad’ all along. It’s an awful awakening…. realizing what ‘we saw, heard’…. was what ‘we wanted to see.’

It’s awful to know that you’ve been a real friend only to find out too late… your best friend … has been your ‘real’ enemy. How many of you have experienced that? We all have… guess what? All of us will have these kind of friends through out the rest of our life…. especially if there’s something to be gained from us.

The more those kind of friends smile, laugh along with you, cheer you on… the more they want you to fail. You know that kind of friend…… when you ‘break into pieces’ when you fall… they get to pick up pieces of you… get it all for free…. just because they were your … ‘friend’. We don’t need enemies for ‘good friends’ like these. Do you agree?

Friends …. I wonder if there’s such a thing as real friends? I think people are ‘friends’ for many reasons… some reasons we’d be surprised at … if the truth was known. Secretly… think about ‘why you are friends with certain people, be honest, now.’ Do you see what I mean? I do know there are real friends, I think I may have several real friends……

You have friends for when you go to work…. they aren’t your friends outside of work. You have friends when you go to church… you act differently around these friends. You have friends when you go out to party… you really act differently when out with them. Friends of all kinds, at different places…. you act like a different person with each type of friend. Why?

Why are we different at different places, around different people, when we go home…. why are we completely different there?

I know when I come home ‘away from the world’…. I am different. The pain that tortures me throughout my every moment….. is hidden when I’m ‘out in the world.’

When I come home, I can moan, groan all I want to… I don’t have to smile to pretend I’m all right… the same way with my grief. I can come home and ‘be me.’

You don’t have to see, put up with my pain, grief. If my feelings are hurt, or something made me happy… I can come home to vent my anger, swear if need be…. hug myself with the happiness I’m feeling…. no one need to see ‘all that.’ :)))

When I come home… I can take off my pretty shoes, my uncomfortable dress clothes… and put on my ‘relaxing clothes’…. same way with our everyday actions out in the real world… we don’t have to be ‘what others expect us to be’… we are home now, we can just ‘be us.’ Why? Why can’t we be ‘just us’ …. when out in the real world?

Are we more vulnerable if we show ‘our real colors?’ If our ‘enemies’ saw how we really are, don’t you think they’d … know our weakness? Know where to prey on us? What do you think? Think about it… we only let our closest of closest people… really ‘see us’….. am I right?

I’ll have to be honest here… I’ve ‘hidden myself’ since I learned to at an early age. I’ve hidden physical, mental pain … I’ve hidden pain by displaying anger. The angrier I seemed… the more I was crying on the inside. As I became older… I learned to hide the anger most of the time… with a soft smile, soft words. Why?

To try to give myself a chance to look at the problem, person who caused my pain…. ‘see why’ I’m feeling the way I am. This way, I don’t hurt someone unnecessarily when I may have misunderstood. I’m not perfect, so, I have made mistakes.

Why? Because… I forgot to smile, use soft words. Why? Because I let my weakness show… I became angry… I didn’t control my emotions…. why? Because … I’m not perfect? Why?

Because… because… because…………………………………………………………….I’m not perfect, I am only Granny Gee… me, I’m not perfect. Why? :))) Why? :((( Why? :)))

 

 

 

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16 thoughts on “Just Tell Me … Why?

  1. Don’t have a clue why we don’t have an respect for each other, others property or others life – I’ve had three burglaries in my storage room in the basement – not living on the same address each time – I ‘have been sexual assault by my boss for nearly 4 years and I have been sexual attacked 2 twice while living in Gothenburg, but I was strong enough to get away.
    I think it has to do with feeling powerful .. to cause pain and anxiety to others.
    I have never blamed myself for anything that has happen to me – because it has been out of my control and I haven’t been invited.
    I’m okay with everything, because I’m not afraid and I wasn’t harmed at such … and what saved me was that I never blamed myself. Never felt guilty for what had happen to me.
    Regarding acting differently to different friends – it has to do with uncertainty and low self-esteem, but I can act differently to my friends – all because they are different and not reacting on things, happenings and words the same way. I suppose that is an other matter.

    • Viveka, you’ve been through bad experiences. Like me, it seems you went on to still have a good attitude about life… I wonder ‘how and why’ we do that? :)))
      Many people couldn’t do that at all. I’m so glad that you can, too. It feels better to go on no matter what happens, instead of laying down, giving up, right?

      • Laying down has never been in my book – of course it effected me at the time, but if I don’t move on with life .. life goes on without me.
        Everything is our attitude – if we decide in the morning that we will have a good day … we will get a good day.
        I think why I have manage so well is that I never put the blame on me …

      • I can understand that a big part of moving on is never blaming yourself… you are right. Viveka, everything is our attitude, I agree. Laying down isn’t in my book either… sometimes it is harder than other times to get up… but, I fight to get up. I recognize that in you. I like that… you are right, light will go on without you, me, us… if we don’t move on. I think my son’s death almost got the best of me… for once in my life, I almost didn’t get up… if it hadn’t been for Skip and our Pups… I ‘know’ I wouldn’t have ‘that time.’ It’s nice talking to you, Viveka! :)))

      • We all react in different ways .. and we handle things differently. I refuse to be a victim.
        I dare to think about the day when I lose my mum, 90 now. Even if we have talked about death openly and been very frank about it, both of us.
        But I can’t worry about that .. have to take it when it happens. Nice talking to you too!

      • How wonderful to have your mum at 90, Viveka. I can understand your concerns. Yes, we have to take it when things happen. I’m
        so glad you both can talk openly… it can make the difference when one day comes… it can bring comfort. You will have had a
        chance to talk, prepare as best as possible. It hurts no matter what… the comfort I found after my mother’s death was ‘when I
        knew it was her’…. when things would happen that couldn’t be explained… things she said she would do ‘if possible from the other
        side’ to let me know ‘it was her.’ :)))

      • My only concern is that I don’t want her to be in pain when it’s time for her to leave …. I hope she leave during her sleep, Peaceful and painless. We have talked about death very openly since I was around my 20th. So I know exactly how she wants things and what she doesn’t want, and that are easing too.

      • I know she is glad you know how she wants things… that means a lot to a mother. It means a lot for a mother to have her child as she ages… I always knew Tommy would be there like you are for your mum.

      • You see. my mum was never around when I was a child and I was never around when my mum start to getting old. Strange circle really.

      • Viveka, I can understand as my life holds many strange things. I think it’s special that you both found a point in time to connect… when that time comes it’s always ‘the right time’. Do you agree? You know how we say ‘it came at the right time in life?’ I was just thinking that some things if they would come in our lives at ‘any time’…. meaning ‘any time is the right time.’ :)))))

  2. Believe me I know how you feel and what you mean!!! 😦

    I had friends who showed their venal side when they sold me out.

    Friends I had helped without hesitation and regardless of cost to myself.

    I have friends at church who pray for me and friends on the web who know my pain and sorrow as it really is – no hiding behind sweet words! 🙂

    Maybe there is a reason why we suffer – perhaps as a warning to others!!!

    Love and squishy hugs!

    Prenin.

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