I Want to Know How that Feels Again … Before I Die
By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka GeeGranny
Well … I went to the doctor yesterday. When I was weighed, I found out I’d lost 7 more lbs. I’m so proud of that … but, it sure isn’t easy to do!
I have been keeping a food journal for the past month. I mean I write everything … really everything I eat … drink. Do you know what? It’s hard to hide what one eats when you keep a food journal.
I noticed as time went by that I began to change my eating habits. I have been eating non-fat, sugar-free foods. I also, am eating smaller portions.
The one thing I am very proud of is … I haven’t drank a carbonated drink in a month. Truthfully, I had cut down to only one Diet Pepsi a day for months prior to dieting. So … before I knew it … I had come this far and I haven’t missed drinking one! It’s amazing.
My mind is on wearing smaller clothes, dressing pretty as I once did. There’s no way … I’m only saying this about myself so, don’t take it personal if you are overweight … I could look so pretty in clothes right now. Well, I know I can look neat, and okay … I mean the way I have in my mind’s eye the way I want to look.
Being ‘older’ … doesn’t mean someone is going to give up, cut off all their hair and get a tight perm, dress in ‘old’ clothes. Hell no … that’s not for me. I don’t knock it for anyone else … I’m just not going to do it.
I feel I’ve missed a lot of years on my life from battling cancer, grieving the loss of family members, the loss of everything in a house fire … the worse, the loss of my son. I’ve been through so much shock, pain, grief.
I want some of those years back … and I’m taking them back. I laid claim to them a month ago. I’ve lived with myself since 1998 … in so many ‘bad’ states of mind. Years have gone by without me realizing it.
I’ve thought about weight-loss surgery. I may or may not do that. Time will tell. I don’t know that I would ever discuss it ‘if’ I did that. It’s an option. I’ve been studying this for the past couple of years … watching, listening until I’m very familiar with it. So, there’s no need to tell me not to, or what the risks are … if I decide to do it … I already know. I have support if I decide to do it.
For now, the weight is coming off slowly. The food journal makes me accountable for what I eat during the day. It wouldn’t be any fun to have to write down ‘a lot’ of bad foods I’ve eaten … I couldn’t bear it. So, I have to be careful of the portions, and what I eat.
I drink a lot of water throughout each day. That’s so good for everyone, not just me. We all need 64 oz. water every day. I just simply drink all through the day. I drink a lot of decaf … unsweet tea, also. I drink one cup of decaf coffee with a little cream each morning.
I have a plastic tub with sweaters inside … new, beautiful sweaters that I bought over the years. I never wore them because when putting them on … I felt ‘too fat’. I’m excited now … when it gets cold, I will begin pulling them out.
I know there are others who are on this road in their life … who want to lose weight. Like me … they probably have a ton of smaller clothes in their closet they can’t wear. All because of gaining weight.
I gave a ‘closet of clothes’ away one month ago. I meant not to ever wear the big clothes again. I have a few clothes left so, I have to lose weight.
I messed up one time this month … almost went back to being the same old way … accepting being overweight … accepting eating what I wanted … accepting I would grow into an over-weight, old woman one day.
I looked around me when being out at the people who have gone that path. I can’t do it … I just can’t do it. I didn’t see any happy expressions on anyone’s face. I could tell the extra weight made them feel self-aware, made them feel awful.
Do you notice I don’t speak in a ‘bad’ way about people being overweight … me being overweight? I try not to. I understand how it feels to need to lose weight. I know better … I used to be the ‘perfect’ weight … somehow, I got lost along the way. I see I’m not the only one.
I would be the last person to tell someone to lose weight. Why? Because I know I don’t have to tell them ‘what they already know’. I know they know … I am, have been one of them. Being overweight is always in my mind almost every moment of the day.
I wish everyone well who is on this same path I’m on. I have lost enough weight now … to make me feel very excited about the future. I know I want more of this good feeling. 🙂 I can’t change that I’m getting old, but … I can change how I feel, look.
Note by this Author:
Since the summer until today … I have lost 28 lbs since the summer. It hasn’t been easy at all. The truth is … at least for me … food makes me fat. Snacking makes me fat … eating whatever, whenever makes me fat.
Do you know how hard that was to admit? Food … too much of … makes me fat. In today’s time … oh my, when out and about … I can’t believe all the people I see now, who are fat. It makes it easy to just let go and be like everyone else. No one will lack for company today.
I am getting older, and I want to know once again how it feels to get into pretty clothes again … look pretty again. I told Skip that I want to know how that feels again … before I get old, and die.
Photos/true story owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny.