I Want to Know How that Feels Again … Before I Die


I Want to Know How that Feels Again … Before I Die

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/aka GeeGranny

 

Well … I went to the doctor yesterday.  When I was weighed, I found out I’d lost 7 more lbs.  I’m so proud of that … but, it sure isn’t easy to do!

I have been keeping a food journal for the past month.  I mean I write everything … really everything I eat … drink.  Do you know what?  It’s hard to hide what one eats when you keep a food journal.

I noticed as time went by that I began to change my eating habits.  I have been eating non-fat, sugar-free foods.  I also, am eating smaller portions.

 

The one thing I am very proud of is … I haven’t drank a carbonated drink in a month.  Truthfully, I had cut down to only one Diet Pepsi a day for months prior to dieting.  So … before I knew it … I had come this far and I haven’t missed drinking one!  It’s amazing.

My mind is on wearing smaller clothes, dressing pretty as I once did.  There’s no way … I’m only saying this about myself so, don’t take it personal if you are overweight … I could look so pretty in clothes right now.  Well, I know I can look neat, and okay … I mean the way I have in my mind’s eye the way I want to look.

Being ‘older’ … doesn’t mean someone is going to give up, cut off all their hair and get a tight perm, dress in ‘old’ clothes.  Hell no … that’s not for me.  I don’t knock it for anyone else … I’m just not going to do it.

I feel I’ve missed a lot of years on my life from battling cancer, grieving the loss of family members, the loss of everything in a house fire … the worse, the loss of my son.  I’ve been through so much shock, pain, grief.

I want some of those years back … and I’m taking them back.  I laid claim to them a month ago.  I’ve lived with myself since 1998 … in so many ‘bad’ states of mind.  Years have gone by without me realizing it.

I’ve thought about weight-loss surgery.  I may or may not do that.  Time will tell.  I don’t know that I would ever discuss it ‘if’ I did that.  It’s an option.  I’ve been studying this for the past couple of years … watching, listening until I’m very familiar with it.  So, there’s no need to tell me not to, or what the risks are … if I decide to do it … I already know.  I have support if I decide to do it.

For now, the weight is coming off slowly.  The food journal makes me accountable for what I eat during the day.  It wouldn’t be any fun to have to write down ‘a lot’ of bad foods I’ve eaten … I couldn’t bear it.  So, I have to be careful of the portions, and what I eat.

I drink a lot of water throughout each day.  That’s so good for everyone, not just me.  We all need 64 oz. water every day.  I just simply drink all through the day.  I drink a lot of decaf … unsweet tea, also.  I drink one cup of decaf coffee with a little cream each morning.

 

I have a plastic tub with sweaters inside … new, beautiful sweaters that I bought over the years.  I never wore them because when putting them on … I felt ‘too fat’.  I’m excited now … when it gets cold, I will begin pulling them out.

I know there are others who are on this road in their life … who want to lose weight.  Like me … they probably have a ton of smaller clothes in their closet they can’t wear.  All because of gaining weight.

I gave a ‘closet of clothes’ away one month ago.  I meant not to ever wear the big clothes again.  I have a few clothes left so, I have to lose weight.

I messed up one time this month … almost went back to being the same old way … accepting being overweight … accepting eating what I wanted … accepting I would grow into an over-weight, old woman one day.

 

I looked around me when being out at the people who have gone that path.  I can’t do it … I just can’t do it.  I didn’t see any happy expressions on anyone’s face.  I could tell the extra weight made them feel self-aware, made them feel awful.

Do you notice I don’t speak in a ‘bad’ way about people being overweight … me being overweight?  I try not to.  I understand how it feels to need to lose weight.  I know better … I used to be the ‘perfect’ weight … somehow, I got lost along the way.  I see I’m not the only one.

I would be the last person to tell someone to lose weight.  Why?  Because I know I don’t have to tell them ‘what they already know’.  I know they know … I am, have been one of them.  Being overweight is always in my mind almost every moment of the day.

I wish everyone well who is on this same path I’m on.  I have lost enough weight now … to make me feel very excited about the future.  I know I want more of this good feeling.  🙂  I can’t change that I’m getting old, but … I can change how I feel, look.

 

Note by this Author:

 

Since the summer until today … I have lost 28 lbs since the summer.  It hasn’t been easy at all.  The truth is … at least for me …  food makes me fat.  Snacking makes me fat … eating whatever, whenever makes me fat.

Do you know how hard that was to admit?  Food … too much of … makes me fat.  In today’s time … oh my, when out and about … I can’t believe all the people I see now, who are fat.  It makes it easy to just let go and be like everyone else.  No one will lack for company today.

I am getting older, and I want to know once again how it feels to get into pretty clothes again … look pretty again.  I told Skip that I want to know how that feels again … before I get old, and die.

Photos/true story owned, written by me … Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee/@GeeGranny.

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3 thoughts on “I Want to Know How that Feels Again … Before I Die

  1. Hi hun! 🙂

    Yes, I’m on a diet too, but the medication makes me constantly hungry so I eat small meals – except yesterday when I binged because of the hunger!

    Oh well: One slip is OK and I’ll be VERY good today and only eat small meals! 🙂

    Love and hugs my friend! 🙂

    Prenin.

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