“Yes, It Really … Can”


Tommy's Chest and Contents, Xmas Tree 056

Yes, It Really … Can”

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

Christmas Eve morning began with tears, and a smile… laughing. Something touched my heart deeply, then… went to real life that just was so funny the way it was told.

I’m still smiling, I hope this smile will last the whole day through. I haven’t smiled a lot lately, only if someone was looking at me. My mind is on several things that are painful.

Tommy’s not here… he can’t call me, he can’t come to see me. It’s Christmas Eve… many families are coming from all over to gather by the fireplace, or the big dining table, or in restaurants, or, just in the family home.

Happiness to see everyone, excitement for the presents they know they’ll receive from their loved ones… it doesn’t matter ‘what the presents are’… it’ll be special no matter what… because it is from a loved one.

When we are out, I look ‘into your life as you pass me by’… I see fathers reared back on the passenger side of the vehicles, proud to let their sons drive them around.

I see mothers and daughters running here, there… to find presents for the grandchildren, and family. Laughter, excitement in the air. Christmas! It’s Christmas! Santa Claus is coming! They have their whole families to look forward to… no one special is missing.

I’m so happy for them, I feel the happiness as long as I’m near… but, as I move away… it’s like walking away from a cheerful, crackling fire in the fireplace… I began to be sad, become cold, feel the pain in my heart, body, soul.

I try to be cheerful, I try to be happy… it doesn’t last long at a time. Tommy is on my mind, in the back of my mind… no matter what I do.

I feel all kinds of emotions from anger, sadness, pure grief that … he died, he’s not coming back. My son isn’t going to be doing ‘son things’ at Christmas time. We aren’t going to have a family Christmas.

It’s going to be a Skip & Gloria & Pups’ Christmas here in our home. It’s not going to be the happiest, yet… it is. Because Skip ‘could have not been here’… I’m so thankful he is.

I’m not the only one who misses Tommy… Skip misses Tommy with his heart. He was Skip’s best friend, also.

Chadwick loved Tommy, he knew Tommy. Kissy didn’t ever know Tommy… he was born November 02, 2010…. Tommy’s birthday was November 20… isn’t it amazing with the birth date? Also, he was born several months after Tommy died… 2010.

Myself… I’m sad because once again… it’s Christmas without Tommy. I’ll begin another year… without my son. This is ‘just a story to you about a grieving mother’… so, you don’t have to feel sad when you read. To me… ‘here’ … is where I come to write out the pain… it’s the only outlet I have.

With my heart, I wish all of you the most special Christmas of your life … don’t be sad for me … ‘I’m just a story you read’, one that you can put down, go on with your life.

It can give you a chance to ‘see’ what it’s like ‘if’ …. your special one is gone… who knows? Maybe you can feel my pain enough … to make a good difference in your life.

Hug your loved ones, your children … while you can… we don’t ever know what life holds for us.

I would have never known my life held an empty place in it when I became older… an empty place left from my only child who died… an empty place until the day … I die.

Don’t think that it ‘can’t happen to me’… I softly say to you, “yes, it really can … happen to you.” I’ve lost almost every member of my family … “yes, it really … can.”

 

 

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28 thoughts on ““Yes, It Really … Can”

  1. This is beautiful and absolutely heartbreaking – I know we don’t know each other that well yet but I am sending you a lot of love. It must be so terribly difficult without Tommy.

  2. I will be vigilant about making sure to appreciate all of my loved ones GG/G. I will. For you and Tommy. Merry Christmas. And I bet when you least expect it he will send you a gift today. A whispering past your ear? A shaking tinkling bell? A howling Christmas song by one of the pups? I know you believe he is with you. Merry Christmas to you and Skip and the Pups.

  3. Tommy isn’t around … Tommy can’t call for you – but he is in your heart and he can’t be any closer than that..
    Then you have Skip and the pups right there beside you – that will be there for you when your cry and when you laugh.

    • Thank you, Prenin. I hope today is a very special day for you. Your words touched my heart as if they were more ‘logs put on the fire in a fireplace’… I feel such warmth from them. Thank you, it means the world to me, Prenin. Love, Gloria :)))

    • Summer… your words felt like ‘Summer’ on a warm, sunny day as I read them… they have added more warmth to my heart… today, I needed that. It means so much to me. Love, Gloria/Granny Gee

      • You have the strenght in you, Granny. Your son will be proud of who you are and how you have the encourage to share your feelings. But give a smile today for him, let him know that you do your best. Share your warmth with him, he is with you. No one can’t take him out of your heart.

        Sweet, loving greetings, Summer

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  6. i understand your loss, more than I can say, I too am missing a son this Christmas – again. God bless you and your family. it doesn’t get better, only easier to endure. As my husband and I tearfully remembered Ray during and after our Christmas dinner, I understand the emptiness of one last plate on the dinner table.

    God bless and you are not alone.

    • Ray’s Mom… your words touch me deeply. I know you are going through so much at this time… I know that I’m not alone. I’m sorry though… that you have to know such awful pain. I thought I would be all right, sail right through this Christmas this time… the very opposite happened.. and I find myself in … I can only describe it to be like ‘in a washing machine twisting, turning in tumultuous waters’. I know you are bound to know all this … oh, how my heart goes out to you, the pain you are going through. Love, Gloria

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