Just Know That … I Know You Are In The World, Too


 

 

                                        Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

Just Know That … I Know You Are In The World, Too

By Gloria Faye Brown Bates/aka Granny Gee

 

Do you know that as I write, I do something I read that one shouldn’t do when writing? I think about others who go through their own hell, illnesses in their life.

I worry for them, I worry that they’ll read my own grief, it affecting them. One can’t truly write very well if they worry like this. I have to tell myself this lately, knowing that I still care … very much. I know I’m not the only person in the world who goes through such.

As you read my stories, I hope you will know that I think of you, too… as I write, I have to ‘let go of my thoughts’, focus on my words so, I can write what I truly know best.

All I ask is for you to always keep in the back of your mind… that I’m not a self-centered person who thinks only of myself. Please keep that in mind when you read my words, they come from inside me about what I know to write … best. If I tried to write about you… I would be false.

I read blogs of my blogging friends, I read emails, and comments. Your comforting words mean everything to me. I sense at times, my words have made you upset because of touching something deep inside you. I don’t want my words to hurt you, though… I know they will… if you read them. They are ‘real.’

I’m aware that some of you … are like me. I’m aware that some of you have serious illnesses. I’m aware… that some of you have loved ones who are deathly ill. Oh, God …how I care for you all. A lot of us walk in our own ‘private hells’. I know how ‘so much’ feels, as I’ve experienced so much in my own world.

I’ve thought about maybe should I just stop writing? Should I go on, not care about you? I can’t do that. I do care with my very heart, I can’t stop writing … I have to write. I have to care about you, too…. it’s a part of me… Gloria/Granny Gee.

For the moment, I am talking to all of you … I know you will sense that I’m talking to you, and you, and you………. just know I care deeply, I shed tears when I feel your words in your blogs, emails, comments… when I read them.

Just know that I know the world isn’t all about ‘me.’ It may sound like that while I write … for the moment when I write about ‘me’, it is. I have to write what I know… that’s what my blog is about.

My blog is about a grieving mother, myself. It’s about my son, Tommy, whom I’m never going to forget … I’m going to always remember him with my words. It’s about me, Granny Gee/Gloria’s life. It’s going to always be that … I’m going to always have ‘ups, downs’ in my life.

I don’t write to feel sorry for myself … I’ve never felt sorry for myself. I’m too much the fighter to waste time doing that. If I did that, I’d just lay back, never do anything again… no, that’s not ‘me.’

I don’t need attention with my writing … if you read my stories, give me attention… it’s because you choose to. I will write …. regardless. Even if no one read my stories, I would have to write … I am driven to write, the memory of my son, the pain … be it mental, physical, is … my very fuel.

I once had a dear friend whom for twelve years I wrote to every day, several times a day… she did the same. When she died, I can’t tell you the grief I felt for her. I found that I couldn’t just quit writing, I felt like I was dying inside if I quit writing. So, I not only write in memory of Tommy, my pain, I write in memory of Lena, my dearest friend… she is a part of that fuel that drives me.

Just know … all of you … my friends, my readers, my followers … that I do care about you, I feel for you with my very heart. Just know that … I know ‘you’ …. are in the world, too.

Love, Granny Gee/aka Gloria Faye Brown Bates

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “Just Know That … I Know You Are In The World, Too

  1. that is a problem i think many of us have. we write and yet in the back of our mind is those we think of and would never want to hurt. i don’t believe most of us who write in this forum are looking for attention. personally i started writing as a way to leave behind a part of me for my family and friends. then to my surprise others started reading and commenting.

    reading your thoughts and feelings helps me to think of what my own family will go through. although it makes me sad i am comforted to know that like you they will find a way to work through the pain and take care of their needs.

    thank you for sharing your story.

    • I’m glad you didn’t take offense, understood all I wrote to you. You said exactly what I think about … I want to leave behind for my grandchildren to at least one day hopefully find my blog to read… they will see that we were real people, we really loved and cared. Their mothers aren’t going to tell them about us… I don’t feel I will ever get to know either grandchild.

      Reading what you wrote meant the world to me. My heart is touched. I’m honored… you are here. I would hug you if possible. Love, Gloria

      • just keep writing! i believe they will one day be old enough to ask who and where you are and they will seek you out. if not, as you say, they will one day read this blog and know how genuine and real you are. big hugs to you my friend:)

      • You touch my heart so deeply. It means a lot to read what you think, feel. Please don’t let my words ever make you sad… just see them for what they are … what Granny Gee’s blog is about. :))) I’m so honored to have you think of me as your friend. Love, Gloria I send big hugs back to you.

    • Viveka, you haven’t upset me at all. For some time I have been sensing my words were causing grief where there already is grief.

      It was breaking my heart because, I know that there are many people who are fighting battles with illness, all kinds of things in their lives…. and when they read my blog… they wonder ‘who is this self-centered lady’ who thinks she is the ‘only one who has problems when I’m suffering more, or someone else is suffering more’?

      There are blogs I’ve been following that have made me cry, cry because I can’t fix what’s wrong for others, cry because they are going through so much.

      I had to write my letter to everyone to let them know that I am aware of them…. that my blog is about what I write about in real words…. it’s not being selfish, only thinking of my feelings, feeling sorry for myself, whining, crying.

      Oh, Viveka, no…. it isn’t you. It’s real people who live real life, they are going through so much. I care so much… sometimes, I cry in frustration that I can’t make life all better for them.

      I just wanted everyone to know that I know… I’m not the only one who weeps, laughs, suffers, lives in this big, old world. I’m so aware of that… my heart is so big… I feel so much. Love, Gloria :)))

      • So glad that nobody has upset your through replays to your posts – was so worried.
        Gloria, you shouldn’t read blogs that upset you – because you just feel sad and hopeless for other people’s problems and you have more than enough with your own grief and you need to be cheered up and not cry over others problems. It’s like when we are upset we have a tendency to listen to sad music. I don’t do that anymore, when I feel a bit down I put disco music on and my mood change at once. Gloria, you can’t take on others problems too – you will kill yourself emotional.
        We can share are thoughts and concerns when we replay and be there for them in that moment, but then we have to move on.

  2. No worries hun – you hurt and need an outlet.

    I did too – read my poems and you’ll understand! 🙂

    As long as we bear witness you will never be alone with your grief.

    Love and hugs always!

    Prenin.

  3. I also feel the same. I have become so self centred in my grief and I stresses me that my blog drives people to tears. But Gloria at the end of the day we blog as an outlet. I blog so I will remember. People chose to read what they want. We write for ourselves.

    • Oh Tersia, I so, understand. We have to write our grief, and you are right, they choose what they read.

      I have to stop from time to time to let others know that I know they are there, they have their own problems… so, I can reassure myself that I’m not thought of as a selfless, selfish person who thinks only of myself.

      You are right, our blogs we have to write for ourselves. That’s what our blogs are about… grief, sadness just as people have happy blogs, traveling blogs, cooking blogs, and such.

      I did get upset not long ago, one of my ‘family members’ told me that I wasn’t the only one who lived in Hell, and all sorts of things.

      Tersia, I had to think of how to tell him that I knew that, and not hurt him. I finally told him that my blog was about me, my son, grief, my life for my grandchildren to read one day, I’m not going to ever get to know them… things that I know best to write about.

      I gently told him that I couldn’t write his story, because I don’t know it. I told him that he could do as I do, write a blog about what he knows best … himself.

      I had to tell him because my blog is my blog, and I have to keep writing. I had thought for a short time to stop… I can’t.

      Strange enough… I keep you and one other person in the back of my mind as I write… I began worrying so much for you both.

      I didn’t want either of you to cry, to be upset … you both have so much that hurts in your life everyday…. my son is already gone. Of course, the pain isn’t any less knowing that… but, my heart cares so much for you, and the other lady.

      I was thinking that when I read your words, and other people’s words … I do cry, I do feel all the way to my soul, I hurt… I just really care.

      I was thinking that if I felt your pain as I read… then, that’s a ‘good’ thing. Do you know why? Because, it really means I’m caring… my heart is feeling for you, and others.

      Tersia, I’m so glad you wrote this to me. It means so much to know what you thought, felt.

      Love, Gloria

  4. Pingback: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 !!! | GRANNY'S COLORFUL

  5. Pingback: My Blog Was Showcased At… I Love My Readers … Followers! | GRANNY'S COLORFUL

  6. Pingback: GRANNY'S COLORFUL

  7. Pingback: Each Of You Have Taken Time For Me, Thank You… | GRANNY'S COLORFUL

  8. Pingback: Anger To My Dying Day … No Need To Ever Question … ‘Why?’ | GRANNY'S COLORFUL

  9. Pingback: Sunshine Of Her Sky… | GRANNY'S COLORFUL

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s